Self Medication

[hummm_mabbe]

for me it's ... drinking large amounts of diet coke.

Hee

I knew your one would be cute

But nooo bad what about all that phenylalanine? Ehm I dunno if thats actually bad, I just wanted to show off that I know a chemical name. Or mabbe its aspartame?

[erica67]

does anyone on this site concider themselfs a drug addict?

Iv been physicly addicted to heroin and at the moment id say im an alcoholic.

the problem for me is a pathological level of pesimisum. I live on the asumption that I have no future.

But also I find I fit in within the drugy croud and feel out of place everywear else.

Hi

I'm a drug addict and an alcoholic. After 26 years I managed to get on a programme and have been sober for 6 months and clean for 2 and 1/2 months.

It's not easy but the effect on my illness of being able to stay clean and sober are amazing so it's so worth it.

In the past 2 days my symptoms have come back to bite me on the ass and my paranoia is keeping me awake but I feel I'm much better able to handle it than when I was drinking and taking drugs. This time last year I believed I had no future. I hope you can get through this.

It's not perfect but much better.

Just got to work out why my suspicions are getting of top of me....

Actualy if any one has any advice??

Hiiii

You have paranoia? Nooooo that is not good I get it too, BUT the fact that you KNOW you're being paranoid is A HUGE step for the better. Its when youre paranoid and dont realise it that its worse ....

Do you have any kind of ongoing emotional support at all? Many BPD's think that they are not allowed to recruit other people to help them get better, or worse, may not trust anyone to actually understand them and do the right thing to help them. For me it has been a long, difficult road of learning to trust my therapist, and that is gradually starting to spill over into "reality". Because we have had pasts that broke our trust for people as a whole, we need experiences that repair that trust.

Paranoia is just the understandable reaction of someone who has been treated in a way that tells them "people are not to be trusted - they do things that hurt me, humiliate me or abuse me - why would I want people in my life? All they do is hurt". Paranoia is a protection aganst that - but it also makes bad things happen, After all how can you get close to people unless you trust them? How can people know who you really are if you are unable to tell them anything about you for fear of them using it against you, or laughing at you? You cant help feeling and acting that way. Mabbe sometimes you suddenly act in the total opposite way, and tell everyone everything? I did that, and it was equally bad because the people I had chosen around me at that time were bad for me. Thats another BPD thing - the tendency to carry on choosing people who are bad for us.

Gradually I am learning to spot "bad people" and what good people look like, and to slowly reveal little things. Im learning to trust a little bit more. There is no quick fix for it. Booze and drugs are the only way we have discovered to esacpe from that constant anxiety, strain and stress of feeling isolated and in danger that paranoia brings with it. Whats missing is the trsut and support from others, but paranoia itself blocks them out.

Hi

I just don't know what to do. I've been awake for another night and my head is totally flooded with thoughts...mainly about my partner who I found out was lying to me about something and has been for at least 3 weeks, maybe more. It set the ball of suspicion and mistrust rolling and now I don't know what's real and what isn't!

I cant eat or sleep or focus and my head and my thought are intrusive in the extreme.

I cant believe anything he says and I'm checking up on him something terrible, trying to find the tiniest clues that he's lying again or up to no good. It's seriously meesing my head up but I can't stop.

I've played out whole scenarios in my head that haven't even happened yet but I believe that they will, it's crazy.

I don't know whether I'm right or wrong or what? And I was stupid the other night and hurt myself( I hope it's ok to say that here) and now I keep thinking about doing it again.

My partner has an illness too and said he was feeling bad recently and that's what lead to him lying to me but now when I ask him if he's ok he says "fine" but he's so different and horrible images are filling my head. I feel guilty for doubting him one minute then I carry on obsessing!

I missed my CBT and haven't phoned my counsellor yet to explain and am also scared I'm going to end up back in hospital. Have no access to DBT apart from websites and am struggling for ways to cope.

My plan right now is to run away somewhere before he gets up. To scare him? To think?

That makes me selfish and cruel. But I'm really scared...I AM stupid and self obsessed.

I cant talk to him which I know I should because it just gets too emotional.

Just not making any sense right now so I'll end here

gonna post this again cos I just really need some advice or something. sorry

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi

I just don't know what to do. I've been awake for another night and my head is totally flooded with thoughts...mainly about my partner who I found out was lying to me about something and has been for at least 3 weeks, maybe more. It set the ball of suspicion and mistrust rolling and now I don't know what's real and what isn't!

I cant eat or sleep or focus and my head and my thought are intrusive in the extreme.

I cant believe anything he says and I'm checking up on him something terrible, trying to find the tiniest clues that he's lying again or up to no good. It's seriously meesing my head up but I can't stop.

I've played out whole scenarios in my head that haven't even happened yet but I believe that they will, it's crazy.

I don't know whether I'm right or wrong or what? And I was stupid the other night and hurt myself( I hope it's ok to say that here) and now I keep thinking about doing it again.

My partner has an illness too and said he was feeling bad recently and that's what lead to him lying to me but now when I ask him if he's ok he says "fine" but he's so different and horrible images are filling my head. I feel guilty for doubting him one minute then I carry on obsessing!

I missed my CBT and haven't phoned my counsellor yet to explain and am also scared I'm going to end up back in hospital. Have no access to DBT apart from websites and am struggling for ways to cope.

My plan right now is to run away somewhere before he gets up. To scare him? To think?

That makes me selfish and cruel. But I'm really scared...I AM stupid and self obsessed.

I cant talk to him which I know I should because it just gets too emotional.

Just not making any sense right now so I'll end here

gonna post this again cos I just really need some advice or something. sorry

Hi erica

I will say first off that for all the advice I give, I am not so hot at the nuts and bolts of a particular situation ina romantic relationship - I tend to see things from a level removed, so I hope this will not be frustrating or too abstract. If it is then scroll past me and mumble under your breath and stuff, mabbe

To my mind, you are playing out a loop inside your relationship, the loop that comes from the same source as your paranoia. Paranoia will particluarly effect our close relationships - in fact, those are the ones MOST LIKELY to be affected - especially if our first ever close relationships - those with our parents and family - were less than reliabe, supportive or trustworthy. This can be a grey zone where we are not sure whether they were or not, but the fact that we end up chornically paranoid is normally a sign that something was not quite as it should be. The other alternative is that your partner really is untrustworthy. Do you have a history of ending up with abusive or unfaithful partners throughout life? For many with BPD, we tend to somehow re-enact our pasts and continue to select the wrong type of people, very often choosing people that somehow recreated our pasts with us. Its a very complicated mix of their charcter, our responses and the way we see things, and how we act towards them and how that then makes THEM act. Thats why its a relationship and so very difficult to say "do this one thing and everything will be fine".

My last relationship was very much as you are describing - I just could not accept that my GF was honest. It started out and I think she actually was honest, but the more and more I questioned her and the more paranoid I got, the more she felt she HAD to lie, because there was no other way to deal with me. After all, if nothing she says is ever good enough for me, and I twist the truth to become its nightmare opposite, then she is bound to get exasperated. Under this regime, only a saint could remain completely calm, yet I demdnded she not only put up with it but also act like a saint. I am not sure if this is happening for you because I dont know your partner or you, but as I said to someone else on here a while back, relationships take two people. Was she unfaithful, or did i just think she was and then drive her away? Did she really lie, or was she just pretecting herself from my incessant accusations and anger? At what point did the changeover come? Or did I just choose a girl who was naturally a liar, or unfaithful? What can I do to tell the difference? How can I tell when somethings really happening, and when Im imagining it? What situations in the past make me feel so strognly about any and all behaviours that make me feel I am being lied to? Where does the fuel for that fire come from? How can I starve it of oxygen?

CBT may help you to challenge some of the paranoid thoughts by looking at evidence and identifying distortions. The most common ones in paranoia will be jumping to conclusions (he wouldnt look at me - he must be lying), overgeneralisation (he always lies), labeling (he is a lying asshole!), mind reading (I bet hes thinking about that woman), should statements (he should understand what Im like and not give me so much hassle), disqualifying the positive (hes just trying to butter me up), omnipotence (seeing yourself as somehow directly connected to every bad event) and pretty much all of them on the list. Reading back a list of cognitive distortions nowadays feels very invalidating to me, but that is the nature of CBT sometimes - I hope that my examples arent offensive, they are just what I remember from when I had it!

I am sure that you have probably done a lot of this in mood diaries and so on and with your therapist, but if you are like me you may find that it becomes VERY TIRING having to do this all the time. This is where CBT falls down for deeper problems such as BPD - the traits we have are so deeply ingrained that the FEELING in our guts, the all-pervasive "sensation of paranoia" overrides any thought or belief. Its like its part of our DNA. Keep working with the CBT, but if you find that it just isnt working, then look into CBT's successor (and more powerful sibling) schema therapy. In the NHS, the 'lite' form of schema is considered if you have tried CBT and not had success with it. However I would imagine that they will want to keep you on CBT for a while longer. Perhaps as a starting point look up the Mistrust Schema (or lifetrap) online. The schema therapy website at http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm describes it like this:

MISTRUST / ABUSE (MA)

The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one always ends up being cheated relative to others or "getting the short end of the stick."

Are you dx'd with BPD? If so, who took the decision to give you CBT?

Here is a little tip I learned from my CBT days for dealing with flooding thoughts - COUNT THEM. Instead of letting them take hold and grow, give it a number. As an image pops in there, count 1. Then 2. The number may get stupidly high, but it lets your brain know "hey this is a pointless thought that just hurts me"

If this doesnt work for you, then you may like to look into learning mindfulness. A good book is Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennet Goleman. I expect what you are looking for right now is instant relief, and so these suggestions may feel a little ill-judged, apart from the counting one. The thing is, paranoia is a deep seated problem that takes a long time to get over, and there si no quick solution as you probably know. IMO, and I say this to everyone, for anyone with lifelong emotional problems, then a deep emotions based therapy will be needed evetually. CBT and DBT can patch holes for a while, but sooner or later any buried and tried-to-be-forgotten events or feelings will always come back. Thats when the deeper therapies are needed.

You seem to be afraid of your counsellors response. Who in your past may have made you feel that you were so bad that the punishment you deserve should be severe? Who made you belive that a professional would attack you and be cruel simply for missing an appointment? CBT will tell you that these are irrational thoughts. Deeper therapies will say "why the hell do you have the irrational thoughts in the first place, and why are they so powerful that just challenging them doesnt work?

[peripheralminds]

i'd like to explore some alternative explanations for self-medicating behavior, but it will take more than a paragraph to do it.

so for those of you who like to read, study and want to explore understanding this, please email me at cincybpd@gmail.com, or we can start a new forum once we get started or I can start a blog.

Example: How does food affect your mood and why is this particular population so susceptible? what mechanisms and neurochemicals are at play and what that tells us? what is it that your body/mind is really asking for?

What's in Red Bull: Taurine, B6, Niacin, b12, Pantothenic Acid, Sugar (Sucrose and Glucose as opposed to HFCS), and caffeine

We can start with research studies into Carbohydrate's effect on serotonin (Judith Wurtman). Your body craves what it needs, that could be why those things make us feel better and capable of functioning, but understanding the pathways gives us clues (like adrenaline works, but also wears you out, it's inefficient form of energy, but get's the job done). So carbs/sugars are a straight shot to the brain, but why did we need that fix in the first place? What's missing?

Here a few books to get started or just email me and we can start discussions and Q&A maybe on a blog or seperate forum...

The 20-Minute Break by Ernest Rossi

The Diet Cure by Julia Ross

The Brain Chemistry Plan by Michael Lesser

The Brain Trust Program by Larry McCleary

Seven Weeks to Sobriety

How to Quit without feeling Sh*t by Patrick Holford

There is a research article on why we are more susceptible. Sounds a bit egomaniacal, but it could be we use our brains more (we don't filter our environment as efficiently as the "norm"), that's why we're smarter and dumber at the same time, it's called Lowered Latent Inhibition, and it's sort of reconfirmed by the research we are seeing from the neurophysiology realm: The Anterior cingulate Cortex, the Amygdala, the prefrontal cortex, the insular cortex, and then of course the hypothalamus and limbic systems for emotions, but emotions also help with memory and creativity, and protects the brain from being over stimulated...so, there could be reasons for all this...

(from Peterson et al "Lowered Latent Inhibition...") "This means creative individuals remain in contact with the extra information constantly streaming in from the environment"..."The normal person classifies an object, and then forgets about it, even though that object is much more complex and interesting than he or she thinks. The creative person, by contrast, is always open to new possibilities."

We are not bottomless pits of energy and chemicals, and if we use our brains for more processing and more information coming in, it would seem logical that we would need more building blocks, retention and manufacturing ability, and alternate ways of managing the information-overload (the brain under normal conditions uses 20% of the bodies energy resources, so if we're jackin up the voltage on these treadmills we find ourselves, it's might be like running mini-marathons on fries and a shake). This gets into a whole new conversation, obviously, but it might answer the question, why are we different, why do we respond to food and have these needs that are “different” than the “norm” and is trying to be “normal” doing us more harm than good, if we actually process information differently, wouldn’t we have different needs, responses and healthy ideals?

Lots of possibilities to explore…

[rozekat]

I too have self-medicated to get through the pain of livining. For me I smoked in excess of 30 cones of weed a night and somedays I would just wake up and start there. I stopped cold turkey in hospital (funnily enough they would let me have any ). I was also, on a somewhat regular basis using anything else I could. I couldn't socialise without something in my body, I drove while I was high, I studied while I was high, I visited my parents while I was high -- I even made them accept the fact I was a 'stoner' and that I wouldn't visit without my bong.

That is behind me and I have stayed clean, but I couldn't have without the help of my therapist and prescription medications. Firstly, the prescription meds helped to settle down the things that were happening in my head so that I could (or rather can) get the most out of my therapy. These are mostly to manage the bipolar which co-morbidly exists with the borderline. And then, I work with my therapist to keep from going back to this self-medicating behaviour.

I'm in DBT so there are some great skills they teach and I have found helpful (plus the willingness to just stick with it is important: some days it is just sheer force of will that stops me finding drugs or cutting myself). Distraction can be quite helpful, but you need to balance that with avoidance. Self-soothing (believe you deserve it). Weighing up the pros and cons of using drugs/alcohol, with using another method. But by far what works the best, is to learn and practice mindfulness - it takes time, practice, patience and then some more practice.

But at the end of the day you will need to face up to yourself. And you don't have to do that now, but it will help to ask yourself, "why am I doing this? why am i using this drug, drinking this alcohol". And the answer is more than, because I'm borderline, or I'm screwy or whatever. It's the truth about what you are feeling, what event has just happened. Mostly, it will probably be pain. That's why most of us self-medicate. But its okay to feel that pain. In fact, that is the turning point. When you can allow yourself to just feel the pain without letting it rule you, you know you've done something truly amazing. And you can do it. You really can :)

[walker]

its also to fill a void - a big empty void

[erica67]

Hi

I just don't know what to do. I've been awake for another night and my head is totally flooded with thoughts...mainly about my partner who I found out was lying to me about something and has been for at least 3 weeks, maybe more. It set the ball of suspicion and mistrust rolling and now I don't know what's real and what isn't!

I cant eat or sleep or focus and my head and my thought are intrusive in the extreme.

I cant believe anything he says and I'm checking up on him something terrible, trying to find the tiniest clues that he's lying again or up to no good. It's seriously meesing my head up but I can't stop.

I've played out whole scenarios in my head that haven't even happened yet but I believe that they will, it's crazy.

I don't know whether I'm right or wrong or what? And I was stupid the other night and hurt myself( I hope it's ok to say that here) and now I keep thinking about doing it again.

My partner has an illness too and said he was feeling bad recently and that's what lead to him lying to me but now when I ask him if he's ok he says "fine" but he's so different and horrible images are filling my head. I feel guilty for doubting him one minute then I carry on obsessing!

I missed my CBT and haven't phoned my counsellor yet to explain and am also scared I'm going to end up back in hospital. Have no access to DBT apart from websites and am struggling for ways to cope.

My plan right now is to run away somewhere before he gets up. To scare him? To think?

That makes me selfish and cruel. But I'm really scared...I AM stupid and self obsessed.

I cant talk to him which I know I should because it just gets too emotional.

Just not making any sense right now so I'll end here

gonna post this again cos I just really need some advice or something. sorry

Hi erica

I will say first off that for all the advice I give, I am not so hot at the nuts and bolts of a particular situation ina romantic relationship - I tend to see things from a level removed, so I hope this will not be frustrating or too abstract. If it is then scroll past me and mumble under your breath and stuff, mabbe

To my mind, you are playing out a loop inside your relationship, the loop that comes from the same source as your paranoia. Paranoia will particluarly effect our close relationships - in fact, those are the ones MOST LIKELY to be affected - especially if our first ever close relationships - those with our parents and family - were less than reliabe, supportive or trustworthy. This can be a grey zone where we are not sure whether they were or not, but the fact that we end up chornically paranoid is normally a sign that something was not quite as it should be. The other alternative is that your partner really is untrustworthy. Do you have a history of ending up with abusive or unfaithful partners throughout life? For many with BPD, we tend to somehow re-enact our pasts and continue to select the wrong type of people, very often choosing people that somehow recreated our pasts with us. Its a very complicated mix of their charcter, our responses and the way we see things, and how we act towards them and how that then makes THEM act. Thats why its a relationship and so very difficult to say "do this one thing and everything will be fine".

My last relationship was very much as you are describing - I just could not accept that my GF was honest. It started out and I think she actually was honest, but the more and more I questioned her and the more paranoid I got, the more she felt she HAD to lie, because there was no other way to deal with me. After all, if nothing she says is ever good enough for me, and I twist the truth to become its nightmare opposite, then she is bound to get exasperated. Under this regime, only a saint could remain completely calm, yet I demdnded she not only put up with it but also act like a saint. I am not sure if this is happening for you because I dont know your partner or you, but as I said to someone else on here a while back, relationships take two people. Was she unfaithful, or did i just think she was and then drive her away? Did she really lie, or was she just pretecting herself from my incessant accusations and anger? At what point did the changeover come? Or did I just choose a girl who was naturally a liar, or unfaithful? What can I do to tell the difference? How can I tell when somethings really happening, and when Im imagining it? What situations in the past make me feel so strognly about any and all behaviours that make me feel I am being lied to? Where does the fuel for that fire come from? How can I starve it of oxygen?

CBT may help you to challenge some of the paranoid thoughts by looking at evidence and identifying distortions. The most common ones in paranoia will be jumping to conclusions (he wouldnt look at me - he must be lying), overgeneralisation (he always lies), labeling (he is a lying asshole!), mind reading (I bet hes thinking about that woman), should statements (he should understand what Im like and not give me so much hassle), disqualifying the positive (hes just trying to butter me up), omnipotence (seeing yourself as somehow directly connected to every bad event) and pretty much all of them on the list. Reading back a list of cognitive distortions nowadays feels very invalidating to me, but that is the nature of CBT sometimes - I hope that my examples arent offensive, they are just what I remember from when I had it!

I am sure that you have probably done a lot of this in mood diaries and so on and with your therapist, but if you are like me you may find that it becomes VERY TIRING having to do this all the time. This is where CBT falls down for deeper problems such as BPD - the traits we have are so deeply ingrained that the FEELING in our guts, the all-pervasive "sensation of paranoia" overrides any thought or belief. Its like its part of our DNA. Keep working with the CBT, but if you find that it just isnt working, then look into CBT's successor (and more powerful sibling) schema therapy. In the NHS, the 'lite' form of schema is considered if you have tried CBT and not had success with it. However I would imagine that they will want to keep you on CBT for a while longer. Perhaps as a starting point look up the Mistrust Schema (or lifetrap) online. The schema therapy website at http://www.schematherapy.com/id73.htm describes it like this:

MISTRUST / ABUSE (MA)

The expectation that others will hurt, abuse, humiliate, cheat, lie, manipulate, or take advantage. Usually involves the perception that the harm is intentional or the result of unjustified and extreme negligence. May include the sense that one always ends up being cheated relative to others or "getting the short end of the stick."

Are you dx'd with BPD? If so, who took the decision to give you CBT?

Here is a little tip I learned from my CBT days for dealing with flooding thoughts - COUNT THEM. Instead of letting them take hold and grow, give it a number. As an image pops in there, count 1. Then 2. The number may get stupidly high, but it lets your brain know "hey this is a pointless thought that just hurts me"

If this doesnt work for you, then you may like to look into learning mindfulness. A good book is Emotional Alchemy by Tara Bennet Goleman. I expect what you are looking for right now is instant relief, and so these suggestions may feel a little ill-judged, apart from the counting one. The thing is, paranoia is a deep seated problem that takes a long time to get over, and there si no quick solution as you probably know. IMO, and I say this to everyone, for anyone with lifelong emotional problems, then a deep emotions based therapy will be needed evetually. CBT and DBT can patch holes for a while, but sooner or later any buried and tried-to-be-forgotten events or feelings will always come back. Thats when the deeper therapies are needed.

You seem to be afraid of your counsellors response. Who in your past may have made you feel that you were so bad that the punishment you deserve should be severe? Who made you belive that a professional would attack you and be cruel simply for missing an appointment? CBT will tell you that these are irrational thoughts. Deeper therapies will say "why the hell do you have the irrational thoughts in the first place, and why are they so powerful that just challenging them doesnt work?

Hi

Yeah I feel my paranoia and associated feelings are ME they are just so ingrained. I know where they come from and though I've stopped blaming I still can't control it.

I've always made bad choices with men but this time I met my partner while sober and straight and he's turned out to be a straight down the line hard working guy who is very good to me. This time I know the bad stuff is coming from me and while he shouldn't have lied it came from his feelings of mistrust attached to his illness and we've talked it out agreed to work on it, properly. Including couples counselling.

I was diagnosed with OCD and 'BPD emotionaly unstable type' to give it its full title! over a year ago while in an acute ward. It was recommended that my follow up be CBT and DBT and psycotherapy. I was seriously SH at the time and after a break of a few months it's come back. So far I've had to badger my GP for a referal to CBT and that's ongoing but the psychotherapy has not been forthcoming, Dbt's not available here and no one seems to think I'm a strong enough 'case' or whatever to be sent elswhere for it. So I just have to find online courses and make the best of them. My cpn's idea of help was chucking a relaxation CD at me and giving me the 'Living Life to the Full' web address. It seems she just does not believe I have BPD despite my diagnosis coming from a senior psychiatrist! I blamed my Cpn for a while then just decided to sack her and help myself.

I've never heard of schema therapy so thanks for the link. I'll just have to bug my GP to death until he helps me. After all, he's treated me in the A&E and has been very supportive of my stopping drinking and drugs.

Thanks again for the advice it's good to get some new info. When my brain slow down I'll use it!

Erica

x

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi

Yeah I feel my paranoia and associated feelings are ME they are just so ingrained. I know where they come from and though I've stopped blaming I still can't control it.

I've always made bad choices with men but this time I met my partner while sober and straight and he's turned out to be a straight down the line hard working guy who is very good to me. This time I know the bad stuff is coming from me and while he shouldn't have lied it came from his feelings of mistrust attached to his illness and we've talked it out agreed to work on it, properly. Including couples counselling.

I was diagnosed with 'BPD emotionaly unstable type' to give it its full title! over a year ago while in an acute ward. It was recommended that my follow up be CBT and DBT and psycotherapy. I was seriously SH at the time and after a break of a few months it's come back. So far I've had to badger my GP for a referal to CBT and that's ongoing but the psychotherapy has not been forthcoming, Dbt's not available here and no one seems to think I'm a strong enough 'case' or whatever to be sent elswhere for it. So I just have to find online courses and make the best of them. My cpn's idea of help was chucking a relaxation CD at me and giving me the 'Living Life to the Full' web address. It seems she just does not believe I have BPD despite my diagnosis coming from a senior psychiatrist! I blamed my Cpn for a while then just decided to sack her and help myself.

I've never heard of schema therapy so thanks for the link. I'll just have to bug my GP to death until he helps me. After all, he's treated me in the A&E and has been very supportive of my stopping drinking and drugs.

Thanks again for the advice it's good to get some new info. When my brain slow down I'll use it!

Erica

x

Hullo

I know everyones different, but when the NHS started giving me that cop out nonsense I just said sod it and went private. The experience is galaxies away from what you get in NHS. Expensive it may be, but what price do you put on future happiness? I am on disability benefit and I make sure I have enough to afford therapy - getting better is my number one priority. The problem I found with the NHS is that they just did not have the resources, attitude or ability to help me. I could only find that by going private.

Couples counselling is an awesome step. I am very angry that your psych said you should get all those therapies and then you didnt - that is exactly my point about the NHS. They even admitted about a year ago that the way they treat Personality Disorders sucks, and they had a conferences to discuss how they could change it. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem that much has happened since then. Thats right - NHS admits "we cannot treat personality disorders properly". That might explain why you are having so much trouble geting the treatment you need. You can hold out for it, or you couls shorten your waiting time by possibly years by finding a good private therapist. I would personally recommend schema, I am having good experiences with it, but yes it is new and the BPD version of it is unlikely to surface in ANY NHS department, so you wont find so many people saying this.

[erica67]

Hi

Yeah I feel my paranoia and associated feelings are ME they are just so ingrained. I know where they come from and though I've stopped blaming I still can't control it.

I've always made bad choices with men but this time I met my partner while sober and straight and he's turned out to be a straight down the line hard working guy who is very good to me. This time I know the bad stuff is coming from me and while he shouldn't have lied it came from his feelings of mistrust attached to his illness and we've talked it out agreed to work on it, properly. Including couples counselling.

I was diagnosed with 'BPD emotionaly unstable type' to give it its full title! over a year ago while in an acute ward. It was recommended that my follow up be CBT and DBT and psycotherapy. I was seriously SH at the time and after a break of a few months it's come back. So far I've had to badger my GP for a referal to CBT and that's ongoing but the psychotherapy has not been forthcoming, Dbt's not available here and no one seems to think I'm a strong enough 'case' or whatever to be sent elswhere for it. So I just have to find online courses and make the best of them. My cpn's idea of help was chucking a relaxation CD at me and giving me the 'Living Life to the Full' web address. It seems she just does not believe I have BPD despite my diagnosis coming from a senior psychiatrist! I blamed my Cpn for a while then just decided to sack her and help myself.

I've never heard of schema therapy so thanks for the link. I'll just have to bug my GP to death until he helps me. After all, he's treated me in the A&E and has been very supportive of my stopping drinking and drugs.

Thanks again for the advice it's good to get some new info. When my brain slow down I'll use it!

Erica

x

Hullo

I know everyones different, but when the NHS started giving me that cop out nonsense I just said sod it and went private. The experience is galaxies away from what you get in NHS. Expensive it may be, but what price do you put on future happiness? I am on disability benefit and I make sure I have enough to afford therapy - getting better is my number one priority. The problem I found with the NHS is that they just did not have the resources, attitude or ability to help me. I could only find that by going private.

Couples counselling is an awesome step. I am very angry that your psych said you should get all those therapies and then you didnt - that is exactly my point about the NHS. They even admitted about a year ago that the way they treat Personality Disorders sucks, and they had a conferences to discuss how they could change it. Unfortunately, it doesnt seem that much has happened since then. Thats right - NHS admits "we cannot treat personality disorders properly". That might explain why you are having so much trouble geting the treatment you need. You can hold out for it, or you couls shorten your waiting time by possibly years by finding a good private therapist. I would personally recommend schema, I am having good experiences with it, but yes it is new and the BPD version of it is unlikely to surface in ANY NHS department, so you wont find so many people saying this.

Hi

Thanks I know what you mean about the NHS view of bpd. I'm going to look into Schema and see if I can access some help. I'll try anything right now so it cant hurt.

If anything my two Boys (16 and 14)need a well mum and it's not going good right now so the guilt is crippling. Going to GP this week out of, to be totally honest sheer desperation. Didn't want to add another med to the mix but I need something to help me cope right now.

Really appreciate the time you've taken to give me some advice.

Erica

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi

Thanks I know what you mean about the NHS view of bpd. I'm going to look into Schema and see if I can access some help. I'll try anything right now so it cant hurt.

If anything my two Boys (16 and 14)need a well mum and it's not going good right now so the guilt is crippling. Going to GP this week out of, to be totally honest sheer desperation. Didn't want to add another med to the mix but I need something to help me cope right now.

Really appreciate the time you've taken to give me some advice.

Erica

Hi Erica

Yup, gotta keep banging on the door - keep asking, saying, putting bits of paper in their hands with symtpoms etc, just keep chipping away until they help. You may get made to feel a total hypochondriac for a while (I did) but then when they eventually go "oh shit yeah, you do need this help dont you) it all feels worth it. Kinna, Bit of anger too. OK LOTS of anger ...

Remember that there are two type of Schema - BPD lite as I call it, which will work on one individual schema (such as emotional deprivation or mistrust/abuse), or Schema for BPD, which is much more in depth and works with "modes", which represent multiple schemas all at once.

Good luck and things! I think schema will be great for giving you the deep emotional support you need and it will help you feel you have all that strength you want for your babbies :)