Katherine Posted February 17, 2005 Report Share Posted February 17, 2005 .....into psychosis with this issue of my lack of relationship and of never having expressed my sexuality, and the reasons for this. Yes, the grief at the 'waste'/loss in my life is tremendous, I've already spoken about that. But I catch moments of my mind drifting and self destructive'violent thoughts coming into my head. Words that make no sense or meaning. I think its the fear, the anger, the desolation etc, the pain of the emotional opening. I feel on the edge, falling off it into....madness? Hysteria? Total neediness? I need to be less alone. One day off work and I feel I'm starting to 'crack up'. I need to have hope..have hope..have hope.....have hope that isn't haunted.... karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frog Posted February 17, 2005 Report Share Posted February 17, 2005 Hi karie, I am sorry you feel so much pain, We are all here 4u, I am not sure what I could say to help, but I am here if you want to talk. sending very warm and very safe hugs to you right now your in my thoughts. Froggie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted February 18, 2005 Report Share Posted February 18, 2005 Karie, That was always a fear of mine but my t says it cant happen. so hand on to that and quit escalating over fear. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted February 18, 2005 Report Share Posted February 18, 2005 Karie, my therapist said the same thing as Betsy's T told her so I hear you but you won't go crazy because it is impossible. LM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted February 18, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2005 Ok, I hear you all.....thanks for the support and reassurance.... At the risk of spouting theoretically based stuff, I am, in a slightly more rational state of mind now, thinking that its the fear of falling down to my base, the Ground within of my feminine sexuality that I've never really 'stood up on' if that makes sense??? Finding territory in myself that is unknown and unexplored, coming 'down to earth'. And the grief, that is pretty 'mind blowing', partly because its the tears and pain of my adult self and not my child self, and I hardly really know her... Plus I have PMT, and imagine going through this issue with PMT...yeeeuchhh....actually, probably a good time, but its still yeeuuuchhh.... I really do need something to hold onto....maybe I'll read some of "Women who run with the wolves" later.... I'll Keep Breathing.... karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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