I Haven't A Clue

[Roses]

Sorry if I made you feel I am pushing you. I only mentioned the PM thing as a suggestion that might help you. I didn't mean to make you feel awkward. Sorry. I wouldn't ever ask you to tell me anything. I will only ever try and help you by suggesting things that might work for you. I know it is hard to rationalise things in the heat of the moment. As a self harmer I know that all too well. The rash does sound like a stress thing. It was good that it cleared up overnight. If you want to talk about the obsessive thing feel free, I might be able to help. Yes, the anxiety thing is when you worry too much about stuff and it makes you over-the-top anxious. If you like I could look up things on Mind and copy and paste relevant paragraph into next posting. Would that help?

Just got kids from school and my panic is setting in now. Night time is the worst for me as it's dark and I feel vulnerable. Just feel like curling up in a ball and crying right now.

[NeedAName]

Sorry again, I think I didn't phrase that first part right, I don't mean you are pushing mean into anything, I certainly don't feel that way, it's just some things I might only say if asked, I won't just sudden;y change the angle of a paragraph to something else like I have done in posts here. That's what I ment, I don't mind being asked, it's just for somethings I might not have anything to answer imediatly.

Obsessive wise you mentioned not being able to sleep unless something is done, would that mean this is obsesive: I can't sleep until I've checked my alarm, even though I can remember setting it, I check it because I can't be late for something, I always wake up 3+ hours ealierly than needed. I can't think of anything else right now without taking up too much thinking time, I could sit and wonder about my own behaviour for hours.

I don't know if pasting anything from the Mind site would help a whole lot, you could link to something and I might read it at some point but I don't know. If it's relevent then post it, I'll read it all the same, lol.

That's bad I'm sorry, I don't know what to say really, I hope you feel better soon.

[Roses]

Cool. Glad you OK with what I'm saying. It does sound a little obsessive. Not sure if it's that bad though. Maybe it's more like anxiety. The anxiety of not getting up in time makes you check the alarm clock whereas with an obsession you would be doing it cos you had to and you'd probably be checking it a certain number of times before you felt OK and stuff. Copied this from Mind for you:

"We all worry, occasionally, about whether we've left the gas on, or the door locked, and we describe people as being obsessed with work, football, a girlfriend or boyfriend. Many of us indulge in small, everyday rituals without thinking, such as throwing salt over our shoulder, or not crossing the path of a black cat. We may be compulsive in the way we straighten things up, or in cleaning more than is strictly necessary. As many as four-fifths of us may experience minor obsessions or compulsions, such as these, from time to time. The idea of 'being obsessed' is something that is very much part of everyday language; the distinction between this and OCD is in its severity. With OCD, the problems are so severe that they interfere with everyday life. It might mean spending eight to ten hours a day washing, with hands red-raw and bleeding. Or it might mean repeatedly dressing and undressing, or running up and down stairs".

I've got to go out now, I'll be back in a few hours.

[NeedAName]

Right yeah, that sounds more probable, that definition from Mind clears up my thoughts of what I was asking, so that was helpful, so thanks for that. I think I've pretty much run out of things to say now, other than the thing I've not posted about, I think I might have mentioned most things on my mind.

[Roses]

OK. I'm glad you have got it all off your chest. Hope it makes you feel heap-loads better! Take care and talk to you again.

[NeedAName]

Okay, so I've told my mum although she seems to think it might just be part of being a teenager but is going to make an appointment with my GP today anyway. Although she read the note this morning before going to work so she didn't have much time to talk to me, not that I got a whole lot out anyway, ahaha.

It was kind of what I was expecting, it's like she doesn't want anything serious to be wrong with me, I don't know. Makes me kind of think I shouldn't have said anything though, I feel silly thinking it could just be a part of being a teenager as well as leaving it a bit late since I'll be 20 in a few months.

She said I should get out more and meet people but I can't, I've avoided going out with my close friends in the past just because I didn't want to go out. I think I should go out more but when it comes to actually going out, I'd rather sit around and do nothing.

I still don't know anything here.

[Roses]

It's a positive thing that you wrote the note and that she read it. Good for you! Her reaction could be dependant on many things - worried about getting to work? Worried about you having similar illness to her? Denial? Or maybe she does just believe could be teenage thing. It may be to do with that? Hormones etc... I know you are nearly 20 but I didn't get my shit together at all until I was 22/23. Like you said she just doesn't want anything to be wrong with you so she will exhaust all lines of enquiry until that is the only one left. This is what I would do with my children if there was any doubt about any illness. I just spent the weekend in hospital with my eldest. He has a heart condition and has been having palpitations and chest pains. He's OK and home now but got to have some tests and stuff over next few weeks.

The whole socialising thing isn't easy when you have some paranoia things going on. Perhaps you could choose a venue that is quiet and not stay too late when it is more likely to get busier and noisier. Also, you don't have to be in a group, why not one or two friends and ease yourself into the whole social thing??

And you do know stuff! Just cos you don't know all the technical jargon and abbreviations doesn't mean you don't understand. There's a BIG difference between having a high intellect and being a clever person. I'd rather be a clever person.