My Fat Boyfriend Makes Me Sick

[sarahx]

hello everyone,

i'm new here,i have suffered with depression since childhood,i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years,my problem is he was skinny when we first met,but now he has gained alot of weight and he makes me sick all that flab,i want him to lose the weight but he is to lazy to do things,

does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks

Sarah.

[Roses]

You need to think about how much you love your boyfriend.

[Joshua]

Are there not things about your boyfriend you love?? or was it his looks you fell for?

[Saharah Blue]

Sometimes these criticisms we hold towards others is really about what we fear or can't tolerate in ourselves. Accepting what is current can feel horrible, but there is always room for change. Can you love anyone that does meet your standards?

Projecting my high standards is something I do It is hard to find value, because it feels impossible to give myself such allowances., let alone realize that others get to be human, while I continue to strive for immortality.

Sah

[rain]

I have been terrible and have turned a few ex-boyfriends anorexic when they started to disgust me. Then their bones sticking out or anorexic type of behavior started to disgust me. The thing is - it was never good enough and I couldn't care less about their actual souls. Not that I was into looks cause they were far from handsome. I just couldn't handle closeness and every way of distancing myself was great: no sex or kissing, don't you dare talk about wanting kids or being with me for ages, debates on how when he said he loved me he didn't mean actual love just NEED.

To me it said I couldn't be in an intimate relationship with another person as there were personal issues eating me up. I stayed in them for years though. I am relationship free now. Which is a life saver at present!

[Paris]

i think the only way i caqn answer this honeslty is by saying this... i think if you are truly in love with someone you love them for who they are all warts and all so there is nho question for me here

[dizze]

hello everyone,

i'm new here,i have suffered with depression since childhood,i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years,my problem is he was skinny when we first met,but now he has gained alot of weight and he makes me sick all that flab,i want him to lose the weight but he is to lazy to do things,

does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks

Sarah.

Hi sarah,

I think there are a couple of issues that need to be sorted one by one wich will not happen over night ok. the first issue is the depresion and you need to seek proffesional help for that so yoiu can feel better with yourself only then can you begin to sort out the issues with your boyfriends weight ok.You need to sit down with him and in a controled way you should explain how you fell foir him 5 yrs ago and why and what you saw in him ,then tell him how you feel now and maybe he himself isnt to happy about his weight and he may be pleased that you have noticed and that you can both support each other to acheive what you want in life and for both of your futures. I dont know if this helps hunny but i hope if anything it will show you that others care for you and we will support ok .

Dizze xhugx

[sarahx]

hello everyone,

i'm new here,i have suffered with depression since childhood,i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years,my problem is he was skinny when we first met,but now he has gained alot of weight and he makes me sick all that flab,i want him to lose the weight but he is to lazy to do things,

does anyone have any advice for me?

Thanks

Sarah.

Hi sarah,

I think there are a couple of issues that need to be sorted one by one wich will not happen over night ok. the first issue is the depresion and you need to seek proffesional help for that so yoiu can feel better with yourself only then can you begin to sort out the issues with your boyfriends weight ok.You need to sit down with him and in a controled way you should explain how you fell foir him 5 yrs ago and why and what you saw in him ,then tell him how you feel now and maybe he himself isnt to happy about his weight and he may be pleased that you have noticed and that you can both support each other to acheive what you want in life and for both of your futures. I dont know if this helps hunny but i hope if anything it will show you that others care for you and we will support ok .

Dizze xhugx

thank you for replying,

i have discussed it with my boyfriend,he just to lazy to seek help,

when we have sex its like having it with a whale,all that fat really does make me sick and nobody understands me.

i came here for support but people are judging me.

Sarah.

[rain]

Judging? Pointing out. Okay, your boyfriend has weight problems. You, however, are disgusted by it. Is it as easy as having the boyfriend shift the weight? When we feel negative emotions, the emotion is our own bloody responsibility. I shared my experience with being disgusted - the issue lied with me. I was never happy. It was never enough. This was due to my attachment issues, etc. - my borderline personality disorder that I got diagnosed with.

Sorry, but the whole blaming whoever your discontentment lies with for your feelings isn't a solution. We are pointing out that there are underlying issues here that need to be addressed. Do you dare to look within yourself here? It's hardly an attack, we all need to to it. It's facing up to your responsibility and role in situations. Be glad you're getting no-nonsense replies and not "oh I'm so sorry your boyfriend is obese. Hugs to you!! xx".

Wake Up The World!

[sarahx]

Judging? Pointing out. Okay, your boyfriend has weight problems. You, however, are disgusted by it. Is it as easy as having the boyfriend shift the weight? When we feel negative emotions, the emotion is our own bloody responsibility. I shared my experience with being disgusted - the issue lied with me. I was never happy. It was never enough. This was due to my attachment issues, etc. - my borderline personality disorder that I got diagnosed with.

Sorry, but the whole blaming whoever your discontentment lies with for your feelings isn't a solution. We are pointing out that there are underlying issues here that need to be addressed. Do you dare to look within yourself here? It's hardly an attack, we all need to to it. It's facing up to your responsibility and role in situations. Be glad you're getting no-nonsense replies and not "oh I'm so sorry your boyfriend is obese. Hugs to you!! xx".

Wake Up The World!

thats not very nice.

i am awake i just need support.

have i come to the wrong place?

[Rael]

many of us here will have issues with how they look, and how others see us. i really do think that you need to decide whether you love him no matter what. i have many characteristics that are not good, or pleasant to be around. but no matter how much later my b/f finds out about them, or they start to show, he has always said that he would love me no matter what.

my b/f has put on a lot of weight too, but i love who he is, not what he looks like. im sorry if this seems to you as judgmental. its not meant to be i just want you to look at the true reasons you fell for him. if it is just his appearance then thats not much of a basis but if you love who he is, then there is something to hold on to.

xxx

[sundries]

Do you stay with him despite the fat because you love him?

Is that the problem...you dont want to leave because you love him, but then you are stuck with the fat you find so revolting?

Because if it was just his looks you fell for youd have no problem leaving him for someone else, so it sounds to me like the problem is only there because you love him.

This would be resolved if he lost weight. but you cant make him lose weight so you are stuck with adapting yourself to your environment rather than changing it.

Its just my personal opinion, but i think you can care a lot about someone while at the same time being revolted by some things they do and just cos you accept those revolting things doesnt mean you like those things or condone them and in your case may mean you cant face physical contact with him.

If you stay with him but stop physical contact then you are deprived of that side of a relationship. No wonder you are feeling so trapped.

leave him = lose person you love

continue with relationship as it is = disgust

stop physical contact = deprived of sexual relationship.

It is verry difficult.

So, if you want to stay with him and you want to keep up normal adult relationship then you are left with finding someway of not feeling disgusted. That will probably involve looking atreasons you feel that way (probably media and upbringing and way we are genetically programmed!)

I think this is point where i would say 'if he cared about your feelings he would lose weight so as not to put you through such a traumatic expereince...cos im guessing from what you describe that he is very obese not just chubby.

but he wont

so the point of my useless post is...I dont know. Its a difficult situation im sorry you are in this ((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

[Roses]

Hi. No-one is judging you or attacking you or putting you down. It is OK to feel like this. Some things my husband does make me feel sick but as long as he is happy I don't really care about the little things. I worry that you are feeling depressed and this is having an impact on how you feel about him. Perhaps (as was previously said) if you asked for help from your GP you might feel better about things in general and it wouldn't be such a big issue. You obviously have a lot of feelings for your boyfriend or you wouldn't be seeking help and would have just left him. Just take some time to think about stuff before you make any decisions for your future. If you are depressed it may not be the best time to be making life-changing decisions?? We are all here for you but the hardest part of moving forward is dealing with the things that have made us stuck in the first place.

[rebeccaborderline]

"fat"?

"lazy"?

Is it possible that your boyfriend is suffering from depression himself? Both the above are potential signs. He may be unaware himself, and have a lot of self-loathing for his own lack of motivation to deal with the issues.

In which case, although I know you find his appearance so challenging, negative reactions from you rather than positive support are likely to make the situation worse.

Can you suggest joining a slimming group together? You may not need to lose weight but a good one will teach you both about appropriate diet and exercise. He's a bloke; (generalising here) they are notoriously reluctant to deal with stuff like this so Im not suprised he's unwilling to do anything on his own.

Good luck

reb

[Faerielight]

god i would give anything to have my ex back.. i loved him so much i wouldnt v cared if he put on weight or had no legs.. i think maybe theres an underlying reason for u not finding your bf attractive.. maybe youve fallen out of love or hes not the right man foe u.. hope you can resolve things 1 way or another x

[sarahx]

god i would give anything to have my ex back.. i loved him so much i wouldnt v cared if he put on weight or had no legs.. i think maybe theres an underlying reason for u not finding your bf attractive.. maybe youve fallen out of love or hes not the right man foe u.. hope you can resolve things 1 way or another x

i tried to talk with my boyfriend he just thinks i'm nagging at him,

i wish he was dead.

[Hayz]

omg thats the most harshed thing ive ever heard in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 how can u wish someone dead!!!!!!!!!!1

[charisma82]

god i would give anything to have my ex back.. i loved him so much i wouldnt v cared if he put on weight or had no legs.. i think maybe theres an underlying reason for u not finding your bf attractive.. maybe youve fallen out of love or hes not the right man foe u.. hope you can resolve things 1 way or another x

i tried to talk with my boyfriend he just thinks i'm nagging at him,

i wish he was dead.

Wishing someone dead, especially someone you have been in relationship with for 5 yrs is extreme. You really should speak with ur GP.

[bibiddi]

You have said that you want support from people. What kind of support is it you want?

[sarahx]

You have said that you want support from people. What kind of support is it you want?

i want people to support me not judge me.what's wrong hayz with wanting him dead.

[bibiddi]

Hayz didnt say it was wrong, she said it was extreme.

I think you may be a troll.

[Hayz]

yes very extreme

[sarahx]

Hayz didnt say it was wrong, she said it was extreme.

I think you may be a troll.

thats not very nice calling me a troll is it..

you dope.

[Roses]

You really need to speak to your GP. First your boyfriend makes you sick. Then you are paranoid about what we are all thinking, now you wish him dead! This is out of control and worrying. Please seek some help, you might feel so much better in a relatively short space of time if you get the right treatment.

[Hayz]

may i ask what a troll is ?