bibiddi Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 A troll is someone who comes onto forums to cause arguments, and trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 I wondered what a troll was. Now I know, I think you may be right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 This thread is just going to end up being the latest BPD world explosion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 Yup. I'm out of here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 I think you may be a troll.had crossed my mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 Yup. I'm out of here.Me too. Hope everyone else does, So often these threads are like motorway accidents - you drive past and cant resist looking just because its gruesome. Then people get pissed off when someone rear ends them whilst theyre also checking out the carnage and before you know it theyre part of the accident too.Car crash threads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibiddi Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 Hole in the Wall has just started on tv. It makes me laugh - thats much more fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 i feel that someone here is in need of something...x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayz Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 yeah me a hug hehee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiegal73 Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 now now people. just because someone looks like a troll, smells like a troll and acts like a troll, doesn't mean they are a troll. they may be very ill and in need of help and unlike the rest of us, apparantly unable to take responsibility for themselves. Is it deja vu i'm feeling or just a glitch in the matrix?Joy to the world! blah blah blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faerielight Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 it is a really great supportive site i myself find this thread a bit offensive i personally thin k it should be closed but thats me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayz Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 yeah i agree it should be closed!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 It shall not be closed but please tone it down people.There is no need for insults, etc.I dont want to see an atmosphere created in which people are scared to say anything in case they get shot down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yorkiegal73 Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 sorry. having major problems with my temper at the moment and the fat comments just riled me. depressed666 it is a great forum for support. i'm just feeling really bpd so ignore me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 This is a great forum support, but it is also one that has a charcteristic that has always impressed me because its so rare on internet boards:People who are willing to see how they are part of their own problem, and willing to understand the part they play in it. They are willing to look at their darker side as well as their victim side, and I always see that when people can do this they come to a level of insight that not many folks can get to. Its not the same thing as self blame - its about realising the ways you keep yourself stuck, without shame, and why those behaviours and feelings are so unique to your problems. We all do it - this is an environmwent where we can be challenged about that. I think its a good part of what makes BPD World what it is and I think that if you do not appreciate being challenged, then posting here may not be quite what you are after.I think as so many people are willing to look at themselves in that way, that when people will not do it - people here become frustrated. No man is an island - and the "Challenge" part of the title at the top of this page is exactly what I see that kind of call, by others, to look within showing up as.Sometimes members are involved in "controversies", eg with board admins, and then get banned or suspended. People may become naturally suspicios that newcomers complaining about the board, or attacking people on it, may be those who have been banned coming back to cause a stir. It may be paranoid (something not too sursprising for a personality disorders board) or it may be quite accurate. But I think you certainly miss an opportinity for growth if you arent willing to look within, and, if you are one of those people that have been banned or suspended, you may miss an opportunity to understand how things got to that stage or perhaps even, ask yourself why do you end up in these kind of situations? Conflict is easy in cyberspace - theres no face to deal with, no fear of being physically hurt. Youre anonymous. Equally its easy to feel far more offedned by peoples comments when you cannot hear the tone its delivered in. Part of our illness is that we presume everyone is an abuser or attacker - perhaps its worth standing back and learning from this when we read peoples posts that initially seem to be attacking, and give them a chance. Otherwise it just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy - you attack a possibly benign comment that you saw as rude, piss them off and then say "look see? I told you they were an asshole" when they respond to your response.Its a vicious circle unique to online communication. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 If we find out about any member who is banned and then comes back without discussion with us first then they will only be banned again. So dont worry about this aspect of what you have said.We dont ban people for nothing here, neither do we keep them banned if they are able to have a level of insight into what it was that got them banned and are able to commit to no further breaches of the terms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rain Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 What a breath of fresh air you are, Ross. I feel we are on the same page about this and I'm thrilled! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 What a breath of fresh air you are, Ross. I feel we are on the same page about this and I'm thrilled!This is going to sound really kissey assey, but its actually you that has made my thinking even more this way lately - inspired me, if you like. Thats why i think this place is so good - it gives insights that most boards run away from and poke with a big stick.How this affects the OP I am not sure, but if it were me there would be a range of questions to ask myself now, possibly ones that could provide some genuinely enlightening, if unpalatable, discoveries.Many of us have a deep sense of defectiveness, and we see that defectiveness - often as ugliness - in ourselves. We tend to react to this in others - after all, nobosy likes to see their perceived 'worst attrbutes' reflected back from others. To be dating someone we see as ugly can inflame our own sense of defectiveness. At the same time, we do not have to stay with someone who we no longer have feelings for. However, if we are currently unable to feel genuine love, that is - one that is not based on the demand for perfection within ourselves, then it may be time to take a break from romantic love. So often it only acts as a magnifying glass for our own problems, adding fuel to the fire. Thats why the internal questions are so important.Its worth noting that if we have never received genuine love and acceptance ourselves, its very hard to give it to others. We may be aware of parts of ourselves that we do not like - for example, feeling repelled by someones physical attributes. But again there is an opportunity to grow here - after all, if this is something that will affect you all your life - identifying faults or flaws (and for some these faults can become infitessimally small) and feeling repelled - it will always affect your happiness. Your feelings are a clue to what is missing in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joshua Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayz Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 What a breath of fresh air you are, Ross. I feel we are on the same page about this and I'm thrilled!This is going to sound really kissey assey, but its actually you that has made my thinking even more this way lately - inspired me, if you like. Thats why i think this place is so good - it gives insights that most boards run away from and poke with a big stick.How this affects the OP I am not sure, but if it were me there would be a range of questions to ask myself now, possibly ones that could provide some genuinely enlightening, if unpalatable, discoveries.Many of us have a deep sense of defectiveness, and we see that defectiveness - often as ugliness - in ourselves. We tend to react to this in others - after all, nobosy likes to see their perceived 'worst attrbutes' reflected back from others. To be dating someone we see as ugly can inflame our own sense of defectiveness. At the same time, we do not have to stay with someone who we no longer have feelings for. However, if we are currently unable to feel genuine love, that is - one that is not based on the demand for perfection within ourselves, then it may be time to take a break from romantic love. So often it only acts as a magnifying glass for our own problems, adding fuel to the fire. Thats why the internal questions are so important.Its worth noting that if we have never received genuine love and acceptance ourselves, its very hard to give it to others. We may be aware of parts of ourselves that we do not like - for example, feeling repelled by someones physical attributes. But again there is an opportunity to grow here - after all, if this is something that will affect you all your life - identifying faults or flaws (and for some these faults can become infitessimally small) and feeling repelled - it will always affect your happiness. Your feelings are a clue to what is missing in you.well put :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 well put TY I feel I should point out that Saharah Blue was saying something very similar in the first page of replies, but I think it got a bit buried.EDIT: I decided I would repost it, because it really had an impact with me Sometimes these criticisms we hold towards others is really about what we fear or can't tolerate in ourselves. Accepting what is current can feel horrible, but there is always room for change. Can you love anyone that does meet your standards?Projecting my high standards is something I do It is hard to find value, because it feels impossible to give myself such allowances., let alone realize that others get to be human, while I continue to strive for immortality.Sah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pynn Posted December 15, 2008 Report Share Posted December 15, 2008 hello everyone,i'm new here,i have suffered with depression since childhood,i have been with my boyfriend for 5 years,my problem is he was skinny when we first met,but now he has gained alot of weight and he makes me sick all that flab,i want him to lose the weight but he is to lazy to do things,does anyone have any advice for me?ThanksSarah.Hi sarah,I think there are a couple of issues that need to be sorted one by one wich will not happen over night ok. the first issue is the depresion and you need to seek proffesional help for that so yoiu can feel better with yourself only then can you begin to sort out the issues with your boyfriends weight ok.You need to sit down with him and in a controled way you should explain how you fell foir him 5 yrs ago and why and what you saw in him ,then tell him how you feel now and maybe he himself isnt to happy about his weight and he may be pleased that you have noticed and that you can both support each other to acheive what you want in life and for both of your futures. I dont know if this helps hunny but i hope if anything it will show you that others care for you and we will support ok .Dizze xhugxthank you for replying,i have discussed it with my boyfriend,he just to lazy to seek help,when we have sex its like having it with a whale,all that fat really does make me sick and nobody understands me.i came here for support but people are judging me.Sarah.Have you ever tried looking at it from your boyfriends point of view? I can imagine if you were my gf, and you'd keep telling me I'm fat and you're disgusted with me, I wouldn't feel like losing the weight either. In fact, I'd get more depressed, which makes me eat more, which inevitably makes me even fatter. You could also try to convince him to lose weight by approaching it differently. If he's overweight then he could consider losing the weight for health reasons, which can be a big motivator. By the way, you say people are judging you for being disgusted with your 'fat' bf, but aren't you judging HIM? Maybe he isn't lazy, maybe he's just comfortable with the way he looks, and doesn't mind the extra pounds? If he accepts himself, why wouldn't you do the same? I agree with most of what has been said here, I think you need to take a hard look at yourself and not only 'blame' others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy_Blue Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 This is a great forum support, but it is also one that has a charcteristic that has always impressed me because its so rare on internet boards:People who are willing to see how they are part of their own problem, and willing to understand the part they play in it. They are willing to look at their darker side as well as their victim side, and I always see that when people can do this they come to a level of insight that not many folks can get to. Its not the same thing as self blame - its about realising the ways you keep yourself stuck, without shame, and why those behaviours and feelings are so unique to your problems. We all do it - this is an environmwent where we can be challenged about that. I think its a good part of what makes BPD World what it is and I think that if you do not appreciate being challenged, then posting here may not be quite what you are after.I think as so many people are willing to look at themselves in that way, that when people will not do it - people here become frustrated. No man is an island - and the "Challenge" part of the title at the top of this page is exactly what I see that kind of call, by others, to look within showing up as.Sometimes members are involved in "controversies", eg with board admins, and then get banned or suspended. People may become naturally suspicios that newcomers complaining about the board, or attacking people on it, may be those who have been banned coming back to cause a stir. It may be paranoid (something not too sursprising for a personality disorders board) or it may be quite accurate. But I think you certainly miss an opportinity for growth if you arent willing to look within, and, if you are one of those people that have been banned or suspended, you may miss an opportunity to understand how things got to that stage or perhaps even, ask yourself why do you end up in these kind of situations? Conflict is easy in cyberspace - theres no face to deal with, no fear of being physically hurt. Youre anonymous. Equally its easy to feel far more offedned by peoples comments when you cannot hear the tone its delivered in. Part of our illness is that we presume everyone is an abuser or attacker - perhaps its worth standing back and learning from this when we read peoples posts that initially seem to be attacking, and give them a chance. Otherwise it just becomes a self fulfilling prophecy - you attack a possibly benign comment that you saw as rude, piss them off and then say "look see? I told you they were an asshole" when they respond to your response.Its a vicious circle unique to online communication.I hope that was not my wife! :unsure: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy_Blue Posted December 23, 2008 Report Share Posted December 23, 2008 The one who was saying her fat husband makes her sick. I would not mind but she sounds real nice. Cant see why he is eating so much. :rolleyes: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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