The Good Sociopath...

[catspiracy]

I just thought I'd tell you guys, and you'll know who you are, that you've sucessfully provoked the beast. Intended or not. She suggested, that I should really manipulate this thread, and the thought had crossed my mind, but to what end. For my pleasure? For her pleasure? I personally would rather not waste the time but Ira would have fun.

When I find myself in a situation where my efforts are futile, my words meaningless, and my circumstances hopeless I usually try and walk another path and not waste the time. But my desire to give you guys the same respect and attention I gave others has proved to serve only to agitate me because it goes so far against my usual flow. No good deed, right? I fucking hate lose-lose situations and I usually don't waste my time. But I have, and now I pay for it. And so too do others.

This part makes me laugh, because, ostensibly, you came here looking for a diagnosis, you get some feedback and then you blame us for provoking you! HAHAHAHAHA!

Diagnoses are for sick people by definition, right? Then every time anyone pointed out what they perceive would contribute to making a diagnosis, ie finding fault with you, you had some groovy intellectualized answer that purposefully deflected any possibility of insight. Thanks, Nev-whateverthenamewas. Nice little performance there, I'd give it a B. (If you studied up, you might compete with my npd genius dad, dead and still hasn't found the Light.... ) Finally, you were offered just plain unconditional love and that broke your rational persona down. Who else is left to deal with stinky emotional shit BUT poor little Ira? I feel sorry for her, she has to do all the dirty work, be your mom and your dad and you all at once. What a thankless task, and she gets maybe a C at best for all that frickin effort???? Ira could use a day at the spa getting bathed and annointed.

My diagnosis comes at you edgewise slicing into all of your personas. It's this: you're expending a hell of a lot of energy maintaining all these spinning plates on sticks, and NONE of them is sufficient to the task of being a whole human. Shingled together, you're a haphazard freak with only one friend, an internet pal.

You want a little of what we have, vicariously. You want to manipulate some "emotionally raw" crazy people who are working on recovery, so that you can distract yourself from your own delayed transformation a little bit longer. WooHOO!

I know you, little girl who kicks when she's hugged. I'm looking you in the eye. I invite you to ascend. It's not about me or my little agenda. It's all about you, Remmy. The Universe is waiting, she's got a habit of removing all distractions. Best you get busy before she has to bitchslap you.

Your friend,

Catspiracy

[catspiracy]

oh, id better qualify the word freak isnt a bad word to me.

honey, we're all freaks. Love you!

[RemmyHun]

I deleted this post.

[RemmyHun]

I deleted this post.

[RemmyHun]

This part makes me laugh, because, ostensibly, you came here looking for a diagnosis, you get some feedback and then you blame us for provoking you! HAHAHAHAHA!

You are right. It is no fault of anyone but me. It is absolutely my fault. I am to blame for trying to explain something few would understand from my prospective. But more importantly, it is my fault for letting it annoy me, and not maintaining my control. I am the only one to blame for Ira being prevoked because I allowed myself to be bothered.

[RemmyHun]

To Everyone who’s posted on here.

Thank you. Thank you for reminding me why I have my rules. Thank you for reminding me I am in control of myself. Thank you for reminding me, my reactions to situations are my responsibilities. Thank you for reminding me it’s my choice to allow myself to be bothered by something and like wise my choice not to. Thank you for reminding me why I strive to maintain the balance that I have [even if you don’t agree]. Thank you for reminding me my first instincts and notions are almost always correct. Thank you for reminding me I shouldn’t ever second guess myself. And thank you taking the time to read and or post here. Thank you.

I’m done.

Remmy

[catspiracy]

(that's why i prescribed a stint as a puppy slave. You need to learn some respect for the shoulders on which you're trying to stand. As a dom, you'd be dangerous, just another dime-a-dozen poser with a flogger. You're better than that run of the mill, you've got a keenness and a sense of humor that could only be corrupted by premature power. To have your heart chakra opened by the informed strokes of a master could be just what you need to re-experience yourself as a child and at last to have compassion for your helplessness.)

Cat, this is interesting, exactly what do you mean by it?

first off, please realize that this "prescription" (and I'm no doctor, by any means!!!!!!!!!) is only for Remmy.

"you need to learn some respect for the shoulders on which you're trying to stand": Leaders don't demand anything from their minions they haven't experienced, couldn't do, or is just plain humanly impossible. Remmy's derision of the "stupid" is the same as the high-IQ learning disabled kid who gets frustrated and calls the assignment "STUPID MATH! I HATE MATH!" Such a student sees absolutely no value in being a "school girl", a "teacher's pet", "brown-noser", or whatever you may call it. It's straight out of Nietzche. Slave mentallity disgusts the one with ambitions of becoming the next evolution of humanity: the Uber-Mann. This is what Hitler took from Nietzche and ran with. In truth, N. was speaking of existential evolution, an integration and actualization of Self beyond all bounds of cultural propaganda. The small mind takes N.'s "will to power" at literal face value, as you can see Remmy doing with each of my multi-layered and shamanic posts. The small mind views the Will to Power as a powergrab, a sorcery if you will, manifesting from a hostage universe what it wills. This leads only to Faustian damnation. Arrogance is only tempered by service to the ignorant swarm, getting to know a true egalitarian with rolled up sleeves and a starving family. Service is incumbent upon the enlightened. It's why so many on the cusp of Enlightenment prefer the rodent wheel at the edge of a cliff to the servitude of Enlightenment. It's why I'm a backsliding spiritual delinquent myself, for now.

"As a dom, you'd be dangerous, just another dime-a-dozen poser with a flogger."

Remmy mistakes BDSM as just SM, pain as pleasure, although that is def. a component of her convoluted energy pathways. This is the sorcery of immature will-to-power. Power for its own sake. Power can be a SERVICE to the disempowered. If you look at early ways of humans, there was a commons. Even during medieval feudalism, the aristocracy did not "OWN" wealth, they only "ADMINISTERED" it. Hence such celebrations as "boxing day" where alms are INCUMBENT on the powers that be. This human fact stretches into primordial mist. All social animals experience hierarchy of power. (research the "authoritarian personality" in your spare time.) In dysfunctional systems such as pretty much any society on the face of earth today, you will find imbalances and sicknesses of power. (Please read Erich Fromm's "The Sane Society".) BDSM involves a careful system of consent and ritual that outlines expectations explicitly. It's like the tantric version of a pre-nup. Power-imbalanced people who don't go thru this consent phase are DANGEROUS. And they are POSERS (fakers, dilettantes, sorcerers).

"You're better than that run of the mill, you've got a keenness and a sense of humor that could only be corrupted by premature power." Here I am giving Remmy the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully, she's not the devil quoting scripture, as the saying goes. She's displayed a glimpse of Enlightenment. She spoke of interconnectedness and the butterfly effect. She has some sense of "gawd", although who knows what that means to her, cos her version of "empathy" sure aint it... Now, she minces no words and outright stated that she'd like to study us in order to better manipulate, so I have neither "trust" nor "faith", in her terms nor in mine. (and mine are very like hers, I've even blah-blah-blah'ged about my theory on "trust is control.") Remmy has a delicacy with her scalpel that I have to admire. She's a charismatic one, so beware. That's honestly the reason I've confronted her so brazenly in a forum where I'm new and would really rather try to be ingratiating. She's dangerous. I don't know how or why yet, but I know that she's not to be trifled with.

"To have your heart chakra opened by the informed strokes of a master" Does she have the capacity for such vulnerability? To do a psychodrama back to when she fantasizes about "choice" but really there was none? It was really all just a roll of the dice. We are up there as bystanders at Roulette, sitting on our barstools, our legs bandying about the rungs, wondering when to place everything on the double zed. Waiting to choose our parents. Then, every child does what it needs for to be loved and accepted. Remy's no different. So her temperament led her one route to getting her daddy's attention, big deal, human suffering is common coin and none of us on this green earth was loved properly enough by the ones who were supposed to love us properly enough. (A tree told me on NYE that "all of us trees were ripped out of forests to be planted in your damn yards, ya know! Get over yourself!) We all process this differently because we are all at different places on the Candyland board of Transformation. It's one big game. The only way you get better at tennis is to play someone better than you. Again, this is not a prescription for the masses to rush out and get a spanking from a masked stranger NOW! "the informed strokes of a master" is a hard prescription to fill. It could be in the guise of an amazing rolfing for all I know!!!!! But that heart chakra of remmy's, it pains me to watch it, it's like watching a hot horror flick chick doing stupid stuff just before her slaughter! What a waste!

" could be just what you need to re-experience yourself as a child"

Here's where the candy coating of reality that other posters mentioned occurs. Remmy states that she consciously chose to damage herself in order to get her daddy's love. Sorry, but the age of consent is anywhere from 16 to 21 depending on where you are and what the activity. Before that, it is a biological fact that the human child is born prematurely to get that enormous cranium thru those hindleg walking hips. So it's a helpless little grub and takes YEARS and fucking years to mature. Your brain is still susceptible to developmental problems into your early twenties. You could have a perfectly normal infancy, toddlerhood, elementary school life, middle and high school adolescence, and then BAM, when you hit college party time, you come down with schizophrenia. You aren't done cooking until you're at least 21-25. Re-experience yourself as a child? This young sister still IS a child! And she had to manipulate and connive her father to get what should have come from him naturally. Sometimes you have to have the overcompensation stripped away, helplessness illuminating helplessness, putting it into context. Now if that means climbing Mt. Everest instead, you get my drift. Coming in contact with something bigger than the Self.

"and at last to have compassion for your helplessness.)"

Kids get pissed off at their parents. It would be very convenient for us to bunker down into a permanent childhood and never learn to, as my fave radio psychologist says, "put our big girl panties on." It's a critical moment in everyone's lives when you learn another step into the depth of empathy and compassion. At first you feel like you're drowning. Some people throw a fit, others are colder, more calculating. They move away from pain. They depersonalize their helplessness. Did you know that in the motherhood experiments with monkeys, the chickenwire mother who shocked the baby monkey looking for a hug had the fiercest devotion paid to it? The fuzzy one, who cares, the bare wire one, whatever, but the one that shot out spikes or electric shocks was the one the babies loved best. Inertness, no matter how cute, is a turn off. And if you've ever been pinioned into inertness, it poisons you against yourself like nothing else.

Wow, that last sentence worked some cathartic magic on me.

Thanks for asking, I hope any of that made sense.

[Alii]

Despite rule 31 you seem very much like your trying to proove yourself. This isn't a criticism just an observation.

I will not question that in your prospective and opinion I am trying to prove myself, but as such, I want to know what it is you see me trying to prove? Am I trying to explain myself? Yes. Because that is what this thread originally was, me telling about the way I am, the way I think for the purpose of feed back in many shapes and forms.

I am not trying to prove anything, I am only trying to make sure there is a clear understanding of my antics, thoughts, beliefs etc; because faulse information wouldn't get me or anyone else anywhere. I can see how it can be misinterprated that I'm trying to prove myself, but again it begs the question "prove myself" in what reguard? What is it, I am trying to prove? In your observation.

Remmy.

I like your response! Very well thought out and reasoned. Sorry I can't be more insightful at the moment, struggling but I shall come back and read further later when i feel better. Obviously you have a head on your shoulders and whatever your opinions or desires I like and admire a person who can debate rather than argue. Sorry for my odd response here.

[rebeccaborderline]

As for me seeing the light side of myself, I do. In fact behind almost all dark attributes is a light motive. [Not always]. I might not be the general populous' idea of a loving and caring woman, but I do my share. The largest stipulation for me is helping others so long as it doesn't have adverse affects on me in such a way as to harm, hinder, or otherwise set me back from my goals. Which are all judgment calls on my end.

Remmy.

Hi Remmy,

The above comments from you are what stand out for me. You talk very much above, in previous posts, about some almost altruistic drive you have, to be a warrior for people who perhaps cannot protect themselves-or even realise they need protecting (echoes anyone of .....?)

Yet you have no feeling for these people you are protecting, further than they secure your own aims?

"The largest stipulation for me is helping others so long as it doesn't have adverse affects on me in such a way as to harm, hinder, or otherwise set me back from my goals"

Whither the altruism? Isnt altruism another word for empathy? Do you not feel empathy for people who suffer, even if it makes you feel noble to "relieve" them?

Really, from what I understand; you would like to find people who suffer, so you can "release" them from that, and be acclaimed a hero. But, in fact, if a real person was suffering, eg a person with autism or schizophrenia, who didnt fit into your "noble peasant" ideal; or an elderly person in a wheelchair; where would your "hero" image of yourself be then? Nowhere I suspect, because there would be no glamour.

You appear to me to be a fantasist. Harmless or not, I have no idea. But I find you boring and shallow, and am amazed that people here have given you this much time.

reb

[icu_baby]

I just thought I'd tell you guys, and you'll know who you are, that you've sucessfully provoked the beast. Intended or not. She suggested, that I should really manipulate this thread, and the thought had crossed my mind, but to what end. For my pleasure? For her pleasure? I personally would rather not waste the time but Ira would have fun.

When I find myself in a situation where my efforts are futile, my words meaningless, and my circumstances hopeless I usually try and walk another path and not waste the time. But my desire to give you guys the same respect and attention I gave others has proved to serve only to agitate me because it goes so far against my usual flow. No good deed, right? I fucking hate lose-lose situations and I usually don't waste my time. But I have, and now I pay for it. And so too do others.

This part makes me laugh, because, ostensibly, you came here looking for a diagnosis, you get some feedback and then you blame us for provoking you! HAHAHAHAHA!

Diagnoses are for sick people by definition, right? Then every time anyone pointed out what they perceive would contribute to making a diagnosis, ie finding fault with you, you had some groovy intellectualized answer that purposefully deflected any possibility of insight. Thanks, Nev-whateverthenamewas. Nice little performance there, I'd give it a B. (If you studied up, you might compete with my npd genius dad, dead and still hasn't found the Light.... ) Finally, you were offered just plain unconditional love and that broke your rational persona down. Who else is left to deal with stinky emotional shit BUT poor little Ira? I feel sorry for her, she has to do all the dirty work, be your mom and your dad and you all at once. What a thankless task, and she gets maybe a C at best for all that frickin effort???? Ira could use a day at the spa getting bathed and annointed.

My diagnosis comes at you edgewise slicing into all of your personas. It's this: you're expending a hell of a lot of energy maintaining all these spinning plates on sticks, and NONE of them is sufficient to the task of being a whole human. Shingled together, you're a haphazard freak with only one friend, an internet pal.

You want a little of what we have, vicariously. You want to manipulate some "emotionally raw" crazy people who are working on recovery, so that you can distract yourself from your own delayed transformation a little bit longer. WooHOO!

I know you, little girl who kicks when she's hugged. I'm looking you in the eye. I invite you to ascend. It's not about me or my little agenda. It's all about you, Remmy. The Universe is waiting, she's got a habit of removing all distractions. Best you get busy before she has to bitchslap you.

Your friend,

Catspiracy

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[icu_baby]

This part makes me laugh, because, ostensibly, you came here looking for a diagnosis, you get some feedback and then you blame us for provoking you! HAHAHAHAHA!

You are right. It is no fault of anyone but me. It is absolutely my fault. I am to blame for trying to explain something few would understand from my prospective. But more importantly, it is my fault for letting it annoy me, and not maintaining my control. I am the only one to blame for Ira being prevoked because I allowed myself to be bothered.

Remmy, you obviously work so hard to keep yourself in "control" and "maintaining control"(whatever that means) but then you said in another post that you have a desire to be dominated and hope that one day it would happen. Please explain your contradiction here.

[RemmyHun]

I like your response! Very well thought out and reasoned. Sorry I can't be more insightful at the moment, struggling but I shall come back and read further later when i feel better. Obviously you have a head on your shoulders and whatever your opinions or desires I like and admire a person who can debate rather than argue. Sorry for my odd response here.

You are alright Alii, and I was just offering another perspective on the topic. And take your time. No rush.

Remmy.

[RemmyHun]

This part makes me laugh, because, ostensibly, you came here looking for a diagnosis, you get some feedback and then you blame us for provoking you! HAHAHAHAHA!

You are right. It is no fault of anyone but me. It is absolutely my fault. I am to blame for trying to explain something few would understand from my prospective. But more importantly, it is my fault for letting it annoy me, and not maintaining my control. I am the only one to blame for Ira being prevoked because I allowed myself to be bothered.

Remmy, you obviously work so hard to keep yourself in "control" and "maintaining control"(whatever that means) but then you said in another post that you have a desire to be dominated and hope that one day it would happen. Please explain your contradiction here.

Frankly I'm not even sure I should bother explaining it to you. I feel like this will be an equally futile post as some of the previous ones. But, you asked, I will answer.

Both are circumstantial.

My "maintaining control" means maintaining my ability to choose when to feel and when not to. When to store the feelings or reactions, and when to just let them go. The purpose of storing feelings or pausing them as it were, is to be able to function rationally, and logically in a situation, rather then irrationally, illogically and impulsively. It is to think before I feel. Storing it also allows me to release it, or feel it in a controlled setting when I know there's nothing around to "provoke" me. Namely in the case of my anger. I know my anger best, it's also the most powerful and by far the most volatile emotion for me, and by volatile I mean if I'm already irritated, my irritation and sky-rocket to full blown rage [the kind that makes me want to kill] in the blink of an eye.

In this particular example, my irritation, annoyance and anger feeds Ira. Or rather Ira soaks it up. She loves when people [myself especially] are mad and more importantly, loves to further provoke until they snap. So to conclude, I maintain my control to prevent myself from getting out of hand and causing damage because I'm being impulsive. When I get angry and I get impulsive I tend to lean toward severe damage. Broken bones, blood, utter mayhem.

Wanting to be Dominated is in direct relation to the fact I believe men are and should be the dominant sex. That they should be the providers and care takers. That they should be of stronger, or at least equal will. It's also in direct relation to my submission to them because I trust them, and feel safe around them. I am not a submissive person, nor do I trust easily [if at all] and I sure as hell don't feel truly safe around anyone. Do not mistake this kind of domination for me wanting to be bossed around or put on my knees. It's more complex then that, more in-depth and personal.

How the two link together is that should I find my dominant as described above, I wouldn't have to completely, if at all, keep control because he would know me well enough to know the bounds, and that would thus be the basis of the trust and safety. That I would trust him not to push the wrong buttons, and know he may protect me if someone else means to push when I am not shielding. I realize it's probably just a fantasy and will likely never happen, but such is life.

Remmy.

[icu_baby]

You seriously need to see a psychiatrist and probably should be committed for a while for your own or others safetly. iT Is obvious that you need professional help and medication which no one here can provide for you. You have multiple personality disorder and some of your personalites like Ira are nasty and you are trying to maintain control so you don't totally freak out and hurt yourself or kill other people. You have alot of insight into your condition so why don't you go to a doctor and tell him or her about your personalities and see what they say and come back and let us know what they say....then again you are going to come back and say this is what is is, im happy with my life and all that bs.

[catspiracy]

Remmy, I just want you and the world to know what a valuable service your thread has been to me. You have allowed me to play out a little transference psychodrama of my own, and handled my bad behaviour with style and grace.

Each and every one of is a fractal of the Universe, composed of energy. We are the neurons of Gaea. This thread fired me up and caused me to make peace with my daughter, who you, Remmy, remind me of. Like my daughter, you also remind me of my father. So you can see why I have such strong transference reactions to your words. Two of the people who've pained me the most, yet have received the lion's share of my love-in-action. The two intractable ones, one dead, one cutting.

Know this: there was no futility in these pages. There are hot steaming piles of hope, love, and concern. People are pulling for you, Remmy. People who are sensitive to your pain that you can't even feel. People who bother to get annoyed with you yet still keep lurking and reading, maybe even posting. People who keep challenging your dead-end world view, who keep tossing wildflower seeds over your garden wall.

I have faith and patience in you. Right now, it's true, you think you've achieved some kind of endpoint to your ideas. Remember that a wise person knows only that they know nothing.

And give Ira some love. I meant it when I said she needs a trip to the day spa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RemmyHun]

You seriously need to see a psychiatrist and probably should be committed for a while for your own or others safetly. iT Is obvious that you need professional help and medication which no one here can provide for you. You have multiple personality disorder and some of your personalites like Ira are nasty and you are trying to maintain control so you don't totally freak out and hurt yourself or kill other people. You have alot of insight into your condition so why don't you go to a doctor and tell him or her about your personalities and see what they say and come back and let us know what they say....then again you are going to come back and say this is what is is, im happy with my life and all that bs.

If I thought you were honestly concerned, I'd thank you for your concern. No matter, I've maintained my control for 9 years, on my own. And though it may get "worse" my ability to adapt and maintain gets better. I went from using physical means to keep control [self harm as a distraction] to purely mental. And these numerous accomplishments are part of why I am happy about my life. Because I remember what it was like then, and if you were in my shoes, you'd know exactly why I'm happy with it. Surely not as happy as I could be, but I'm still learning, still growing, still exploring. I may have to go a different road, and it may be a wobbly one, but it's still every bit as exciting for me. But I don't expect you to understand or even believe; when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter to me either.

And just because they insisted I correct you, Ira is the nasty one. Yes, she's proud of that fact too. Nevonka and Mark are not nasty. They wanted me to point that out.

Remmy.

[RemmyHun]

Remmy, I just want you and the world to know what a valuable service your thread has been to me. You have allowed me to play out a little transference psychodrama of my own, and handled my bad behaviour with style and grace.

Each and every one of is a fractal of the Universe, composed of energy. We are the neurons of Gaea. This thread fired me up and caused me to make peace with my daughter, who you, Remmy, remind me of. Like my daughter, you also remind me of my father. So you can see why I have such strong transference reactions to your words. Two of the people who've pained me the most, yet have received the lion's share of my love-in-action. The two intractable ones, one dead, one cutting.

Know this: there was no futility in these pages. There are hot steaming piles of hope, love, and concern. People are pulling for you, Remmy. People who are sensitive to your pain that you can't even feel. People who bother to get annoyed with you yet still keep lurking and reading, maybe even posting. People who keep challenging your dead-end world view, who keep tossing wildflower seeds over your garden wall.

I have faith and patience in you. Right now, it's true, you think you've achieved some kind of endpoint to your ideas. Remember that a wise person knows only that they know nothing.

And give Ira some love. I meant it when I said she needs a trip to the day spa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do tend to have that effect on people, even when I don't try. Anyroad, I had read a bit of the post you'd written about your daughter and refrained from saying anything. Not my place. But in any case, as a daughter who's mother hated her even without ever saying it, I'm glad you've made peace. For both your sakes.

I'll accept that the replies of mine to you were not futile in that they helped you see other things. That the "sub text" if you will did wonders. And perhaps, it wasn't even completely futile for me, in that they reminded me of my own idiocy sometimes. When I do things I know better about. Human nature, sometimes we can't help ourselves.

I will say, this preconceived and perhaps just misunderstood notion of this "endpoint" makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. And that's not just directed at you, but others as well. And I bet it has a lot [though not all] to do with my rules. My antics. To those who have no understanding of them, I get why you feel I'm so deadend-ish. It's a shame you don't realize how wrong you are. Perhaps not as free as a bird, but then again... who is? We all have our own rules and guidelines. I just gave mine numbers.

Remmy.

P.S. Ira wants to know if you're trying to suck up to her.

[roxy222]

Catspiracy, I couldn't agree with you more. This girl is seriously a master manipulator and this post belongs in the attenion seekers forum. There are contradictions in all her posts, so many I can't be bothered wasting my time pointing it out as she seems to find everything so amusing or becomes defensive and claims how happy she is with the "equilibrium" that she has achieved (whatever that means), if you ask me I think her thinking is far from balanced. One of the contradictions is that there is not such thing as a good sociopath, just a sociopath.

Even though you weren't speaking to me I am replying, if only to point out that which you have so clearly missed in my posts already. I have admitted to these contradictions, and as I've said they are this way because they are circumstantial. I'm not even going to bother with the center of your reply, I aknowledge it would be a waste, but again you've missed that fact I've already said there's no such thing as a good sociopath. People [myself included] see what they want to see, read what they want to read.

And I have not single handledly turned this thread into the mass it is. I was after one thing, and one thing only when I wrote my first post, and only one person has understood it. Which makes me wonder if perhaps I wasn't clear,or if perhaps the rest simply chose not to see.

its because we choose to see reality instead of hiding behind false delusions

[icu_baby]

Ill be honest with you, when you first posted I was very concerned about you and you appeared to be a person who needed help (and I still think you do with your DID esp Ira) but your true light shun through with your posts and you almost had me fooled. I find it hard to have any compassion for you and if anything I find your posts very amusing though they are getting quite on the repetitive side and you are beggining to be very predictable....I understand, you don't understand, you didn't read all my posts....seriously get over yourself.

[RemmyHun]

Catspiracy, I couldn't agree with you more. This girl is seriously a master manipulator and this post belongs in the attenion seekers forum. There are contradictions in all her posts, so many I can't be bothered wasting my time pointing it out as she seems to find everything so amusing or becomes defensive and claims how happy she is with the "equilibrium" that she has achieved (whatever that means), if you ask me I think her thinking is far from balanced. One of the contradictions is that there is not such thing as a good sociopath, just a sociopath.

Even though you weren't speaking to me I am replying, if only to point out that which you have so clearly missed in my posts already. I have admitted to these contradictions, and as I've said they are this way because they are circumstantial. I'm not even going to bother with the center of your reply, I aknowledge it would be a waste, but again you've missed that fact I've already said there's no such thing as a good sociopath. People [myself included] see what they want to see, read what they want to read.

And I have not single handledly turned this thread into the mass it is. I was after one thing, and one thing only when I wrote my first post, and only one person has understood it. Which makes me wonder if perhaps I wasn't clear,or if perhaps the rest simply chose not to see.

its because we choose to see reality instead of hiding behind false delusions

Even with my "delusions" of a higher power, or a higher purpose it doesn't change the fact that there's an underlying issue. IE, Ira, my anger, my desire to kill people, to cause chaos. With my hopeful delusions, I have guidance which helps me keep myself in check. Helps me from harming people unnecessarily, and in the end, keeps me out of trouble. Me having faith there is a larger purpose for me, how is that any different then having faith there is a God?

Remmy.

[RemmyHun]

Ill be honest with you, when you first posted I was very concerned about you and you appeared to be a person who needed help (and I still think you do with your DID esp Ira) but your true light shun through with your posts and you almost had me fooled. I find it hard to have any compassion for you and if anything I find your posts very amusing though they are getting quite on the repetitive side and you are beggining to be very predictable....I understand, you don't understand, you didn't read all my posts....seriously get over yourself.

Yes, they are getting repetitive. And so are yours. So this is all I'll say, find another thread to read. I'm not asking for compassion, God knows I don't show other people much if any compassion. I have been nothing but honest on here and that's that. So if you're growing weary, tired or annoyed with me and what I write. Stop reading it. No one is forcing you. You make of it what you want.

Remmy.

[catspiracy]

Remmy, I just want you and the world to know what a valuable service your thread has been to me. You have allowed me to play out a little transference psychodrama of my own, and handled my bad behaviour with style and grace.

Each and every one of is a fractal of the Universe, composed of energy. We are the neurons of Gaea. This thread fired me up and caused me to make peace with my daughter, who you, Remmy, remind me of. Like my daughter, you also remind me of my father. So you can see why I have such strong transference reactions to your words. Two of the people who've pained me the most, yet have received the lion's share of my love-in-action. The two intractable ones, one dead, one cutting.

Know this: there was no futility in these pages. There are hot steaming piles of hope, love, and concern. People are pulling for you, Remmy. People who are sensitive to your pain that you can't even feel. People who bother to get annoyed with you yet still keep lurking and reading, maybe even posting. People who keep challenging your dead-end world view, who keep tossing wildflower seeds over your garden wall.

I have faith and patience in you. Right now, it's true, you think you've achieved some kind of endpoint to your ideas. Remember that a wise person knows only that they know nothing.

And give Ira some love. I meant it when I said she needs a trip to the day spa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do tend to have that effect on people, even when I don't try. Anyroad, I had read a bit of the post you'd written about your daughter and refrained from saying anything. Not my place. But in any case, as a daughter who's mother hated her even without ever saying it, I'm glad you've made peace. For both your sakes.

I'll accept that the replies of mine to you were not futile in that they helped you see other things. That the "sub text" if you will did wonders. And perhaps, it wasn't even completely futile for me, in that they reminded me of my own idiocy sometimes. When I do things I know better about. Human nature, sometimes we can't help ourselves.

I will say, this preconceived and perhaps just misunderstood notion of this "endpoint" makes me feel like I'm wasting my time. And that's not just directed at you, but others as well. And I bet it has a lot [though not all] to do with my rules. My antics. To those who have no understanding of them, I get why you feel I'm so deadend-ish. It's a shame you don't realize how wrong you are. Perhaps not as free as a bird, but then again... who is? We all have our own rules and guidelines. I just gave mine numbers.

Remmy.

P.S. Ira wants to know if you're trying to suck up to her.

reminded you of your own idiocy...how so? No wonder Ira wants to get violent, with people calling her composite an idiot! I haven't seen any idiocy in this thread. Delusions, triggered amygdala responses, oneupsmanship, along with care, concern, sharing of info, eloquence, etc., but no idiocy.

You don't know better about me and my human nature. You think you've got your head wrapped around me, but you don't. And I'm just in the shallow end of the pool.

I don't understand what you mean when you say "this preconceived and perhaps just misunderstood notion of this "endpoint" makes me feel like I'm wasting my time." But I'm starting to notice that the repetition people are getting weary of is coming from you not having explained yourself thoroughly enough. No more subtext, what's the real deal? You're not sticking around because of your friend wondering about a diagnosis. Maybe that got you in the door, but you're engaged. Why?

Why do you call your sacred journey "antics"?

Ok, I was about to ask, "how do you THINK people would respond when you call it that, duh?" and then I get what you're saying about futility. You set yourself up. Well, that's some well-worn territory, sister. People complain that there's no map for the journey of Transformation, but they're wrong. The map was torn up and we are each one of the pieces. I can share with you my piece of "I set myself up to be alienated" and you can share yours. My best friend told me I do that and it unleashed one hell of an ugly letter unsent! I can see why you would package that volcanic emotional magma into Ira. I'm trying to figure out how mine fits into me, the fact that I sublimated it into a poem called "I swallow an outraged cat" and you named it Ira is just a difference in form not substance!

And to answer her question, am I sucking up? well, maybe a little, just enough to piss her off!

I call your rules dead-endish because I used to have the same ones, without the numbers. And my life was at a dead end. Some wacked out lady on the radio said something true the other day: Grace is like a crack in the wall that you spend years not noticing. But once you do, you can't stop looking at it. Except it's not an isolated thing like a crack on the wall, it's all around you. So I have this spiritual newbie goofiness that's certainly sickening. But I chose when I entered this community, sheesh less than a month ago, that I was going to be The Real Me here, let the chips fall where they may. It's new and it gives me vertigo, and this thread even flipped my switch sending me a bit manic, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i love being manic! yay!)

Anyhow, rules. Rules are the best! You only need four. ***life-changing book notice: THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, by Ruiz. http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Prac...m/dp/1878424319 . it's faster to paste somebody else's synopsis than to write my own so here goes:

"1. Be impeccable with your word.

Words have immeasurable power, so use them with care. Say only what you mean, and remember your opinion isn’t fact. Silence is better than saying something you’ll regret.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

Here I’ll quote the book, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” That guy honking at you just spilled scalding coffee all over his lap, the boss screaming at you is going through a divorce. Their stuff has nothing to do with your stuff, and assuming you’re the root cause of someone’s behavior is not only self-centered, it’s also a big waste of energy.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

You can spend hours generating theories about why someone did something, or you can just ask. When someone lashes or does something unexpected, save time by seeking clarification.

4. Do your best.

Do the best you can with the conflict in front of you, and you won’t need to waste brain power on self-judgements or regrets. "

This is freedom! I can smell it in the air as I approach it. Do you know what powers up this kind of freedom, besides giving yourself a great infrastructure of rules? HAVING FUN! The only way I can be so loving is because I have shitloads of fun. I go to Burning Man now, only 2 years in a row so far but this will be the third. And as my dear friend A. says, "We don't party for entertainment, we party for enlightenment!" You should be having a minimum of 4 hours of fun every four hours. Good clean fun with people who dont have expectations or judgements of you.

You said earlier that people who hug everyone bug you. I totally know where you're coming from. That's why at my first Burner festival, I had to hide in my tent and cry because people were being too nice to me! It took a long time, and I'm still shaky, for me to accept being accepted. And the setting-myself-up-to-be-alienated has dwindled now to only the most tenacious roots that hurt pretty bad when they're pried up. But I think of the room it will make for plants that I want!!!! and I go into the pain and rage, I own them. They're mine and I earned them! And with regards to my daughter, she has had to witness some tumultuous upheaval in me and I have to figure out how to shoulder the responsibility for that. But hopefully it's teaching her that it can be done, that ordinary people like me can have the courage to do it. That she is fully equipped to wrestle her own demons in time.

My son is the one who says "I love the decomposers!" and hugs cacti. I look at him and my faith that I am a good person is renewed because I made that!

anyhow, I've totally lost any sense of organized thought so signing out now!

Catspiracy

[RemmyHun]

reminded you of your own idiocy...how so? No wonder Ira wants to get violent, with people calling her composite an idiot! I haven't seen any idiocy in this thread. Delusions, triggered amygdala responses, oneupsmanship, along with care, concern, sharing of info, eloquence, etc., but no idiocy.

You don't know better about me and my human nature. You think you've got your head wrapped around me, but you don't. And I'm just in the shallow end of the pool.

I don't understand what you mean when you say "this preconceived and perhaps just misunderstood notion of this "endpoint" makes me feel like I'm wasting my time." But I'm starting to notice that the repetition people are getting weary of is coming from you not having explained yourself thoroughly enough. No more subtext, what's the real deal? You're not sticking around because of your friend wondering about a diagnosis. Maybe that got you in the door, but you're engaged. Why?

Why do you call your sacred journey "antics"?

Ok, I was about to ask, "how do you THINK people would respond when you call it that, duh?" and then I get what you're saying about futility. You set yourself up. Well, that's some well-worn territory, sister. People complain that there's no map for the journey of Transformation, but they're wrong. The map was torn up and we are each one of the pieces. I can share with you my piece of "I set myself up to be alienated" and you can share yours. My best friend told me I do that and it unleashed one hell of an ugly letter unsent! I can see why you would package that volcanic emotional magma into Ira. I'm trying to figure out how mine fits into me, the fact that I sublimated it into a poem called "I swallow an outraged cat" and you named it Ira is just a difference in form not substance!

And to answer her question, am I sucking up? well, maybe a little, just enough to piss her off!

I call your rules dead-endish because I used to have the same ones, without the numbers. And my life was at a dead end. Some wacked out lady on the radio said something true the other day: Grace is like a crack in the wall that you spend years not noticing. But once you do, you can't stop looking at it. Except it's not an isolated thing like a crack on the wall, it's all around you. So I have this spiritual newbie goofiness that's certainly sickening. But I chose when I entered this community, sheesh less than a month ago, that I was going to be The Real Me here, let the chips fall where they may. It's new and it gives me vertigo, and this thread even flipped my switch sending me a bit manic, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i love being manic! yay!)

Anyhow, rules. Rules are the best! You only need four. ***life-changing book notice: THE FOUR AGREEMENTS, by Ruiz. http://www.amazon.com/Four-Agreements-Prac...m/dp/1878424319 . it's faster to paste somebody else's synopsis than to write my own so here goes:

"1. Be impeccable with your word.

Words have immeasurable power, so use them with care. Say only what you mean, and remember your opinion isn’t fact. Silence is better than saying something you’ll regret.

2. Don’t take anything personally.

Here I’ll quote the book, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.” That guy honking at you just spilled scalding coffee all over his lap, the boss screaming at you is going through a divorce. Their stuff has nothing to do with your stuff, and assuming you’re the root cause of someone’s behavior is not only self-centered, it’s also a big waste of energy.

3. Don’t make assumptions.

You can spend hours generating theories about why someone did something, or you can just ask. When someone lashes or does something unexpected, save time by seeking clarification.

4. Do your best.

Do the best you can with the conflict in front of you, and you won’t need to waste brain power on self-judgements or regrets. "

This is freedom! I can smell it in the air as I approach it. Do you know what powers up this kind of freedom, besides giving yourself a great infrastructure of rules? HAVING FUN! The only way I can be so loving is because I have shitloads of fun. I go to Burning Man now, only 2 years in a row so far but this will be the third. And as my dear friend A. says, "We don't party for entertainment, we party for enlightenment!" You should be having a minimum of 4 hours of fun every four hours. Good clean fun with people who dont have expectations or judgements of you.

You said earlier that people who hug everyone bug you. I totally know where you're coming from. That's why at my first Burner festival, I had to hide in my tent and cry because people were being too nice to me! It took a long time, and I'm still shaky, for me to accept being accepted. And the setting-myself-up-to-be-alienated has dwindled now to only the most tenacious roots that hurt pretty bad when they're pried up. But I think of the room it will make for plants that I want!!!! and I go into the pain and rage, I own them. They're mine and I earned them! And with regards to my daughter, she has had to witness some tumultuous upheaval in me and I have to figure out how to shoulder the responsibility for that. But hopefully it's teaching her that it can be done, that ordinary people like me can have the courage to do it. That she is fully equipped to wrestle her own demons in time.

My son is the one who says "I love the decomposers!" and hugs cacti. I look at him and my faith that I am a good person is renewed because I made that!

anyhow, I've totally lost any sense of organized thought so signing out now!

Catspiracy

I decided I'd read the whole reply of yours before I wrote a reply of my own and I'm glad I did. One, my idiocy is in that I know better and I do it anyway on the simple hope I'll be wrong. Only to be morbidly amused I wasn't. Two, "You don't know better about me and my human nature. You think you've got your head wrapped around me, but you don't. And I'm just in the shallow end of the pool." If I had to venture a guess where this came from, I'd guess it was my statement about me doing things I new better not to, but did them anyway. Though how that gave you the impression it did is a bit beyond me. Anyroad, if you think I think I have my head wrapped around you, you're free to think that. Doesn't bother me any. Three, the question shouldn’t be why am I still here, but rather why I bother answering questions from people who’ve ignored or lost track of why I am here. My reason for being here hasn’t changed. Four, my antics aren't the journey but the tools and methodology I take with me. Five, you have Ira all wrong and she thinks it's funny. Six, for having a rule not to assume, you do a lot of it. Assuming rather then asking. Seven, is an example of six. You assume I don't have fun, what makes you assume I don't have fun? Or was that just a general proclamation of you having fun? Eight, it's nice when people accept me, and a little disappointing when they don't but at the end of the day I do what I do for me not them. Even if I sometimes like to think it's for others. Nine, if I set myself up to be alienated it’s not intentional but rather a byproduct of the path I am taking toward my desires. At the moment, it’s irrelevant to me, and a stepping stone I will deal with when time comes.

Remmy.

[prang_out]

thread is deep. i enjoyed it, thanks.

[Miko]

These personae can always redefine 'satisfaction' and 'desires', they would find greater freedom if they did.