The Good Sociopath...

[Miko]

Those personae can make fresh new choices that will genuinely redefine them.

They are smug if they don't accept that

Let them embrace the values of the site (not currently showing in my banner space) and put a worthwhile picture of human need - which you once had and can have again if you choose - in your mind(s)

That's the journey the rest of us are on

[Miko]

I get you four now.

You are having flashbacks but have been projecting them onto others whether specifically or in general.

If you talk about flashbacks I'm sure you will elicit help.

[RemmyHun]

I get you four now.

You are having flashbacks but have been projecting them onto others whether specifically or in general.

If you talk about flashbacks I'm sure you will elicit help.

As my sig suggested I've not really been paying attention to this forum but having taken another gander, I have no idea what you're talking about. We're having flash-backs? And of duh, we can obtain anything we want if we're willing to go after it. And Mark's reason for not likeing our situation so much is because he's a guy in a womans body. Ira's not happy because she's not killing anything and rolling in the warmth of blood. Nev and I pretty cool with things, we're good at negotiating, though she much better then I. In any case, You'll have to elaborate on what the bloody hell you're talking about because I'm not sure I follow and they're all looking at me with the same blank face so you lost them too.

Rem

[RemmyHun]

thread is deep. i enjoyed it, thanks.

Welcome.

[loquatia]

I'm going to also admit to not having read the whole thread, but I skimmed most of what I didn't read. But apologies if I've missed something important.

I think you're very much about protecting yourself and I think you know that. You don't want to be vulnerable - and I think you've spent a lot of effort trying to make yourself strong. I suspect it has made you much more insightful and strong in many ways.

But I don't think you really understand what you're afraid of. I don't think you're really afraid of someone trying to kill you. I think those fantasies divert you from much more frightening possibilities which you haven't admitted to yourself. The ones that really clock us, and which we spend a lot of time trying to forget. Pay attention to the thoughts that you really want to bury - those are the things that truly scare you, and you can only be strong by facing them.

They're different for everyone, but I am hazarding that for you, some honestly frightening thoughts would be:

What if you're not special at all?

What if your problems are pretty common and uninteresting?

What if you're not that smart?

What if nobody wants or needs your protection?

What if it actually matters what "ordinary" people think of you? ]

What if you're not a sociopath, but just kind of a jerk with no social skills?

What if not having dated by age 22 is pathetic?

What if you are pathetic?

What if nobody cares what's going on in your head?

What if you're just one of six billion people, who doesn't matter very much and who lives in a fantasy world, hiding from his fears and building himself up to feel better?

I'm not trying to insult you. And I'm not saying that these are true. I'm asking you, what would you feel if these were true? What would you do? How would you make your life meaningful?

I'm trying to get you to face the big fears. These may not actually be yours. But they're not trivial - they're much more frightening than considering the possibility that someone may jump you in a dark alley. Or armageddon may come and you'll be forced to go into survivalist mode.

These are real and now. And huge for anyone. Real monsters.

I suspect that you do have compassion, but that what blocks you is you don't like to relate to "ordinary" problems. You don't want to think that you have the same problems an ordinary "stupid" person has. That ordinary problems are truly overwhelming problems. The existential problems. So you react not out of empathy, but jump to your rules, your mastery, your sense of control. Because empathy is frightening for reasons you don't understand yet, because you haven't faced what you're honestly afraid of yet.

[RemmyHun]

What if you're not special at all?

What if your problems are pretty common and uninteresting?

What if you're not that smart?

What if nobody wants or needs your protection?

What if it actually matters what "ordinary" people think of you? ]

What if you're not a sociopath, but just kind of a jerk with no social skills?

What if not having dated by age 22 is pathetic?

What if you are pathetic?

What if nobody cares what's going on in your head?

What if you're just one of six billion people, who doesn't matter very much and who lives in a fantasy world, hiding from his fears and building himself up to feel better?

I'm not trying to insult you. And I'm not saying that these are true. I'm asking you, what would you feel if these were true? What would you do? How would you make your life meaningful?

What if you're not special at all?

Then I'm not special at all. But who's to say I am or am not? It's all a matter of perspective and opinion. If you're refuring to a "higher power" sense of not being special, well then I guess I wont have to worry about living up to some higher meaning then would I?

What if your problems are pretty common and uninteresting?

Again, it depends on who you ask. To some people, they're probably just that. And to others their more.

What if you're not that smart?

Smart compared to what? To whom? There will always be someone or more then one smarter then me, and there will always be someone or more then one whom I'm smarter than. And in some situations, I'm not that smart. In others I am.

What if nobody wants or needs your protection?

Whether they need it or not, if they don't want it, I wont give it. Why would I waste the time?

What if it actually matters what "ordinary" people think of you?

It does matter to the extent of their role in my goals. Much of life is getting people to like or not like you. To care or not care. To agree or not agree. "Ordinary" people's opinions of me matter in direct relation to what I'm going after at that time and place.

What if you're not a sociopath, but just kind of a jerk with no social skills?

I'm not a sociopath, and I am a jerk, an ass hole, and some would argue my lack of social skills. I would say the latter to be inaccurate though.

What if not having dated by age 22 is pathetic?

It is pathetic in a way. Honestly. It is. But I have standards, as cocky, arrogant and even narcissistic as it makes me. I can't bring myself to fall into the shallow one dimensional mess people call dating. I'm not saying there isn't someone out there worth dating, but that I haven't met them yet. If I want sex that bad I'll get it, I don't want it to be the basis of a meaningless tie to another person.

What if you are pathetic?

Yet another question that's circumstantial. There will always be someone who thinks I am. No matter what.

What if nobody cares what's going on in your head?

At this point, I think that's true. No one really cares outside of a fascination like a science project, which I'm okay with because it's a two way street. But this fact is one of the several reasons I don't date. Haven't dated. Why I have rule number 27. I don't take it personal, if I did, I'd be one ugly sight I'm sure. Hell, I probably wouldn't be alive for more reasons then one.

What if you're just one of six billion people, who doesn't matter very much and who lives in a fantasy world, hiding from his fears and building himself up to feel better?

Um.. I'm a she. First thing that popped into my head. ahem. I'd say the rest of the six billion people need to get in the game. What's wrong with a little fantasy to feel better? To be happy? To relax my soul? Hmm? Why worry about shit I can't change? Or more importantly, things I don't want to change?

My life doesn't need to be meaningful to anyone but me. I'm the one who has to be satisfied, not anyone else. I choose what I tolerate, and what I don't, what I care about and what I consider, what I mind... I choose if I allow others to influence me one way or another. So many people spend so much time fretting over things that to me, don't need to be fretted over. I'm not afraid of much, either because I'm ignorant, or arrogant, most likely both.

I will say, though, one thing I am afraid of, something that makes me sick even thinking about it. Is being pregnant. Just the thought terrifies me. I'd have an abortion without thought at this point. I don't feel like I'm the kind of woman who should be raising a child. I'm not. I wont. I'm afraid that I'll never find someone who sparks my interest enough that I'll actually have the desire to show compassion, to really care. I don't think about it though, and yes, I choose not to think about it because it makes me feel ill to think I may feel alone and twisted the rest of my life. That there is no one who would understand and relate. I don't think about it, because what good will it do me? What? That if I changed my ways I might find someone? That's another thing that makes me feel ill. That I'd have to not be me just to have that. So yeah. I'll admit it. I don't think about it. I choose not to think about it. And I smile more for it. I laugh more for it. I put smiles on other people's faces for it.

That bridge will either be crossed sometime in the future, or burned at my funeral. Simple as that. I have no interest in complicating it anymore then that.

Remmy

[loquatia]

You're tap-dancing around the reality here. If you find other people pathetic, and vulnerable and stupid and ordinary and weak, you probably are too. The difference is, you are hiding from that fact with everything you've got, and a lot of them have been strong enough to have confronted it. The reality, not the bullshit that "somebody will always be smarter than me" or "why should I conform to someone else's standards." I mean being a pathetic, stupid, weak, vulnerable person whose problems are no more interesting than anyone else's. Just like the rest of humanity. You say you're not afraid of anything but pregnancy - but you're running hard from something, and I say every indicator points to the fact that you're running from being ordinary and mediocre.

[RemmyHun]

You're tap-dancing around the reality here. If you find other people pathetic, and vulnerable and stupid and ordinary and weak, you probably are too. The difference is, you are hiding from that fact with everything you've got, and a lot of them have been strong enough to have confronted it. The reality, not the bullshit that "somebody will always be smarter than me" or "why should I conform to someone else's standards." I mean being a pathetic, stupid, weak, vulnerable person whose problems are no more interesting than anyone else's. Just like the rest of humanity. You say you're not afraid of anything but pregnancy - but you're running hard from something, and I say every indicator points to the fact that you're running from being ordinary and mediocre.

And you're missing the fact that being those things is all a matter of perspective. Period. No matter which way you turn it, toss it or place it, it's still all a matter of perspective and opinion. All of it. All of it applies and none of it applies. You make it sound like being ordinary and mediocre is a bad thing. When it's only bad to those who think it is. It's only ordinary and mediocre to those who share that opinion of it.

It's not bullshit. It's the truth. You may like the idea of putting things to this or that. You either are or you aren't but that's such one dimensional thinking.

[catspiracy]

The $50,000 question:

What is YOUR perspective, Remmy?

[RemmyHun]

The $50,000 question:

What is YOUR perspective, Remmy?

I would answer it for $50,000. :-D I only half jest. It's honestly hard for me to say one way or the other on a lot of it. Because I see the logic of so many perspectives, and THAT is my perspective. Either simply because I've been this way for so long, or because that's just how my mind works.

[nuclearwinter]

You remind me of my sister, but not in a bad way. She has cut all ties with me because of my mental illness and suicide attempts. I think the only people she cares about are her husband and daughter. I should mention that my sister is paralysed from the neck down - she had a horse riding accident at 19 and she accidentally got pregnant the first month she came out of a spinal rehabilitation unit. She was going to have an abortion but her strict catholic husband made her keep the baby. She loves her daughter very much but she never had anymoe children because she says if she had a little boy she would hate him as she can't stand little boys - therefore no more babies. But I think the real reason is a fear of intimacy with people - a fear of getting hurt through closeness and having compassion thrown back in your face.

Your pregnancy nightmare is like that - fear of having compassion for another human being. Is it because you might get hurt or because you might hurt them? I can understand either side of the coin and respect your ddecision at the moment not to have children.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this as your post caught my eye

all the best

nuclearwinter x

[RemmyHun]

Your pregnancy nightmare is like that - fear of having compassion for another human being. Is it because you might get hurt or because you might hurt them? I can understand either side of the coin and respect your ddecision at the moment not to have children.

I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this as your post caught my eye

all the best

nuclearwinter x

I honestly don't think it's like that. Because I desire intimacy, to want to show someone compassion, to love them and cherish them and feel that kind of warmth. I do. The thing is, the mass majority of the people I meet are so one dimentional, so wrapped in their superficial material world that they bore me. That I have no desire to care for them at all. My fear of being pregnant isn't something I can rightly explain, but I think it's because I've either convinced myself, or I simply know that I am not a person who should raise the next generation. I have a desire for the more homely things, to love someone with my entirety but I don't think I could ever "settle down".

I have a hard enough time keeping my cool on a day to day basis, when really I just want to rip out of this simple little life I have and cause mayhem. I feel like having a child, having that responsibility to see that what happened to me doesn't happen to it would kill me inside. Snuff out the fire that burns in my core. I'm not saying it'll never happen, that I'll never have kids, but at this point... if they'd let me, I'd tie my tubes. Burn them. Take it all out if I could. I think, I think in the end it comes down to restriction. Because a child would restrict me in so many ways, to have plan my life around this little person. I would go crazy.

[bibiddi]

Have you been in a situation where you needed protecting, and nobody did.

Or did someone close to you need protecting, and you didnt?

[RemmyHun]

Have you been in a situation where you needed protecting, and nobody did.

Or did someone close to you need protecting, and you didnt?

Hmm. The only time I can think of when I needed protection and no one gave it was when I was a child. My dad wasn't much of a dad, but a guy trying to be my friend, but I'm not sure if that would count.

As far as someone close to me... my Twin is the only person I consider close to me. But for people close to me in the sense of being near me often. "friends" yeah. Plenty of times I've not offered protection because they didn't want it. I wont give it if you don't want it. If you don't care either way, sometimes I'll offer not to protect you, but as an excuse to have a confrintation with someone.

[Hider]

no offence intended to the person who started this thread, but you simply come across as a literary-minded somebody who has watched too many episodes of Dexter, nothing more.

[RemmyHun]

no offence intended to the person who started this thread, but you simply come across as a literary-minded somebody who has watched too many episodes of Dexter, nothing more.

No offense taken. It's a typical responce espcially since that show came out. In actually though, and I could honestly care less if you believe me or not, I was this way before the show. In either case it's neither here nor there. I've [since starting this thread] realized knowing what I might classify as is not as important to me as other things in my life. But thanks for sharing anyway.

Remmy

[Hider]

well, either way this thread has been interesting to read. and for what it's worth, i have even taken a nugget of your wisdom:

"Those who think they have to prove themselves, were never what they thought they were to begin with."

hope you don't mind. :P

[RemmyHun]

well, either way this thread has been interesting to read. and for what it's worth, i have even taken a nugget of your wisdom:

"Those who think they have to prove themselves, were never what they thought they were to begin with."

hope you don't mind.

lol. Not at all, it's a good thing to keep in mind. Because people who're always trying to prove themselves one way or another are either hiding something, or trying to be something they're not yet capable to be. Not that they'll never be, but that they haven't reached yet. Or so has been my observation.