mavis Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 Hi Walker,What is it that you are afraid of?mavis x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted December 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 life and change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mavis Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 Hey Walker, (big kiss and hug to you)You will be ok.I think to some extent we are all afraid of the same.For some reason it is more poignant at the moment.What do you think has triggered this?Sometimes there is nothing wrong with having a bit of time out even if it is only in your head, shutting down and giving it all a rest. Have you tried medititation or is there anything you can do you find calming and soothing - silly I know but I liked the sound of cars going by. You do deserve it, your body mind and body and poor you. Hopefully you will start a new wave/cycle soon and will be flowing more easily.I love you walker,mave x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted December 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 sometimes I feel calmsometimes the things that are tormenting me, just seem to cease to matterbut at the momentI feel like my whole personality is disorderedthe BPD makes me irrational, paranoid, angry, empty, almost characterlessbut then I am dependent, so I cling to others and want them to help meand avoidant, so I dont do bloody anything to sort itIt is like - if I try to feel happy with hub, if I try to put the pain aside, - then he will think its all ok, and I cant face the commitmentI hate commitmentand yet I expect others to show it to meI am a mess of contradictions, but I am even too scared to commit to therapy, due to time, cost, person, blah blahI HATE ME Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 Can the therapist come to your house so it doesn't incur costs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mavis Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 Walker,We only get one go at this life.I would love you to go to therapy, please, if you do make sure it is someone recommended or qualified as I wouldnt want them to make you lose hope and specialises in your field. When I found my psych, I looked her up the net and could read up on all the different ones in my area ish, I liked the look of the areas she covered and gave her a call and we went form there.Maybe someone on here could help advise you the right direction.Maybe when you feel a bit better you can try and find someone, it may give you hope and we all need that.Dont make excuses you are a fab person.Please if you can, do it.mavis x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 take solace in the fact that you say sometimes you do feel calm and the tormenting things cease to matter, its not always this way and sometimes it can be a case of just enduring as best we can until things pass. i do think therapy would benefit you and it wouldnt have to be a commitment as such, you could have control over how often you go, you could direct it towards things you need to talk about, cost can generally be worked out on a graded scale if money is an issue, and you can look for as long as it takes to find one you feel suited to.i think a lot of people (myself included) would identify with the feelings of being a contradiction. you do deserve to feel better and i know you will.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted December 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 i think the commitment is one to the futurethat is what scares me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 i never commit to the future, for me it holds no guarantees so all i do is live each day second by second, no commitment required. if something comes up i may choose to do it or i may choose not to. ultimately it is all down to ourselves. you may not even realize you are making decisions so its not something that must be feared, you made a choice to post here, then made a decision to reply to what someone else wrote etc.... you dont think of them as decisions or commitments but we do them unthinkingly every day.take care hunxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted December 31, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 hesyeyes i guesbut even after 22 yersas i sti;l scare d to commit to marriaggesorynot good time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted December 31, 2008 Report Share Posted December 31, 2008 Even though I can't help much, am still here and wishing u well. xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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