1st Post

[missya]

Hello All, This is my first post so here's my bio. 33 mother of 3 boys, 15,12,&11. After a life full of insanity....doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results each time....I tried to commit sucided last March. I was already in therapy and then diag. with BPD. I've been on Citalapram and Trazadone since and I'm slowly finding that emotional control is possible, yet it's a daily struggle. I'm in school taking law classes, newly single even though for financial purposes he lives in the basement, looking for a job and trying to keep my head above water.

I feel so worthless without a job and no money!! I'm very sensitive to how people react or interact with me, I have no self esteem and feel overloaded. I mentally have to tell myself over and over your going to be fine, keep your chin up. I just want someone to talk to that understand this rollercoaster and listens without thinking, "My god girl get it together and stop with all the drama!!" I feel my life controls me I don't control my life!!

Sorry this was so long...it's nice to meet you all.

[jades]

welcome we can all relate to you here youll find alot of support here heres a hug xxxx

[amy123]

Hi missya and to the site.

i'm sorry you are finding things tough right now,

this is a very supportive site you will find lots of support and understanding here.

Amy xx

[missya]

Thanks, it's nice to meet you!

Hi missya and to the site.

i'm sorry you are finding things tough right now,

this is a very supportive site you will find lots of support and understanding here.

Amy xx

[missya]

Thanks for the hug....much needed! What steps if any can I be doing to feel like I'm back in control and not my emotions??

welcome we can all relate to you here youll find alot of support here heres a hug xxxx

[jades]

i dont know about you but sometimes i just need a good cry or someone to talk to about those emotions sometimes just saying them outload helps

[missya]

I'm all for just rambling crying and saying things outloud...my problem is anyone that close to me either thinks I'm breaking down and gives me the "now now settle down..." when all I want to do is freak out and scream. Then there is those who just think or say, "your crazy it's gonna be ok" and then blow me off. Is there ever any real peace?

[Ocean Wolf]

:welcomeani: "Get it together and stop with all the drama!" Just kidding. Everyone has drama. And those who say differently are most likely lying.

There is a behavior therapy called dialectice behavior therapy (you may see it mentionned as DBT). I found it really useful. Maybe you could ask your therapist about it?

[jades]

i get out most my stuff here and with the theropist and neither judges me for it so let it out her your safe dbt does help too

[missya]

My therapist has mentioned DBT, there is only one guy here that does it and charges a ton...not to good for us poor people!! LOL I like this...makes me feel good, thanks guys!! :D

[jenga]

Hi and Welcome-

Just a couple of quick things. I am 48 years old, and was misdiagnosed most of my life up until a couple of years ago. It is my experience and strong belief that for most people, things DO get better with age, if that helps any. Obviously awareness, therapy, and meds are part of this as well. But I have seen a HUGE difference in my behavior as I have gotten older. "Episodes" are not as intense or as long-lasting- usually! I am sure some of this comes from so much time feeling this way, and learning coping skills that take time.

The other thing I want to say is also something I think is really important for people not to forget:

Sometimes things suck, and life can be really hard, whether you have BPD or not, or something else. I think it is really important to try to distinguish what is and what isn't, so that you don't feel like you have this big issue that colors everything.

For example, you are in a rough spot right now, and ANYONE would be having difficulty with that. My goodness, you have 3 children! And look at their ages! Parenting is never easy, and is a real struggle when you are trying to do what's right for you and for them, esp without much support. Your life is very full right now, so it is normal to feel so overwhelmed.

I guess what I am saying is hang in there, and take one thing at a time. Be kind to yourself, and TRY to give yourself a break. Things will get better. The important thing right now is that YOU must take care of YOU if you are going to be able to get through each day without getting overwhelmed and defeated. This means eating well, and yes, MAKE SURE you get some fresh air and exercise. I know it may seem hard to grab the minutes, but you need to.

One other thing that has helped me.. take a break from thinking too much about all of this. Find a mindless distraction, escape in a book, or whatever, so that you are not living every minute in turmoil.

You are not a failure, you sound amazing, actually. Give yourself some credit here! Take some control over what you can affect for now, and the rest will work itself out. One thing at a time, always understanding that you are human, you are worth it, and you are not to blame for how you feel. Your situation will NOT stay the same forever, THAT we can be sure of! So have some faith that this is just part of the journey on your way to some peace, and grab as many moments of peace for yourself each day.

[Rael]

heya and

a lot of people will empathize with your feelings and this is a great place to get support. its good that you are in therapy and hopefully it will help you towards recovery, sounds like you have already made progress , working out that it is possible to deal with the emotions is hard in itself and i hope the rest will follow for you.

take care

xx

[Lily-Bee]

Welcome And I wanted to say that maybe you do not see it but it sounds like you are doing right here, you are fighting for yourself, raising three children and are in lawschool!! Gee you sound like a superwoman.

Lilly

[ann51]

Glad you're here.