RemmyHun Posted January 8, 2009 Report Share Posted January 8, 2009 Today, I was giddy almost all day. Excited in my dark and mischievous ways. Amused by morbid and casual things. I was delighted and grinning like I hadn't a care in the world. I was not content, I was happy. And like usual, after about 10 hours of this blossoming wonder, I crash. I crash and burn like someone snuffed out my flame. I crash into the void of utter nothingness like I've expelled all my available energy into those 10 hours of bliss. It is possible that for someone as emotionally disconnected as myself, becomes so used to this level plain of existence that we cannot retain the ability to be happy for too long. That this extreme emotion sucks the life out of us? Out of me? It is possible that I'm so used to being on an even level with my rationality and logic that when I allow an emotion to consume me, it burns me out? Is it possible that I have conditioned myself to the point that I can only indulge in an emotion for so long before I have to revert back to my peaceful void or risk total exhaustion? And in the future, is it possible that in 9 more years, I'll not have the capacity to feel at all? That my emotions will be left to the twisted understanding and logic of my mind? Is it possible? And too, I wonder, do I want to change this? Or do I like it the way it is? My indifference either way tells me it's something for me to consider. Remmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramfan007 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 This happens to me on a regular basis, I can be blisfully happy for a day, then totally suicidal in a moment. Its not easy to deal with but you can learn to cope with it. Will it ever go away, do we want it to go away. I wish I knew the answer to those questions.Ramxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Oh yes, for sure. The lows seem all the worse sometimes preciely because we were feeling so good! Based on our conversation from before, do you find that if you suddenly feel bad, a different one of your personalities come through? Is there one of them that tends to be more vulnerable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 This happens to me on a regular basis, I can be blisfully happy for a day, then totally suicidal in a moment. Its not easy to deal with but you can learn to cope with it. Will it ever go away, do we want it to go away. I wish I knew the answer to those questions.RamxxxHmm. Well it's not a low really, like, I don't go from being very happy to very say. I just stop being happy. I return to my void as I call it, which is a complete lack of anything. Not happy, not sad, just content and awares. But it feels like a crash, like I've been happy for X-amount of hours and that's all the happiness I have in me, so once it's spent up, I level out. I don't know. It's kind of wierd. Remmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 Oh yes, for sure. The lows seem all the worse sometimes preciely because we were feeling so good! Based on our conversation from before, do you find that if you suddenly feel bad, a different one of your personalities come through? Is there one of them that tends to be more vulnerable?As I said above, I don't crash into a low, but into my void which is not here nor there. But I think it impacts me as it does because of the sudden drop to my void. And as for your question, when I'm suddenly feeling bad for what ever reason, Ira always kicks in. She feeds on pain, feeds on anger, sadness, and general negitivity. None of them are the Vulnerable types. Nev is the most kind hearted when she's being personal and not rational and logical. Mark is one of the most opinionated, but he's very strong minded. Ira's the strongest of them all next to me and she jumps at any opertunity she can. Remmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramfan007 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 None of us can be happy all of the time. The best I hope for is the void you describe, a place which is content, ok to be in. Im glad you don't get the low parts, I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Prehaps what you describe is simply the place most people are most of the time, im not meaning to belittle your experience but is this the normal balance?, is this where we all strive to be? Being neither sad or happy?Hugs to youRamxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 None of us can be happy all of the time. The best I hope for is the void you describe, a place which is content, ok to be in. Im glad you don't get the low parts, I wouldn't wish them on anyone. Prehaps what you describe is simply the place most people are most of the time, im not meaning to belittle your experience but is this the normal balance?, is this where we all strive to be? Being neither sad or happy?Hugs to youRamxxxPardon if I come off cross, my beast has been provoked [ira] and my body churns for violence. In any case worry not about belittling me, you don't read like you're trying to poke at me, but rather are curious in honest. Yeah, people probably are in the void a lot though I'm sure each void differs. I think however, where you might get sad, I get angry. I get Ira. I get her in my head feeding off my agitation waiting for me to give into her. But rarely do I crash from my happiness into my anger. It's always to the void. Remmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 when ive been stupidly happy, or even a little happy, any kind of drop, even to what others would call a level playing field, feels like a crash. i dont think any extreme of emotion can be experienced without it taking some toll, some amount of burnout and i wonder if the void seems so much more empty because of the happiness that has been felt. warning, lyrics about to be quoted 'if i hadnt seen such riches i could live with being poor'xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 when ive been stupidly happy, or even a little happy, any kind of drop, even to what others would call a level playing field, feels like a crash. i dont think any extreme of emotion can be experienced without it taking some toll, some amount of burnout and i wonder if the void seems so much more empty because of the happiness that has been felt. warning, lyrics about to be quoted 'if i hadnt seen such riches i could live with being poor'xxxI know and understand that, what makes me wonder is if i have a limit. Like I can only experience x-amount of hours of extreme emotion and then that's it. I've exhaused myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramfan007 Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 I understand the crash, but I tend to pass straight thro into loss, anger, guilt, or whatever feeling is triggered. The question I ask myself is, does Happiness trigger these emotions. I can go from happy to upset in a millisecond. I guess the drop is more severe for us. I dont know if we have an exuastable amount of happiness, I sure hope not. I do like the lyric tho, you could translate that to "if Id never been so sad, I wouldn't know true happiness. I wrote a poem about about the crash last year, I was getting a lot of them at the time. I thought I would share it with you.Walls start to shake, slowly gathering paceFloor buckles and crumbles beneath your feetThe world goes black as the darkest nightYou dive for cover, pulling over the sheetRollercoaster drops throwing you back Overwhelming forces flow within youFall to your knees gasping for airBegging please stop, not one more dayFear fills you flowing out around youDespair your constant companion hereYou wish with might the end is close byYou cry to the devil, please take me awayDesperate for love, despising yourselfDreams fluttering cruelly in your faceFaded memories, sweet moments gone The wreck left behind in a mystical graveAs time passes by the darkness abatesGlimpses of light filtering into the voidYou lift yourself once again and hopeKnowing another crash is moments awayHugsRamxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted January 10, 2009 Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 i think everyone has a limit, it wouldnt be natural to experience extreme highs for too long it does take up a lot of energy both mental and physical and i dont think anyone could maintain it for too long. so yeah i think everyone has a limit to the amount they can experiencexxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 I understand the crash, but I tend to pass straight thro into loss, anger, guilt, or whatever feeling is triggered. The question I ask myself is, does Happiness trigger these emotions. I can go from happy to upset in a millisecond. I guess the drop is more severe for us. I dont know if we have an exuastable amount of happiness, I sure hope not. I do like the lyric tho, you could translate that to "if Id never been so sad, I wouldn't know true happiness. I wrote a poem about about the crash last year, I was getting a lot of them at the time. I thought I would share it with you.Walls start to shake, slowly gathering paceFloor buckles and crumbles beneath your feetThe world goes black as the darkest nightYou dive for cover, pulling over the sheetRollercoaster drops throwing you back Overwhelming forces flow within youFall to your knees gasping for airBegging please stop, not one more dayFear fills you flowing out around youDespair your constant companion hereYou wish with might the end is close byYou cry to the devil, please take me awayDesperate for love, despising yourselfDreams fluttering cruelly in your faceFaded memories, sweet moments gone The wreck left behind in a mystical graveAs time passes by the darkness abatesGlimpses of light filtering into the voidYou lift yourself once again and hopeKnowing another crash is moments awayHugsRamxxxxIt's not that bad, as described in your poem, for me. Nor does happiness trigger those emotions for me either. Though I feel for you if they do for you. The only emotion of mine that triggers all the others is my anger. My anger can make me drunkenly blissful and happy. It can make me dangeriously sad and low, etc. It's the core of my being as of right now. Remmy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted January 11, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 11, 2009 i think everyone has a limit, it wouldnt be natural to experience extreme highs for too long it does take up a lot of energy both mental and physical and i dont think anyone could maintain it for too long. so yeah i think everyone has a limit to the amount they can experiencexxx-nods- Yeah. I guess my limit is a small one lol. Well sort of. Thank you for posting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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