Bulimia Out Of Control

[jades]

ive been anorexic and bulimic since i was 8 at 23 i nearly dies from anorexia at 26 i recovered with help from bill

now that bills gone ive been using bulimia as my way to sh

i have a floating hyatal hernia which means my stomach is literally in my espohpogus from vomiting so much

it takes nothing for mr to vomit now and to prevent binging they put me on topomax thats been working so what do i do

i binge on beer now ive been vomiting randomly thru the days uncontollably and have gained weight

im fighting the urge to go back to anorexia ause i cant gain weight

i dont know what i weight cause im not allowed a scale and i get so bad ive been know to throw fits and throw all my food out the back door cussing it out

im really struggling but bulimia is my sh but its gotten a little out of hand lately

[jades]

can someone with eating prblems or anyone please talk with me about this thanksxxx

[Roses]

I'm sorry it is so bad for you jades. Mine is nothing compared to you. I had anorexic symptoms in early teens - went veggie, got fussy, lost loads of weight but managed to pull it round but in late teens started throwing up and got into the bulimia thing. Once again lost loads of weight. Early 20's pulled that round with prozac and councelling but all it did was make me able to just about get by and the binge purge cycle haunts me all the time altough it's more deny food at the moment. That's basically my response to stress - don't eat. At one point I lived off 3 salad leaves a tomato and 2 slices of cucumber a day, for a year. I feel your pain.

[jades]

oh it feels good not to be alone in this if i stop drinking im afraid ill go anorexic because the pills they gave me make it so i dont have to eat but if i keep drinking im afraid to keep gaining i just dont know what to do?

[nuclearwinter]

I understand what you're going through jades. I have suffered from chaotic bulimia induced by Zyprexa-hunger. The other day I ate a packet of shortbread and couldn't dislodge it. I tried shoving my fingers down my throat - this only led to a bleeding throat. I drank salt water - this didnt even make me sick. I use laxatives and starve myself. I'm totally caught between anorexia and bulimia. It's a nightmare that never ends. And I have a drinking problem too and I used to use it to free myself of bulimia but in the end it only made it worse. Alcohol will do nothing in life but bring you down. I've used topamax to stop bingeing and purging as much. You need to stop drinking and settle for a sensible eating plan. It's very hard to do though, especially when you are torn between ana and mia - the two extremes. I know where you are coming from.

nuclearwinter x

[Roses]

try and get it in perspective. u say u've put weight on but does that mean you are overweight or just a healthy weight?

[jades]

i do need to lose weight and i suppose the drinking is unhelthy and the bulimia even worse given my medical problem i still feel the need to sh though so i think i just will go without eating i just cant stop sh lately and i dont toit by cutting i dont like scars anymore i mean i still think about it but it makes me feel guilty where is i get a high off losing weight roses will you talk with me a bit?

[jades]

thanks nucleawinter i apprciate someone going tru it i just dont wann pull u down with mexxxx

[jades]

im sorry nuclear that was wrong of me to assume i was just infused with in the ed hosp not to take other ed sufferes in active down i really would appreciated any advice you can ive me sorry again forgive me xxx jades

[jades]

to answer your question truthfully roses i m embarrassed to say they putme on weight gainers so id be slightly overweight and i hate it!

[Roses]

no need to be embarrassed amongst friends! There is an eating disorders association in UK, don't know if you can write to them from abroad I suppose you can. They probably on web. I was n contact with them for years and they send out newsletters and you can have a penpal if you want. They said to me that it is always healthier to be a little overweight than to be underweight.

[jades]

thats a good idea but what of my need to sh thru ed is it just better that i skip meals than continue purging since losing weight wont harm me and either way i feel i will sh?

[Roses]

i never viewed ed as sh until recently so not sure i can help u there as i have them in separate pockets in my soul. but with the ed was told that you should try and establish regular meals and stick to it. even if you get a piece of toast ready and only eat one bite, at least you have gone through the routine of preparing breakfast and sitting down to it and over time you'll find you will fall into regular healthy eating routine and eating will stabilize. Avoid your trigger foods. I couldn't eat cereal for years as that was my food of choice cos it was easy to bring back up. I used to take 20+ senna tablets a day and was lucky I didn't end up with serious bowel problems. Even now I need fybogel to help me go as bowel just got used to the laxatives.

[Roses]

just been on web and eatin disorders association is now known as b-eat (was a while ago I was involved) and website it:

www.b-eat.co.uk

[jades]

yeah i used to abuse laxatives too but i have the opposite problem i get what your saying tho you see i never got far in the ed hosp just refed to health then i was kicked out cause i flipped out on staff so inever learned right way to eat but i will try that thanks im afraid i mayhave a hard time breaking the habit or go to cutting again because i feel i must sh how do you get thru it i mean i feel i must ?

[Roses]

i don't know and at mo am no example for anybody as i'm cutting a lot. distraction helps.

[jades]

thanks i feel your pain im in somewhat the same boat cause i cant keep throwing up im afraid its gonna kill me i am really thinking cutting is the way to go instead

[jades]

ive been cutting dont know what to say but that

[ann51]

Jades: I relate to your dilemmas. I have an alcohol problem as well as eating issues. I have tried to use alcohol to deal with eating issues (as well as craving it and wanting to get REAL relaxed, well, drunk) I've had anorectic and bulimic episodes. It used to be much worse. However, lately I have had episodes where I drank a lot of beer in a short time; then my appetite overcame me and I ate quite a bit; then I made myself throw up. Definitely not healthy. I wish I could offer some sage advice. I've been in AA....now I choose not to go to meetings (long story) but I have a lot of literature and am trying to work on the drinking problem spiritually. The eating issue is harder, but an earlier post on this thread suggested making/eating/starting to eat 3 balanced healthy meals/daily. That suggestion gave me some hope. I would also like to say that, for me, spirituality is a big motivator. That involves gratitude that I'm not worse off; helping others in at least some small way; understanding and acting on the fact that God doesn't want me getting drunk, etc. Mind you, I am not trying to make myself out to be "holy" or "holier than thou", etc. I'm quite the mess-up in the spiritual area, but still it stays in my mind.

Just reiterating that you're not alone; that I really relate to things you said; and to offer just possibly a tiny bit of advice.

[sapphire]

(((((((((Jades)))))))))))

I have been there too, the booze, the anorexia,the chronic bulimia over and over again all day. I couldn't even think about keepin an orange down, and that's when my therapist got me into hossy. I could not cope, my heart was in danger, and now I look back on it (that was 20 years ago) it was all self hate and self harm.

Is a spell in hospital something you could cope with - just a week or two to bring about some sort of sense. Of course you won't begin to be treated, but it could give you some breathing space. You are in so much pain, it's painful to read about it !!! You need a holiday from all this ****, BIG time. You are worth so much more than spending your life looking down a loo.

Sapphy xxx

[Faerielight]

i swing between anorexia and binge eating and purging sometimes, mainly its binge/starve/binge over and over. my weight is never stable.. i was underweight at beg of summer and ive put on a stone and half since through binging.

i went to the dentist today and he asked me if i had bulimia cos my teeth are so worn down and not much enamel. i was badly bulimic in my teen years.. i would even purge diet coke and "safe foods and drink"

you're not alone here faerie x

[sapphire]

Hi Faerie,

God the teeth business takes on a life of it's own. Mine are so sensitive, I have to be knocked out to have anything done, inc cleaning, and huge chips of enamel have fallen off, and I've had to have fake pieces stuck on or they look concave. I think veneers will be following soon (or is it caps). And then you start to think "DENTURES" - and realise how serious it all is. Mind you at least dentures would be white...

My therapist told me not to brush, just use mouthwash, but no, it was all part of the ritual ( which started before chucking by picking my face/spots to bits). Nice. Happy Days..........

Sapphy xx

[pmilkman]

That's basically my response to stress - don't eat.

When i try to explain this too people they look at me as if im off my rocker.

When i am stressed i do not EAT, and i was told last year when i got diagnosed with BPD the the non-eating was a form of Bluimea, it was 'my' way in self harming.

To be a 42, soon to be 43 MALE with bulimea is quiet funny to me

[sapphire]

I thought bulimia involved an attempt at self-purging (chucking or laxatives) - how can they label you bulimic if you don't......they're havin a laugh.

I guess a lot of peeps don't eat when they are stressed, and a lot of peeps are stressed most of the time - which could lead to anorexia at the extreme? Anorexia is stress driven anyway, isn't it ?

I don't know, there is so much crap bandied around with ED's and stuff - as long as you are not endangering (or likely to), I'd just keep it in the back of your mind and remind yourself to take in some food when you need to.

Does that make sense, cos I'm a bit up at the mo.

Sapph xx

[jades]

thanks yall for giving me so much to think about hugs xxxx