jenga Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 I just responded in another post, and it made me think of something. To make a long story short, I hate my mother; she is cold hearted, very superficial, narcissistic, and obviously a troubled person. She has completely invalidated me my entire life, and I believe she is hugely responsible for many of my issues, and lots of lost time feeling miserable.I have been through different periods with her, at different times feeling angry, sadness, even needing/seeking her approval etc..Sometimes I don't want to talk to her at all, and sometimes I take what I can get. Almost always, though, I end up worse off and feeling more sadness.My latest approach, however, is working better for me. If I want to talk, I do. When I have had enough, I say goodbye. If I get an email, and I feel like responding, I do. Sometimes now I wait a few days, sometimes I ignore it. Whatever works for me, whatever I want to do, is OKAY.What I am saying is this: it feels so much better for ME to be in charge of things. I am taking back the control she has had over me. She is lucky if I do want to talk to her- ever. I am not a little girl anymore, and I will make those decisions for myself, thank you very much!Her loss! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sylv666 Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 yay!! You go for it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broken doll Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 That sounds great jenga!! good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 My Mother come up to help cos I'm physically ill and as usual it turned to my mental health. She firmly believes I have over-reacted to her being so agressive from PMT and actually physically hittin me with a cane when I begged her not to. She said she remembers her Mum being angry and hitting her on bum a few times and I tried explaining is different than living in constant fear of you Mother's moods. She is 5ft 10 and scary and she even tried to minimise that saying I was a tall child. Is it me or what? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 really glad you are doing this jenga, good to know you are doing something for your own well-being, it can be very easy to let parents overbear us so am glad you are taking control of communication thats good for you.Roses, it's not you hun, sounds like she trying to play down the effect she had, if she being defensive then sounds like she is aware that it had a bad effect and is trying to make herself feel better by defending it.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 That sounds wonderful jenga. Your mom sounds like my mom. I wish I could do what you are doing, but if my mom calls and I ignore her, she will just keep calling and leaving messages that make me feel like sh*t. Its easier to just answer whenever she calls no matter how I feel. I can always just keep saying ok,ok,ok in a monotone! Lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenga Posted January 24, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Yes, I finally realized that it's a blessing that we don't communicate much. She moved away, and has actually never lived near me since I was a kid. She doesn't call/write often.. it seems to come in spurts. She seriously is in her own world, in fact when she married this jerk of a husband she has, about 25 years ago, he said "well, she's raised her brood.. so that's enough."Imagine that.. stopping with your children, and having little/no contact with grandchildren. Dinner parties more impt etc.... I can't imagine wanting that for myself.. my own daughter called me 3 times today, and I think grandchildren will one day be the highlight of my life.Definitely a woman who shouldn't have had kids, doesn't like kids, and can't "DO" feelings at all.I empathize with those of you who have to regular contact. UGH. Family can be SO overrated! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 HaHa loved your last post. It was hilarious in its own way! I always say my mom should never have had a child too...she has the maternal instincts of a dead tree. No wonder we never bonded! Lol. I'm with you, I love my daughters so much I can't wait to be with them as they experience their lives and hopefully make me a happy and chubby little grandma in like twenty years! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 i wish i could do what u do i miss one call the police are at my house lol my theropist say mom and i are too emeshed to its hard nt to be when se pys for everything and drives me eveywhere including up the wall lol glad for u xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Is difficult. A lot of our Mother's didn't have a choice about having kids or not. Nowadays we hope that as there is more choice over having children less children will be in this situation with loveless Mothers. But always gets me you can have kids at 16 but you can't drink til you're 18! PRIORITIES!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 see i kne id be a bad moter so i nevr had kids i thought it was what u should do i dont get why other women dont get that they should have psych testing for motherood maybe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cafonez Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 My mom is the same way. She tries to put me on guilt trips and make me feel bad. When shes mad, she yells at me. When she's sad, she cries to me.In my situation I've pointed out all my mothers flaws to her and let her know she's no better off than me. I tell her to be acting the way she does something is wrong with her and she needs help and needs to take responsibility for her own actions.I can relate to this. I am not sure if my advice would work in your situation but if your ever sitting down talking normal to her when she feels like treating you normal, you might want to politely point out why she acts the way she does and why does she do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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