prang_out Posted February 1, 2009 Report Share Posted February 1, 2009 As for the blog idea... I do sort of have a blog, a few actullylinks plz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 2, 2009 As for the blog idea... I do sort of have a blog, a few actullylinks plzAdmittedly I was reluctant to link any of them. This one was the first diary I ever really had. It goes back to April 30th, 2003. It's not very well written, but you asked. http://www.my-diary.org/read/?read=80791 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prang_out Posted February 3, 2009 Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 why reluctant? i read some. we're around the same age. not trying to forge any kind of connection here but GOD DAMN i do see quite a lot of myself in there.not blogging atm then..? people say its a useful outlet.. maybe you could write a horror book or something, well thats what i thought, but now ive typed it out it seems condescending. not meant to be. be interested in reading anything else you got lurking around. or just post more? kthxbye! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted February 3, 2009 Report Share Posted February 3, 2009 I went to the link you posted and it was very interesting to see how similar our lives were yet the different ways that we reacted and the different ways that peple saw us. I am envious of how self sufficent and strong you must appear to others and the peace you are able to find no matter the circumstances.xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 4, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 why reluctant? i read some. we're around the same age. not trying to forge any kind of connection here but GOD DAMN i do see quite a lot of myself in there.not blogging atm then..? people say its a useful outlet.. maybe you could write a horror book or something, well thats what i thought, but now ive typed it out it seems condescending. not meant to be. be interested in reading anything else you got lurking around. or just post more? kthxbye!Reluctant because some things aren't meant to be shared. And don't worry about it seeming condescending, it didn't read that way to me at all. As for a horror book. Done that. Ninth grade. Never published. I've also got about 3 or 4 other ones started. But I get distracted and ping back and forth between them. I also have a blog of sorts yes, but it's not available on the net. Maybe I'll post some on here that are okay to share. In my eyes. Rem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prang_out Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Reluctant because some things aren't meant to be shared.why would you write it on the net, if it was not meant to be shared. plus i know you didnt write it all so only you can go back and read em, if we're at all alike id say you might even find reading them back a tad cringe worthy. i dont even like to read my own posts back. maybe thats just me. -_- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 I went to the link you posted and it was very interesting to see how similar our lives were yet the different ways that we reacted and the different ways that peple saw us. I am envious of how self sufficent and strong you must appear to others and the peace you are able to find no matter the circumstances.xxxThere is a down side to being so sure of myself, so sel suffiecent and strong in the eyes of others. It means that they come to me for strength. Wish for me to be their wall with which to lean when their knees get weak. I am to be that shield when the elements are against them for which they can duck behind. Sometimes, I enjoy being those things, but like all walls and all shields under constant battary they errode, decay and start to crumble. These things take their toll and it can be exhasting. Though, I can say, the more I face... be it mine or someone elses, the more determined I am not to be the building or shield that is trashed. But the one that remaines even after centuries past. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted February 5, 2009 Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Even walls and shields need to be cared for and tended to in their down-time.Love and light to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Reluctant because some things aren't meant to be shared.why would you write it on the net, if it was not meant to be shared. plus i know you didnt write it all so only you can go back and read em, if we're at all alike id say you might even find reading them back a tad cringe worthy. i dont even like to read my own posts back. maybe thats just me. First off, at the time I wrote those online, it was the best place I could think to write that weren't readily accessable to my family. If I wrote in a diary, my siblings could have found it. etc. I also put it online so it would always be there (at least as long as the site remained). Which brings me to say we must not be very much alike at all because I enjoy going back and reading things I've written. I like to compare how I was then, to how I am now. Have I wandered off the path I was back then? Do i still have the same convictions and views? What have I learned since then? ... Likewise due to a head injury years ago my memory lacks, so reading things I wrote reminds me of things I have since forgotten. Often refreshing my appreciation for the things I've gotten through. That diary I linked is the only one currently available online. As I said, I do -now- have others which are saved on my personal laptop and --those-- are a bit more... extensive. Graphic. And not really things people on this message board would probably be comfortable reading. I can try and find some of the more... PG 13 [if you will] entries to post here for others to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Even walls and shields need to be cared for and tended to in their down-time.Love and light to you.This is very true, and I know it well. It is a side effect to being such because often people forget to take care of such things. They forget that even in their strength there is always a weak spot. Take an arch for example, so strong in it's design but if you remove or break the keystone the whole thing comes crumbling down. I can also admit that my lifestyle, the ambiance I put off if you will, also goes into why others don't think I need care or consideration. It also has to do with this unshakeable urge I have. If I'm in a room full of people and there is an onjective to be completed but no one is taking command I feel compelled to lead. Even in a room where people are just BSing and having fun, if no one else is "commanding" the room, I am compelled to do it. Which of coarse makes me seem like there's no reason for any TLC if you will. lol. It's definatly something I've been working on, and I am a lot more dosile and hands-off then I once was. But I'm just not very good at being passive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 I didn't want to clog up the message board with my blogs so I'll just post them here while we're on the topic. This is one I wrote not too long ago. As you read it you'll notice it sounds like I'm talking to someone, and I was, I was aiming it toward myTwin as it spat out of my mind. The basis/importance of this one in relation to my Twin is because sometimes I feel like I can't do something because if I do it'll hurt her. For example if I am more sucessful then she is, she may become depressed. In the past I have held back to avoid such things, but in this blog I've finally put my foot down to not let that stop me from moving forward. ____________________________________________________**Fuck it** … I know what I want. Sunday, December 14, 2008 Current mood: determined Category: Life Fuck it, I know what I want and I'm determined to get it. In a way you're right because I do want to act a certain way, have a certain personality; look a certain way and be a certain way. I want it, and I'm going to get it. You can walk along side me, I'll lead the way but if you're looking for me to push you I got nothing to say. If you fall I'll extend my hand, but I wont help you stand; you'll have to pull yourself up off the floor or just crawl out the door. I know what I want and I'm going to get it. I might want you there at my side, but I don't need you standing there. You don't understand my logic you even sometimes think its fake and that's straight. It it what it is, and I am who I am. I'm tired of waiting for you to see it, it's futile and useless and it leaves me feeling disappointed, frustrated and drained; like a whole new level of insane. You're the closest person to me and yet it seems, sometimes, that you know nothing about me. Probably equally vice-versa. Fuck it, I know what I want and I'm going to get it. I'm doing it with or without you because in the end, if I'm not happy with my life and myself how can I expect it from anyone else when they're around me? Emotions and moods can be contagious, so when you're down you bring me down and it's getting to be outrageous. You're damn straight sometimes I hate the way it feels to care; so many thoughts and dreams I can't even share. I know what I want and I'm determined to get it. Once upon a time, fairly recently even, I tried to make you happy. And for what? So a day or two later you could cross another reason to be mad at me? I know it's a two way street and most of the time it's in the middle that we meet, but on this we might be on two different playing fields; and I want to avoid all the unnecessary bull-shit so I'm throwing up my shields. I'm not interested in getting bogged down, consider it preventative measures all around; because I know what I want and I'm going to get it. I'm NOT saying you **are** going to slow me down, get in my way or otherwise bring me to the ground, but I want you to know I'm making a selfish choice to continue my plans to become the person I want to be. Yeah, the person I WANT to be. The difference is, this time it's all me. At my pace. I can't force you to do something you don't want to do, and I have no desire to. You'll either choose on your own accord to walk along side me, even if it's on the other side of the fence; or you wont, hell you might even take offense at all this. I'm okay with that, I've accepted it like I've accepted so many other things. So here's something for you to accept if you haven't already. I know what I want and I'm going to get it. … so fuck it. It is what it is, and I am who I am and that's just how it's going to be with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RemmyHun Posted February 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 This is another blog I wrote. It reflects an actual event where my Twin and I went to dinner with co-workers, most of which i didn't know. We walked a girl to her car and three males in an SUV parked and got out to try and "pick" her up as it were. Or, as I state it in the blog "Holla" at her. Which means they were trying to get her number and so forth. ______________________________________________________Fat-AssMonday, December 08, 2008 Current mood: fascinated Category: Life "What? You think you hard? You think you hard or sumthin?!" Words like that always amuse me. They tickle something inside me that makes me want them to press on and test their theory of how hard I'm not. When people question how far I'll go, or if I'm prepared to fight I always smirk a little and make eye contact. Waiting for a chance. Waiting for them to swing or strike so I can demonstrate. He mocked me, his friends too. Call me names, things I hadn't heard in YEARS. I admit there was that painful recognition of horrible times in my life but somehow it was trumped by my desire to engage violently. They did these things and said these things all because they wanted to "holler" at a girl, a female I don't even know but is a friend of my Twins. I don't assist for the female's sake, to protect them. I've found the reason I step in is because I'm waiting for the day that ass-hole, who ever he might be, to stand up to me. Not to be inimitdated by me. Not to doubt himself against me and to push. Push me so I can push back with reason. I refuse to strike someone without a reason, a reason like self defense or defense of someone else. Part of me wonders if they always back down because they can see it. See me waiting for them. Or if they do it because they, like myself, don't want to strike first. In either case, I take pride in the fact I not only pissed the three guys off enough to call me names, but that they felt so wronged and helpless that name calling to myself and my twin was all they could do. It tickles me. I smirk even now thinking about it, seeing them in my mind standing by their SUV yelling my way like they were some kind of hot shits. All the while I just smiled and watched with morbid facination. Knowing, somehow, that they'd never cross the line. As amusing as it was, it was also disapointing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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