Advice..maybe!?

[Sammi.B]

Hi

I was wondering if you could possibly give me some advice..

Right so..i have decided with the help of my doctor persuading me..its best for me to speak to my mum about my depression and self-harming behaviour..she doesnt know about it yet.

Now, my guidance teacher is very helpful and is getting me through this in school, she has said that she will tell my mum if i would like..

The thing is, although i feel i really cant tell my mum and i would be ever so greatful for my guidance teacher to tell her for me, i know that she will ring my mum and tell her over the phone, i will be allowed there to hear what my guidance teacher is telling my mum on the phone but i dont know what my mums reaction is going to be so il be nervous going home..

I would like my guidance teacher to try get a meeting with my mum in school and i can be there so we can all speak about it and my guidance teacher can help me tell my mum, that way i am not wimping out of telling her but it means i have my guidance teacher for support and it means i dont have to worry about going home..you know..so the thing is..

Do you think that is something tht can be done.. me, my guidance teacher and my mum all in a meeting or is that something a school wouldnt do because its not actually to do with SCHOOL s such...

sorry that was so long and probably pointless....but it means alot to me so please..

thanks

[xHx]

ok first well done for speaking to someone else about it even if it wasnt your mum at least your getting some support which is great

as for the school thing, i think it should be fine for you all to meet in school as school isnt just there for your education its there to support you in your life growing up if you require it and the fact that you guidence teacher is willing to help is great as well. if for some stupid reason your school doesnt want you all to have a meeting in the school (which they should) then could you have the meeting at your house or something. but i think school would be the best place as its more controlled and the school should allow it even if it is after school hours, if they dont then thier stupid. my advice would be to talk to your guidence teacher about how exaclty you want to approach telling your mum about it then your guidence teacher will be able to give you some feedback about how they think it should be done and you can come to an agreement and tell your mum

good luck

hope ths helped

keep us updated

xHx

[Rael]

very brave of you to be letting your mum know this. i would think that if the teacher is willing to talk with your mum anyway (even if over the phone) then it shouldnt be much different doing it in school all of you together. i think its great that you want to be there and do think it would help, it would be a terrifying thing to do alone so its a great idea to have the guidance teacher there then if you cant speak she can for you but you will be there to say something if need be.

really wish you the best of luck with it, let us know how it goes.

xxx

[Seaton]

I find this "I can't speak to my mum" comment very similar to what I experience. I am in my FORTIES!. I have tried over the years, after being diagnosed, to try and explain to my "Pull Yourself Together! " MOTHER ! that all not might be as she might want it to be right now. So I've concluded....that my MOTHER ! comes from a rather uneducated, out of date and seemingly brutish era of the british public that pays no attention to the fact that there may be people out there that do have a heart and are sensitive to the people around them.

[snowman]

I am a Head of House in a school, much like a guidance teacher in your school. I am sure they will be more than happy to do this with you. I do it often for my students and it works well. Just explain and they will arrange it.

Good luck!

[Sammi.B]

Hi..thank you for your comments, they have been really helpful

I spoke to my guidance teacher today, i told her that i needed to tell my mum about what im doing, about why im seeing the councellor amongst other stuff..

She said do you want me to tell her for you or would it be better to write her a letter and she will help me write the letter if i would like..

I said i was unsure and was thinking to myself..I WANT A MEETING then she said..'or we could arrange a meeting if you would like' i was like oh yeh tht would be much better yes, so she says go back see her tomorrow after iv thought about it and she will try to arrange a time that is best for both her and my mum..

Im scared so much.............i know its probably best to tell my mum but i cant help but be so scared..

[snowman]

You will feel scared but your teacher will know how best to help you and your mum. I would love it if you could say how it goes.

[xHx]

It's a step in the right direction. at least whatever happens your mum will know and be able to help you get better. I was very scared when i told my mum about my self harm issues but it turned out ok even tho i havn took the next stpe by going to the doctors but im working on it sorta . . .

keep us updated with what happens in the meeting and good luck

:bigarmhug[1]:

[Rael]

im so glad she suggested that, when you go back to her maybe you could work through how you want to go about things, what you want to tell her first, how to say it, whether you want her to talk first then you, all her, all you, or whatever. the more prepared you are for it the easier (although maybe only slightly) it will be. it will be tough and scary but i wish you all the best with it.

xxx

[Sammi.B]

Thanks ^

yeh il try get hold of her tomorrow and hopefully we will be able to go over a 'plan' ..

I hope i can get the meeting before friday though because if its friday then i have the whole weekend which will be so hard to get through..i want the meeting on wednesday because i go out to badminton in school at like 8PM which means i only have to be with my mum for like 3 hours after school......but theres no way she will be able to arrange it for then..

Im so scared.. the only good thing is that my teacher will be there which will defo make it alot easier..but still........ im really panicing now..

[Rael]

hey, maybe try to do some nice things for yourself, take your mind off things. easier said than done i know but maybe some mindless games or something, theres tonnes online or search random silly words on google. i often find that if i search one thing it reminds me of something else and then something else etc. just try to keep your mind busy i guess.

xxx

[Sammi.B]

I spoke to guidance teacher again today, she said she will ring my mum and ask her if she can come in for a meeting on thursday..(cus i said defo not friday as thts just before the weekend lol)

so i was worried at school becuse i wasnt sure exactly what my GT would say to my mum, even though she said she wouldnt say to much just now..anyway, i got home and so far my mum hasnt mentioned anything though she does keep going on about 'so what did you get up 2 in school today' ......

My GT asked me how i want to do this..if i want her to speak or if i would like to tell my mum nd what stuff is ok to speak bout..i said i wasnt too sure yet so im gonna have to go see her AGAIN on like thursday morning because shes not in school tomorrow ......OMG im SO scared....... :'(

[Rael]

its ok you are doing good hun. you are bound to be scared, thats what the GT is there for, to help you out with this and you know that you have got someone there that if she reacts badly then someone can sit with her and work it through. good plan for it being thurs gives things space to calm down.

keep as calm as you can, you doing everything right and im so glad your teacher is supporting you.

xxx

[Sammi.B]

Another update..lol..turns out my GT didnt have time to ring my mum yesterday and didnt have time today so she said she would ring her tomorrow but instead i sort of told my mum there wold be a meeting..

I didnt really mean to, i was just trying to see when my mum finished work on the thursday and she total questioned me and stuff so i was likeGT wants a meeting with us, shes like WHY.....i said i didnt know like its something about how im doing in school and stuff lke seeing that councellor person(which she knew i was seeing because of ED) but she just keep quesioning me..shes like and will you be there? erm i dunno..(yeh right..i AM)

now i dunno what to do......what if my guidance teacher thinks im attention seeking or something because i keep going on about her ringing my mum and stuff but i dont mean o sound desperate its just i want this over and done with so we can all move on..

Oh i dunno....just egnore me im talking rubish..again

[Rael]

well done for mentioning it to your mum. i understand you want it over and done with its not something anyone would want hanging over them, explain to your teacher that you dont want the stress of prolonging things and want to know where things stand.

its a big thing and scary and sounds like the worry is carrying over like to what your teacher will think. i hope it goes ok tomorrow, as anxious as you may be try your best to relax for now, try to keep distracted.

xxx

[Sammi.B]

Ok final update on this topic ......today i told my guidance teacher my mum was available at 2 oclock so..

i was terrified as usual......then my mum got there and i didnt have time to go over what was gona be said with my GT cus she came slightly early..

I got too freaked out and wouldnt go in, my GT said she would tell my mum instead then i could come in..cus that would mke it easier for me..

When she was away telling my mum i was in tears..she came back out and was like come on lets get you in to see your mum, shes upset but thats to be expected and she said that my mum was kind of aware of what was going on which i thought was the case anyway but its best to actually tell her..

So i was still to freaked out to go in..GT said i should just come in when i was ready.. so i went in and my mum seemed ok..my GT told me what she had told my mum then left us to speak and i told her that i was depressed. i told her how im struggling with school and when my GT came back in we talked about my struggling in school, she says she will ask my teachers how im doing and see what they say cus if its all to hard and is affecting my health then theres no point really

so then shes like well you get back to class and il finish having a word with yuour mum....i was like eh no i dont think so huh!......so i made sure my mum was gona then GT sat back down with me nd was like well done for doing that your really brave and that..nd walked me back to my class......she then wanted to see me at the end of school and was lke im really proud of what you did today,..i was like scared to go home..so shes like i think your just worrying, youve been through an emotion time today..then she was asking why i had cried earlier..if it was because i was upset or because my mum was upset or because i was angry

But im at home and she hasnt mentioned it which is good.. Phew!..

I have to go back see my GT tomorrow to tell her how it went when i got home..

[Rael]

im so so proud of you hun you did such a brave thing, you are way braver than i am. im glad that its gone well and i hope that it will help you feel able to talk to your mum about things once things have settled down.

again, really proud of you

xxx

[snowman]

Well done. That was a terrific and mature thing you did and was tough. But you did it!! Well done!!!