jades Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 ive fallen back into ed im ruled by my scale again i climbed on for first timr thid morning to find i have lst 16 lbs in two weeks 60 more to go im ubsessed it felt better than drugs to have found out i lost that much but soon after my ana ( i call anorexia) was screaming at me u fat pig no one would even speak to u if they suld see how aweful u look u need me u must lose weight now faster i rule ur life now i only eat pickles now i cant let myself eat any thing else without purging and detoxing while unlplesant has also left me with no appetitie i feel high off losing i know thats sick but i am sick i cant quit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Jades honey, tell your doctor you are struggling. xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 ok hun if u think its best i know im sick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 They can make sure you get proper support. In meantime look up website for charity called 'Beat' they are what was formerly the eating disorders association in uk and is some good stuff on there. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 will do thanks i just hav e this urge to go with it tho i know its wrong but im having hard time resiting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 i know. i'm here with you xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 thanks roses u r so sweet xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 ive fallen back into ed im ruled by my scale again i climbed on for first timr thid morning to find i have lst 16 lbs in two weeks 60 more to go im ubsessed it felt better than drugs to have found out i lost that much but soon after my ana ( i call anorexia) was screaming at me u fat pig no one would even speak to u if they suld see how aweful u look u need me u must lose weight now faster i rule ur life now i only eat pickles now i cant let myself eat any thing else without purging and detoxing while unlplesant has also left me with no appetitie i feel high off losing i know thats sick but i am sick i cant quitHullo Jadey McFluffIt feels like your world has gone into a swirl and you cant quite grab onto anything solid I hate that feeling, like an angry dizziness ... I dunno mabbe its not like that?I hope that I am not way off the mark with what I am going to say, if I am and I offend anyone, Im sorry, I dont mean to. I just want to say what I have heard, and the way that I feel I relate to things. My therapist is a specialist in treating eating disorders, and she told me that anorexia and bulimia have very strong links with shame, much like you were saying in the other thread, and that in some ways the eating disorder is the way that the person deals with the shame - its the only path of control they have over it. But of course, it only feels like control for a bit, and then the shame comes back ... I dunno, Im paraphrasing.It sorta seems similar to cutting, or complusive things peepul do. You know, you feel overwhelmed, and theres that ONE thing you can do that makes you feel better, just for a bit. For some people its drugs or booze, some its sex - but whatever it is brings a sense of calm and serentiy just for a moment. And then the shame seems to seep back, perhaps over the thing you just did, or more generally. I think you mentioned that you SH, and I believe persnally that SH is another way of self soothing, somehow a sense of control over our feelings that brings a moment of calm.At the moment, theres not a lot that is brining you calming and comfort in a healthy way. You need someone that can listen to your feelings, and who you feel able to tell your feelings to. With the DID, this may not come easily, and more and more all that stress and sensation of feeling powerless and smothered is building inside. Perhaps the reason ana is getting worse for you is because things are coming to a head for you? For me, all these things like SH, drinking, sex, spending and so on are the only way we have of dealing with our painful feelings. Nothing else has been given to us to deal with it, and we take the one way that works - as any human would do who was stuck like that.It is not shameful to do any of these things - its an expression of pain, but the problem is that in the long run they hurt us, and we know that but cannot stop it. We need those healthy things that are missing - support, comfort, soothing and guidance. I really hope that slowly and gradually, all those things that will soothe your heart will come to be yours. Perhaps learning what they are, and how to find them, will be the way that things will change for you?:hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faerielight Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 jades honey pleaee tell your doc or mh team.. as u know ana is realy dangerous.. if ur anything like me when im in that mode every target of weight loss gets lower and lower.. please get help before u get too ill. hugs, faerie xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 thanks hun hummm i never put that together i just figured it was a control thing but i almost died at 23 cause of anorexia ansd im safe right now and it is like u said self soothing i just dont wanna give it up caues i gave up sh and drinking luv ya xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 i will tell them feire i do keep lowering my target but im not underweight yet i dont wanna lie and say ill quit just yet hugs xxxx thanks for being concened Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 thanks hun hummm i never put that together i just figured it was a control thing but i almost died at 23 cause of anorexia ansd im safe right now and it is like u said self soothing i just dont wanna give it up caues i gave up sh and drinking luv ya xxxxAnd I dont blame you for not wanting to give it up - its the one thing you have that soothes you, and takes away the pain. Its like a woman who has been physically hurt, and is on a morphine drip - she will fight to keep that drip because otherwise its so painful. The thing is, she needs healing. She needs to have her wounds tended to, in the right way. She needs soothing, cooling balm to be put on her cuts and grazes. She needs to feel cared for, understood, by a kind nurse or doctor, so that the healthy soothing can take place.Right now you are like the girl who has been injured on a battlefield, and all you have is the morphine drip, and with no hospital or kindly nurse in sight, you are clinging to the morhpine - as would I, as would anyone. Why suffer when you know you have an escape?But you know what I am saying im sure - you need that healthy soothing and healing. You are in therapy. You have started to look at what your injuries really are, and where they came from. You need to heal the injuries, and you need the support and care from others that currently is not there. In many ways you may block out the care of others, perhaps not being able to open up to your T, but with time you will hopefully come to see that it is safe, and that when you let another human being in, one that is there and present in front of you, so much of the shame and hurt that is inside starts to melt away. At this time, it may suddenly seem to you that you dont want ana anymore, because you have found something that not only soothes you, but fills a part of your heart that has never been filled in that way. It will be like finding the most powerful source of energy, and you might just decide you want it for always:hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Hmm maybe is wise indeed. In my self-harm work we are talking about how I either cut or don't eat. Never both at once..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 i do the same i gave up sh and drinking and now just not eating but i see your point hmmm i will try to open up to t today i guess it is my way to soothe i had never come to realize it and i have had it since 8 and im now 31 ican be so dense i dont know or i guess i never wanted to examine any of this stuff before its alot to take in hugs roses and hummm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 roses how r u doing with not eating u talk to ur theropist about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Not being funny, but I don't really want to talk about it as I will get upset and the people under the bed won't like it. I am here for you though sweetheart xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 hiya....hope your okay today roses and you jadebig hugs to both of youxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 sorry you are having hard time sweets wanna talk or should i just leave it alone its ok either way u wont offend me hugs xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 hey daisey how r u? hugs back at ya xxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 yeah. pm me babe this is your thread, not mine. I want u to know I think you are really brave, especially with the convo you had with your Mum. xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daisy duck Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 hey daisey how r u? hugs back at ya xxxxxxim alright...at work now but will be on later for a while.Im ok thanksxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted January 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 ok have fun ok ttyl hugs xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jinxsta Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Sorry bout the grief this is causing u hun, I hope that when you fell the time is right u will get some good support, and hopefully beat this bitch.XxX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.