Back Agen

[backagain]

right well i dont really know where to start but bear with me. years ago when i was bout 14 i lost weight and from then carried on to at th time i dint realise i wasnt eatin an was in denial til when i was about 16. i realised this an thought it was ok but stupid personal things in my life began to make me depressed and i started to self harm. i didnt tell anyone at all and started to go on sites like this one to help me. for years i had the big mouth and pretended everything was alright and i was the normal gobby self i always was but at home with dark music on i jus felt worthless and used, i began sleepin round makin matters orse and jus feelin as though i was worthless.

then one day i was tryin a dress on and forgot bout my scars for a split second an my mum walked in an was like what on earth is that i jus made up some lame excuse and told he to go away. she then sat me down later an said she knew what i was doin, basically i got sent away to live with my sister and she did help it was like a breath of fresh air then i decided to work abroad and instead of not eatin i began to binge as no one cared what size you were. i put on a fair biut of eight but every time i came home i would jus purge agen hopin to slim down.

its though you can never get rid of it like it is always at the back of you mind and no matter what the smallest thing it is it jus ets you off, i have been purging then past week and been thinkin of self harming, i have had a few slip ups the past few years but not i am back home and will be for ages i feel it coming back!

you dont realise how much you have to say when you see it in front of you hey. i jus needed to get it out an cant believe i am back doing it properly and jus think will i ever be like people without these sorts of things goin on in their heads???

f x