25 Things....

[Nina of the Light]

Everyone name 25 things about themselves. It's an exercise to get to know one another. I'll begin.

1. I've been diagnosed with a severe mental illness called Bipolar I Disorder, Mixed Episodes.

2. I've also been diagnosed with OCD,GAD, ADD, Phobia Disorder, Panic Disorder and the most detrimental... Borderline Personality Disorder.

3.I married once, but not for love.

4. I was physically abused by my first real boyfriend and am still in therapy for it.

5. I've been proposed to by 9 different guys. LOL... I pawned all the rings a few years back. lol...

completely ridiculous

6. I wear a mask everyday. No one knows who I truely am.

7. If I never had kids, I wouldn't be alive today.

8. I have a very emotionally fulfilling job.

9. I've been in a relationship with the most extraordinary man for almost 4 years.

10. I am completely undeserving of his love.

11. I have a lot of aquaintences, but few friends.

12. I get to teach recovery classes to people with severe mental illness in a psych ward where they are not allowed off the ward at all. It will be a challenge.

13. I used to be a wild child, but am not anymore.

14. I've never done an illegal drug or smoked a cigarette.

15. I can't emotionally cry... even if someone dies.

16. The first time I contemplated killing myself I was 11 years old. Held a razor to my wrist in the shower at my grandparents house. Mental Illness is no fun.

17. I don't know who my real father is.

18. I was pregnant, but my baby died because she was very sick. I'm still grieving her loss.

19. I want to be loved.

20. I want to be understood.

21. The SOB who used to beat me almost killed me once, sometimes I wish he would've succeeded.

22. I'm horribly depressed right now.

23. I wonder if I go into the mental hospital, how many people would miss me or visit me???

24. How many people are going to read this and think I'm a freak???

25. I'm grateful for my support system.

[Roses]

Sorry, put this in other one. Put it here too.... god I'm putting it about tonight LOL

I'm not freaked. Is good idea, don't know if there are 25 interesting things I can say though... give it a go...

1. I'm dx with depression, anxiety and psychosis.

2. I have 2 children who are 5 and 8.

3. I married for 9 years this Feb.

4. If my eldest had a child at 16 I would be a Granny at 40!

5. I am evil and am going to hell.

6. They are always watching me and want me to die and burn in hell.

7. I am not safe and am always checking locks and security lights and windows.

8. I have received good support on here and made some good friends.

9. I have played the piano since I was 7 and write songs and music.

10. I have a big cupboard dedicated to art stuff and regularly can be found walking in paint etc...

11. I am 5ft 6" with long dark hair and blue/green eyes.

12. I took ballroom/latin lessons.

13. I played tennis, short-tennis, volleyball, trampolining, squash, rounders and sprinted 100m in 13 secs when 14.

14. I used to teach first aid and am a trained nursery nurse.

15. I took GCSE music and an A level in Theatre Studies.

16. I studies alternative therapies.

17. I like walking barefoot on grass.

18. I got a working visa and lived in Australia for a bit.

19. I believe that to change the future of mankind we must nurture our children and teach them respect.

20. I was vegetarian for 10 years and wish for stronger control of rearing of animals with better conditions.

21. Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall has balls of steel for taking on Tesco with his 1 share.

22. The 1988 Children's Act was the best act ever!!

23. Apart from the Act that was passed in the 80's recognising rape within marriage - that was a fucking revoluton too!

24. Children should be seen and fucking well heard!!!!

25. The whole point of being a child is to learn. How can children learn when they are told what to do all the time?

[Faerielight]

1.. i have absolutely no rhythm in the dancing department and I wish I was a wicked dancer.

2..I sacrifice my own needs to please others

3. I was in love with my best friend ali when i was younger and she never knew

4.. I have 6 belts in kickboxing

5.. I have had 17 piercings and 9 tattoos.. I like reclaiming my body and I like the pain.

6.. I have green fingers and healing hands.

7.I lived in a teepee for a year with friends 18 years ago

8.my mother sexually abused me and i wish she was dead.

9.I've taken every drug under the sun .

10.. I used to sell sex and had 9 different working names and a pink wig.

11.. I don't know who I am, my identity changes with the wind.

12. I reccon I owe my life to this site.

13. I am competely heartbroken and think about my ex every five minutes.

14. I'm through with romantic love.. I had my shot and I blew it.

15.. I don't have a clue how to get better.

16.I wish i could get my anger out .

17.. I haven't eaten animals for 21 years.. but broken this for pig thyroid and i feel bad.

18.. I am so desperately lonley.

19. Bad things about me are easier to believe than good things.

20. I would be a singer songwriter in an alternative life.

21.I have always believed I have faerie blood .

22 .IIf I had a magic wand i would bring my health back and throw my diisabled badge away.

23. I started four degrees and dropped outof them all.

24I only feel peaceful when I'm in water.

25. The best revenge is to get well.

[Tammy]

1.I am diagnosed with Manic Depression, PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Also Anxiety.

2. None of my family speak to me on either side.

3. I had a son when I was 19 but let his granparents adopt him when he was 3 cause I could not handle a child, nor parent, or the ability to support him. He is now turning 11 next month and I see him maybe once a year. I'm afraid of what my absence has done and it haunts me.

4. I have been with my bf 9 years this sept. and still if we fight, I DESPISE him to the point I want to leave due to me being 'flighty' and having BPD.

5. I raised myself and was dropped at daycare when I was younger from 5am till midnight everyday.

6. I've went to over 20 schools and moved 20 times atleast.

7. I cannot handle any type of pain.

8. I have no support other then a shrink every 3 mo's and a counselor who has no common sense and forgets details that are important.

9. I spent 300,000 usd in a year.

10. Pills have no affect on me.

11. I hate alchohol

12. I've started college three times and never completed once.

13. I dropeed out of high schoola nd my parents were always out of state working 3-4 days at a time that they didn't find out till 3 months later when I told them.

14. I took 3 bottles of sleeping pills when I was 15 and woke up hallucinating horribly, woke my parents telling them there were people outside and they said I was dreaming and go back to bed, and they never knew, nor asked..

15. I use to use inhalents from age 15-18 and my parents found the cans under my bed, dozens, and reacted by telling me to clean the mess under my bed.

16. I've never been arrested.

17. I have no future in my eyes and cannot phathom what I'll be doing 5 years from now.

18. I can read music and play piano.

19. I guessed on the entire math section of my GED/ high school equivalency diploma and passed.

20. My IQ is 129.

21. I love animals.

22. I try to please people way too much.

23. I've lent thousands of dollars and was never paid back.

24. I have no idea who I am, what I like, and never wanna do anything.

25. I am an emotional wreck and cry over everything..but also can be emotionless and tend to not care about things that others do.

[buddah]

here goes..

1. i have been diagnosed with more than i can be bothered to list.

2. i have only left the house during the day three times in the last year.

3. i have a daughter who is almost 4 who i have not seen since she was a few months old.

4. i have been vege for most of my life.

5. i used to be addicted to heroin.

6. i was once in prison for armed robbery.

7. i spent two years in care as a child.

8. in the past few years 4 of my friends and 5 members of my family have killed themself.

9. when i was about 10 years old my IQ was estimated at 160+

10. i have been playing guitar since age 4 and piano since about 8/9.

11. i only speak to two people outside my family.

12. i saw a guy get shot in the face and chest with a shotgun once.

13. im happy when it is cold and raining. i dont know why.

14. sometimes i talk to cats.

15. i dont like polystyrene food containers. even thinking about them makes me cringe.

16. i wear hats because i don't like my ears.

17. i have spent well over £3000 a month on coke.

18. robert smith is my hero. the man is a god.

19. i have a tattoo on my inner lip.

20. european electro and industrial stops me from killing people.

21. if i was a cheese i would be brie. cause im fat and covered in white skin.

22. i drink espresso like it's fucking water.

23. i have a degree in mechatronics

24. i was the fourth man on the moon.

25. i shot JFK.

26. i made the last two up.

[jades]

ok here goes

1 i have 2 different colr eyes

2 i had my fiancee die infront of me

3 i still think it was my fault

4 i wish i could sing

5 one of my alters is totally evil

6 i have alot wrong with me

7 i just joined aa and hate it

8 ill keep going ause otherwise ill be dead

9 i scare myself sometimes

10 im psychic since childhood

11 i fall in love hard

12 i have been arrested twice but had good lawyer

13 i hate to have spotlight on me

14 im 31

15 i spent 3 years in my room

16 my 29th birthday was in a mh hospital

17 i hallucinate scary things

18 i dont tell people that

19 my family feels sorry for me

20 i say im sorry for things i didnt do

21 i have anrexia and bulimia

22 i get up at 2 am every morning

23 i was a high dollar call girl

24 im ashamed alot

25 i forget alot

[Rael]

1. i am 28 and female

2. i have bipolar, BPD, anxiety, and i few i couldnt be bothered to ask about

3. i cut, burn and hit myself both to hurt, and to calm/soothe myself

4. i write lyrics and am beginning to try writing music

5. i draw fantasy art and paint

6. i am a vegan, have been since i was 15, was veggie for 4 years before that

7. i am obsessed with my weight and have been both anorexic and bulemic

8. music has saved my life, ebm/industrial/darkwave, and also rock and metal

9. my cat is my baby, without her i am nothing

10. i am a sensitive and can read things, minds, objects, i participated research in university that demonstrated this repeatedly

11. i went to university and have a degree in psychology

12. i write poetry and have been published

13. i smoke, a lot

14. i shouldnt drink but sometimes i do even though i stopped and sometimes i go over the top

15. i used to be an alcoholic but stopped by myself

16. sometimes i feel people inside my mind, reading my thoughts and trying to steal them

17. i read all kinds of books, fact, fiction, just read a hefty book by psychologist Philip Zimbardo, now reading one about ancient greeks and Homer's The Oddyssey.

18. i like reading many books at the same time

19. im am obsessed with serial killers, have tonnes of books on them and forensic psychology and create fantasies with me in role of killer and victim

20. i have taken many, many drugs (illegal and prescribed

21. i am addicted to co-codemol and zopiclone

22. i sometimes find it hard to react the way people expect, if something bad happens i dont feel sad, sometimes i even laugh. i fake things a lot to look normal

23. i adore dragons, i draw them i paint them i collect them i have books on them, films with them in, they are protectors and keep me safe

24. my eyes change colour depending on what mood im in, they have a lot of yellow in them, if they go green run!!

25. i see demons and they tell me to do the things that are in my mind already, sometimes i have, i was very lucky not to get caught last time and im ashamed to say it wasn't for the right reasons that i didnt do it.

xxx

[profound1]

Great Thread

1. I am a neurotic all the time.

2. I used to be a nurse.

3. I have four children, poor kids deserve a better mother.

4. Am diagnosed depression, panic disorder, agoraphobia, OC traits, dissociation, depersonalisation etc...

5. I used to play violin & piano

6. I went to a famous ballet school when I was a kid.

7. Have been a veggie for 18yrs.

8. I love all kinds of music the louder the better, my eardrums don't.

9. I dabbled with illegal drugs, pot made me paranoid. Only take prescribed drugs now.

10. I am the ugliest freak on earth.

11. I wish I had Dorothy's Red shoes, no place like home.

12. Wish I was Wicked witch of the West, disappear in a puff of smoke.

13. I would like Harry Potters invisibility cloak.

14. Have been bankrupt.

15. Dettol is my perfume.

16. I like painting/drawing when well but havent for over a year.

17. I know spirits are watching me, they freak me out.

18. I am supposed to be 40 this year. Not sure I will make it.

19. Very bad things happened when I was a child.

20. I was once in a car that was on fire

21. I used to shoplift.

22. I feel like I will spontaneously combust often.

23. I despise slugs, they make me wanna pee my pants!

24. I would be dead with my mental health support.

25. I have barriets to cannot feel the love people say they have for me.

[NeedAName]

I don't know if I can list anything intresting about myself but I'll do my best.

1. I am 19 and male.

2. I consider myself to have blue eyes, although they seem to have brown in as well.

3. I could never harm another person.

4. I don't know what to do when someone is upset and when I do nothing, I fear they may dislike me.

5. I try my best to make people happy.

6. I'm not funny.

7. My GP said I have depression although I haven't seen a physciatrist or whatever they call them yet.

8. My favourite colour is pink, although I've never admited it outside of internet forums.

9. I enjoy exams.

10. I've never been in a relationship, seeing couples and hearing about how well other people are doing in relationships hurts.

11. I like animals, especilly birds and cats.

12. I'm scared of being shouted at.

13. I don't know my birth farther.

14. I've never done anything I'd consider an achivement.

15. I pretend to be happy for the benifit of others.

16. Nothing major has happend in my life, good or bad.

17. I don't talk much out of fear of offending someone.

18. I can remember what I did drunk as well as still having some control over the things I do drunk.

19. I've never had a hangover.

20. I always compare myself to others, leading me to believe their problems are worse or they have achived greater things.

21. I consider most of my friends to be good friends.

22. I hate being ignored.

23. I've never done any of the things I would like to.

24. I always wonder what people think of me.

25. I'm easlily distracted.

Doubt that's told you much more about me.

[Roses]

Need-a-name - pink is the colour of love. You obviously have a lot of love. xxxxx

[AndyL]

Okay, I'm going to give this a go..

1. I am 46 and male
2. My mother is a lesbian and used to tell us we'd be lynched for it
3. She is also the antichrist as near as I can tell
4. I am the eldest of three children (brother and sister), none of whom speak to our mother.
5. I was taught that men are the evil who walk the earth and was more than a little confused by that when I became a man
6. I was severely beaten as a child and isolated in my room behind a locked door for weeks at a time
7. Between the ages of 10 and fifteen my mother moved us 9 times
8. I saw my father maybe a half a dozen times from the ages of 12 to 24
9. I was married at 22, now divorced
10. My divorce was the most traumatic thing I have ever gone through in my life
11. My divorce came about because I had an affair
12. I used to be a very competent blues guitarist, but haven't picked one up in two years, so I suspect I can't play any more
13. I call my mother-in-law mom, even though she's not my mother-in-law yet, because I so desperately want a mom who's nice
14. I have two incredible, really smart and hilarious sons, age 12 and 16
15. I am an artist
16. I am a graphic designer by trade
17. I started my career at Vogue magazine in New York as an assistant.
18. The Devil Wears Prada gets it exactly right, by the way. I was that girl, except male, of course, and I worked in the art department so I didn't get to go to Paris
19. I have met many celebrities nobody knows anymore.
20. I lived in Manhattan for six years
21. I didn't understand that I could love anything the way I do until I had children
22. Then it happened romantically when I met my current fiancé
23. I live 300 miles from my children, which eats me alive little by little every day
24. I compulsively put other people's needs in front of my own
25. I desperately want to be liked but am always surprised when I am

[kellic]

1. I am 23 years old and live in the USA

2. I have BPD, OCD, social anxiety disorder, Bipolar

3. My son is my world without him i would be dead!

4. I dont know how to express emotions

5. I spent my 21st birthday in a MH Facility

6. I dont speak with my family

7. I think my son deserves a better mother!

8. Somedays i want to give up all hope!

9. Constantly have thoughts going through my head (cant make them stop)

10. I enjoy making other people happy

11. I wish i was normal

12. I hate where i live

13. I hate my step mother

14. I could never eat lamb (i cant eat anything that cute and fuzzy)

15. Im going to college for Medical Assisting

16. I hate taking my meds

17. I get bored easily

18. I dont sleep much

19. I have been engaged 5 times!

20. I have ended 5 engagements

21. I hate being alone

22. I hate thinking

23. I want to get a kitten

24. I want my neighbors would turn down there radio

25.This was not as easy as i thought it was going to be!

[ktodee_27]

Ok here I go....

1. My name is Katie, I'm 30, and live in Wisconsin USA.

2. I'm bisexual and my no one not even my boyfriend knows. And he supposedly knows ALL my secrets.

3. I was once hospitalized for anorexia and weighed 85 pounds.

4. I am diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder with psychotic features, borderline personality disorder, bulimia, PTSD and panic disorder. I mostly stay on the depressed side of things.

5. I've used inhalants, sedatives, benzos, and pot from 6-23. At 23, I went into an outpatient program for drugs and went to NA meetings for awhile. I've been clean 7 years.

6. I was abused mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically by my adoptive mother and father from 2-18. And molested by my uncle from 2-13.

7. I signed myself into a home for the mentally ill in 1999 not only to get help but to escape from my adoptive parents.

8. My real mom had to give me up because of her schizophrenia and bipolar.

9. I don't have a real mom or a real dad anymore. My mom died in October and my dad walked out at an early age. My real mom never abused me at all and was a sweetheart.

10. I was a certiied nursing assistant for alzheimers patients before I got on disability in 1999.

11. I am very skilled at training dogs.

12. I dissociate pretty badly a lot of the time.

13. I'm on a Webtv right now. It is a set top box that is hooked up to your tv. It lets you have internet on your tv. Otherwise, I use the university computers to get on chat.

14. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years.

15. I only have three channels on my tv.

16. It's 12:05am right now as I'm writing this.

17. I am a very disorganized person.

18. It is very cold outside where I'm at right now. And we have snow on the ground.

19. I've driven without a license before.

20. I should have been arrested for lots of stuff when I was younger.

21. I had to wear leg braces when i was little since I walked inward.

22. I fear what people think about me and what their impression of me really is.

23. I don't have very many friends. I'm very shy and paranoid around people in real life.

24. I hardly ever cry at all. I'm really numb instead a lot of the time.

25. I'm a born again Christian

[AveMaria]

1. I'm 21 years old and scared to turn 22.

2. I hate that I have two kids and haven't been married.

3. I have only been with one guy and I worry that I am only with him cause I don't think anyone else would ever want to be with me.

4. My daughters are the only things that make me not kill myself every night.

5. For the past six years I have lost one of my best friends every year.

6. I am finally planning my wedding and it makes me wanna die that I am not friends with my #1 best friend for a stupid reason, and she is the only person I consider my family besides my daughters.

7. My grandpa is dying and I do not care...at all.

8. Most of the time when I talk to anyone in my real family, the things they say make me want to go and kill myself.

9. I am on my third attempt at a university and I have never chosen a major.

10. My daughters know things in three languages.

11. I feel like I am always looking for myself.

12. During sex if my bf touches my hands I leave my body and just watch the rest of it safely above us until it is over.

12. I always wonder what is so horribly wrong with me that my own family never loved me.

13. I love people very easily...and always end up hurt.

14. I can't vote because I dont have proper documents.

15. I am racking up thousands in school debt and I don't have any plans to pay for it yet...and probably wont till March when it is due.

16. Almost any guy I talk to in person thinks I want to have sex with him... which has never been true yet.

17. Seventeen is my favorite number and in school when they asked fav # between 1-10, I said 17 and looked very stupid! Lol

18. I went ice skating tonight and had the most fun I've had in a long time!

19. I was excommunicated for having a child out of wedlock.

20. I have had visions of hell that I can make others see.

21. I hate the unexpected.

22. I am unattracted to attractive guys.

23. I have finally realized there is a difference in wanting to die and not wanting to live and suffer.

24. I love thunderstorms and blizzards.

25. I love mountains, oceans, and deserts...but I hate totally flat land!

Hope you enjoyed getting to know me in 25 things about me! Lol.

[Shelley]

1/ Im a Mum to two lovely boys aged 10 and 7

2/ Im married

3/ I have BPD, Phychosis, and Bi-polar

4/ In my youth I abused alcohol, hash, speed, butane and glue!

5/ Now I abuse Valium

6/ My kids, hubby and my mum are the only thing that stops me killing myself

7/ I enjoy video games, when im feeling well.

8/ I HATE the weight I have gained because of my meds.

9/ My brother sexually abused me.

10/ My Father physically and mentally abused me.

11/ I love cat's, I have 5!

12/ People say im pretty immature.

13/ I have isolated myself away from everyone except my mum hubby kids and my C.P.N.

14/ Im a recovering alcoholic, dry for 14 months.

15/ My mood is so up and down it drives me nuts

16/ I get flashbacks almost daily

17/ I take 8 different meds a day

18/ I am addicted to co-codamol (30 codiene to 500 paracetemol x 2, 5 times a day)

19/ I anylise things too much

20/ Im pessimistic in nature

21/ I have 'manic' days where I feel great, but I allways crash soon after.

22/ My short term memory is shot!

23/ My hubby is my carer and main carer of my kids

24/ I have a Fairy child called Sienna in my head, who is sometimes very bad and try's to get me to do bad things.

25/ Sometimes it feels like there is someone in the house reading my thoughts and transporting there thoughts into my mind, but I don't know who it is, it is not my family cos it happens when im alone in the house.

26/ I havn't cut for a year! :D

[Tammy]

I just wanted to say that I see some amazing and really wonderful things, also great achievements in everyones facts about themselves. I know for me it is super dam hard to see past the negative stuff and I just hang on to the negative fats. Everyone here is unique and no ones perfect. We just deal with things differently.

Keep posting, nice thread idea.

[Nina of the Light]

Just like to say everyone is so brave for doing this. It sure as hell wasn't easy. I hope we can at least realize we aren't alone.

Much Love to you all,

Nina

[jades]

thanks for putting it out there i love how we all acted like we going off the high dive " ok here goes" lol love it :lol:

[Crackers]

1. I'm 18 years old and female.

2. I don't know why i hurt myself.

3. I have never had anybody love me outside of my family.

4. I have never had a boyfried, I'm not good enough.

5. I used to be clever, now my IQ is down to 125, which sounds good, but I struggle to retain infomation.

6. I have longish brown hair and brown eyes.

7. I broke my arm when I was 11.

8. I play in a brass band.

9. I'm desperatly lonely.

10. I struggle to watch TV as it makes me want to die when i see couples together as I know that no one will ever love me like that.

11. I don't have BPD, but I do have many other problems.

12. I am really worried that somebody will read this and know who i am.

13. I am currently doing my A-levels.

14. I smoke, but not as much as I used to.

15. I am the oldest of 3 children.

16. Though i know I could never have hacked the job I will always deeply regret not being able to become a Doctor just because I got a B in GCSE Science.

17. I don't drink alcohol.

18. I feel guilty when people annoy me, and when people are irrational and I dislike them.

19. Smoked Salmon is like my favourite food ever.

20. Dad's Army makes me smile. Clive Dunn rocks my socks!

21. I take more from this site than I give, and I feel bad about it, but I shall try to be more active from now on.

22. My New Years Resolution was to be more decisive.

23. I have a deep dark secret that in the light of day isn't very big at all.

24. I'm not as good as any of my friends.

25. I scared, I don't feel real, I'm always surprised when I hear other people in my house and realise that it's my Family. Im so lonely that I forget that there are other people around me. I guess you could say that I'm too wrapped up in myself and selfish.

I hope I don't live to regret writing this, I hope nobody reads this and knows who I am, my life would be over.

I may delete this later on.

Feels good to write stuff down though.

[Faerielight]

this is such a great thread!!! i think we're all brave and brilliant!!!!! faerie xx

[Ksirtadnimeht]

Everyone name 25 things about themselves. It's an exercise to get to know one another. I'll begin.

1. I love the one you know as CrippleandStarfish.

2. I love life - it is hard, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

3. I like to play draughts / checkers - i love how intuitive and rhythmic it can be.

4. Jogging bores the BeJesus out of me, but i love the post-exercise feeling, and it helps me to be positive.

5. Me and my friends have entered a 5 aside football team league beginning next sunday whoop!

6. I believe in God but i believe more that God's greatest glory is when we realise there is no God.

7. I sometimes get accused of having a messianic complex which is not true, although i'd rather aspire to be the one nailed to the cross then the one hammering in the nails.

8. My farts leave poo stains on Crip's bedding :S

9. I am vegetarian, except i sometimes eat chicken, fish and pork products... Haha only joking, i am a proper vege.

10. I really want to get to know Crip's little 'un, the mighty Le Log... Let's make it happen yeah, sweetie?

11. I wish this list asked for 27 things.

12. I am obsessed with the number 27.

13. I have a receding hairline and once when i was younger i woke up in the middle of the night and felt suicidal cos of it. In retrospect, it was probably other stuff going on too, but it's weird how something seemingly insignificant can be the edge teeterer... *Coughs* JAM!!

14. I like fasting. The most i've done so far is 9 days. I don't have an eating disorder though.

15. In my insanity my sanity shines through.

16. Middlesbrough FC sucks eggs for mid-morning breakfast, but i do support them.

17. I love love love to compose music on my gee-taaa. I can't believe i didn't say that earlier in the list, hmmmm.

18. My favourite bands / artists at the moment include Radiohead, Meshuggah, Regina Spektor and Chris Clark.

19. I have a positive and life affirming relationship with some drugs. I love magic mushroom, i'm not advocating their use, but for some, and i am one of that some, i think they can be beneficially used. Each to their own.

20. Bill Hicks is my hero. My brother too.

21. I am 26 and i lost my virginity to CripplandStarfish when i was 25, just over a year ago. I don't mind sharing that, probably due to my post jogging euphoric state, but also because she is the love of my life and i am glad that i involuntarily had to wait so long.

22. I love to read, especially anything mind expanding and reality shattering. This world is a tad silly, so it's nice to know that others share my alien-ness.

23. I defo believe in aliens, i mean, come on! BIG Universe.

24. I have big ideas but rarely follow through. Sometimes cos of boredom, other times cos of the mechanics of our society and my apathy and dis-taste for how it functions.

25. I'll make a mix cd for anyone who asks (if i don't offer first) but my neurosis will mean you can be waiting upto a year. My record is about 7 years, although i think that friend has forgotton about that particular mix TAPE... HA! That is how long ago it was.

26. I need to pee.

27. If i can contrive a 27 then i will. :)

[CrippleAndStarfish]

1. I'm Jai, I'm 18, and i'm an alco... you geddit. (not officially, but i definately have a problem with it, just trying to come to terms with that)

2. I have 2 year old son. He was born just over a month before i turned 16.

3. I don't trust myself to look after him. I'm terrified that i will end up hurting him, not physically, but emotionally.

4. There's only been one person in my entire life who i have ever trusted, at all. And i know i'm a real bitch to him at times, but i do love him more than i ever thought possible. He's amazing. (Hi Rox! )

5. I love reading. Books, mags, the back of cereal boxes... Anything, anything at all.

6. I love to paint and draw, but i really wish i had more confidence with it. I dont wish to proceed with it on a professional level, but i'd love to not feel i have to hide my work from anyone who goes near it.

7. 27. It links me and Rox. We both saw it, see it, anywhere, everywhere. I have done for about 4/5 years now. It's crazy.

8. I can play guitar, piano, violin, drums, and (haha) the recorder, but i haven't played anything for so long that i'm scared i can't do it anymore.

9. I'm left-handed, which at times im so greatful for, because it means that i can sit there and refuse to play guitar because it's right-handed, when in reality, im just too scared to make a fool of myself because i cant do it anymore.

10. I have one tattoo, and i have had 5 piercings, but one rejected, and i took the rest out. They make me feel 'wrong', but i want more tattoos. NOW!

11. Even though i hardly wear any make-up any more, i still feel completely naked without my eyeliner and mascara.

12. I was convinced that i could see ghosts when i was younger, and i know i definately experienced something, but now im unsure as to whether that was psychosis or not, because my workers all seem to think that it was. I still believe in ghosts though, but shh.

13. I love the feeling of standing in a line waiting for the bus, looking all pretty and really, really girly, and then someone looks and smiles at me, and then my phone goes off with a text, and it screams metal music at everyone. I love how the expression on that person's face goes from 'hello there..' to 'whaaaat the f**k!?!' and they dont know where to put themselves.

14. I have self-harmed since approximately the age of 4. And i still dont really know why. It is a mixture of punishment and and present. I use it to hurt myself, but also to heal myself. It confuses me.

15. I buy things to make myself feel better. Just really silly things, nothing extravangant or expensive, but always really, really useless.

16. I was bullied through all of my school-life. I just seemed to ask for it, i guess. I was the stereotypical crazy girl who sits there all cut up and crying.. or sleeping.. or shouting at teachers and walking out to smoke halfway through assembly etc.

17. The worst thing i experienced was when i thought i had miscarried my son. I was pushed down a flight of stairs in school when i was 22 weeks pregnant. I had only found out i was expecting 3 days before this incident, and i wanted to kill the boy who pushed me. if he hadnt have ran off, i dont doubt that i would have done, too, but im not a violent person normally.

18. I can't always tell what is real and what isn't.

19. I struggle so hard to make sense of things which are so painstakingly obvious to others, like the fact that if you punch glass, then it will hurt you. Things like that dont make sense to me, because i feel so numb just before i act that i think the numbness will last forever so it wont hurt.

20. I was sexually abused and raped repeatedly as a child, and also through the majority of my teens i've been raped and abused too. Sometimes it seems i can't escape it.

21. I have an eating disorder, and i recognise my behaviour as being disordered, but that just attracts me to it more - the fact that i am not being a sheep the same as everyone else around me and eating what and how and when i should.

22. I hear voices, and i see things. They scare me 100% of the time, but i also sometimes feel a real, deep-seated comfort within that fear.

23. I can't believe that i've left my love of and dependency on music this far down in the list. I have a really eclectic taste, apparently. (and i can't spell that 'ec' word. sorry)

24. I love writing lists, but i get really scared that i've done it wrong, and i have an overwhelming fear of being judged on what i've said, and of being blamed for something i just haven't done, that it stops me doing so many things.

25. I want more than anything to be able to give a damn about myself, and i never, ever thought that i would make it to my 18th. And i know the only reason i have done is because of Rox. He has really been a blessing to me, and i am eternally grateful - though im terrified to show it for fear of it being snatched away, of him realising he has made a mistake and i am just not worth it.

That was difficult.

Was wanting to be light-hearted. I clearly can't at the moment. Sorry. May do another one when i feel i can.

xxx

[Elke.]

1. I have BPD.

2. I am addicted to Tranquilizers.

3. My dad died two years ago.

4. We immigrated to NYC when I was 3 1/2. We crossed the Atlantic on a freighter - 11 days.

5. I was hospitalized when I was 3 for a 3rd degree burn on my back and fixed to a bed for 6 weeks.

6. I was a gymnast, judge and coach.

7. I am single.

9. I have tried every drug there is when I lived in New York.

10. I ran away from home often when I was in my teens.

11. I play(ed) piano.

12. I have a younger sister but we havent spoken since two years.

13. I broke my leg 3 times.

14. I enjoy travelling.

15. I lived in Queens, Manhatten and Yonkers.

16. I had a cat who lived with me for 18 years and died a year ago.

17. I am on disability retirement.

18. I have one son.

19. I grew up bilingual but never went to school in Germany and left the USA a long time ago.

I can´t write the rest, it triggered too much.

[x.glitter_raindrops.x]

1..I have BPD, Anxiety and panic disorder, OCD, insomnia, dermatitis, and suspected ME.

2..I think my dermatits is because of obsessive and compulsive washing hands and scrubbing dry

3..I trained to be a hairdresser for a year until i had to leave because of my dermatitis.

4..I won't go to bed until I'm ready to pass out through fear of lying awake

5..The only friend I have and see in person is also my boyfriend

6..I have loved the same guy for nearly 4 years, but had 4 boyfriends in that time (him being one)

7..I have had every colour of the rainbow in my hair since I was 16

8..I realised I was bisexual aged 13

9..I drank two bottles of lambrini aged 15 just to tell my mum this

10..The only family i have are in these four walls. No other family speaks to them as they dont believe my uncle did sexually abuse me like i owned upto when i was 11

11.. took my first OD a month after starting secondary school

12..I attempted jumping off a balcony whilst in disney land when I was 15

13..I have looked after my mum, done my own washing and cooked my own dinner since I was 7

14..I cannot touch dust, coffee or cleaning fluid etc without washing my hands twice or more(in even multiples)

15..everything needs to be grouped together by type, size, and in even numbers, even if something is a mess

16..I cannot finish a cigarette without treading it out and have to stop or get out of a car to do so if i dont first time.

17..I have been sexually harassed or assaulted by every male figure I have ever gotten to know exept for my current and last boyfriend

18..I was beaten up, beaten down, knifed, and told I was my mothers big mistake by her second husband on a regualr basis and still believe it was my fault

19.. my front right tooth is artificial due to this abuse

20..I listen to metal, Industrial, rock, punk, psy-trance and.....country!

21..I have been known to deny liking something because someone Im getting to know doesnt or like something that I dont through fear of rejection

22..My mum is both my best friend and my biggest struggle

23..I have food and bondage fetishes

22..if i dont have my mp3 player or cd player on i have a song constantly "playing" in my head and feel lost if the song isnt "playing" in my head

23..I am scared of velvet, carpet, velour, scratchy fabrics etc.... and old towels

24..My real father was an angel. he passed away doing the thing he loved most. he was young and running in the hills.

25..I take and hour to fold 10 tshirts and 5 pairs of trousers

[Paris]

Ive been thinking about posting on this thread for a few days and here goes

1. I am 29 and scared of becomign 30 this year

2. I have bpd and more than likely several others dxes that I dont want to admit to anyone.

3. I dont trust people easily

4. My IQ is 149

5. I love books and reading.

6. My fiance died in 2006 in my arms

7. I was abused sexually emotionally and physically all my childhood

8. I was adopted at 6 weeks old.

9. My birth mother was 15 when i was born and i have never met her

10.I used to be a nurse both general and mental health

11.I regret not finishing my first degree

12. I have lots of friends of whom i dont trust any of them

13. I should be a mum to 3 kids by now

14. I have had 8 piercings and 2 tattoos and want more ink!!!!

15. I have piercing blue eyes

16. My nickname is the Ice Queen due to my cold stary eyes

17. Im mad at my best friend for not inviting me out last night

18. I dont tell people how im feeling i wear a mask all the time

19. I have used every drug under the sun

20. I am an alcoholic

21. I smoke too much

23. I have sold my body for money

24. I have many regrets

25. I am TOTALLY in love with my gf she is mending me every day.

phhhhewwwwwwwwww i did it :)