em Posted July 12, 2004 Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 I'd like to know how everyone feels about how children are effected living with a bpd mother. I have been a single mother for 2 years of 2, a boy of 7 and a girl of 4. They see their dad often and on a regular basis, but i'm concerned they are going to pick up on my 'behaviour' patterns and turn out like me. And whether i am putting too much onto them, having to cope with me and my mood swings. I know it effects my son cos he knows when i'm low and he tends to behave better, its not fair on them that they should, why does he? cos i am alot stricter and snap easier than when i'm in a more stable mood. I don't want them to end up like me, would they be best away from me and with their dad, give them a better chance in life, is it selfish of me to keep them with me. I just don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted July 12, 2004 Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 i am no expert. i feel for you. if you love them, don't abuse them and talk with them about what is going on with you... i feel like it is better if they stay with you. maybe you think they are too young to understand but they already know something is going on with you. maybe you could get some family counseling if you aren't already. maybe you could prearrange certain key words you or they could use to let each other know "mom isn't in control" right now. Also maybe you could make sure (if they are old enough) that they always have a phone number of someone they feel safe with, and let them talk to that person in confidence. just some thoughts good luck - bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 12, 2004 Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 Yes, I would try to talk to them about it, by all means. Family counseling might help too. Just some thoughts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flippy Posted July 12, 2004 Report Share Posted July 12, 2004 I dont have kids myself but i do have a 4yr old nephew who i love more than anything else and there are times when i snap and get angry with him over silly things. I believe that if you love them and they know this then it will be ok, talk to them let them know when you feel grumpy if you can. Im a big believer rightly or wrongly that love will conquer all and i know that you love them very much. take care flippy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LanieD116 Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Betsy - you are so in tuned to others - great response! Em - my gosh you sound like a great mom! Very selfless, not at all Selfish! Do you take meds to help? Would you be willing to? I really like the key word idea.... and if you can find an affordable family counselor - they can really help with talking to the kiddos. From all I've read on here - there's not been anything mentioned about BP's turning out BP kids just b/c they are their parents... am I wrong in this assumption? I learn something everyday here =0) Em - you hang in there - you seem to be an awesome mom! Lanie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buoyantcat Posted July 13, 2004 Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 I guess it (BPD) is suspected that it could be biological, but it hasn't been proven. But I know this is not what Em was talking about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
em Posted July 13, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2004 Thanks to everyone for your responses, Laine I did take promazine for anxiety ( dont think my doc agrees with meds cos had to beg for that lol) as for therapy i've waited since feb lsat year for a therapist and i finally have an appointment next week to see what they can offer me, whether the therapy start soon after that i dont know, i hope so.Betsy, My son is old enough, he knows his dads phone number and he only lives in the next street, and i am also friends with a neighbour that the kids can go to if needed, although the friendship between me and her seems to be falling apart. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lucy Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 3 i only have 2 and ive gone grey !! do you get dla? if you do you can apply for childcare funding, thats what i have done i find it hard very hard, but i try and be rational, but it is tiring i think they will be fine, if they are shown love thats the main thing but it is hard Love Lucy :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytales817 Posted July 15, 2004 Report Share Posted July 15, 2004 I wish I could give words of encouragment... but I have a mother with BPD symptoms and it's not easy. I just want to tell you that it won't ever be easy. I don't blame her for what's wrong with me, but I have no close relationship with her at all! STAY CLOSE TO THE KIDS! Don't be embarrassed to go to counseling. Stay in touch with their needs, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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