Didnt Last Long

[Tray]

after sleeping last nite, cause mart did the last feed its all gone to pot...

Keera normally wakes bout 10-11pm then sleeps throu till bout 3-4am. last nite, she didnt get up for her last bottle till 12pm mart said, and he was the one doing that, cause i took the sleeping tab, so i did the next one, she woke at 4am for her bum to be changed and then 5am for bottle. i didnt go back to sleep, i was awake from bout 3am anyway.

well today, i have said repetedlt to mart, are you ok doing it again tonite. cause he kept on moaning about how tired he was. he said its cause he was awake at 6am, and couldnt go back to sleep, thats not my fault, thou he did make a comment about i was snpring, duno how cause i was awake...

well i went out to crib like i do every tue nite, but txt and said i would be back before 10pm, to take my tab so that it would wear off before she woke, ie it would wear off before 3am, when it would be the earliest she woke. i get back, and he's drinking beer. now he sleeps heavy at the best of times, but when he's even had a couple of cans, he's worse. he's had 4. well i was cleaning up before i went to bed, and again i said am you sure bout me taking the tab, yea he said, paused then said, how long will it last for, when i take it, i said a few hours, he said cause if say she ay had her bottle by half 11, 12, and i go to sleep, will you be ok to feed her! well no, i wouldnt so i said fine it doesnt matter i wont take a tablet, he said no take it, im sure iot will prob be fine... i cant risk that, so i said it doesnt matter, if i take it, i wont hear her, and your drinking so if you go to bed, you wont either... he went to start, so i just went to bed.

Keera woke at half 12, mart was still up. i left hr cry a few mins, he didnt come up, so i went in just and fed her, while i was doing that, he's gone to bed, didnt come in to see us, that we were ok. obv i didnt take a tab. so now its nearly half 1am, i am downstairs, wide awake, and i doubt i'll get much sleep again... i had about 45mins just between 10pm and half 12

im so flat inside, i cant even cry and i want to :(

[AveMaria]

Awww that is rough! My fiance does that to me all the time ( or similar things now that our daughters are older) and I think it is one of the things that bothers me the most about him/ our relationship. It makes me feel like he doesn't even care about me at all, but yet it is something that is hard to articulate enough for an argument, so I usually just shut down. It sounds like you are similar, so I am very sorry you are suffering! Could you do something relaxing and soothing for yourself? Like a bath, read a book, do your nails or something similar? Then maybe you will get lulled to sleep for a little bit, or else at least you will be pampered a little. I hope it all works out better and that mart apologizes tomorrow!

xxx

[Tray]

it pisses me off, i feel like i cant ask him to help out, cause he resents it. i know he works hard, and i aint asking him to stay up and do all the feeds, but its not like he was in bed anyway, he doesnt go to bed til late. he aint helping out at all, he hasnt lifted a finger to help in the house, i cook tea every nite, usually whilst feeding Keera, i clean up after, do all the washing, drying, ironing. he doesnt have to do anythin. i dont ask, yet when i do, he looks at me like i shouldnt ask him, or he's too busy, or he 'forgets' yet wheneva anyone calls him, he does stuf for them... all i want is for him to respect me, and help out. his idea of helping of late, was last week, we did the grocery shopping bit later than normal, so he said shal we go to chippy to save me from cooking cause of putting the shopping away, well jeez, thanx a bunch. and then when we got back, keera needed feeding, so i did that whilst he ate, then when he had fin, he didnt take her of me, so i could eat my tea, oh no, he never does, a few days ago, he said, have i gota have her of you to fin feeding her, i said dont bother, i was waiting for you to ask, but you fin your tea 15 mins ago, and im nearly finished now... so i usually get to eat my tea bout hour after its done, bearing in mind that i dont eat all day usually

i just want him to help me a little, instead of just wanting me when it suits him :(

[AveMaria]

Yeah, I can relate and commiserate. Have you talked to him about it at all? Is there a chance that he doesn't know how he is acting is making you feel? I'm sorry I don't have any great advice... I always either talk to my fiance about it and he will be better for a day or two and then go back to normal, or I will just not expect anything of him and find ways to work around him. Neither are that great, but do work for a little bit. I hope you have better luck and I hope just posting on here and being able to get it out is helping you!

xxx

[Rael]

im sorry that he is being so selfish, he should realize that you have been given the tablets to take not just for you to admire the packet while he does what he wants and leaves you to take care of everything. you may have said but have you mentioned to him that if doing it one night makes him that tired then how does he think he would feel if he had to do it the rest of the time, like oyu do?

try and get some sleep while Keera is asleep but if you cant then maybe try and do something nice for yourself, a relaxing bath, a favourite dvd, random tv or curl up with a good book. i hope you get some rest and that he realizes what he is doing.

xxx

[Tray]

well, i went back to bed bout half 2, sat and stared at the clock for a bit, dozed on and off, keera woke at 4-30 am for a feed, just did that, and the little tinker burped rite in my face

its now half 5, bottles are done, just bout to start some washing, washing up done, house clean, gonsa try and go back to bed, but doubt i'll sleep

i think he thinks i just sit on my arse all day, and sleep, how he thinks the house is spotless, washing done, tea on the table while i sleep al day i dont know. i wished i could nap when she oes,m but i cant switch off, there always summat to do, somewhere to go, i try books, tv, but i cant concentrate for too long, i start going into overdrive and overthinking the plots etc

im suppose to be going out fri nite, i cant see that happening, for a start i dont really wana be around people, and two, he'l have to do the feeds, but his daughter staying, so he'd have to bring keera into our room, and he would purposely make noise to wake me up, so i might as well just stay in, its easier...

[Roses]

Sounds like he needs to think about his priorities. I know exactly how you feel and I had caesareans with my 2 and in the end had to get my Mum up to help me. She stayed for about 5/6 weeks in the end as I was just so ill and mentally ill too. Anyway, so I'm thinking she feeds at 10/11 can u take your tablet after this and sleep until the 4am feed? Perhaps between 7-10 you could have a rekaxing bath and get ready for bed so all you have to do after the 10pm feed is curl up in bed. If Mart is gonna only think bout him - you only thinkg bout you honey. Is survival. I would say fuck his washin and ironing and tea and let the bastard d oit all himself. If he isn't gonna respect you how can he expect the same from you??

[Tray]

Roses, i think your great, your so on my wavelenth!

i was thinking that, bout the tab, but sometimes she slepps till midnite, and then i worry she'l have a poo and wake up. I'd rather take a tab knowing that someone else can hear her just in case.

i feel like getting ready, waiting for him to come home from work and going out alone. its shopping day today, i have had to do it on my own with keera, so im gona leave him the shop list, and tell him to try and do it with her, and let him do the bottles etc and get her to bed. but thats petty aint bit?

worst thing is, he has a 6 year old daughter, and when she was born, his girlfriend didnt do anythin, she worked in a pub of a nite, and as soon as he got in from work, she used to hand over the baby and go out. he had to feed her, change her, bathe her, etc... she never cooked for him, never cleaned (seriously) or washed and that and yet he did it, but here he doesnt do a fukling thing! maybe i should just jand keera ova when he gets in from work, after all if i aint here he has to do it dont he? and its not like he cant, i know he can...

[Roses]

Ha ha... i think we r on the same wavelength but as you saud you don't want to be petty and is hard to know where to stop. Is Keera in your room with you? I'm sure if she was to wake at 12 you would hear her in the same room. But is what you feel comfortable with and if you don't feel you'd hear her is best to err on the side of caution. I'm sorry you are in this situation Tracy it sucks and its only when you have a child of your own you appreciate all the pressures and problems mothers have to contend with. It took a lot of talking and listening and patience for me and hubbie to get where we are and I'm sure you two can get there too. It's amazing what they will do for other people isn't it? My hubbie used to do practically nothing around the house but whenever his Mam was visiting he would be all over me and the children asking if we needed anything etc... and I was like - "creep". Luckily those days are gone and I wouldn't be there again if you paid me.

You wanna hear something funny? My hubbie has a terrible habit of taking his socks off downstairs in evening. In itself is no problem only he leaves them there. In the middle of the lounge. He goes upstairs to get dressed (same floor as wash bin) yet still they remain there.... so what i did was tell him if he didn't put them in the wash bin i would not wash them. Right, so they get left there and i put them in a plastic bag in cupbard. bout 10 days later he starting to run out of socks... but instead of learning his lesson he goes and buys some more!!!!! Haha - the little bugger! The jokes on me... but he did get the point.

Is hard to sort out what is a serious problem and what is a funny irritating thins when you are really poorly and down and maybe 5/6 years ago would've seen me burning his socks in the garden in protest but now can see just silly thing. Perhaps write a list of serious problems and silly problems might help you feel less swamped by it all and then you can think of how to change the serious ones. xxx

[Tray]

keera in her own room. when i did take one the other nite, i didnt hear her wake.

i do feel like going on strike, but like you said, he would jusy buy more clothes! then i would end up with a filthy hgouse to clean... so it aint worth it. i do think tho i will do that tonite, just hand her over and go out for a break. i do need some time to myself to unwined, it might help me sleep xxx

[Roses]

It might give him a wake up call. And you will get some time. I hope it goes well. xxx

[Rael]

i hope you managed to get some time to yourself and that he gets the idea.

xxx

[Tray]

well it didnt go to plan but think i got my point across... when he walked in, i handed her over and said im gpoing out and walked out, and promptly burst into tears.

he txt me for the car key, i said why do u need that, and then we had a txt row, i came home, only been gone 20 mins, and had a go at him. told him i cant cope, i need help, and said maybe i should do what his ex did... he said well maybe you should. this lasted for hour, then it was time for keera to go to bed, so i went up, and said go on then, do her routine... he hadnt got a clue, so i told him step by step, i think it shocked him what i have to do. then i went to bed at 8pm, i have started my period and its really painfull. i didnt eat at all y-day, but bonus i did sleep a bit, due to painkillers, but form midnite keera got up every 2 hours for a small feed, little tinker her, im sure its cause she wanted cuddles lol

i dont think things will change, but i feel a bit better for getting it all out

thank you everyone for listening to me rant again xxx

[saphyreraine]

It sounds like a really difficult evening

Do you think he might be doing so little because previously he had to do it all? That on some level he's rebelling? (no good for you I know).

It isn't fair you should have the entire responsibility though...do you think you could talk it through and find a bit more of a balance? Everybody needs their time and space, and having a baby makes that hard but not impossible....

((tray)) xx

[Roses]

I agree with broken honey. Could one of you get her ready for bed and the other do the feed and snuggling? That way he won't feel he being left to do it all again and you won't feel he taking the pee so much. Cos I bet it's not that you probably wanted a night out on the town - you just needed a break. And you can have a break in your own lounge with your own tv and fridge full of treats!! xxx

[Tray]

broken, i think your right, he feels like he already did it, and doesnt want to go there again, like, his ex totally took the piss, i wouldnt do that. but the relationship prob's we do have, its all down to the way he was treated by her,

i dont want him to do everythin, i enjoy looking after her, but i do need the break each day. i wish we could both put her to bed every nite, i guess its trial and error x

[Roses]

I know Tray. Is the cry of mothers the world over. You are not alone. xxx

[Tray]

oh roses, im so very glad your here... xxx

[Roses]

Thank you sweetie. You've no idea how good that makes me feel for you to say that and I am glad you are being so strong through all this. You are a wonderful person and deserve all the love and support you crave. Keep talking. xxx

[Rael]

i hope it did make him see some of what you are having to do on your own and that he will be receptive to ways of both doing things and giving you a well earned break.

xxx