Binge Eating Disorder For 14 Years And Had Enough!

[emz80]

i have been binge eating and yoyo dieting since i was 14 (i am now 28) i just can't cope with it any more.. my dress size goes between a size 8 and a size 14... i feel most happy at size 10 though and wish i could stick at this size.

not only do i want to maintain a size, i am so scared of messing my body up and getting a disease .. i am so into health and fitness yet at the same time i sabbotage everything with my uncontrolable binge eating.

some days it might not be so bad and other days i will eat till i feel sick.. wait tillthe feeling of sickness dies down and then top it back up again with more eating.

i may go through a long period of eating quite healthy with only the odd binge here n there (sometimes up to about 6-7 months) i feel good, i look good ... and then it all goes tits up again and the bingeing starts all over again and its even harder to pull myself back out of it and get back to healthy eating again.

sometimes i drink alcohol to stop myself from bingeing and then i binge to stop myself from drinking ... its a vicious bloody cycle

the only one thing i am good with is drinking loads of water.. even when i am at my most unhealthiest i still drink plenty of the stuff so that is one plus point.

i really have had enough... it rules my life and i want to be in control SO BAD.

what makes it worse is that i have a 4 year old daughter now so i often have treats for her inthe cupoards.... there has beeb times when i have gone on a mad one and eating all of her food while promising myself that i will go and buy it all back the next day... why the hell am i spending extra money that i dont need to just to put on weight, mess up my body and feel like crap??? GRR

what does anyone else do if you are a binge eater with kids?? how do you stop yoursel from eating thier chocolate/ ice cream etc??

also i am in the process of being diagnosed with bpd.... when recovering from this does the binge eating get better or do you need a seperate sort of treatment for it???

any more tips from people who have over come or are over coming binge eating???

if it all went away it would be the biggest weight lifted off my shoulders as it totaly rules my whole life

thanks alot

x

[Roses]

I'm afraid I don't have any answers for you Em. I started with anorexia at 12/13 and then that turned into bulimia in late teens. I now range from starving to bingeing/purging and am 33 with 5 year old and 9 year old. With regards to eating the kids treats I guess there is no answer but there is a choice. Is like with anything if you take it all away you just end up craving it all the more. Is about learning how to open those cupboards and say that you know the food is in there but you don't want to eat it all. This takes therapy. Get some my friend. Preferrably cbt/dbt for deep rooted behavioural problems. Or is ther a specialist eating disorder unit near you. You are near London so may well be one. Get your pdoc to refer you. The Eating Disorders Association has changed it's name but if you google them it should bring up the new name and they are invaluable for informatio, advice and support. I used them a lot when I was younger and they have repite care place and all sorts (newsletter/penfriends etc)... Hope this helps. xxx

[Crocus]

I'm actually obese, but I too go up and down in sizes and go from eating healthy to binging. I have to say the only time I can eat healthy is when I make the choice to avoid the sweets/biscuits and snack aisles when I go shopping. I try not to give my kids too many sweets anyway, so I don't need them in the house, I can buy them one sweet at the shop when I want to treat them and let them have it either straight away or save it for after dinner. If I stockpile bad food in the house I have to eat it! So the best thing I can advise is to try to do what I do and avoid those aisles!

[emz80]

thanks roses.. i wil check out the ED-association deffinetly.. so you have had 20 years of eating issues which are still not better? i bet it drives you crazy.

i did see an eating disorder therapist for a while.. maybe about 6 months but didnt feel it was doing anything for me at all.. i think it could have been her though.. she was nice enough but i didnt feel like i fully clicked with her and sometimes she lookd as though she was a bit bored during the sessions HA HA charming.

am seeing a therapist at the moment and having a few more sessions with her before it is decided exactly what is going to be done about my messed up head.

hi sweetdeanie... yep i agree that not having anything in the house will help me ... i try to think of saving money .. like if i buy a multi pack of whatever from the supermarket then it wil lsave me money then going to shop near me a couple of times a week to get her some crisps or biscuits etc. i guess though that in times like this 'what is a few extra pounds when it could prolong my life and stop me stupid eating habits'.

sometimes thought even when i havent got anything in th house i will get so desperate to binge that i will go through great lengths to make sure i manage it... like for instance one time i needed to binge so bad that i made up a flapjack mix and ate the mixture before i had even put it in the oven ... they didnt even get to be proper flapjacks hahaha.. i laugh now but its bad.

somtimes i have binged so bad on sugar that i nearly pass out .... i am literally shaking and buzzing so hard on the sugar that i am lying there thinking i am going to die. why the hell would i do that to myself?? why would anyone??

it's times like that that i wish i could do the purging bit aswell .. but i have never done that really .. only when i have drank too much alcohol. my way of burning off the extra calories is doing loads of walking and exercise .... i guess i would be bigger is it wasn't for that.