bumblepipi Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 I feel like the entire existance of me is falling apart I know it is panic, Panic because I ate half a naan bread and a little left over curry that I made for everybody yesterday. Rationmally I know this is not a bad thin but I feel like It has to go. I am sitting here trying to be good Hamlet is screaming at me the whole s cen ary is crashing down arond me I can't breathe I feel like I ca n't breathe, I feel like tears are going to explode I c annot stand it. Half an houir ago i was flying in myt happiness of getting bacxk into my jeans tellling my cpn how great everything was, although I've been a bad girl and spent to much money in town. I need to get back there. I cannot breathe. Fuck I'll have to swim for at least 2 hours now. Bring me back to the river where I make her happy. Stay away from the river it's too dangerous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted March 13, 2009 Report Share Posted March 13, 2009 Panic sucks!!! Naan and curry are irresistable, you HAVE to forgive yourself for eating it. Next time, share some with me! Swimming is good, too. It seems like you do very healthy and delicious things, just super-intensely. And then you tell yourself these healthy and delicious things are terrible and you're evil for doing them....sounds familar, I do the same thing. I think the panic comes out of the blaming part, gearing up for the punishment we just know is coming. Darlin, there's no more punishment except what we give to ourselves. I go over to my friend A's house, all panic stricken about spending too much, or having drunk too much, or having been a psychobitch, and he tells me "So? what really came of it? did the world end? did anyone beat you up?" and I realize that no objective harm actually comes of what I'm so panicked about. The objective harm comes when I act out in fear and sh or self sabotage. But it feels so real and so huge at the moment...it's my personal quest to heal my touchy amygdala (fight or flight area of the brain) so that I can be free of panic, stop being ruled by my fears. I add my light to yours.lovecat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bumblepipi Posted March 14, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 14, 2009 Thankyou cat. Yes the harm comes from myself. The way I react to the panic. Didn't keep anything down, spent the rest of the day in a haze with spikes sticking in me. The only release was when I was swimming the all i do is breathe and count numbers. I can't seem to control myself at the moment. :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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