Alcohol-surely There Are Abusers Here

[Hamza112]

I don't mean to endorse this terrible curse but there must be people like me who found solace in this drug (if temporarily). Ever since i started drinking couple of years ago at the age of 25, I've stopped cutting and my emotions aren't in control of me. I'm sure the minute i stop drinking, the waves of high and lows will return. I'm just surprised that no1 else is discussing this topic. What it does? how to stop it? Are there any bpd's with alcohol problems, past and present? I would love to talk to you. I want to stop more than anything. But i have no alternative. Therapy hasn't worked. Medications were useless. Alcohol has given me a temporary reprieve but demons, i know for sure, are awaiting at the gate. Many abuse alcohol in attempt to drain their emotional wounds. I use it to numb the pain. Surely, some1 can else can relate?

[Saharah Blue]

my first indication of using alcohol to cope was when I was a teen. I realized it meant more to me than many of my friends, that is when I first started my own awareness of this substance. With some effort I taught myself to moderate by limiting myself to only 3 drinks at a session. It worked.

Later in my 20's I found I had to keep re approaching this method. There have been times when I didn't care, felt I'd lost everything of value and having a drink kept it at bay. These periods are occasional phases, since I have learned there are so many times I value a clear head a good sleep to alcohol.

Now the times I drink the most to cope, are times of transition, when I am not here nor there. Time and life has shown me that these phases have an end, I will be able to get on board with reality ie.. pain eventually and process it correctly. I am not an alcoholic, I never have been. I am not a heavy drinking either, but I do go through times when I am a problem drinker.

So, it is there. It takes the edge off the stress and struggle, but I have never adopted it as the cure. Moderation is possible, it takes work, awareness, and a willingness to be honest with why you are drinking now. Also a willingness to process it as soon as you feel stable enough to.

I don't know if this helps, it is just my experience,

Sah

[nuclearwinter]

There are quite a few people with BPD on the board who use alcohol to self-medicate too, I am one of them. Perhaps you should pose your queries and questions and look for support in the BPD board.

I started using alcohol at 12 and binge drinking with friends at the weekend til I was 15, then give up for 2 years. Then when I developed bulimia at 18 I began drinking again. Went to university - life was all about drink. Began drinking heavily. half a bottle of gin a night (also smoking between 10 and 20 joints of cannabis a night). Got referred to addicitions services in Scotland. Went to post graduate university in Dublin. Drinking 3 litres of Vodka a week and smoking cannabis morning noon and night. Developed drug induced psychosis. Stopped smoking cannabis in 2004 but psychosis never went away leaving me with schizophrenia. Continued heavy drinking and seeing addictions counsellor - periods of abstinence followed by periods of heavy drinking. Admitted to psych ward in 2005 with sever alcohol dependence and alcoholic hallucinosis - got detoxed. Began drinking again. Have had periods on and off alcohol since. I have found that alcohol greatly increases my psychosis, depresses me, stops my meds from working, encourages me to cut and OD, makes me feel really ill and makes me cry.

I was smuggling Smirnoff minatures into my bedroom until 5 weeks ago and I restarted my Topiramate at 250mg (now 300mg) and havent had a drink since. I realise my life is much better without alcohol.

nuclear x

[Tray]

i use alcholol at times too

i started drinking when i was 12, to numb the pain, and help me sleep... i go throu stages of drinking lots, being good and only drinking a little, and not drinking at all

i use it too numb myself to function, to give me a high, to sleep, to cope... all depends on the situation

[Data]

I have a personality disorder (not BPD). Like others on here I drink heavily - and have done for years. I average about a bottle of wine a night but I used to have lots more.

I think it is having my wife and family that has made me reduce it. Now I only drink at night and I find it relaxes me on an evening which is great . However, the hangover and nervous tension the next day are not so great .

Under the depression and anxiety forum, there is an addiction issues subforum that you might find helpful.

[Shelley]

Im an alcoholic in recovery.

Like people have said; I started drinking at 13, It made me everything I wasn/t....sociable, excepted, relaxed, felt like I belonged in that 'bad crowd' as my mum called it. I found HOME!

I could go on and on like those people in AA but I/ll spare you! (I don/t like AA)

I havn/t had a drink for over a year; I just switched addiction/s to Valium instead, which Im now coming off slowly.

Had one relapse 6 months ago but that was a form of s/h as I take medication that would make very ill If I drank.

[blackorwhite]

HI

Yep i've abused alcohol since my mid-teens but wasnt dx'd with bpd till last year when i was drinking round the clock to take edge off anxiety and the other crap that goes along with depression/bpd etc. I was off it for 8mths and then relapsed last Xmas after a 2 day binge. I almost killed myself the drinking made me suicidal and ended up taking a weeks worth of medication and up the hospital being hooked on a drip. This is my personal story and everyone's illness is different. I know i have depression and take anti depressants to help and remember alcohol is a depressant and if you mix the two it's a lethal cocktail. I've now abstained for nearly 4 mths and take Acamprosate to stop the cravings. I then swapped alcohol for Valium and started abusing that which i've also stopped. Its very difficult to stop an addiction if you do not have a strategy in place (ie therapy/medication) and people to support i know where i end up back on the easiest thing i know, alcohol and abusing my meds. I am now off this rollercoaster as if i drink next time i'll end up doing something very stupid and i dont want that. I could find any excuse to drink/blame someone but i'm a grown woman and have to take responsibilities for my actions. i am an addict thru and thru but am on a journey discovering who i am really meant to be and not masking it over with drink and drugs. dunno if this will help someone but i hope so...good luckxxx

[Benway]

Hi,

I was never much of a one for the drink - against my national stereotype- and stopped drinking for good when i found out i was pregnant some 19 yrs ago. I might have a glass of champagne or a coctail for a special occasion now.

But i have and still do self medicate occasionally. If my heads in a mess, its easier to take a valium than s/h or obsess about suicide- which i tend to do at my worst.

I think that is why ppl with MH proplems have a higher propensity to abuse substances, from drink to e to valium to heroin.

It relieves the pain, for a few hours. And brings with it a whole new set of problems.

Blackorwhite im glad you are proud of yourself for abstaining - way to go.

I used absue benzos, up till quite recently, they have been prescribed for me for 10 years. I used be buying them online, i started that 2 years ago. Terribe situation to get into. Before i knew it i had a big tolerance, and spent thousands on all my little pills. I'm glad i managed to 'tox down to what i am prescribed by my psych before xmas. I started buying them online as my psych halfed my dose of xanax in 2 weeks, and i could not cope- i was a quivering, panic riddled frightened little girl again. And no amount of pleading with him would make him reinstate the dose i had been on for years before that. He was new, and anti- benzo, sand did this to many patients on my team when he joined the service 2 years ago.

I am an addict thru and thru also. I often wonder what makes someone an addict, and someone who will drink/ take their pills etc responsibly. As i said, i do believe some sort of self medication can be a part of it.

Thanks for sharing your story. And best of luck to you girl.

Anne Marie

[catspiracy]

I view my drinking in terms of my bipolar affective disorder more than my bpd. I binge-drink when manic or rapid cycling. I drink a lot in a short period of time, usually heavy-duty vodka and juice drinks. So I am still up, around, and posting when the black-out-drunk hits. I end up picking fights with my family or posting weird shit I don't remember until I see it again the next day and feel ashamed. I also s/h when drinking--I pick my skin into wounds, kind of like trichtillomania but it's called dermatillomania when you dig into your skin instead of plucking hairs. I've noticed that I use alcohol when I'm angry or the most full of self-loathing, as it seems to be another way to pinch myself out of existence. I believe that for me, alcohol is a channel that lets my dad's malignant energy to come back inside me and feed the serpent lodged parallel to my kundalini. For me, it's best not to have drinks in the house (except beer, i hate that and won't drink it) or else I will compulsively drink them for no good reason. I agree with the person above who talked about being mindful about drinking. When I am in that zone, I don't bring drinks home and I'm ok. When I feel the top begin to wind up for a crazy spin, and I know I'm going to drink to take the edge off, I will usually carve out a safe space for me to get plastered: make sure I don't have to drive anywhere, the kids are safely at home fed and with activities to keep them busy, and I like to do yard work when I start drinking maybe because of the rage link--i can dig furiously in the garden to work out that rage.

Cannabis for me is a nurturing herb and I don't think it belongs in the same category as alcohol or other drugs.

[Ocean Wolf]

My fiance has an undiagnosed mental health problem and addiction issues. He's been drinking since he was 12 and did coke in high school. He hasn't been on very much recently (I blame zombie games ) but will probably come back soon.

[bumblepipi]

Hi,

I was never much of a one for the drink - against my national stereotype- and stopped drinking for good when i found out i was pregnant some 19 yrs ago. I might have a glass of champagne or a coctail for a special occasion now.

But i have and still do self medicate occasionally. If my heads in a mess, its easier to take a valium than s/h or obsess about suicide- which i tend to do at my worst.

I think that is why ppl with MH proplems have a higher propensity to abuse substances, from drink to e to valium to heroin.

It relieves the pain, for a few hours. And brings with it a whole new set of problems.

Blackorwhite im glad you are proud of yourself for abstaining - way to go.

I used absue benzos, up till quite recently, they have been prescribed for me for 10 years. I used be buying them online, i started that 2 years ago. Terribe situation to get into. Before i knew it i had a big tolerance, and spent thousands on all my little pills. I'm glad i managed to 'tox down to what i am prescribed by my psych before xmas. I started buying them online as my psych halfed my dose of xanax in 2 weeks, and i could not cope- i was a quivering, panic riddled frightened little girl again. And no amount of pleading with him would make him reinstate the dose i had been on for years before that. He was new, and anti- benzo, sand did this to many patients on my team when he joined the service 2 years ago.

I am an addict thru and thru also. I often wonder what makes someone an addict, and someone who will drink/ take their pills etc responsibly. As i said, i do believe some sort of self medication can be a part of it.

Thanks for sharing your story. And best of luck to you girl.

Anne Marie

Hi anne marie been trying to PM you but your box is full or something will try again later. Bumble x

[nuclearwinter]

Cannabis for me is a nurturing herb and I don't think it belongs in the same category as alcohol or other drugs.

Nurturing herb? Yeah sure, some people just end up getting drug induced psychosis, panic attacks and severe paranoia from being on it.. Not to mention being consumed by inertia and apathy and throwing their lives away by indifference

And as for it being physically addictive. Oh no of course it isn't! Some people just end up getting serious 'wantings' for it!

What a load of BS... Potentially dangerous BS on a forum of vulnerable people.

[successful_workthru]

Knocking the amphetamines on the head, plus some recent stress to do with money, has had my once buried alcohol habit rear it's ugly head this last few weeks.

I know speed is bad, but I think it did me a favour, before it left me, I think it rendered my stomach incapable of holding alchohol.

The last few times I have had it (only a couple of drinks) has made me sick. I hate being sick, it pisses me off, especially repeated vomitting.

The frustratig thing, is I know this, I hate puking, so why the sudden comeback of a once fierce addiction, I thought I had killed. (I messed my stomach up with alchohol too, through drinking on an empty stomach many times)

I am now avoiding alchohol aisles in shops, am avoiding social situations where booze is, and if I have to, I will start to do my grocery shop online, as I find it much less of a temptation in the safety of my own home.

I am sure that alcohol messes me up mentally as well, because I have noticed that I feel really sketched out for one or two days after drinking alcohol. This has nothing to do with drugs, as they are out the window now.

[basimelhabashy]

You give some good thoughts on what should be the effects of alcohol drinking and what should be necessary steps to be taken.In starting phase keep a small amount or no alcohol at home. Don't keep temptations around.