What Not To Post?

[Lance]

EDIT: I'm just venting more than anything so just take what I say with a pinch of shit. Meh...

I'm a bit shaken up at the moment as I just recieved another PM about one of my topics affecting somebody. It's not the first time. I won't say which it is or who it was from, but I'm feeling bloody aweful about it now. This place is littered with so many grim stories and often grim details. Isn't that what this place is for? For us to safely share our feelings, stories, and emotions with each other?

I mean, I put those huge trigger warning smilies in the post, then multiple warnings throughout what I say. I can't physically stop somebody from choosing to ignore them. Believe me, I wish what goes on in my head was as easy-going as a Disney story but it's not. That's why I'm here, and why you guys are here too.

Don't get me wrong, 99% of the responses I get are incredibly heart-felt, lengthy and emotionally supportive. But if just one individual says I upset them, it completely throws me and I start panicking that there could be more and that I may actually be stirring up some serious shit. They say it affects them, but it affects ME too, that's WHY I'm posting it! I'm just wanting to find some personal answers, you know?

So I have to ask, is there a threshold of detail? Are there limits to what we can and can't say? It's a damn aweful feeling knowing you've upset somebody by telling a part of your story, something that plagues on your own mind day-in day-out until you just HAVE to talk about it before you go insane, just for somebody to ask WHY you spoke......

If the person who sent me the most recent PM is reading this, please don't take this personally as it's not aimed at you, but just in general. I become so paranoid about what I choose to say and eventually say nothing at all.

Peace, Lance

[Wobbles]

Lance, i can understand you're feeling frustrated and upset, however, that's what the trigger warnings are for, and if someone chooses to continue reading, knowing full well it could upset them, it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY, NOT YOURS!!!

You've done the socially responsible thing by warning people and giving them a choice. You're not responsible for anyone else's feelings or actions, and if someone chooses to read something they were warned may upset them, and it does in fact upset them, and they decide to inappropriately inform you of how they think you've upset them, you have every right to feel angry.

This forum is here for us all to share our stories, advice, emotions, support, friendship, and sometimes difficult things will be discussed, and it is our own personal responsibility to take our own health into our own hands, and stay away from potentially upsetting posts, and if we don't, then we have no one to blame but ourselves.

My suggestion is to ignore any messages that you feel are inappropriate and feel that the author is attempting pass responsibility for their emotions onto you. It is not fair, and i'd hate to think that you or anyone else is too afraid to post honestly because of fear of how others might react.

If you don't like something, don't read it. If there are warnings, and you feel particularly fragile, don't read it. And if you do read it, don't blame the poster if you get upset about the content, especially if it's not aimed at your personally.

[Tulip]

Lance, i can understand you're feeling frustrated and upset, however, that's what the trigger warnings are for, and if someone chooses to continue reading, knowing full well it could upset them, it is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY, NOT YOURS!!!

You've done the socially responsible thing by warning people and giving them a choice. You're not responsible for anyone else's feelings or actions, and if someone chooses to read something they were warned may upset them, and it does in fact upset them, and they decide to inappropriately inform you of how they think you've upset them, you have every right to feel angry.

This forum is here for us all to share our stories, advice, emotions, support, friendship, and sometimes difficult things will be discussed, and it is our own personal responsibility to take our own health into our own hands, and stay away from potentially upsetting posts, and if we don't, then we have no one to blame but ourselves.

My suggestion is to ignore any messages that you feel are inappropriate and feel that the author is attempting pass responsibility for their emotions onto you. It is not fair, and i'd hate to think that you or anyone else is too afraid to post honestly because of fear of how others might react.

If you don't like something, don't read it. If there are warnings, and you feel particularly fragile, don't read it. And if you do read it, don't blame the poster if you get upset about the content, especially if it's not aimed at your personally.

Yeah i agree 100 pre cent,I'm a member on a couple of forums and i've seen this happen alot,As you said if you put trigger on you posts then its NOT your fault if the member decides to read the TOPIC that is there fault not yours,This is what forums are for.

Tulip xxx

[Roses]

It is difficult. I have read things with warnings before because I was worried about the person posting it due to their past posts. I was upset by the content of this thread but I understood it was my own fault. We are all triggered by such a wide variety of things that it is impossible to say what content is too much or goes too far. I think the rules just talk about not getting into religious arguements and the such don't they??

Lance, my understanding of these forums is that they are a blank canvas for us to write upon. There have been a few particularly upsetting posts on her recently and I never read your Bulgar one as I knew I would get upset by it. And it's pretty obvious from the title what it was gonna contain so if it is this post that is in question the person who got upset by it should have known it was gonna be upsetting and steered well clear like I did.

And my not viewing your post btw doesn't mean I don't care as I do, just gotta put me first. xxxxx

[Lance]

Thanks a lot guys.

Just quickly want to say again that the last person that PMed me appologized before I even created this topic, as did I. We're cool. Just hope they don't take this as an attack because it wasn't meant that way. As for previous PMs, well I can't even remember who they were but they were a little less subtle about how I upset them...

@Roses: The Bulger post is this case, yes. I would like to say though, that it is only the first post of that topic and just a few lines of detail that are triggering (for most people). But the whole point in that topic was about how I related to it, not the event itself. And the following posts raised some interesting branch topics. So it's a fairly safe topic, no graphic stuff after the initial post.

Peace, Lance

[Wobbles]

Glad it's sorted out Lance, but personally i feel this is an important thread and topic for future.

[Roses]

I'm glad it's sorted out too. You are a lovely person and thanks for taking the time to explain about the content. xxx

[successful_workthru]

Yeah i agree 100 pre cent,I'm a member on a couple of forums and i've seen this happen alot,As you said if you put trigger on you posts then its NOT your fault if the member decides to read the TOPIC that is there fault not yours,This is what forums are for.

Tulip xxx

I agree with this.

The nature of mental or emotional conditions in alot of cases, is that we have stuff on our minds, and yeah, here is agood place to share.

Trigger warnings are handy.

I read depending on my sensitivity level at the time.

I have something on my mind (for another thread, though) which I cannot establish, if I have experienced it, or just dreamt it, thought it, or whatever)

I think it's a good thing to assess your state at any given time, and then decide if you want to read. you can always scroll down one line at a time, and you can always leave the thread at any time, and come back later if you feel upto it.

[roxy222]

agree, i hate censorship in general and well if theres warnings then there should be no need. I appriciate that there are times where mods steping in is necessary but at the end of the day we should be able to be grown up bout conversations. i do get seriouslly pissed off if people dont put triggers where there should be though, in general, not just on here.

[Rael]

when you put trigger warnings on posts then they are there for others to take heed of and often you can tell from the title or from the first couple of lines whether it is something you are in a good space to read or not. there are always going to be things on a site like this that are going to be difficult for people to read but the fact that they have been posted means that they are causing problems and difficult thoughts for the person posting them too and they have a right to be heard and supported too. i have posted things before with big trigger warnings and then been complained at for posting it and it does make you feel bad and guilty but it really shouldnt.

as long as its not political, religious or talking about actively sh'ing or od'ing or anything then people can post what they like as long as there is sufficient warning and it is up to everyone else to decide whether they are up to reading something or if they are maybe feeling too sensitive for it.

ummm i guess my short answer there is you have done nothing wrong and i am really glad that you were able to sort it out with the person and that it is ok

xxx

[AndyL]

Okay, I have taken appropriate action, including moving this topic to a forum better suited to its subject.

[Lance]

Thanks again Andy.

[bibiddi]

I dont feel trigger warnings abstain the op from taking responsibility in what they write.

Everyone here has mental health issues, and we all get triggered, so in theory if there is a trigger warning, no one should read that post in case it triggers us.

[Roses]

Huh? That's like a paradox.

[Lance]

Huh? That's like a paradox.

Exactly what I thought...

[bibiddi]

Not at all.

You don't write a post in order for it not to be read.

So, put the trigger warning on, and then be responsible in what you write, knowing it may distress people.

Like I said, a trigger warning doesn't abstain the OP from taking responsibility for what they write.

[Wobbles]

Not at all.

You don't write a post in order for it not to be read.

So, put the trigger warning on, and then be responsible in what you write, knowing it may distress people.

Like I said, a trigger warning doesn't abstain the OP from taking responsibility for what they write.

True, but each person reading the OP needs to also take responsible for themselves and their own feelings, and using common sense not to read anything containing warnings if they're feeling vulnerable.

[Roses]

I have a headache now.

[Roses]

So if there's a road sign saygin "don't enter steep cliff" and someone drives off the cliff the people who posted the sign are responsible for them going off the cliff?????????????????????????

[AndyL]

Not at all.

You don't write a post in order for it not to be read.

So, put the trigger warning on, and then be responsible in what you write, knowing it may distress people.

Like I said, a trigger warning doesn't abstain the OP from taking responsibility for what they write.

I agree, but only to a point. We should take responsibility for what we write. But, to use Roses's car metaphor, the trigger warning is a roadblock. We may drive through the roadblock but we do so at our own risk.

[bibiddi]

I can see what you are saying. But surely by someone putting a 'dont enter' sign (continuing the metaphor), they actually dont want anyone to go there.

Whereas someone writing a post actually wants it to be read, and feedback given.

Also, what may trigger one day, may not trigger another day.

So, ultimately, what I am saying is yes, I do agree with Wobbles, that the reader should be responsible in what they view. But that the OP should take responsibility in how they write things.

[Roses]

No, people are triggered by different things. He clearly posted not only a trigger but an explaination of what they might find upsetting so it is your own fault if you then read it. He posted for it to be read but he posted with sensitivity. If this is ignored he cannot be held responsible we are all adults here and understand what a warning is. I read the warning and didn't read any further, still haven't. And I was grateful to him for posting that warning. This really is turning into a pointless discussion.

[Lance]

*sigh*

:mellow:

[Wobbles]

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with a 'trigger' or 'triggering person' in a healthy, constructive manner?

[Tulip]

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with a 'trigger' or 'triggering person' in a healthy, constructive manner?

I really can't see the problem if you put TRIGGER on the topic,It's upto that person if they read it or NOT,That is my opinion.