What Not To Post?

[Wobbles]

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with a 'trigger' or 'triggering person' in a healthy, constructive manner?

I really can't see the problem if you put TRIGGER on the topic,It's upto that person if they read it or NOT,That is my opinion.

Yes i understand, but when there are no trigger warnings, or something happens in everyday life that triggers you, there are no warnings, so what is a good, constructive, healthy way of dealing with the emotions that are thrown up when something does trigger you?

[Tulip]

Me peronally i don't get triggered easy,I know alot of people do,I think though if somebody is in crisis they should consider others feelings and put on the thread TRIGGERING,I know that some don't,I really don't know the answer to that.

Tulip.

[Crocus]

If it's posted in crisis, it's likely to be triggering so best to avoid if you know you might be triggered by that type of post. In rl if you are aware of what triggers you, you can avoid those situations, though sometimes this isn't always possible so perhaps try to learn grounding techniques and distraction, destressing or calming techniques for after the event. If you are involved with someone who is often triggering or what I'd call toxic I would avoid them as much as possible by either limiting time spent with them, discussing with them the kinds of things they might say that trigger you and ask them to avoid those conversations, or if all else fails get them out your life as I have done with my mother.

[Roses]

Wobbles - I have a lot of thoughts about avoiding triggers or triggering people, perhaps you could post a new thread and we could all have a chat about it?

[Life is sweet]

A pinch of shit huh? I will have to remember that one.

[Lance]

A pinch of shit huh? I will have to remember that one.

Oh and of course I only meant with this topic, not everything say wherever whenever

[Joshua]

The end of the day who is to know what will trigger each and every person?

This is a forum for people with mental health issues and often people who have had very negative expereinces in the past. If dealing with triggers is to much for someone then this may not be the place for them. Each post that is viewed must be done with the possability your opening something that may trigger you.

[Wobbles]

The end of the day who is to know what will trigger each and every person?

This is a forum for people with mental health issues and often people who have had very negative expereinces in the past. If dealing with triggers is to much for someone then this may not be the place for them. Each post that is viewed must be done with the possability your opening something that may trigger you.

Sorry Joshua, i understand what you're saying, and if you read my post above to Lance, i support him.

I'm a little pissed off, considering i've put in 3 reports, and sent you a message also about the fact that i've been publicly abused and attacked by another member on here. I have also submitted a ticket. So i've done what i'm suppose to do yet nothing has been done about it. The post has not been removed in which i was abused, and the person responsible has not been repremanded in any way.

There have also been so supporting posts from anyone else, and as a result, i will not participating in this forum anymore.

Moderators are unsupportive, you yourself have done nothing about the issue, and i refuse to be treated this way. I have always treated people here with respect and consideration, i've done my best to give as much as i take in regards to support, i've tried making friends, and it has gotten me nowhere. For my troubles, i get abused.

And i'm writing this here, because all of my other attempts to contact yourself and moderators through submitting reports and tickets, and sending pms has failed.

I feel completely let down, unvalidated, ignored, abused, attacked, unsupported by everyone here, and all because of one new member who was having a bad day and decided to take it out on me.

Thanks a lot!!

Goodbye all.

PS Please remove all threads started by myself.

[Joshua]

Hello

We dont remove posts as this messes up the structure of the forums and also causes offence to the people who have spent much time in responding.

We are a small org with limited resources and tickets are not always responded to as quickly as some may like. We may no promis to time responses just that we will respond.

[hummm_mabbe]

To Wobbles

I dont know what happened to cause upset and havent seen the post, but I want you to know that I like you and want to support you, and enjoy reading your posts. Please dont feel like nobody cares, cuz they do I know you DO feel that way, so its silly of me to say please dont, but um you know what I mean.

Sometimes I get incredibly peed off at people too and end up needing to keep away from the forum for a while, and then I just avoid their posts in the future. I really hope that you will be able to do that too and still feel that others are here for you.

[catspiracy]

Wobbles, I hope you don't go. I enjoy your posts very much and would miss you a lot if you leave.

[HONEYSWEET]

sorry wobble but the personal attacks were on me from yrself and i responed. you still seeked out attacks on me as you kept replying nasty stuff on the posts I CREATED. you seeked me out, you came on to my post being nasty not once have i gone on to yr posts and wrote anything, not once have i replyed to u on any1 elses posts either, i tried to keep my self safe from u and YOU NOT ME, YOU seeked me out and are now trying to put guilt on others!

[Crocus]

Honey can I please ask you to drop it? Wobbles is a much liked and respected member of this forum. I've personally not seen one 'nasty' post from her to anyone, including yourself on this forum and I amongst others are finding this whole thing extremely distressing as we don't want to isolate you or not offer you support, but don't want to lose someone we've come to respect and like and need.

I know I'm not the only one as others have raised this subject in chat and commented on how distressing they are finding the whole thing. Although you have a right to your own opinion there's no harm in trying to express it in a more tactful or diplomatic manner than what you have done, rather than quite nastily calling Wobbles out in public on this forum.

If you really felt there was a problem you could have pm'd her to try to discuss it and sort it out without offending her and humiliating her in front of everyone.

It's probably not the best thing to do when you've just come to a forum as a new member and do this to someone who's been here for a long time and built friendships here.

I think it's such a shame because you've offered me such good advice and been so caring towards me that I hate to think that I might have to avoid you so that I can show my support to Wobbles.

This is not because of Wobbles making us choose either, because even had she not said anything about how you have made her feel, I have seen what you have said to her myself and already felt in a predicament and very concerned about how I should act on it.

I can totally see where she is coming from as I've been there before on another forum where I felt unsupported by those that I had felt close to and trusted. It is natural to want to defend your friends when you feel they are being attacked and I'm sure you can understand the difficult situation you are putting many of us in because we want to support you but don't want to lose our friend.

[HONEYSWEET]

Honey can I please ask you to drop it? Wobbles is a much liked and respected member of this forum. I've personally not seen one 'nasty' post from her to anyone, including yourself on this forum and I amongst others are finding this whole thing extremely distressing as we don't want to isolate you or not offer you support, but don't want to lose someone we've come to respect and like and need.

I know I'm not the only one as others have raised this subject in chat and commented on how distressing they are finding the whole thing. Although you have a right to your own opinion there's no harm in trying to express it in a more tactful or diplomatic manner than what you have done, rather than quite nastily calling Wobbles out in public on this forum.

If you really felt there was a problem you could have pm'd her to try to discuss it and sort it out without offending her and humiliating her in front of everyone.

It's probably not the best thing to do when you've just come to a forum as a new member and do this to someone who's been here for a long time and built friendships here.

I think it's such a shame because you've offered me such good advice and been so caring towards me that I hate to think that I might have to avoid you so that I can show my support to Wobbles.

This is not because of Wobbles making us choose either, because even had she not said anything about how you have made her feel, I have seen what you have said to her myself and already felt in a predicament and very concerned about how I should act on it.

I can totally see where she is coming from as I've been there before on another forum where I felt unsupported by those that I had felt close to and trusted. It is natural to want to defend your friends when you feel they are being attacked and I'm sure you can understand the difficult situation you are putting many of us in because we want to support you but don't want to lose our friend.

im sorry u feel like that, but i did drop it and wobbles continuosly continued and now yr doing the same for her. i did not enter any of her post or acknowledge her resposes to others post. ive stayed away from her yet despite this she has not respected me and kept reponding in a nasty manner. it has nothing to do with me that wobbles wont stay on the forum as im not seeking her out. if she does not like me then dont read my posts. i dont in any way make her read my posts. shes turned on most people here as they did not agree with her and support her belifes, shes abandening people on here because she doesnt like me yet she reads my posts but will punishish you all for this, im sorry but do not put her behaviour back on me. she could have kept her loyal friends by leaving me alone by ignoring my posts. she seeked me out she made issues she has the choice to stay away from me yet she wont, y? how many people are in this forum? how many posts can she read? how come she cant stay away from me and read and reply to wot ever other posts she likes, all i can think of she wants attention, she wants me to accept her? like her? agree with her? lifes not like that. she wont mollicoddle but wants to be mollicoddled herself it seems to me but thats just my opinion. and to say shes been here the longest does not give her the right to behave the way she is. im not stopping her from being here she is her own self her own choice and which im sure she will come back she needs this site, she just got to learn i will not be bullied or made to feel guilty wen its not me seeking her out. HER CHOICE. and as for not pm her i dont want to have anything to do with her. i find her destructive to me and i didnt want to descus and get in that situation.

you need to do wot u need to do and if thats staying away from my post then do that if that helps u and gets u on a way to recovery , but if u feel my posts help u it would be such a shame for u (not me not any 1 else just u) to slow down yr recovery just to be loyal. u say wobbles hasnt directly told u to stay away then think to yrself y am i, am i doing it for wobbles who hasnt asked for this or am i doing it for me. you can still support wobbles weather u read mine or anybodies elses post by just saying so i care. if wobbles is not demanding y deny yrself in somethink that could help u?

its up to u sweet

take care

[Crocus]

I think there is a time and a place to ask a patient what they want from a service. When a care giver is trying to work out your inner feelings about yourself asking what you want is quite a leading question and can give a lot of information about the person, however when you can't breathe and are choking on your own phlegm as your chests are full of fluid - it's not.

I agree. There is a time and a place, however, i don't think it unreasonable for them to ask what we want from them. It may seem obvious to us, but they aren't mind readers. And often, they actually need to hear what it is we want, what we think they can give us, what help we want, whether it just be someone to talk to, or if we think we are not safe and need to be hospitalised, they're also trying to get us to take responsibility for ourselves.

It's not up to them to automatically say, 'Ok, you're here, so i guess that means you're not safe, so we'll drug you, put you in a straight jacket, and lock you up until you calm down'. They can't do that. Even though sometimes we wish they would and could.

It's up to you, if you feel you need their help, to ask for what sort of help you want, and tell them what you want from them, otherwise how are they going to know?

Every person they see is different and has different needs, and by making decisions for you, takes away your personal responsibility, and taking responsibility for yourself is the first step to recovery.

Really, why should they make our decisions for us? Why should they be placed in that position, where they could get it very wrong, and end up losing their careers, and lives, because what they thought there were doing was right. I think you also need to take a step back and think about how difficult a job they have dealing with people with mental illnesses of all sorts of all severities, it cannot be an easy job, and if we can make it a little easier on them by telling them how we feel and what we want, then everyone is more likely to get the help they need and want.

If you don't tell them, how will they know?

Anyway, just my opinion.

this answer has mad me FUCKING mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know what help i want i have asked for help 6 bloody years, after 4 yrs of fighting i had 2 yrs of help by support worker which was brill art therapy which was brill and it was taken from me because of psycho psychologist. the mh team r fucking up my head saying yes they will allow me back but havent yet ive been waiting for a year now with hardly any movement forward. i keep asking them what they want from me and 1 psycho cpn says weve told u, wen i ask ok tell me again they have no answer and start blaming me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 i ask them what they want from me as we are getting no where in me telling them what i need which is art therapy support worker and schema therapy to sort my head out lay things to rest get my career!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE DO NOT ANSWER ANY MORE OF MY POSTS AS U R A TRIGGER FOR ME

You are wrong, she was not searching you out, she directly quoted Roses and was responding to HER post not yours! You then acted as though it was your post she had said those things to when it was not. What in her post above can possibly be construed as nasty?

You then start shouting and swearing and being offensive. I don't see any of that kind of behaviour from Wobbles but if I've missed it please feel free to direct me to it and I'll stand corrected.

Perhaps you really do see it that you are the one being harassed, but as an outsider it doesn't look that way to me and in fact looks quite the opposite.

It is killing me to see my friends getting hurt over this, and I'm not just talking about Wobbles but others on this site that are being triggered and upset over it and distressed. It just seems all so unnecessary. You say you didn't pm Wobbles because you want nothing to do with her, but by adressing her in the forum you are still having something to do with her but chose to do it in a way that drew attention to yourself and to Wobbles. How would it have been different if you'd pm'd her to ask her not to reply in your threads? You'd have saved everyone else from being hurt and triggered and would still not have to have anything more to do with her! Not to mention saving Wobbles from the humiliation she now feels understandably.

I mean maybe if you can point me to somewhere that she has been rude or offensive to you in a way that deserved the kind of angered and rude response that you have given her in public?

Maybe it's none of my business but then I feel protective over my friends here that are being affected by this. Surely there is some way it can be resolved like adults? Rather than the pointing fingers and the but she started it playground stuff.

[Crocus]

Will also say that's the last thing I have to say on the matter, cuz I don't need the stress and I think I've made my point anyway, no point going over and over it.

[Crocus]

Just one more thing, if you don't want to see someone's posts if you go to their profile, on the left hand side there is a bit that says options and if you click on it there is a drop down box, choose ignore user and you'll no longer see their posts. That way they can have freedom of speech without someone attacking them, whilst you can stop yourself from being triggered by their posts.

[sunrise]

I find this thread interesting but bizarre too,This is supposed to be a support forum not for fighting,I know it does happen on forums but as you said sweetdeanie we have a choice to ignore the people we find that trigger or abuse us,I really hope wobbles stays,Why should she go?I was just reading some of her posts and she comes across as a really nice lady,Obviously i don't know what's gone on here but for her to feel like she has to leave the forum she must be very hurt and feel let down.

Sunrise

[HONEYSWEET]

how can i be harrassing her wen i dont go near any of her posts SHE COMES TO ME, EVERY TIME, then i tell her my opinion and its just that, my opinion. if u see nothing wrong with her thats yrs go talk to her but me well i wish not to have anything to do with her but i dont seem to have that respect of others and a choice AS SHES COMING ON TO A POST I SET UP.

if some1 told me im triggering them and do not wish me on there post i would not repeatedly come back and ram my opinion down there throat LIKE WOBBLE. it doesnt matter wot u can and cant see, you are u and i is i, i felt it i saw it and i made a desision to keep my self safe.

if u said to me "i dont want u to talk to u anymore" how would u feel if i repeatedly ignored u and didnt give a stuff in what i was saying to u that i was triggering u to the point of self harm and u had no escape because i kept coming to u and saying stuff how would u feel???????

now if i was seeking wobbles posts and comments and felt the way i did then thats my problem i could stop looking at her posts, but as its on my post its very hard to avoid.

now wobbles doesnt like me and i dont like her so like adults we should go our owns ways but wobbles wont she wants to ram her opinion down my throat. now adults agree to disagree, feel different things, see different things, have different beliefs, have a choice to stay or go, read or not read

and on that note these post are triggering me and to be quite honest i dont need it,( b4 u say wobbles dont need it either well she has a choice avoid me but she doesnt does she) now as i was saying, this whole personal attack on me cos i disagreed with wobbles and others dont like it, which is yr opinion, i really dont need so I WILL THEREFORE MAKE A CHOICE, im going to stay away from this post or any other post that brings this subject up. no im not running away from it, im really not, but life experiences have taught me if both sides really believe and have huge emotion behind them think they are right it doesnt matter how much is said to get the other to agree it just doesnt work. i learnt that from a fox hunting debate, beliefs and emotions so strong can rarely be changed and i do not wish to waste my time, u believe what u want to thats ok and i will do the same. im agreeing to disagree and will not return to this post.

[Wobbles]

how can i be harrassing her wen i dont go near any of her posts SHE COMES TO ME, EVERY TIME, then i tell her my opinion and its just that, my opinion. if u see nothing wrong with her thats yrs go talk to her but me well i wish not to have anything to do with her but i dont seem to have that respect of others and a choice AS SHES COMING ON TO A POST I SET UP.

if some1 told me im triggering them and do not wish me on there post i would not repeatedly come back and ram my opinion down there throat LIKE WOBBLE. it doesnt matter wot u can and cant see, you are u and i is i, i felt it i saw it and i made a desision to keep my self safe.

if u said to me "i dont want u to talk to u anymore" how would u feel if i repeatedly ignored u and didnt give a stuff in what i was saying to u that i was triggering u to the point of self harm and u had no escape because i kept coming to u and saying stuff how would u feel???????

now if i was seeking wobbles posts and comments and felt the way i did then thats my problem i could stop looking at her posts, but as its on my post its very hard to avoid.

now wobbles doesnt like me and i dont like her so like adults we should go our owns ways but wobbles wont she wants to ram her opinion down my throat. now adults agree to disagree, feel different things, see different things, have different beliefs, have a choice to stay or go, read or not read

and on that note these post are triggering me and to be quite honest i dont need it,( b4 u say wobbles dont need it either well she has a choice avoid me but she doesnt does she) now as i was saying, this whole personal attack on me cos i disagreed with wobbles and others dont like it, which is yr opinion, i really dont need so I WILL THEREFORE MAKE A CHOICE, im going to stay away from this post or any other post that brings this subject up. no im not running away from it, im really not, but life experiences have taught me if both sides really believe and have huge emotion behind them think they are right it doesnt matter how much is said to get the other to agree it just doesnt work. i learnt that from a fox hunting debate, beliefs and emotions so strong can rarely be changed and i do not wish to waste my time, u believe what u want to thats ok and i will do the same. im agreeing to disagree and will not return to this post.

For gods sake Honeysweet, if only you could see how ridiculous the rubbish is that you're saying. We had a small falling out in your thread about PMDD, which if you bothered to look, i apologised for and said i would stay away from that particular thread.

You then post an open to question to everyone on the forum. In response to SOMEONE ELSES reply, i posted my opinion, which i qualified as my opinion, and then went on to empathise with how difficult it must be when you can't put into words what you want from a mental health team.

Not once have i sought you out, sought out your posts, we've had one interaction with each other, which i apologised for. This does not give you the right to judge me, be rude to me and about me, alienate me, and continue on this road of abuse. It is YOU who is now continuing this, if you've noticed, not once have i reacted to you, responded to you in anyway shape or form, i've stayed away from you, however you're continuing to accuse ME of pestering you?

If you didn't want me replying to any of your posts or threads, then maybe you should have had the decency to send me a PM and ask me, politely and considerately to stay away. I would've been happy to. But because you didn't bother doing that, i was not aware this is what you wanted, and considering you post threads on an open forum, where all members are free and welcome to reply and post, you have no right or authority in this situation to tell where i can and cannot post.

You asked me once to stay away from your posts, which i DID NOT RESPOND TO, RESPECTING YOUR WISHES, despite your silly accusations to the contrary, you then saw fit to abuse me, swear at me, pass wrong judgements and untruths to and about me. You've certainly not been here long enough to be able to do this. You yourself are forgetting what this forum is about, and the sensitivity, respect and consideration that's required for being a member here.

The part i've highlighted above, please put a link in where i have done this. Please prove where i have attempted to ram anything down yours or anyone elses throats? Have a little evidence to back up your ridiculous accusations, because most of us here know that you're completely wrong, full of shit, and just finding reasons to be a nasty bitch. Moderators and Joshua are doing nothing about this, and i'm tired of you continuing it despite me keeping my mouth shut, not contacting you, not responding to you at all, ignoring your existence, because frankly, that's all you fucking deserve. You want to be a nasty bitch, i can play that game too.

Stop being a selfish, self centred, self obsessed, delusional, nasty, histrionic, attention seeking arsehole. GROW THE FUCK UP!!

None of your arguments are fact based, you've made up a lot of rubbish in your head and lashed out at me, you've made yourself look like a right fool, and you've made a lot of other people here feel very uncomfortable. Not the best start when you've only been here a week.

So just fuck off, give up on it, stop being a fucking arsehole. If you think this post is harsh, i haven't even fucking started yet. I'm a hell of lot more healthy, intelligent and capable of destroying you, than you are me, so this is your warning. Give it up, and move on.

(Apologies to my friends here but i'm sure you can imagine, i've now had enough)

[Joshua]

Seems to me your both as bad as each other. What you both winge about in each other is a description of both your actions.

This isnt a forum for petty rows and then for you to blame the moderting team because you like argue in public together.

If you both dont get on and your not mature enough to work through it in private leave each other alone. Ignore each other.

[Crocus]

if u said to me "i dont want u to talk to u anymore" how would u feel if i repeatedly ignored u and didnt give a stuff in what i was saying to u that i was triggering u to the point of self harm and u had no escape because i kept coming to u and saying stuff how would u feel???????

I'd put you on ignore!

But to be honest if you told me not to get in touch with you in the manner you told Wobbles, with the shouting and swearing rather than asking me nicely to respect your wishes, I'd probably be so pissed at you for being so inconsiderate and nasty that I'd become quite offensive to you.

maybe you need to learn some diplomacy?

You say it's hard to avoid but it's not, you can put her on ignore! Then it's very easy as her post won't show up for you unless you click the link that says display post. Then like you say it will be your own fault for clicking it.

how can i be harrassing her wen i dont go near any of her posts SHE COMES TO ME, EVERY TIME,

Every time is an exageration when she only came to your thread the once - BEFORE you asked her not to, and then once after so she could defend herself against accusations and abuse. So altogether that's TWICE and you came here and responded to her post so you've done it once, and as she only did it once AFTER you told her to keep away you're pretty much even on that score!

To be deemed as harassment you don't have to go to their post, being abusive towards someone who you know will read your post, no matter where it is, is still harassment. Just the same as if someone doesn't come to my house but every time they see me in passing they are abusive towards me it would still be harassment!

And you talk about being triggered by this thread but what about all the people on here that have been triggered by your abuse and insults directed at Wobbles? What did they do to deserve that? I take responsibility for me being triggered in this thread as I have chosen to get involved, but I didn't choose to come across your abusive initial post or the following one either.

You decided to pick a fight with a valued, trusted and respected member of this forum so perhaps you too should take some responsibilty in this situation?

I know I can't do anything that would get you to apologise to one another or make friends, but you can put Wobbles and even me if you like on ignore and then the issue is pretty much solved!

Why should Wobbles not get involved in your threads that discuss issues that relate to her? Should she start repetitive threads if she wants to discuss that same issue? A thread that won't get as many responses because people have already replied in another thread? But that she won't be able to discuss with them because you've said she can't? Seriously think about it for a minute.

Fair enough if you're asking for personal advice fine, but general topics and questions? It's unreasonable to isolate her from group discussions with people she relates with.

All I'm asking is you show a bit of compassion and be reasonable and not try to make someone an outcast. Especially when there is an ignore button you can use! Why should the rest of us suffer because you don't get along with someone?

[Crocus]

lol or what Josh said!

[Crocus]

Why use a 1000 words when you can use just a few? My posts are always too long!

[Wobbles]

Seems to me your both as bad as each other. What you both winge about in each other is a description of both your actions.

This isnt a forum for petty rows and then for you to blame the moderting team because you like argue in public together.

If you both dont get on and your not mature enough to work through it in private leave each other alone. Ignore each other.

I don't appreciate that at all Joshua, especially considering you've done nothing to help the situation, as the admin. And neither have the mods that i've tried to ask help for in resolving this.

I do not like arguing in public, but the lack of support from yourself and mods, has left me feeling as though i have no choice but to defend myself. I've ignored her this long and hoped someone in authority could and would step in, and as yet it has not happened.

I was happy to continue ignoring her and staying away from her, but i AM entitled to my feelings, and i am entitled to defend myself when i believe i'm being treated unfairly.

I have also wanted it dealt with in private, which has not been reciprocated so please don't accuse me of not being mature enough. I've gone this long, being abused and attacked, had false accusations thrown around about me, and i've had enough.

Let me ask you Joshua, how would you feel if the same had been done to you? Would you hope for a little support from moderators and the admin to deal with someone who is breaking the rules, and making personal attacks? And how would you feel if you didn't get that?

I believe if you or the mods had done your job 24 hours ago, it wouldn't have gone this far, so i feel you need to take a little responsibility here. I can't communicate with you in private because you don't accept pms, you then delete my posts on here to you, and none of the moderators will respond to me either.

So if someone is abusing you, you feel you'd be a much better person, and deal with it a lot better than i am? You wouldn't feel angry or upset and want to defend yourself after it's been continued without input from yourself?

Gimme a bit of credit here Joshua, i've tried resolving the issues both by ignoring, and seeking help you from guys, and you've left me hanging.