Fear Of Getting Help.

[lauren18808]

So I'm aware theres a chance I may have a problem, but whenever I get near talking to anyone about it, I freak out and stutter and start saying 'Theres nothing wrong, I'm overreacing, nothing I'm just an attention seeker'

Yet the more I've been talking to people, the more I've noticed theres things I didnt realise. I never realised that I apologise after nearly sentence, that I always disagree - then change my mind - then disagree, I'm intimidated easily, that I actually scare all my friends with the way that most of the time I dare do nothing - yet freak out randomly and become the 'self destructive bitchwhore from hell' one guy said. One thing that was really prominant though, is when my friend told me the other day 'You've got massively f*cked trust issues with authority figures'.

And I totally got it, I've always seen any kind of doctor or councellor or carer type as an authority figure. I am extremely suspicious of them, I had to stay in hospital for a few days a couple of years ago when my stomach swelled up, I wouldnt let them touch me, I wouldnt touch anything. I was so terrified they would pass diseases on to me, I wouldnt get under the covers of my bed and I wouldnt let my bare feet touch the floor. It's strange, cos my mothers a nurse, and I have no problems with her touching me. But it's as soon as i go near any kind of hospital/surgery type place. I really just don't like it at all.

Lots of people have fears of hospitals, so I realise this might just be a common phobia. But is that common of anything? A really random phobia seemingly sprung from nowhere?

It's a really inconvenient one...when I think about it.

Sorry, this might seem pointlesss, I'm sleep deprived. I talk sh*t when sleep deprived.

[paddypotty]

youre not talking shit,this is how it is for you and that makes it valid.

I hate hospital and i have issues with authority figurs in the past particularly psych services.

none of this makes you bad or mad just a person battling with their own demons.

i can only advise that maybe if you could find someone to trust that you let them know how difficult things can be,having said that i can understand your concerns about counsellors,i guess you have to try a few before you find the right one,maybe somebody outside of the nhs,even a mental health charity,anything that makes you feel safe enough to explore why you feel like this.