'everybody Hates Me'

[hummm_mabbe]

Sometimes I think everybody hates me too, then someone might make a snide remark or look at me a certain way and it just confirms my belief. If there are people in your life that daily make indications that you are worthless it's hard to not take it as truth even if it's not truth.

I just wanted to say that.

You bring up a good point actually, cuz its made me think how I feel about this same thing. I tend to presume that people will soon, or ultimately end up rejecting or abusing me, and wanting to hurt or enjoy seeing me hurt. I dont tend to think "people hate me", more "there is something within me that others see or will soon see that will make them want to hurt and reject me". I am always waiting for the tipping point where everyone will sudenly go "fuck off Ross we are sick of you, and we see through you you vile piece of shitey bum skids".

I guess because of that I see people hating me as "just what is", I guess I surrender to this idea as opposed to stating or being consciously aware of it...

Sorry, hijacked the thread with a bit of mental explorey piffle there ... :(

[yorkiegal73]

I know that when the paranoia is affecting me too I start thinking everyone hates me or that they are talking about me. I'm not dissing anyone for having those feelings.I'm simply saying that accusing other ill members of a forum of hating you is childish and nasty and shows a complete lack of consideration for other people, and also makes other people feel bad and question themselves.

And i think sundries point was that it can become a vicious cycle.

[Sammy]

Ross I don't think it's hijacking the thread as what you said follows the title of the thread.

[Data]

There's only two sorts of people I hate: those who are intolerant, and hypocrites.

:D

[Sammy]

omg! You hate me! I am a hypocrite every day dishing out advice I don't follow myself!

[yorkiegal73]

i don't hate anyone. hate is a very strong emotion which tends to affect the person who feels it much more than the person it is directed to. :)

[Sammy]

It's because I didn't give you biscuits isn't it?

[tinkerbelle]

i don't hate anyone. hate is a very strong emotion which tends to affect the person who feels it much more than the person it is directed to.

I agree,I would say DON'T LIKE people who are two faced and who are bitchy either.

[yorkiegal73]

i don't hate anyone. hate is a very strong emotion which tends to affect the person who feels it much more than the person it is directed to.

I agree,I would say DON'T LIKE people who are two faced and who are bitchy either.

neither do I hon. It's much better to say how you feel. Nothing two faced about that whatsoever.

However this is all distracting from the original post, which was made with good intentions and with a view to helping people, so on that note I'll bow away from the discussion. xx

[AveMaria]

:lol: lmao, that is very similar to what I was thinking tink!

[Roses]

I will bow out too. I guess I am the baddie here and my opinions are not in line with the post.

[tinkerbelle]

I will bow out too. I guess I am the baddie here and my opinions are not in line with the post.

You are not a baddie hun,I agree with what you said.

[sundries]

I dont think anyone has suggested those who think they are hated are intolerant or hypocritical.I dont think it is helpful to say you hate people as those people who feel hated might view it as a personal attack that proves there are people on the forum who hate them and the point of my thread was to say that people ARENT HATED, they engage in behaviours that may create a vicious cycle that they take to confirm they are hated.

[hummm_mabbe]

..they engage in behaviours that may create a vicious cycle that they take to confirm they are hated.

The "self fulfilling prophecy" as CBT calls it :)

[sundries]

Roses Im sorry you feel victimised when some people dont share your opinions. Disagreeing with you is not meant to be punitive. Its sad you view disagreements in this way and think different viewpoints make you a 'baddie' and im sorry that is how you feel.

[Roses]

It's OK Sundries I don't feel it literally, I just thought that I was being detrimental to the conversation. It was not that I felt victimised I am perfectly fine with others having different opinions to me and I am perfectly fine with having healthy discussions. I think that like others, I was confused as to why this conversation was taking place seeing as how we are on a mental health forum and feeling hated is such a common symptom of mental illness. It seemed pointless to be addressing the point and using such demeaning terms as "irritating" and "rude" to describe how people are communicating. Perhaps your could clarify to me how exactly this is helpful.

[AveMaria]

Its amazing how many condescending and malicious remarks people have made on this topic. Its nice to know that kindness and compassion are considered over rated commodities by many.

xxx

[tinkerbelle]

It's OK Sundries I don't feel it literally, I just thought that I was being detrimental to the conversation. It was not that I felt victimised I am perfectly fine with others having different opinions to me and I am perfectly fine with having healthy discussions. I think that like others, I was confused as to why this conversation was taking place seeing as how we are on a mental health forum and feeling hated is such a common symptom of mental illness. It seemed pointless to be addressing the point and using such demeaning terms as "irritating" and "rude" to describe how people are communicating. Perhaps your could clarify to me how exactly this is helpful.

I agree with roses,I really don't see the point with this thread,This is a MH site,Attention seeking is part of a mental illness,So what if someone posts more than others,I think this post was made to cause upset.

I really don't find this post helpful at all.It is really irritating now.

[DMHvln1]

As I read through the whole thread,

I can see the point made by each person and understand where they are coming from,

I can agree with the points of view and the whys'

I can see myself being the one feeling touchy, stuck...

I can see myself being the one loosing my patience and wanting someone else to get a grip...

I can go back to the person feeling attacked, rejected or hated...

I can be the one giving tough love advice

I can be the one needing reassurance over and over

I am you and I am all ... it is just a matter of time and space ...

but what I try the most is to put myself in the shoes of the person who seems to be suffering the most at that time.

It doesn't matter how many times you need to be reassured that you are not hated, it is where you are, it is what you need, if I can tell you that one hundred times, I will; I have been there, I understand how it feels.

Those who don't feel they can go there and offer the reassurance, I respect the place you are and your view and reasons why you wouldn't,

it is not that tough love shouldn't be acted upon, but again, how sure are you that your words of tough love won't actually make the other person stay stuck even worse because you have just reassured them of what in their mind is translated as hate...

It is not about walking on eggshells

we all will make mistakes of behaving from either end of the spectrum,

it is about remembering when you are in an OK or SO SO place the truths that resonate in your best behalf.

To say one is hated can be a reactive response that comes from years of believing that is true in our families of origin, and the triggers can be so minute that others never knew where that came from.

Joining this forum was for me a place where -not that I expect hypocrisy- I could be understood and accepted

a place where I wouldn't be reproached for what I am reproached on a daily basis by people who don't know, understand, care about my struggles

I certainly wouldn't want to run to someone who is having a bad day and responds to me with the same tone that I am trying to avoid in my daily live outside from here

I could understand that they would be responding also from their own part of their disease which makes them prone to speak up and hurt someone else without even trying

Overly sensitive is something that I have learn to recognize I am, yet that doesn't mean that because I know I have that tendency, I will not feel overly sensitive to someone's words...

OK, enough for now...

One thing I like to do is to give each side of a coin a voice and validity to their thoughts, beliefs and feelings

If I haven't done so here, I already apologize in advance, I wouldn't want to have a reproach for saying what I think, believe and feel.

Peace to you,

-d

[Data]

Im not trying to hurt anyones feelings.

Well, you have succeeded.

We all have our issues here and none of us are perfect. If you don't like someone or their posts, just don't read them.

[tinkerbelle]

Im not trying to hurt anyones feelings.

Well, you have succeeded.

We all have our issues here and none of us are perfect. If you don't like someone or their posts, just don't read them.

I agree

[sundries]

What I find bizarre is that you suggest not reading posts if you dont like them but at the same time complain your feelings are hurt because you have continously read and posted on a thread you wouldnt be reading if you followed your own advice.

Ive said on a number of occasions why i posted on the thread. Theres not much I can do if people choose to view the threadin a parnoid fashion as a deliberate attempt to upset.

There was no need to make the thread personal when it was a genuine issue which deserved more appropriate discussion without becoming an unnecessary tit for tat argument that in effect stopped people interested in a reflectivce discussion from using the thread productively. No wonder it seems like there was no point to the thread when it has been simply used (after the first few productive posts) for people to complain it was posted in the first place.

I also think the fact that it has been said the behaviour initially referred to is a major symptom of bpd does not therefore mean it shouldnt be discussed! SAying its a major symptom and then saying it shouldnt be discussed isnt particularly inducive to understanding and developing knowledge about the condition. Josh set this place up as a recovery site. It is meant to help people move on as well as provide 'comfort'. There is a place for both and discussion of both. It is a fact that many people feel annoyed by the 'symptoms of the bpd disease'. If someone is aware that thier view everybody hates them is simply a bpd issue (and therefore an ill view rather than anything based in fact) then they dont need to insist the people around them hate them (rather than that it is thier own illness. If they dont know they do it and they arent aware it is thier illness then it may help someone to realise saying everyone hates them is annoying to otheres and drives them away...but doesnt mean they hate them.

[tinkerbelle]

so we are all wrong then?I still don't understand why you have made this post.

[AveMaria]

When they storm out they very obviously want everyone to feel guilty and run after them saying 'we dont hate you, talk to us, we want you to feel ok. There are so much better ways of getting support than trying to make people feel guilty. People say want input and to learn about themsleves, but then they get furious when people tell them why they get annoyed with them. People arent hated or dislike but others can just find them exhaustingly annoying and hardwork.

I know it is a borderline trait...but you can deal with it and you will feel much more accepted if you stop annoying everyone.

i think in fact that tough love is often extremely useful to help us move forward. i learn a lot more when my friends are honest with me than when they just send virtual hugs.

and lets be honest here and stop skipping round the subject. people who constantly whinge and moan and are always negative are bloody irritating. You all know that so stop being so sanctomonious. I see the comments about these people when they leave chat so don't pretend to be so caring.

Roses Im sorry you feel victimised when some people dont share your opinions. Disagreeing with you is not meant to be punitive. Its sad you view disagreements in this way and think different viewpoints make you a 'baddie' and im sorry that is how you feel.

How exactly do you think any of those statements are conductive to a reflective discussion? You think that anyone who has had a problem with how things have been said on here are "paranoid" and couldn't possibly just be actual nice people who are here to give and receive support instead of taking their negative feelings out on everyone and trying to make people feel bad? Interesting that you have chosen to pick out and publicly ridicule people when they are at their weakest. I didn't know that you could use people's posts against them if you felt it was to "understand and develop knowledge about the condition" Everyone is on here because they have issues. I don't see how you can decide that a type of post is "annoying" and then try to make people feel they can't be honest about how they feel. How is that helping anyone or being understanding? I think I will stick to trying to give support to people, without conditions. I've had enough of that in the real world.

[DMHvln1]

AMEN