?

[walker]

watching my daughter

21

showing all the signs

watching and realising that I f*cked her up

she is in denial

i am watching it happen

slowly but surely she is breaking

and its all my damn fault

f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck

there is nothing i can do

[AveMaria]

I didn't know you had a daughter my age, Walker! Do not worry, you are a good mother and you care about your daughter. That counts for a lot. I believe many problems come to the surface in people's early twenties. It is when they are getting more and more responsibilities and life is getting more difficult, not to mention all the things with people. Just be there for her no matter what. Things will work out. Make sure you take care of your self and I am sorry you are worrying about your daughter so. Wishing you the best!

xxx

[walker]

thanks

i try so hard

but i just dont know what to do or say

in my head is that i should be validating her - but i just dont know how to be different to who i am - which is a complete mess

hub says she is fine

but i can see it plain as day

i sent them to boarding school - probably made it all worse

why????????

cos i DID NOT WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME

[Roses]

You have done your best Walker. Just talk to her, I'm sure she needs her Mum. xxx

[tinkerbelle]

Hi walker,

Try not to worry about your daughter too much,What makes you say she is showing the signs?Don't be so hard on yourself,Your such a kind person.

xxxx

[walker]

we talk often

she calls to see how i am

she calls to chat about her day

she calls and pours out all her angst

yes - i want her to be able to do that

but i just cant cope with it

it overwhelmes me

i am just a total f*ck up for a mother and a total waste

she doesnt mean to

but she triggers me so badly

she oflads on me and i want to die

[Roses]

I'm sorry you feel this way. It is hard to support others when you are feeling low yourself. Can yo uoffload on anyone? Can you just let it all out on herem it might help to talk to other Mum's. xxx

[walker]

at the moment i am pouring it out to hub but he just doenst see it and says i am makeing it someinthing it isnt

i jsut dont get this wourld

why is it so different to what i thought

i dont undersdstand it anymroe

i hate it

and i want to leave

i cant live in it a si dont belong

i am just wrong

[Roses]

Just because your husband has a different opinion to you doesn't mean you are wrong. What if he is wrong? What if neither of you are wrong? It's only opinion. xxx

[Data]

I have real concerns about my son also. I think my wife displays an over-protective attitude to him like she does to me, and like my own mother did with me. It is frightening that we choose partners who are similar to our mother/father.

My son is 5 years old and is only going to school part time. His behaviour is so bad that the school is saying that if we insist on sending him full time when he only has an assistant in the morning, then he would be at serious risk of exclusion.

We are currently in dispute with the local council to try and get him a full time assistant.

[walker]

k has just rung in tears

and there is nothing i can do to help

i hate this so much

[Data]

:bigarmhug[1]: walker

[Dani]

She called YOU walker....which means she turned to you when she needed someone.

That speaks volumes.

xxxxx

[walker]

sorry meme didnt mean to ignore ur post

i feel for u i truly do

she rings me but i cant help

she knows things are going wrong

i cant deal with this

i cant cope

[Roses]

Even if you feel you are not doing enough to help just being there and listening to her might be all she needs? xxx

[walker]

i cnat go on like this

i cnat cope

with anything

no use to her or anyuosne

and i see me in her iaand i dont want that

i dont wnat her to be like me

not isn any way whatsoenver

never

not like me

no no no

[AveMaria]

Can you try to look at it like Dani mentioned... the fact that your daughter turns to you when she needs someone.... that is amazing! I dream of having that with my daughters once they are old enough. You obviously did an amazing job as a mom... maybe you need to change your style of parenting now that your daughter is an adult? Whatever you did while she was growing up worked, but maybe you could begin focusing on you and your needs more now? Good luck!

xxx

[Angel123]

I am watching my daughter aswell , she is just like me - but only 12!!!!

I have messed her up and i feel so bad.

It is heart breaking, i know how you feel.

I know i have not been around alot but i am here if you need to talk, you kow how to get in touch.

Take care xx

[Rael]

it must be so hard trying to cope with your own thoughts and feelings and worrying about your daughter too. it is good that she calls you for support but i can understand how it is hard to hear her struggling and not be able to help. you are doing something though by being there for her, by being someone she knows she can call and can trust. you need someone to offload onto too though. i realize your husband prob not the best person for that but you can come here and talk to us, offload when you need to. not the same as having someone you know or that can actually be there with you i know though.

take care

xxx

[Broken doll]

Hi walker I understand exactly how you feel.

I have a son who has so much of me in him and I hate it too.

and I sometimes regret having him coz I feel like I've already messed up his life, but what helps me is that we have a special connection that noone else will get or understand.

you know what it feels like to be in that situation coz you're in it too.

try to think of how you want someone to respond to you when you are in that situation and respond to her in that way.

just be there for her and the rest will work out on it's own. try not to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.

I know it's difficult when they are a product of your dna but they are unique and different in other ways and they (our kids) have their own lives to lead for which we aren't responsible (esp. when they turn into adults)

and I garrentee she will not be you because she will not live they same way you did, she won't have the same past or present. no matter how much alike you are.

Take comfort in the fact that if you be there for her, you don't have to change her, then you are doing your best and as parents that's all we can do. remember no one is perfect, otherwise there'd be no need for this forum!

[walker]

uo are all so kind

i told huuuuuub hiswo bad it is

i was vvbienggg

sick i was so upsret

he is anrgrrrt with her for telin me but i said no no no that he must never be angry eith them

he msut nevereeverveveeeeever tell thiem of my pain

it is kilin me cso i did music andd fialed my drames and i cna see it hapnin to her too and it is such a major tricggggggggggerfor mee

it is breakiwng my hheaaarrt

sotyrry

i am no goord for them

oh i need to say sosrrry cos i dont nnow what i did last nihgt

i repotead losdd of pople

but maybr not

awas it a adream

dont nwo

i am os bad

i dhshould lea v e here cos i hurt peoppppppppple i am so sorr

diaaz stopt the teasrs

[mek]

You are a good person! Right now you need to focus on yourself. I've learned there's much truth in the saying that you cannot help others until you help yourself first.

You made it through, and your daughter will too. She's lucky to have you- whether you are able to be there physically or to talk or not. When you're ready, you'll be there even more for her. Maybe modeling how to care for yourself because you deserve it and need it would be very supportive and motivating to your daughter.

Yes, our children learn both the good and the bad from us, that's life. But I care about you, and I want you to feel better and let go of being responsible for anyone but yourself. I don't think we can own other's baggage, although we all seem to try. Your daughter is an adult now, yes, young, but able to take responsibility for herself.

Maybe I'm wrong about all this. I don't mean it to sound bossy. I'm apologizing if this sounds differently than how I mean it. I just want the best for you. Even though I've only been here for a little while, I really care about how you're doing.

Have you thought about writing a letter to your daughter- to give her or not? Sometimes I find it easier to think things through when I write.

Just think: You're a super mom. And you've done everything you can to make the best life for your daughter. It's hard, because every day since the moment our babies are born, we have to learn to let go.

Let us know how you're doing Super Hugs for you!!! :hug2:

[walker]

ty so much

she called todya wnats to leave colleg

i cant cope

hub says i see it all mh and its not

he sees nonte of it

i kwno its there

i knwo she nesds hlp

and she sont cos she doenst want to be like me

but she is

and he syas hses not

i

i dont knwo whats real cos myreal is so dif to his

i juts cnat help her

it prob seesm stupid to u all

me making fuss agin

but it consumes me and i cnat move

[les66]

Hi Walker

From what I know of you, you are a caring person. You have helped out last week and for that I was really thankful.

Perhaps your daughter sees that helpful side in you and that is why she turns to you when in need. I just hope my daughter turns to me when she needs help and support. I am pretty sure you will find the strength from within to cope with what you are going through.

If I can be of any help then please let me know.

Just for you

Take Care

Leslie x

[gingernut]

Do you think saying that you see "you" in her is not helping? I wonder if you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of mental illness here.

All you may see is mental illness, depression and despair but thats your frame of mind right now not everybody elses.

She is young and she has her mistakes to make, Im sure you will support her whatever she does because you blatently care about her.

Ginger