walker Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 watching my daughter21showing all the signswatching and realising that I f*cked her upshe is in deniali am watching it happenslowly but surely she is breakingand its all my damn faultf*ck f*ck f*ck f*ckthere is nothing i can do Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I didn't know you had a daughter my age, Walker! Do not worry, you are a good mother and you care about your daughter. That counts for a lot. I believe many problems come to the surface in people's early twenties. It is when they are getting more and more responsibilities and life is getting more difficult, not to mention all the things with people. Just be there for her no matter what. Things will work out. Make sure you take care of your self and I am sorry you are worrying about your daughter so. Wishing you the best!xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 thanks i try so hardbut i just dont know what to do or sayin my head is that i should be validating her - but i just dont know how to be different to who i am - which is a complete messhub says she is finebut i can see it plain as dayi sent them to boarding school - probably made it all worse why????????cos i DID NOT WANT THEM TO BE LIKE ME Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 You have done your best Walker. Just talk to her, I'm sure she needs her Mum. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkerbelle Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Hi walker,Try not to worry about your daughter too much,What makes you say she is showing the signs?Don't be so hard on yourself,Your such a kind person.xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 we talk oftenshe calls to see how i amshe calls to chat about her dayshe calls and pours out all her angstyes - i want her to be able to do thatbut i just cant cope with itit overwhelmes mei am just a total f*ck up for a mother and a total wasteshe doesnt mean tobut she triggers me so badlyshe oflads on me and i want to die Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I'm sorry you feel this way. It is hard to support others when you are feeling low yourself. Can yo uoffload on anyone? Can you just let it all out on herem it might help to talk to other Mum's. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 at the moment i am pouring it out to hub but he just doenst see it and says i am makeing it someinthing it isnti jsut dont get this wourldwhy is it so different to what i thoughti dont undersdstand it anymroei hate it and i want to leave i cant live in it a si dont belong i am just wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Just because your husband has a different opinion to you doesn't mean you are wrong. What if he is wrong? What if neither of you are wrong? It's only opinion. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I have real concerns about my son also. I think my wife displays an over-protective attitude to him like she does to me, and like my own mother did with me. It is frightening that we choose partners who are similar to our mother/father.My son is 5 years old and is only going to school part time. His behaviour is so bad that the school is saying that if we insist on sending him full time when he only has an assistant in the morning, then he would be at serious risk of exclusion.We are currently in dispute with the local council to try and get him a full time assistant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 k has just rung in tearsand there is nothing i can do to helpi hate this so much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Data Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 :bigarmhug[1]: walker Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 She called YOU walker....which means she turned to you when she needed someone.That speaks volumes.xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 sorry meme didnt mean to ignore ur posti feel for u i truly doshe rings me but i cant helpshe knows things are going wrong i cant deal with thisi cant cope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Even if you feel you are not doing enough to help just being there and listening to her might be all she needs? xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 i cnat go on like thisi cnat copewith anythingno use to her or anyuosneand i see me in her iaand i dont want thati dont wnat her to be like me not isn any way whatsoenver never not like meno no no Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AveMaria Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 Can you try to look at it like Dani mentioned... the fact that your daughter turns to you when she needs someone.... that is amazing! I dream of having that with my daughters once they are old enough. You obviously did an amazing job as a mom... maybe you need to change your style of parenting now that your daughter is an adult? Whatever you did while she was growing up worked, but maybe you could begin focusing on you and your needs more now? Good luck!xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel123 Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 I am watching my daughter aswell , she is just like me - but only 12!!!!I have messed her up and i feel so bad.It is heart breaking, i know how you feel.I know i have not been around alot but i am here if you need to talk, you kow how to get in touch.Take care xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted April 21, 2009 Report Share Posted April 21, 2009 it must be so hard trying to cope with your own thoughts and feelings and worrying about your daughter too. it is good that she calls you for support but i can understand how it is hard to hear her struggling and not be able to help. you are doing something though by being there for her, by being someone she knows she can call and can trust. you need someone to offload onto too though. i realize your husband prob not the best person for that but you can come here and talk to us, offload when you need to. not the same as having someone you know or that can actually be there with you i know though.take carexxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broken doll Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Hi walker I understand exactly how you feel.I have a son who has so much of me in him and I hate it too.and I sometimes regret having him coz I feel like I've already messed up his life, but what helps me is that we have a special connection that noone else will get or understand.you know what it feels like to be in that situation coz you're in it too. try to think of how you want someone to respond to you when you are in that situation and respond to her in that way.just be there for her and the rest will work out on it's own. try not to blame yourself for things that are out of your control.I know it's difficult when they are a product of your dna but they are unique and different in other ways and they (our kids) have their own lives to lead for which we aren't responsible (esp. when they turn into adults)and I garrentee she will not be you because she will not live they same way you did, she won't have the same past or present. no matter how much alike you are.Take comfort in the fact that if you be there for her, you don't have to change her, then you are doing your best and as parents that's all we can do. remember no one is perfect, otherwise there'd be no need for this forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 uo are all so kindi told huuuuuub hiswo bad it is i was vvbienggg sick i was so upsrethe is anrgrrrt with her for telin me but i said no no no that he must never be angry eith them he msut nevereeverveveeeeever tell thiem of my painit is kilin me cso i did music andd fialed my drames and i cna see it hapnin to her too and it is such a major tricggggggggggerfor meeit is breakiwng my hheaaarrtsotyrryi am no goord for themoh i need to say sosrrry cos i dont nnow what i did last nihgti repotead losdd of poplebut maybr notawas it a adreamdont nwoi am os badi dhshould lea v e here cos i hurt peoppppppppple i am so sorrdiaaz stopt the teasrs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mek Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 You are a good person! Right now you need to focus on yourself. I've learned there's much truth in the saying that you cannot help others until you help yourself first. You made it through, and your daughter will too. She's lucky to have you- whether you are able to be there physically or to talk or not. When you're ready, you'll be there even more for her. Maybe modeling how to care for yourself because you deserve it and need it would be very supportive and motivating to your daughter. Yes, our children learn both the good and the bad from us, that's life. But I care about you, and I want you to feel better and let go of being responsible for anyone but yourself. I don't think we can own other's baggage, although we all seem to try. Your daughter is an adult now, yes, young, but able to take responsibility for herself. Maybe I'm wrong about all this. I don't mean it to sound bossy. I'm apologizing if this sounds differently than how I mean it. I just want the best for you. Even though I've only been here for a little while, I really care about how you're doing. Have you thought about writing a letter to your daughter- to give her or not? Sometimes I find it easier to think things through when I write. Just think: You're a super mom. And you've done everything you can to make the best life for your daughter. It's hard, because every day since the moment our babies are born, we have to learn to let go. Let us know how you're doing Super Hugs for you!!! :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 ty so muchshe called todya wnats to leave collegi cant copehub says i see it all mh and its nothe sees nonte of iti kwno its therei knwo she nesds hlpand she sont cos she doenst want to be like mebut she isand he syas hses noti i dont knwo whats real cos myreal is so dif to hisi juts cnat help herit prob seesm stupid to u all me making fuss aginbut it consumes me and i cnat move Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
les66 Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Hi WalkerFrom what I know of you, you are a caring person. You have helped out last week and for that I was really thankful. Perhaps your daughter sees that helpful side in you and that is why she turns to you when in need. I just hope my daughter turns to me when she needs help and support. I am pretty sure you will find the strength from within to cope with what you are going through.If I can be of any help then please let me know.Just for you Take CareLeslie x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingernut Posted April 22, 2009 Report Share Posted April 22, 2009 Do you think saying that you see "you" in her is not helping? I wonder if you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of mental illness here.All you may see is mental illness, depression and despair but thats your frame of mind right now not everybody elses.She is young and she has her mistakes to make, Im sure you will support her whatever she does because you blatently care about her.Ginger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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