?

[walker]

Do you think saying that you see "you" in her is not helping? I wonder if you are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of mental illness here.

All you may see is mental illness, depression and despair but thats your frame of mind right now not everybody elses.

She is young and she has her mistakes to make, Im sure you will support her whatever she does because you blatently care about her.

Ginger

hub says that too

says shes fine

but i can seee her pain and fel it

[Rael]

when i was younger, if someone had told me that what i was doing meant something was wrong then chances are i would not have listened, i would have avoided and ignored it and nothing anyone would have said would have made me seek help because i was in denial. it took a lot for me to recognize that something was seriously wrong and i had to seek help. only by realizing myself that it couldnt go on like that was i in a position for anything to help.

i dont know whether there is something going on with her or not but if it is then only by realizing it herself and acknowledging that she needs help will it make a difference. really all you can do is be there for her, to let her know that should she want to talk then she can. you are doing such a great job and clearly love her and want the best for her. fear can be overwhelming and i know that when i am scared of something happening then it is all i see everywhere. sometimes it is there, sometimes it isnt, sometimes all you really can do is wait and see if it is there or not.

xxx

[lucy]

Walker maybe if you stop saying to yourself that you bad and you cannot help you will see that you do help, shes 21 she talks to you not to solve to offload you dont have to fix her life shes her own person be suppotive which you are. and stop beating yourself up it doeasnt help

[walker]

ye you are right i cant fix her life

and i try v hard not to interfer

as i do not have the skills

its what she describes tho

like she is clearly dissociating in orchestra, shopping, and other times

i cant cope with hearing the symptoms and watching her do nothing

when i was her age - i had nobody to say it was anything

just told by mum not to make a fuss - its all nothing

perhaps if i had known then - i would not have f*cked them up so much - perhaps i would have got help

she is ok again for the moment - till the next time

it is breaking my heart to watch her struggle, though, but then i guess i am causing her added stress by being dysfunctional

[bumblepipi]

at least you can see her stress and aknowledge it. Like your mum, my mum did nothing did not even remotely understand any of me, still doesn't. I have given up looking for that from her. If she had least said "I see your sad" or something it may have made things a little easier. My mum was so passive aggressive it was unreal. I know being a parent myself I'm so hyper alert to my kid's feelings, but I know they have to find their own coping skills whilst they hopefully know that I will always be open to them. I constantly worry I have fucked them up and I probably have like most parents do in some way small or big, maybe it will help if I admit to them that I do not have the right answers, maybe if they know and are told that they are truely loved. I tell them evryday. I think they're a bit sick of it. LOL. They also get a bit sick od me being such a head case but I try to be open about it with them and assure them it's not their fault. Probably this is not making any sense. dear Walker you are a kind and loving person your daughter is lucky to have you. xxxBumble

[walker]

mum would hug me and say it was all ok and nothing really

allways someone worse off tracy

yep

she right

not sure why u think i am kind and lovign

am vicious and judgmental and selish

[Roses]

Do you have any evidence to back up your claims of being this nasty person? Is it just easier to write yourself off than accept you are a good person? xxx

[walker]

i could give u loads of examples of the nasty, angry things i think and say

i guess i am what they call passive aggressive

i harbour so much rage inside

it just spills out in the way i see the world

[Roses]

Well, acknowledging that you can do this sometimes is a step forward from being in denial so perhaps you will be able to think around it a bit. If it is not all the time then you cannot be all bad. xxx

[walker]

the good things are them - her - the bad things are me

[Roses]

Black and white thinking is tricky to work out of but it can be done Walker. xxx

[walker]

hmm yes

people always talking of black and white thinking

i never know if i am doing it

i dont see it

so much arguing going on in my head - i assume thats the grey

but i dont know

seem blind to it

[Broken doll]

yeah, I'm a pro at black and white thinking.

the arguments are a part of it.. i think.

by saying something is either bad or good. that is one or the other. (that is black or white thinking)

just because we do nasty things to people doesn't make us bad or good.

it makes us human. accepting the bad and good in someone(ourselves) is what being mature is.

but don't worry as time goes on you'll get better and learn how to cope with the issues that are hard for you, and family will always be hard.

you'll be ok, and so will your daughter. :grouphug[1]:

[wednesday]

I Think it is too much for us to expect our children to be better off mentally than the rest of the population but it is obvious that we are going to tend to read our own illness into any problems they have whether its just mild depression, eating disorder or worse. We are just the types to blame ourselves for everything.

Blaming ourselves is not going to help them and feeling guilt about who we are and the mistakes we have made is only going to to make the situation worse.

I am worried about my own daughter. In the end all I can do is to try my best to make her feel confident and loved.

I could never have said those things to my Mum. You obviously have a good connection. Well done.