Data Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 Mum grew up not being happyTo make it right she adopted just meSocial workers saw me content in a nappyThey didn’t realise I would never be freeNo brother, no sister, an only sonEvery day mum would just nagPersist with her one simple answer until she wonChecking my teenage school bag"Have you packed your lunchbox?, have you packed your keys?""Have you cleaned your teeth?""Have you scrubbed behind your knees?""I hope you are not still playing with that Keith!"Mummy was always there to reassure me if I was sadShe was naïve and knew nothing of lifeShe let me manipulate her and be badWhy is she so like my wife?All mummy did was make me dependAnd care about just me me meShe says she was right but she does pretendBut then she would, wouldn’t sheMum wanted to create a perfect manWhat resulted was a damaged childI tried to make friends but everyone ranMy lack of empathy had them riledThe boys in the playground did sport as a teamWhile I walked around alone in silent rageHurting the whole world was my dreamI would not understand it until a much later ageMy social skills were very roughManipulation for sympathy and an emotional gameSelf-obsessed conversation made people say "enough!"So I wanted to be a criminal for attention and fameI started the stealing, lighting fires, a prank callPolice never put me awayI just wanted not to be talking to the wallA friend who would understand me one dayAs I teenager I thought I was very shySought professional helpAt no stage did they ask themselves whyI was not able to help myselfUniversity was a terrible planIsolated from my mumAlone I could not be a manI just became a naïve bumPsychiatrists with strange ideas that I was sickHypochondriac reading a medical bookWhy did they never really click?They needed to listen and really take a lookCounselling, social workers, psychiatric nurseYears of alcohol abuseHospitals and drugs made me curseAll of it no useWhen they finally realised what was wrongI was thrown out on my ownStill singing my attention seeking songEmotionally I had never grownLearning by myself good behaviour for a normal lifeControlling verbal outbursts was a grindBut a vulnerable woman would be my wifeAnd I tried to understand my own mindHypnotherapy for non-existent traumaSelf help groups talking to Rita, Sue and BobI began to understand why my life was such a dramaBut why don’t I just go out and get a job?The world of work has stress with colleagues and strainEvery evening I would drinkBut gradually the insight was building in my brainMy wife said I needed sobriety or she would rethinkI have such a lack of empathyCentred on myselfEverything is me me meNot really mental health?No coping skills for decisions or anger or stressEver volatile moodNeeding reassurance or I am a messObsession with foodToo sensitive to let people criticiseRelationship skills very imperfectProne to dependence on people but I realiseUnable to emotionally connectSex can be difficult as wellI like it roughKinky as hellBut my wife has had enoughBut I learn to get on with my careerWife and I having babies for grandma to seeWondering if happiness is ever nearBut will my kids end up like me?Looking for another disordered mindInternet forums are the keyNot sure if I will ever findA fellow struggler just like me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 with my lovexxxxlots are like you memebut i guess no one is ever the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dawneywarney Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 i just wanna hug you and say im sorry i no its not my fault but im sorry for your pain x :hug2: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dani Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 A very deep,honest poem...thanks for sharing.xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jades Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 wow ive never heard such honesty and personal insight thats a gift u know thabks for sharing it im sure it will help someone out there i can connect with some of it hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mek Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 Wow, that was very good. You've captured so much of how you have felt as you move through life. I would imagine many many can relate to this. You are not alone meme. Thank you for sharing this poem with us. :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 Thank you for sharing that Meme. That took guts. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rael Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 i agree, it was brave to share so much of yourself and its wonderful that you were able to write it down like that. thank you for sharing itxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tinkerbelle Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 wow meme,I can relate a little to your life,you wrote it so well.Thanks for sharing.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiteemma Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 thank you for sharing it meme xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 That is really powerful and personal - very brave of you to share - thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kelpy Posted April 25, 2009 Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 wow excellent meme.thanx for sharing :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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