What Is Your Default Emotion?

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi all

I just wondered, which for you is your default emotion, or at least the one(s) you feel most of the time? You dont have to have them from this list, maybe for you its different ones ....

For BPD folks I know we tend to change a lot, but which is the most frequent one?

1. Anger

2. Sadness

3. No feeling / emptiness

4. Anxiety

5. Loneliness

6. Irritability

7. Critical of others

8. Superior or better than others

9. Depression

10. Impulsiveness

11. Not sure - a mood you are unable to define

12. Happy

13. Hypervigilant of others moods and feelings

14. Hateful toward self

15. Demanding / driving of self

16. Connected to others

17. Fear / terror

For me I guess its USUALLY anger and irritability interchanging with anxiety, though lately I am losing my overcompensating coping strategies, getting more in touch with whats really going on inside and so am feeling more sadness and depression. Anger is still very strong for me though.

Are there common situations that tend to trigger these feelings for you, or does it feel like the moods are just "there" and not tied to things people say, the way they treat you, or life situations?

[roxyandboys]

3. No feeling / emptiness

5. Loneliness

9. Depression

I'm BPD but i feel one of these almost all of the time

[successful_workthru]

Sadness

Nervousness

I am better/worse depending on who I am with.

When alone I am more myself, and only feel I can be myself alone or with easy going sorts.

[hummm_mabbe]

3. No feeling / emptiness

5. Loneliness

9. Depression

I'm BPD but i feel one of these almost all of the time

Hi roxy

I hope you dont mind me asking, but how do you usually respond to these emotions? Do you just tend to feel them and accept they are there, maybe feeling like theres nothing that can be done, or do you do something to try to get rid of them or blot them out? Do you ever find that your emptiness comes along to replace the loneliness or depression? When you feel sad or lonely, do you tend to try to seek out someone close or understanding?

Another hug :hug2:

[hummm_mabbe]

Sadness

Nervousness

I am better/worse depending on who I am with.

When alone I am more myself, and only feel I can be myself alone or with easy going sorts.

Hulloo

Is it like a "im going to cry" sadness with lumpie throat where you feel all little?

Its good to hear that you can be yourself with easy going sorts Thats great news

[Roses]

There was no desire on that list. I get:

angry

empty

impulsive

randy

[Data]

I have put the most frequent/intense at the top, then listed them in decreasing order.

5. Loneliness

1. Anger

2. Sadness

4. Anxiety

14. Hateful toward self

[Ocean Wolf]

I get demanding, driving of self. Other than that, they change a lot. Most of the time, i don't bother saying what my mood is because it changes a lot. But I like them changing a lot, so... contentment?

[hummm_mabbe]

There was no desire on that list. I get:

angry

empty

impulsive

randy

Not for the first time this week .. Oooo MATRON

I guess mabbe randy comes under impulsive .. I dunnoo ... depends if you act on it I guess.

Do you think hubbie and chids stop you feeling lonely or sad? Who do you think you are angry at? Is the impulsivity a way of trying to soothe those angry feelings, like mabbe "oooh I need to do something fun / buy that handbag / have that icecream / give ross money right now cuz I feel poopie"?

Spot my subtle mind control technique

Rossie

[hummm_mabbe]

I have put the most frequent/intense at the top, then listed them in decreasing order.

5. Loneliness

1. Anger

2. Sadness

4. Anxiety

14. Hateful toward self

Hi meme

What do you tend to do when you feel lonely? Do you find the anger tends to follow the loneliness, perhaps even replace it? Is there a sort of rollercoaster effect to tose emotions, one following the other, or do they tend to be pretty static and remain with you for a while?

[hummm_mabbe]

I get demanding, driving of self. Other than that, they change a lot. Most of the time, i don't bother saying what my mood is because it changes a lot. But I like them changing a lot, so... contentment?

Hi Ocean

If you fail to live up to your demandingness, or your driving does not pay off, what happens? What emotions come along for you?

[Roses]

You crack me up Ross honey. Love 'ya to bits!

Angry - that life is the way it is and I am the way I am. I get angry at Mum, brother, husband for various reasons. Obvously - how could they do that to me? How can they not respect me? How come they didn't do the right thing? How can he have wanted sex with me? Angry cos I feel dirty/cheap/used. angry cos I'm not good enough/thin enough/pretty enough/intelligent enough...oh the list goes on and on.

Empty - I feel alone and no-one understands.

Impulsive - Is more to do with cutting/starving/laxatives/running away/overdoses and less to do with buying or anything.

Randy - I need to feel better and men like sex so I'll do that and then I am pretty/desirable/a woman/worth something.

I'm sure that make perfect sense to you but sometimes it all goes round in my head and I explode.

[gingernut]

Can guilt be classed as one? I tend to feel guilty for alot of things.

Other than that anxiety, anger and self loathing

Ginger

[Ocean Wolf]

If I don't live up to what I expected then I step back and examine the situation. Sometimes, I was pushing myself too far and need to back off. Sometimes, I need to back track and try again. I guess it kind of makes me happy because I like examining myself and seeing how I improve or how I can improve.

[hummm_mabbe]

You crack me up Ross honey. Love 'ya to bits!

Angry - that life is the way it is and I am the way I am. I get angry at Mum, brother, husband for various reasons. Obvously - how could they do that to me? How can they not respect me? How come they didn't do the right thing? How can he have wanted sex with me? Angry cos I feel dirty/cheap/used. angry cos I'm not good enough/thin enough/pretty enough/intelligent enough...oh the list goes on and on.

Empty - I feel alone and no-one understands.

Impulsive - Is more to do with cutting/starving/laxatives/running away/overdoses and less to do with buying or anything.

Randy - I need to feel better and men like sex so I'll do that and then I am pretty/desirable/a woman/worth something.

I'm sure that make perfect sense to you but sometimes it all goes round in my head and I explode.

I guess reading that has made me see that often its like my anger doesnt seem to have a definite target, and can tend to be quite free-form. I know there is a disconnect for me because, I know who I am angry at really, but expressing it is still hard because of the guilt and self blame that exists. Is this how you feel at all? Like if you write about how they did bad things to you, part of you is sitting in the background telling you you have no right and stuff like that?

This is something thats become important lately for me, and I am starting to break through the emotional barrier and see why Im angry. It sounds like for you you broke thatbarrier a while back, but theres still lots of it floating around and it needs to be heard and expressed to someone cuddlie.

When you feel empty, do you feel like crying too? Or is there a separation from those sort of feelings, maybe like you arent meant to or allowed to?

[hummm_mabbe]

Can guilt be classed as one? I tend to feel guilty for alot of things.

Other than that anxiety, anger and self loathing

Ginger

I cant believe I missed guilt! I prolly missed loads :(

[gingernut]

Now youre making me feel guilty for mentioning guilt

There are loads of emotions and I dont think anyone would blame you for not choosing all of them.

Ginger

[catspiracy]

I feel driven...I feel compelled, perfectionist, and anxious. or else slack-jawed with unmotivation.

When I'm on the positive side, I also feel contemplative, zoned-out, or in that weird art flow space. I feel lonely sometimes, too, but often more reclusive.

I have high spikes of sheer bliss, egomania, expansiveness, ecstasy, and "randy" lol, love that word, I just hear it said in austin powers' voice.

When I fail to follow my inner decrees, I feel self-loathing and despair.

I have low spikes of depression, rage, jealousy, vengefulness, hatred.

[Dani]

Depression and imulsiveness....

i do and say things without thinking at times.

also depends on who i am around..

[hummm_mabbe]

Now youre making me feel guilty for mentioning guilt

There are loads of emotions and I dont think anyone would blame you for not choosing all of them.

Ginger

Hee now I feel better

I suppose the reason I wrote this thread is because I want to see how other peoples emotions come up for them, how they deal with them, and how this leads to other emotions surfacing too. Also especially how those patterns stop folks from ultimately feeling connected, understood, happy and accepted - because its those things I am wanting and actually feel sad for not getting.

By reading about other peoples feelings I learn things about myself, so I appreciate everyones honesty

[gingernut]

I think trying to recognise other peoples emotions is a good step towards an empathetic relationship. Sometimes when experiencings things such as rage which is intense its hard to even imagine that the other person feels anything at all.

I wonder if its more the intensity of the emotion that makes people feel disconnected rather than the emotion itself?

Ginger

P.S I think I tend to talk alot of garbage so excuse the butt in on your thread,just thinking aloud

[Roses]

I rarely feel connected or worthy so I guess low self-esteem should be on my list.

Yeah, when I'm empty I cry my heart out. When I'm impulsive the anxiety kicks in and I literally can't stop moving sometimes. I spent a couple of months pacing up and down the psyche ward.

When I'm randy I'll drink loads and sleep with anybody who shows me interest and is vaguely attractive. I have not been unfaithful in my marriage but I mean before or when we have been separated. I am thoroughly ashamed of it afterwards but at the time it feels so good and makes me actually feel something in my numb little world. There's another one - numbness. Goes hand in hand with the emptyness too.

This is like Pandora's Box... guess they all so inter-twined is hard to tweak them out separately. I crave affection and attention and if I don't get it I retract into my world inside. Today I was trying clothes on and hubbie wouldn't say yes or no to whether he liked it so I took that as he didn't like it therefore is negative attention and I am fat and horrid and he doesn't love me. Shit, I'm fucked up, all over a t-shirt. I am far enough in therapy to know that is not normal, but not far enough to know how to change it or stop it hurting so much. I came home and took another few laxatives...

[Dani]

aww roses....

you are doing so well...you dont give yourself enough credit.Youve been going out ect...and thats good.

It was very honest what you said...i can relate to some of it.

xxx

[catspiracy]

Oh Roses, I'm sorry you're feeling bad...I know how taking hubby shopping can result in arguments! And you are such a sweetheart and pretty and kind, yet you only hate yourself. It's so bizarre, I had a really rough spot staying over at a friend's this weekend and they had to tell me what I'm telling you. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we snap our fingers and stop?

my friend is a therapist and she is taking a class on trauma and something called somatic e....i forget. but I need to ask her if I can post her blog on what she's learned so far, because it is so beautiful and explains so much! here's one paragraph:

I have found that one of the most important elements of healing (especially in developmental trauma) involves the person realizing that they are not inherently "weird" or "bad" or "defective" or "less than"...(etc). Rather, they are experiencing the consequences of having their central nervous system overwhelmed. It's like having been in a bad car accident and having a broken leg as a result. No one blames you for not being able to walk correctly. This is why outreach and education are so important; and this is why I am writing these blogs.

anyways, thought it might add something to the discussion :)

[Ocean Wolf]

I don't think that's true. I'm inherently weird, but that doesn't mean my central nervous system is overwhelmed or that I need to heal. I'd probably still be weird. I guess it depends on what kind of weird...