What Is Your Default Emotion?

[hummm_mabbe]

I am far enough in therapy to know that is not normal, but not far enough to know how to change it or stop it hurting so much. I came home and took another few laxatives...

Huloo

I think the step thats missing is saying to hubbie "Ok, look I know this is how I always react, and it probably pees you off, but I am feeling as though you think I look fat in this top and I really want to feel attractive". I know that hubbie "should" just know to say the right thing, but it seems its not entering hsi head, That could be because he is a thick headed blokie bloke, but because of how you feel the subtext says to you "I think you look like hell". Let him know how you are feeling, and also recognise that the way you feel about your body reflects the broader way you feel about yourself.

What are the deeper needs and feelings that feeling attractive fills for you? If you cannot be pretty, what do you feel you will never be given, or receive? Does it come from a lack of feeling acceptable, perhaps of being defectivem or is it tied to this AND the sense that somehow you will never get the love and understanding, acceptance and connection that you need?

Try to explore those deeper issues with him, and within yourself. What are those deeper needs that feel like they are going unmet? How do they relate to that feeling of emptiness that you get? What needs to go in that big hole?

Sorry I am hijacking my own thread :)

[Ocean Wolf]

Sorry, going to continue hijacking.

I used to do that with Nick too. Still do sometimes. But after awhile I realized that just because he doesn't care what I wear, doesn't mean he finds me unattractive. Actually, it means the opposite. I could wear a burlap sack and he would still find me attractive.

[AveMaria]

For me it depends how I am coping with life, if I am having an episode where I am feeling and acting more bpd or if I feel almost "normal" lol.

11. Not sure - a mood you are unable to define: I get this the most, always. I can never tell what I feel since I categorize most emotions as bad, so I don't want to know that I am feeling them... or at least I have been thinking that might be one reason for it, or else I really just can't even tell what emotion I am feeling, lol.

3. No feeling / emptiness: yep this comes a lot also.

14. Hateful toward self: almost always

Guilt: definitely comes around a lot also.

xxx

[axtell1080]

1.ANGER

5.LONELINESS

2.SADNESS

9.DEPRESSION

17.FEAR/TERROR

18.GUILTY

11.NOT SURE=A MOOD YOU ARE UNABLE TO DEFINE

19.EMPTYNESS

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi axtell

I was very sad to see that terror comes up for you ... that must be horrible to deal with. It has come further down the list, so I hope it doesnt show up too often

[hummm_mabbe]

For me it depends how I am coping with life, if I am having an episode where I am feeling and acting more bpd or if I feel almost "normal" lol.

11. Not sure - a mood you are unable to define: I get this the most, always. I can never tell what I feel since I categorize most emotions as bad, so I don't want to know that I am feeling them... or at least I have been thinking that might be one reason for it, or else I really just can't even tell what emotion I am feeling, lol.

3. No feeling / emptiness: yep this comes a lot also.

14. Hateful toward self: almost always

Guilt: definitely comes around a lot also.

xxx

Hullo

Ooo it sounds like you are a detachey person ... do you tend to find that this "no feeling" thing comes along if you have got angry at someone, or if you have been feeling intense emotions for a while?

More huggie at you

[Lily-Bee]

Anxiety anxiety and then some more anxiety it drives me nuts.

Lilly

[Sammy]

No feeling / emptiness (daytime when not doing anything - I think this could also be percieved as calm and laid back, nothing tends to bother me when I'm at home with nothing to do, kids don't really wind me up when they naughty, I can just deal with it in a calm manner by talking to them and move on etc...)

Anxiety (about bills and having to go out or if I have to use phone and any new situation)

Depression (overall feeling trying to combat)

Impulsiveness (to try to counteract the bad things)

Hateful toward self (mostly at night when I should have gone to bed sooner)

Fear / terror - When I have to go out (taking kids to school and picking them up and shopping)

I have more moments of happiness now too, but it's not the natural run of the day feeling, just that I'm doing more things to make myself happy.

[quietmorn]

I would have to say mine are

1. emptiness

2. sadness (and this one is newer to me but getting more frequent)

3. depression

4. irritability

[jades]

mine would be worry/anxiety

[hummm_mabbe]

I would have to say mine are

1. emptiness

2. sadness (and this one is newer to me but getting more frequent)

3. depression

4. irritability

Hi quietmorn

Welcome to the site Nice to meet you **waves**

Why do you think that you are feeling more sadness lately, if you dont mind me asking? :(

[AveMaria]

Hullo

Ooo it sounds like you are a detachey person ... do you tend to find that this "no feeling" thing comes along if you have got angry at someone, or if you have been feeling intense emotions for a while?

More huggie at you

"detachey" I like that, lol. Yep it comes up if I get angry, if I get sad, if I am upset in almost anyway, if I'm scared... any intense emotion like you said brings it up. Feeling overwhelmed is the main feeling I guess I get, not sure if that counts as a feeling, but that brings on the "no feeling" or "emptiness" since I feel I should be able to deal with everything that happens, so feeling overwhelmed or unsure isn't allowed. Its hard to always feel at battle with my feelings though. I'm always so jealous of people who are open and just let themselves... feel! Seems like a dream world to me. Thanks for the hug too!

xxx

[quietmorn]

I would have to say mine are

1. emptiness

2. sadness (and this one is newer to me but getting more frequent)

3. depression

4. irritability

Hi quietmorn

Welcome to the site Nice to meet you **waves**

Why do you think that you are feeling more sadness lately, if you dont mind me asking?

thanks for the welcome. I'm not sure why I've been feeling sad more often lately, it's like I just identified what the feeling is. It's like something that's been with me for a long time, but I never knew what it was. It seems so simple. I think it goes along with the emptiness. I've been in therapy for so long now and it doesn't ever seem to get better. I've been fighting with my husband and my oldest is leaving for college- that could have something to do with it...

[hummm_mabbe]

Hi quiet

What type of therapy are you having? It sounds like maybe its taking a long time for you, but it is freeing up some emotions very slowly. Is the therapy aiming to help you release feelings, or are you working more on goals and things?

[hummm_mabbe]

Hullo

Ooo it sounds like you are a detachey person ... do you tend to find that this "no feeling" thing comes along if you have got angry at someone, or if you have been feeling intense emotions for a while?

More huggie at you

"detachey" I like that, lol. Yep it comes up if I get angry, if I get sad, if I am upset in almost anyway, if I'm scared... any intense emotion like you said brings it up. Feeling overwhelmed is the main feeling I guess I get, not sure if that counts as a feeling, but that brings on the "no feeling" or "emptiness" since I feel I should be able to deal with everything that happens, so feeling overwhelmed or unsure isn't allowed. Its hard to always feel at battle with my feelings though. I'm always so jealous of people who are open and just let themselves... feel! Seems like a dream world to me. Thanks for the hug too!

xxx

Its like theres a little man in there screaming "emotions are bad mmkay! No feeling allowed!" and he turns off your feeling gland the moment it pipes up

Something that helps me when I am not sure about my emotions is just to write purely about that emotion. If I am feeling sad or lonely, my impulse is to get angry, or try to do something like drive myself to act better or something ... If I sit down and write in my journal "I am feeling sad" and then wait to see what else comes out, its like gradually with time it tweaks the volume nob on that emotion. It seems odd to want to actually feel sad, but I realise that at least for me, getting in touch with those emotions is a necessary step. Like you seem to be saying, actually being able to feel again is like a liberation.

HEY DUDE IN AVE'S BRAIN: Its ok for her to feel and to tell people about it! Keep your hand off that button you baldie poop head!

[AveMaria]

:lol: I love that! Thanks Ross, that is a great idea. Thanks for sharing, I will try that!

xxx

[hummm_mabbe]

I think trying to recognise other peoples emotions is a good step towards an empathetic relationship. Sometimes when experiencings things such as rage which is intense its hard to even imagine that the other person feels anything at all.

I wonder if its more the intensity of the emotion that makes people feel disconnected rather than the emotion itself?

Ginger

P.S I think I tend to talk alot of garbage so excuse the butt in on your thread,just thinking aloud

Hi ginger

Tis not garbage, tis diamonds

For me, disconnection is a core emotion, as opposed to one that happens as a result of something; although, because I tend to keep the "real me" in as a result of anxiety, a fear of expressing feelings like anger and because of various masks ai use, those emotions indirectly cause the sense of disconnection. Then I try to use those same masks to make up for the feeling of disconnection, and the problems start all over again.

This is changing however with therapy, but trying to understand and experience that purer sense of loneliness is something thats important for me at the moment.

I think youre right about rage too - that its hard to think that other people have feelings at that point.

[Data]

I have put the most frequent/intense at the top, then listed them in decreasing order.

5. Loneliness

1. Anger

2. Sadness

4. Anxiety

14. Hateful toward self

Hi meme

What do you tend to do when you feel lonely? Do you find the anger tends to follow the loneliness, perhaps even replace it? Is there a sort of rollercoaster effect to tose emotions, one following the other, or do they tend to be pretty static and remain with you for a while?

No my emotions are very rapidly changing. I am very easily 'triggered', sensitive to criticism, praise, stress etc.

I am not sure if there is a pattern but if pushed I'd say I feel loneliness, then sadness that my life is a bit empty. I then feel anger because it seems unfair that I have these problems, people in 'real life' do not recognise or help me with them, and there is no 'cure'. Then I feel hateful towards myself: why am I angry at people for my problems, its not their fault? Then there is anxiety that I will take that anger out on people.

By the way, this is a great thread Ross, thanks very much.

[Faerielight]

lonley

hopeless

unloveable

abandoned

[wednesday]

Happiness!

I think happiness is there unless there is something that stops it (usually anxiety) Unfortunately this happens quite a bit of the time.

I think that happiness is the natural state for humans unless you disturb it with a negative emotion.

[quietmorn]

Hi quiet

What type of therapy are you having? It sounds like maybe its taking a long time for you, but it is freeing up some emotions very slowly. Is the therapy aiming to help you release feelings, or are you working more on goals and things?

Right now I am in CBT and I will be doing DBT again soon. I went through DBT once before but didn't get much from it. Hopefully this next time will be better. So really, it's suppossed to be about working on goals, but it ends up being more of me just thinking out loud, if you know what I mean. It's getting frustrating. I don't know. I think I'll be taking a break from it again this summer like I did last year.

[walker]

mostly indecisive but thats not emotion but makes it hard to chose

so - self hatred/self blame - anger - fear - sadness

evn get fear when i feel btter

fear it will go

and fear leads to hypervigilant and anxious

but yes

anger/sadness/selfhate/fear

often - just lost - in too many

[Shelley]

My default emotion/s are:

1. Anger

2. Sadness

3. No feeling / emptiness

4. Anxiety

9. Depression

14. Hateful toward self

15. Fear

It is not possible to put just one, I very often feel 6 of these emotion/s, all at once. And these are an every day group of emotion/s. Wish there was a word that sum/s up the whole lot. The only thing that change/s Is sometime/s I feel deppressed and somtime/s I feel totally numb and empty. I wish there was a word that would sum up all of that list.

There Isn/t. Though I/ve just looked at the list and thought 'HELL!'.

[confusseddotcom]

3. No feeling / emptiness

5. Loneliness

10. Impulsovness

However i do experince many others alot of the time

[b0bulat0r]

Because I have Aspergers my emotions often tend to depend on the situation i'm in and who i'm around.

granted thats normally the case for most people that external stimulants effect your mood but I get Extreme moods

If i'm in a situation or with people i'm uncomfortable with i feel anxiety and panic to the extreme where i wish i could turn invisible or run a mile

If someone has upset me or said something i've taken personally I feel sadness and depression to the extreme where I feel like bursting out in tears

when something goes wrong or blows up in my face I get angry with the feeling like I want to have a 3 year old temper trantrum.

on the rare ocassion something goes right for me I tend to get like a small child on christmas. going YAY and doing a little dance or singing.

typically my default emotion when not stimulated by something else is the feelings of loneliness and depression with the others just popping up when something changes