Leaving Home

[JTBadBug]

I have had a good day, so I thought I would bring some more humour to this site and let you chuckle at my dilema.

I am back to considering the possibilities of leaving home again. Like most of us I live a cyclic life, one day I want to leave the home I have always shared with my good parents, the next day I think - I will get very lonely, and by day 3 I will be thinking: why on earth would you ever want to leave home. The only time I have been away is when I was at Uni many years ago, but, after graduation I returned to my lovely bedroom.

My doc and close friend are really encouraging me to take this gigantic step, but, in all honesty I am too frightened. I come up with reason after reason for why I should not move out, but, by staying here I will never grow up, I shall never form relationships (not that this is the main reason why I don't ), I can't see any future other than to sort my parents old peoples home out in about 20 years time.

Has anyone else suffered this dilema, if so, did you take the step to move? did you survive it or go back home?

I am convinced that I will be lonely, but, one benefit is it would allow me to SI in peace without me needing to cover up. I am frightened that I will be attacked if I am in a place by myself.

I know this sounds daft, an adult should be capable of living alone, but, we can't always be logical.

[Katherine]

((((((JT))))))

Although I technically 'left home' when I went to Uni., I still stayed with my parents in hols even when I had my first job. Once I got my own house when I was 25, I started to move away more physically.Though my parents stayed over xmas.

When I moved into a studio flat in the East End, my parents couldn't stay over any more. Nor did they visit so often.

Then now I am in a flatshare, I keep this as MY space-i.e my parents have never visited me here because I have made it clear that that is how I prefer it. (they don't like travelling to anywhere they don't know anyway...negotiating the tube right out this far etc...)

So, for me its been a gradual process over 10 years.

A lot of that being about emotional separation and moving to individuation-a process I am still deeply involved in....

I understand how you feel re living alone, fears etc. I was like that at times (esp in E2) but I survived ok and was just fine. Taking usual precautions etc is of course advisable.

Have you thought of flat/house sharing? Or living as a lodger with someone or a family?

(NB sharing with a young married couple like I do is NOT a ideal set up, not recommended for anyone with parental issues y'know!)

Its a gradual process of setting safe boundaries for yourself that are clear, secure, from your wants and desires.

If your parental home is comfy then that's an incentive to stay and resist the separation...I was in some ways 'lucky' in that my bedroom there with them was miniscule, (filled now with all THEIR things..)there is no central heating, no double glazing, the window frames are rotten, they hardly ever clean, the front room is never used and is full of stuff, you have to flush the loo with a bucket of water cos my dad won't have a plumber round....d'you get my drift?! (PLUS its in SE London suburbia)

karie