I Don't Eat

[Ruth24]

I rarely eat. don't feel hungry

Can't reach seven stone, that would be too heavy, but that doesn't mean i have an eating disorder. Most people don't want to go over a certain weight, but they aren't considered to have an eating disorder.

Why should i allow myself to be labelled as 'wrong' or a bad role model for my children? My mum never ate, still doesn't, and she doesn't have an eating

disorder.

I'm still healthy. Underweight, but so are a lot of people. People take notice of me and say I am too skinny. Do i turn around and say 'well you are too fat?' Why is it ok to judge a thin person, but totally unacceptable to call somebody fat, in case you hurt their feelings?

Its all screwed up.

I'm underweight but I'm healthy so whats the problem? exactly, there isn't one.

I'm fine. not mental. fine

[Sammy]

People call me fat all the time and make fun of me, also people on stand up comedy shows make fun of fat people. I'm not sure where you get the idea that it's not ok to make fun of fat people, although really it should not be ok, it's very hurtful. People are not allowed to be prejudiced against race, religion, gender or sexuality, disability etc...but it's ok to make fun of a fat person?

I am sure people comment on your weight from concern, not to make fun of you or belittle you.

Also noone in my life has held back from talking about my weight problems out of fear of hurting me. Doctors comment on it every time I see them, as do my social workers, parents, partner, friends etc... These particular group of people do it out of concern for my health, and although I don't like it when they say it, as it emphasises my problems and makes me feel ashamed of myself, I can recognise they do it because they care about me.

Off topic: How are things going with the parents?

[bibiddi]

With this and your other post about BPD, you seem to be fighting against your diagnosis.

Whats going on for you at the moment Ruth?

[Ruth24]

People call me fat all the time and make fun of me, also people on stand up comedy shows make fun of fat people. I'm not sure where you get the idea that it's not ok to make fun of fat people, although really it should not be ok, it's very hurtful. People are not allowed to be prejudiced against race, religion, gender or sexuality, disability etc...but it's ok to make fun of a fat person?

I am sure people comment on your weight from concern, not to make fun of you or belittle you.

Also noone in my life has held back from talking about my weight problems out of fear of hurting me. Doctors comment on it every time I see them, as do my social workers, parents, partner, friends etc... These particular group of people do it out of concern for my health, and although I don't like it when they say it, as it emphasises my problems and makes me feel ashamed of myself, I can recognise they do it because they care about me.

Off topic: How are things going with the parents?

I'm sorry, i didn't mean it to sound as though it should be ok to make fun of fat people. Making fun of anybody because of appearance or sexuality etc is wrong, as you said, and i agree. I apologise that i offended you Sammy. It just seems as though it is acceptable to judge thin people, everybody assuming we are vain and aspiring to be a size zero. Thin people are a target in the media and if feels like a free for all...

My parents are going back up to Scotlland tomorrow. Haven't decided how it went yet. too many ups and downs, head still spinning. bit foggy. thanks for asking

xxx

[Sammy]

No offence was taken hunny! xxx

I'm sorry you feel it's a free for all and I'm sure there are some people that will think like that about ALL thin people. I personally recognise that it is only the case for SOME thin people, and to be honest, I don't think bad of them for it, I feel sorry for them that they feel that kind of pressure to be that way.

It hurts a lot when we feel others judge us, especially if it is wrongly.

I didn't know you were talking about ppl that were judging you in that way, I thought you were referring to ones that perhaps asked about your weight due to concern.

I hope you can let poor judgments roll of your back, you know the truth, and that is all that matters. Those that know you, should also know the truth.

[successful_workthru]

Depression makes me not want to eat.

It is nauseating.

I need to eat, though because it makes me feel a bit better mentally as well as physically.

I feel light headed and weak when I dont eat.

I am more likely to have anxiety too.

Its a catch 22.

I feel like I cant be bothered chewing, and preparing meals.

Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve food, but god knows where that came from.

My mum and dad, although I have had negative expeirences with them, had no complaints about them in the food department, was well fed.

I prefer not to be too thin, but depression has caused me to be underweight in the past.

I have no shame about my shape/weight/figure.

Depression just killed my appetite and enthusiasm in food.

[Sammy]

Do either of you take any supplements to account for lack of nutrition via food?

[Ruth24]

No, i don't take suppliments, i should... but that would force me to admit i have an eating problem

[catspiracy]

Depression makes me not want to eat.

It is nauseating.

I need to eat, though because it makes me feel a bit better mentally as well as physically.

I feel light headed and weak when I dont eat.

I am more likely to have anxiety too.

Its a catch 22.

I feel like I cant be bothered chewing, and preparing meals.

Sometimes I feel like I dont deserve food, but god knows where that came from.

My mum and dad, although I have had negative expeirences with them, had no complaints about them in the food department, was well fed.

I prefer not to be too thin, but depression has caused me to be underweight in the past.

I have no shame about my shape/weight/figure.

Depression just killed my appetite and enthusiasm in food.

Anxiety makes me not eat. I have no appetite in the morning and go all day until late afternnoon/after school time before I realize I am trembling and about to snap emotionally. I agree, I can't be bothered to chew, everything tastes like cardboard and I can't swallow. I feel like I don't deserve food, too. same deal as you with that not being the parents fault. I just believe that I am not worth feeding myself. i'm not underweight because my metabolism thinks i am starving and goes into economy mode and I gain pounds and pounds anytime I actually do eat anything. the exercise is helping, i eat a sandwich now.

[Ruth24]

hiya,

Saw my social worker and she was really please that I had stopped cutting and burning and I said great, I don't self harm anymore. One part of BPD that i have managed to challenge and overcome. Was sooo proud of myself

She looked at me in a sad way and said, by depriving yourself of food, you are still self harming. I'm gutted! I had accepted it as something i do, not a self harming thing. So now i am sooooo stuck

I want to recover from BPD, so i do everything i am told. Put in the hard work, keep myself busy, stay motivated, but now...

I feel like i am back at step one. I've not eaten properly since i was about 12 (according to my mum). She has an eating disorder, but in total denial, but accuses me of having one. nice!

I promised to go to my GP for regular weight checks. I told her thats all i can do. i don't want to put on weight, I can't imagine wanting to put on weight. I am being referred to an eating disorder clinic. But i don't even know what eating disorder i have. I'm not anorexic, i don't view myself as fat. i know i am underweight. I'm not bulimic because i don't make myself sick after eating. i thought they were the only two, bulimia and anorexia. I don't fit into either category, so what am I? i'm just scared to put on weight and like losing it.

I can't fully recover from BPD whilst i still have food issues, but i don't know what to do. I don;t want to change my eating pattern. If i got over 7 stone, I would panic, but i don't even know why.

Seeing my neurologist tomorrow for my epilepsy. they want to change all of my drugs. this scares me because i know anti convulsants are also used as mood stabalisers, so i'm worried i'll go totally mental again. i can only join the personality disorder clinic and theraputic community if i am stable and that starts in september. trying so hard to stay stable, but what if the change in drugs affect that, what if i start having more seizures again? its all what if...but its scary.

So i'm changing meds, I've got to get over an eating disorder that i don't even think has a name...

life sucks right now I just want to be somebody else for a change. Everything seems so difficult.

Sorry, rambling

thanks for reading. any advice from anybody would be great. Is there anybody else who is neither bulimic or anorexic?

xxx

[Data]

I think you are referring to EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified). I have seen it listed on several people's profiles on here, so you should find some shared experiences Ruth.

I binge eat, which is different sort of eating disorder.

[jades]

technically if u r under a certain bmi (body mass index) you qualify as anorexic medically no matter how u feel about being fat sorry cant be more help right now :(

[placebo69a]

You seem to know exactly what you should be feeling but you can't help getting hurt when you feel people are labeling you. That sounds perfectly natural to me.

Just a couple of things I think you should change your preception about if you want your life to be easier:

Taking supplements is not admitting you have an eating disorder. Lots and lots of people with no eating disorder whatsoever take supplements every day. They're a simple and effective way to make sure your body has everything it needs to function properly.

If someone tells you that you're too skinny they're not really trying to make you feel bad. Usually they're just sharing their feeling of inadequacy in a very defensive way. They want to be as skinny as you but they can't so they let themselves off the hook by telling you the problem lies with you. It's just a projection of their own insecurity and you'll do well by yourself if you keep that in mind. Next time someone tells you you're too skinny try telling them you think you're at a perfect weight and they are entitled to think whatever they want about it.

As for myself, I have the same problem with depression and not eating so I made an agreement with myself to eat at least one full wholesome meal a day no matter how hungry I am. It's not fun to force food down my throat but it helps me feel more secure about my nourishment. Maybe it could work for you too - Your body needs the energy if you want to get better.

I hope you feel better soon!