13 Years In Therapy

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hello,

I am new here. I was in psychodynamic therapy for thirteen long years. My therapist moved 4 years ago. Thus, my therapy ended. My ex-therapist is great in that we still are in contact once a month by phone and through emails. That aside, I have been hit with very deep depression. What I mean is that my BPD traits/features have totally mellowed out but as that has happened my depression has increased to a level that is unbearable.

For the four years I have been in this city, I have only seen a psychiatrist who strictly did medication management. I did try therapy but found myself comparing each new therapist to my former therapist (splitting). Now I am at a point where I am completely isolated and alone in my apartment for days at a time.

I switched psychiatrists and simply wanted another psychiatrist for medication management. In no way was I seeking out therapy. Nevertheless, the psychiatrist I saw only does therapy + medication. Sadly, that is the trend where I am located. I have been in therapy 2 weeks now and it feels like I’ve removed the lid from Pandora's Box. Let me back track a bit. After the first session with my new psychiatrist she called me on the phone and said she does not work with personality disorders. I told her that she should have told me that at the end of the first session. I felt like I was being stigmatized for having BPD. Then I thought to myself why the hell would I want to see someone who clearly has issues seeing people with personality disorders. I told her how it felt to be rejected by a DSM IV label.

I was fighting her per so, I was fighting a system that makes therapists think PDs are the worst clients to have. I have been told that a lot of providers would rather see schizophrenics than individuals with personality disorders because at least schizophrenics have access to medications now that can treat a lot of their symptoms. Of course there are no meds that strictly treat BPD. That is, a personality disorder is part of who you are / part of your character.

The psychiatrist heard me out and said we could give this a try. I said okay. What she said next put up a red flag -- quote "Just please don't hurt me." This is what the psychiatrist said. I was too afraid too ask her to elaborate. Thus, I don't know if she was referring to physical harm which I have never done or if she was referring to emotional damage to her. I have a feeling someone has burned her before. I also thought what an odd comment to make.

In the two weeks I have seen hr I have found myself very agitated and frustrated. She doesn't know my past. I know she can't read minds. I know this is about me and not her. My former therapist who moved was willing and did speak to her. But I still feel that to understand me today she needs to know some history. I just don't have the fight in me to re-tell my story. Some may say that the past isn’t very important but 13 years is a long time. I just don’t have the drive in me to get her up to date. Moreover, she doesn’t want to seem to be really interested in what I did in therapy for 13 years.

I feel like maybe she doesn't have much experience with BPD. The again, I am wondering if I am making excuses. That is why I am here; to get some advice from my peers. I am horribly depressed. I am wondering if going back into therapy is increasing my depression. I am wondering what she meant by saying "please just don't hurt me."

[Data]

I think you are being discriminated against by this therapist, Nicole.

I also have a feeling that the relationship between you and the therapist is such that its not going to work.

Good luck though, I hope I am wrong.

[Karter]

Hello,

I am new here. I was in psychodynamic therapy for thirteen long years. My therapist moved 4 years ago. Thus, my therapy ended. My ex-therapist is great in that we still are in contact once a month by phone and through emails. That aside, I have been hit with very deep depression. What I mean is that my BPD traits/features have totally mellowed out but as that has happened my depression has increased to a level that is unbearable.

For the four years I have been in this city, I have only seen a psychiatrist who strictly did medication management. I did try therapy but found myself comparing each new therapist to my former therapist (splitting). Now I am at a point where I am completely isolated and alone in my apartment for days at a time.

I switched psychiatrists and simply wanted another psychiatrist for medication management. In no way was I seeking out therapy. Nevertheless, the psychiatrist I saw only does therapy + medication. Sadly, that is the trend where I am located. I have been in therapy 2 weeks now and it feels like I’ve removed the lid from Pandora's Box. Let me back track a bit. After the first session with my new psychiatrist she called me on the phone and said she does not work with personality disorders. I told her that she should have told me that at the end of the first session. I felt like I was being stigmatized for having BPD. Then I thought to myself why the hell would I want to see someone who clearly has issues seeing people with personality disorders. I told her how it felt to be rejected by a DSM IV label.

I was fighting her per so, I was fighting a system that makes therapists think PDs are the worst clients to have. I have been told that a lot of providers would rather see schizophrenics than individuals with personality disorders because at least schizophrenics have access to medications now that can treat a lot of their symptoms. Of course there are no meds that strictly treat BPD. That is, a personality disorder is part of who you are / part of your character.

The psychiatrist heard me out and said we could give this a try. I said okay. What she said next put up a red flag -- quote "Just please don't hurt me." This is what the psychiatrist said. I was too afraid too ask her to elaborate. Thus, I don't know if she was referring to physical harm which I have never done or if she was referring to emotional damage to her. I have a feeling someone has burned her before. I also thought what an odd comment to make.

In the two weeks I have seen hr I have found myself very agitated and frustrated. She doesn't know my past. I know she can't read minds. I know this is about me and not her. My former therapist who moved was willing and did speak to her. But I still feel that to understand me today she needs to know some history. I just don't have the fight in me to re-tell my story. Some may say that the past isn’t very important but 13 years is a long time. I just don’t have the drive in me to get her up to date. Moreover, she doesn’t want to seem to be really interested in what I did in therapy for 13 years.

I feel like maybe she doesn't have much experience with BPD. The again, I am wondering if I am making excuses. That is why I am here; to get some advice from my peers. I am horribly depressed. I am wondering if going back into therapy is increasing my depression. I am wondering what she meant by saying "please just don't hurt me."

Hi Nicole,

I think that is a completely inappropriate thing for a psychiatrist to say. That comment is not about you, it's about your psychiatrist. They may think it, but they shouldn't say it. Actually, I'm not sure they should even think it if they understand BPD!

I can understand what a masive undertaking it must seem to be to re-live 13 yrs of therapy - depression is draining at the best of times without having to do something like that.

Maybe look elsewhere for support. I don't think this particular psychiatrist sounds right for you and the therapeutic relationship has been shown to be one of if not THE most important factor in treatment.

I may be wrong, but that's my instinct.

Wishing you all the best with it. You are not alone.

Kx

[placebo69a]

I can relate to a lot of what you've put down, Nicole.

I'm also going through a major depressive episode (for over a year now), and I find myself sitting in my apartment for days all alone.

As for her comment, BPD have an awful stigma and she was probably sincerely worried about her well-being.

Have you thought about writing down your thoughts about your past, you can take your time doing it and sort and even destroy parts that you feel aren't quite real. Once you have a fairly detailed description you can share that with your therapist. It will give them all the information they need and will spare you having to go through the pain of reliving the bad experience under the scrutiny of a new person in your life.

Is your therapist DBT-trained? Have you considered finding a DBT program to join in your area? From what I read DBT (dialectical behaviour treatment) alleviates much of the suffering caused by BPD. I'm in the process of learning it online now. I strongly recommend you consider checking it out. Click here for some information about DBT.

I know you're feeling down right now, so I want to let you know that you can always contact me and just talk about what's bothering you or what you plan to do about it. I'd like to hear more about how you're dealing with your depression.

:hug2:

[Marchmadness]

Hey -

Welcome to the site first of all. Don't think its ok for your therapist to in my

opinion to judge you. You live in the city, there are so many great resorces

there. Have you tried looking into support groups? I do know there are some

DBT Groups there which I wish I could take advantage of myself. If you

submit a ticket with the area you are in, we maybe able to help you locate

something close by for you.

Marchmadness

[toaster]

Hiya Nicole

I live in the UK so what I'm about to say may be totally useless to you lol.

Over here, there is a huge emphasis on the difference between psychiatry and psychology. BPD falls into the psychological disorder category. The secondary DXs may fall into the psychiatric disorder category.

Psychiatrists are trained to medicate, that's their job. A psychiatrist over here (as far as I know) would never even contemplate engaging in therapy. I had a friend who had schizophrenia. They saw the psychiatrist for medication. My friend had real trouble accepting the DX of schizophrenia. The psychiatrist referred my friend to the psychology team for therapy. Even though it was the schizophrenia my friend was having trouble with, the psychiatrist still wasn't qualified to 'counsel' them on this.

Unless your psychiatrist has a seperate qualification in psychology, I'd say you need a seperate therapist. You also said, however, that you weren't seeking out therapy, just a psychiatrist to sort out meds. Erm, what's the problem then?! I know you have to have some type of therapy with this doctor but rather than concentrating on the BPD, maybe concentrate on the issues you are being medicated for?

I don't think the last 13 years isn't important but I would say it's a bit pointless going over old ground. Concentrate on the here and now, on what you can change or on what you can't but can choose how you manage. Or talk about the fact your therapist relocated, your feelings surrounding that. Maybe the psychiatrist isn't encouraging you to talk about certain things because, the fact you are so eager and willing to talk about these things, shows you have 'dealt' with them.

I know you said you were comparing all the new therapists to your old one and I can well imagine myself doing the same thing. I think, if you choose to find another therapist, you either just got to plough your way through those feelings (personally, I think this would be another reason TO plough your way through -the fact you need to work with a new therapist may with help the 'splitting' ie I attend group therapy BEACAUSE I don't get on in groups). If you choose not to find another therapist then you just gotta grit your teeth, vent on here and get on with it! (Am honestly not being mean or bitchy, just my take on things, just my opinion).

I hope things work out for you.

Toaster

xoxoxoxo

[wednesday]

Hi there. I really don't think she was stigmitizing you because of bpd, but showing her vulnerability and inexperience in this area.

There is no doubt about it. We are hard to treat. Not particularly because we are disliked, but because of the condition and the particular demands we generally place on therapists. I knew from the start that I can put unreasonable demands on therapist such as wanting to contact them in times of crisis, wanting to demonstrate my distress in session, finding it very difficult to terminate attachments to therapists etc. I am sorry if none of this applies to you but I have read this tye of thing again and again on this forum. Even if none of this applies , we are difficult to treat because of trust and abandonment issues.

I felt I needed my therapists would be really strong so that I could rely on them and not worry about them. I also wanted to know that they really do know what they are talking about because it is easy to make someone with bpd worse through inappropriate therapy.

Can't you find someone with more experience of bpd?

[Nicole_In_New_York]

I think you are being discriminated against by this therapist, Nicole.

I also have a feeling that the relationship between you and the therapist is such that its not going to work.

Good luck though, I hope I am wrong.

Thanks for your candor. I agree. The relationship between her and I won't work out. I am still trying to analyze what the heck she meant when she said, "just please don't hurt me?" The next step is to either simply leave a voice mail saying this isn't working out or to be ballsy enough to say hey this isn't working out because I feel like you have some issues about PDs. I'd like to ask hr directly what she meant about being hurt. However, in some ways I just don't care since I have only been seeing her less than a month. It just hurts to be rejected specially by a mental health professional because of a diagnosis. Thanks again for your reply.

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hi there. I really don't think she was stigmitizing you because of bpd, but showing her vulnerability and inexperience in this area.

There is no doubt about it. We are hard to treat. Not particularly because we are disliked, but because of the condition and the particular demands we generally place on therapists. I knew from the start that I can put unreasonable demands on therapist such as wanting to contact them in times of crisis, wanting to demonstrate my distress in session, finding it very difficult to terminate attachments to therapists etc. I am sorry if none of this applies to you but I have read this tye of thing again and again on this forum. Even if none of this applies , we are difficult to treat because of trust and abandonment issues.

I felt I needed my therapists would be really strong so that I could rely on them and not worry about them. I also wanted to know that they really do know what they are talking about because it is easy to make someone with bpd worse through inappropriate therapy.

Can't you find someone with more experience of bpd?

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hi there. I really don't think she was stigmitizing you because of bpd, but showing her vulnerability and inexperience in this area.

There is no doubt about it. We are hard to treat. Not particularly because we are disliked, but because of the condition and the particular demands we generally place on therapists. I knew from the start that I can put unreasonable demands on therapist such as wanting to contact them in times of crisis, wanting to demonstrate my distress in session, finding it very difficult to terminate attachments to therapists etc. I am sorry if none of this applies to you but I have read this tye of thing again and again on this forum. Even if none of this applies , we are difficult to treat because of trust and abandonment issues.

I felt I needed my therapists would be really strong so that I could rely on them and not worry about them. I also wanted to know that they really do know what they are talking about because it is easy to make someone with bpd worse through inappropriate therapy.

Can't you find someone with more experience of bpd?

Hi. I can totally relate to your feelings about an attachment with a therapist. The therapist I saw before this one was incredibly genuine and caring. Sadly he moved from New York to Mississippi and is basically retired. He is kind in that he replies to emails and we chat once a month on the phone. This current therapist has some of her own baggage imo. After reading your post I am asking myself why I would waste my time seeing someone who originally did not want to see anyone with personality disorders. She also said she has little experience in this area.

After being in therapy for 13 years I am pretty well versed on the lingo and stigma of BPD. She seems to like me but not my disorder. I come as a full package and won't hide the 'disordered' part of me just to see someone. I also live in a large city so it looks like I have to restart my search for a therapist. At this time I do not want to be in therapy per se. I just want a psychiatrist to follow me for medications. I am too burned out to go back 13 years and retell my story to someone new.

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hiya Nicole

I live in the UK so what I'm about to say may be totally useless to you lol.

Over here, there is a huge emphasis on the difference between psychiatry and psychology. BPD falls into the psychological disorder category. The secondary DXs may fall into the psychiatric disorder category.

Psychiatrists are trained to medicate, that's their job. A psychiatrist over here (as far as I know) would never even contemplate engaging in therapy. I had a friend who had schizophrenia. They saw the psychiatrist for medication. My friend had real trouble accepting the DX of schizophrenia. The psychiatrist referred my friend to the psychology team for therapy. Even though it was the schizophrenia my friend was having trouble with, the psychiatrist still wasn't qualified to 'counsel' them on this.

Unless your psychiatrist has a seperate qualification in psychology, I'd say you need a seperate therapist. You also said, however, that you weren't seeking out therapy, just a psychiatrist to sort out meds. Erm, what's the problem then?! I know you have to have some type of therapy with this doctor but rather than concentrating on the BPD, maybe concentrate on the issues you are being medicated for?

I don't think the last 13 years isn't important but I would say it's a bit pointless going over old ground. Concentrate on the here and now, on what you can change or on what you can't but can choose how you manage. Or talk about the fact your therapist relocated, your feelings surrounding that. Maybe the psychiatrist isn't encouraging you to talk about certain things because, the fact you are so eager and willing to talk about these things, shows you have 'dealt' with them.

I know you said you were comparing all the new therapists to your old one and I can well imagine myself doing the same thing. I think, if you choose to find another therapist, you either just got to plough your way through those feelings (personally, I think this would be another reason TO plough your way through -the fact you need to work with a new therapist may with help the 'splitting' ie I attend group therapy BEACAUSE I don't get on in groups). If you choose not to find another therapist then you just gotta grit your teeth, vent on here and get on with it! (Am honestly not being mean or bitchy, just my take on things, just my opinion).

I hope things work out for you.

Toaster

xoxoxoxo

Hi Toaster,

Some things you have pointed out make complete sense. She said she does not do medication management without doing psychodynamic therapy. She already made it pretty clear that she has limited to no experience with any personality disorders. I think what you said about seeing her and talking strictly about the behaviors I need medication for is completely doable.

I am proposing your idea to her in my next session. Surely, she can chose to terminate therapy but after seeing her only a month that wouldn't be a big loss to me. I think what bothered me the most was her saying she does not like to work with personality disorders even before she got to know me. Someone else pointed out that I am being stigmatized by a simple DSM IV dx.

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hey -

Welcome to the site first of all. Don't think its ok for your therapist to in my

opinion to judge you. You live in the city, there are so many great resorces

there. Have you tried looking into support groups? I do know there are some

DBT Groups there which I wish I could take advantage of myself. If you

submit a ticket with the area you are in, we maybe able to help you locate

something close by for you.

Marchmadness

Hi,

Yes I am grateful I live in a large city with plenty of resources. I have tried DBT but this was years ago when it was first developed by Linehan in New York. Many of the therapists using DBT had just been trained in it so we were all novices. That is, us being the patients as well as the therapists doing the DBT.

A group may be a great idea. It is far easier and feels not so rejecting to hear opinions from others who may struggle with the same issues than it does from a therapist. This has just been my experience. Thank you again for your reply.

[Nicole_In_New_York]

I can relate to a lot of what you've put down, Nicole.

I'm also going through a major depressive episode (for over a year now), and I find myself sitting in my apartment for days all alone.

As for her comment, BPD have an awful stigma and she was probably sincerely worried about her well-being.

Have you thought about writing down your thoughts about your past, you can take your time doing it and sort and even destroy parts that you feel aren't quite real. Once you have a fairly detailed description you can share that with your therapist. It will give them all the information they need and will spare you having to go through the pain of reliving the bad experience under the scrutiny of a new person in your life.

Is your therapist DBT-trained? Have you considered finding a DBT program to join in your area? From what I read DBT (dialectical behaviour treatment) alleviates much of the suffering caused by BPD. I'm in the process of learning it online now. I strongly recommend you consider checking it out. Click here for some information about DBT.

I know you're feeling down right now, so I want to let you know that you can always contact me and just talk about what's bothering you or what you plan to do about it. I'd like to hear more about how you're dealing with your depression.

I am sure she has no DBT training. As I stated earlier I have tried DBT a few times. What I think may be going on with me is that most of my BPD behavior has mellowed out as I have gotten older. I think the depression feel exasperated now that I don't engage in behaviors I did when I was given the diagnosis. The depression is very deep. In some way it was easier acting out so I didn’t have to feel the depression that I believe has always been present. So basically now that I don't act out I am forced to sit with the feelings of helplessness hopelessness and despair.

[Nicole_In_New_York]

Hello,

I am new here. I was in psychodynamic therapy for thirteen long years. My therapist moved 4 years ago. Thus, my therapy ended. My ex-therapist is great in that we still are in contact once a month by phone and through emails. That aside, I have been hit with very deep depression. What I mean is that my BPD traits/features have totally mellowed out but as that has happened my depression has increased to a level that is unbearable.

For the four years I have been in this city, I have only seen a psychiatrist who strictly did medication management. I did try therapy but found myself comparing each new therapist to my former therapist (splitting). Now I am at a point where I am completely isolated and alone in my apartment for days at a time.

I switched psychiatrists and simply wanted another psychiatrist for medication management. In no way was I seeking out therapy. Nevertheless, the psychiatrist I saw only does therapy + medication. Sadly, that is the trend where I am located. I have been in therapy 2 weeks now and it feels like I’ve removed the lid from Pandora's Box. Let me back track a bit. After the first session with my new psychiatrist she called me on the phone and said she does not work with personality disorders. I told her that she should have told me that at the end of the first session. I felt like I was being stigmatized for having BPD. Then I thought to myself why the hell would I want to see someone who clearly has issues seeing people with personality disorders. I told her how it felt to be rejected by a DSM IV label.

I was fighting her per so, I was fighting a system that makes therapists think PDs are the worst clients to have. I have been told that a lot of providers would rather see schizophrenics than individuals with personality disorders because at least schizophrenics have access to medications now that can treat a lot of their symptoms. Of course there are no meds that strictly treat BPD. That is, a personality disorder is part of who you are / part of your character.

The psychiatrist heard me out and said we could give this a try. I said okay. What she said next put up a red flag -- quote "Just please don't hurt me." This is what the psychiatrist said. I was too afraid too ask her to elaborate. Thus, I don't know if she was referring to physical harm which I have never done or if she was referring to emotional damage to her. I have a feeling someone has burned her before. I also thought what an odd comment to make.

In the two weeks I have seen hr I have found myself very agitated and frustrated. She doesn't know my past. I know she can't read minds. I know this is about me and not her. My former therapist who moved was willing and did speak to her. But I still feel that to understand me today she needs to know some history. I just don't have the fight in me to re-tell my story. Some may say that the past isn’t very important but 13 years is a long time. I just don’t have the drive in me to get her up to date. Moreover, she doesn’t want to seem to be really interested in what I did in therapy for 13 years.

I feel like maybe she doesn't have much experience with BPD. The again, I am wondering if I am making excuses. That is why I am here; to get some advice from my peers. I am horribly depressed. I am wondering if going back into therapy is increasing my depression. I am wondering what she meant by saying "please just don't hurt me."

Hi Nicole,

I think that is a completely inappropriate thing for a psychiatrist to say. That comment is not about you, it's about your psychiatrist. They may think it, but they shouldn't say it. Actually, I'm not sure they should even think it if they understand BPD!

I can understand what a masive undertaking it must seem to be to re-live 13 yrs of therapy - depression is draining at the best of times without having to do something like that.

Maybe look elsewhere for support. I don't think this particular psychiatrist sounds right for you and the therapeutic relationship has been shown to be one of if not THE most important factor in treatment.

I may be wrong, but that's my instinct.

Wishing you all the best with it. You are not alone.

Kx

Wow what you said about the thereupti alliance is right on. The preevious therapist I saw for 13 years saw me as me, not a disorder. I think the less of him (he moved) can be a factor in my depression. What makes it more difficlut is that we speak oince a month and he replies weekly to emails. At foirst I thought hmm maybe i am not giving this new posychiatrist a chance. Then when she agreed to see me and said "just please don't hurt me" I realized it soeks volumes about her, not about me. Thanks for your insight.

[toaster]

Hi Toaster,

Some things you have pointed out make complete sense. She said she does not do medication management without doing psychodynamic therapy. She already made it pretty clear that she has limited to no experience with any personality disorders. I think what you said about seeing her and talking strictly about the behaviors I need medication for is completely doable.

I am proposing your idea to her in my next session. Surely, she can chose to terminate therapy but after seeing her only a month that wouldn't be a big loss to me. I think what bothered me the most was her saying she does not like to work with personality disorders even before she got to know me. Someone else pointed out that I am being stigmatized by a simple DSM IV dx.

Hiya

she said she doesn't work with people with personality disorders, not that she doesn't work with you, it wasn't personal. It'd be like asking a dentist to treat treat diabetes, I think - I wouldn't want to see a doctor who isn't qualified or even confident in the area I needed treating. I think she was right in telling you she doesn't work with PD. It isn't stigmatising, merely working within qualifications. It's not her fault she isn't as experienced in PD than she is, say, schizophrenia.

Hope you're ok, Nicole

Toaster

xoxox