Hitting Bottom

[jades]

im so depresed i cant see the light this is how depressed i am i called my mother to come sit with me! i know! her way of dealing with it was to drive up and toss a bottle of high potency vitamin d at me and tell me to sit in the sun and drive off. thanks mom. im so down and i dont know y. i just feel damned to myself - i really hate myself right now cant see anything good. its all so bleak. ive tried sitting in the sun, walking, laughing all to no avail not even sleep apeals to me i just want to mope in my dark thoughts. and boy do i have some dark thoughts! don't see how anyone could help me i just had to tell someone thanks .

[jades]

i feel so alone

[Paris]

hun you arent alone we are all here for you, has something happened to make you feel this bad? xx

[jades]

i just hit bottom i dont know y really but its the lowest ive ever felt have horrible thoughts thanks for reaching out to me love xxxxxxxxxxxx

[AveMaria]

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way Jades. We care about you on here. It sounds like you have done a good job of trying to cheer yourself up, but that it didn't work. Do you maybe have some negative feelings that you need to get out first? I was really down last night but after sobbing for a few hours I finally fell asleep and felt a little better when I woke up. That sometimes backfires though. Maybe try something silly or watch a funny tv show? Wishing you the best and you can always pm me if you need to talk.

xxx

[Marchmadness]

Jades -

Hey has something triggered this? Is there a way of getting out of your own

head? Just talking can help with that.

March

[jades]

im not really sure whats triggering it alot of things are going wrong but alot are going right im sick of being so ill and having johnny and the others rule my life and my family involvement is nonexistant now and starting over in london really scares me most of all i really hate myself

[Marchmadness]

Jades -

Sounds like you have loads of issue you are trying to deal with. Maybe if

you deal with one at a time, it may help you feel a bit better. Can you try

to slow down and tackel maybe johnny, I know its not easy, but may be a

place for you to start.

March

[jades]

ok march johnny has really been taking over alot lately as you may have read i dont know how to control him really but i guess u r right its a good place to start hes v angry and attacking me mostly

[AveMaria]

Starting with Johnny might be difficult, but I like March's idea. Maybe you could try to figure out what circumstances bring out Johnny though so you'd maybe feel like you have more control? And you could look into things in London so it wouldn't seem like such a big change. Once it seems more familiar, it won't be quite as forbidding. Look up places to do things that you enjoy and marc will know about things like grocery stores and stuff like that. You will do fine, I think anyone in your position would be freaking out a bit. You have a lot of change coming up and that is always scary. Realize that you have control over a lot in your life though and things will work out okay. It could be the beginning of an amazing future!

xxx

[Roses]

Love you Jades, Leia, Hot Mama. Whoever you are I think you rock! xxxxx

[jades]

love u too miss roses lil tramp my bessie mate !! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[placebo69a]

I feel the way you've described every day, and it's been going on for more than a year now.

I've had better days but the past couple of months I've felt worse and worse every day, and I constantly feel like I've hit bottom. Don't give in to your feelings hun, you're stronger than that. Johnny and others only control your life in certain ways and areas, you are the captain of the vessel and you can give out your orders. They might not follow them but you'll get their respect for trying to bring order to your life on your own, at the very least.

Luv ya jades, I'm sending you a big cuddling hug and a kiss on the top of your head. We'll get through this and more because we want to feel better. Stay strong and keep sharing with us. You're a remarkable person and I wouldn't want you to be hurt in any way!!

:wub:

[Warrior Princess]

Hey Jades,

You're never alone we are all here for you. I know things are tough and confusing right now. You can talk to me about it any time.

I know I harp on a lot about a "safe place" but I have found it sooooo works for me/us.

I have a place in my mind I go to when I need to feel comforted. It's a log cabin, I know all the rooms and where everything is. I've visulized the lot! It's always snowing, raining or storming outside but inside there is a warm fire, hot chocolate, chicken soup and blankets to cuddle up in. I have my dogs in there and the horses have a nice warm stable with straw in it. I go there mentally when I need to chill out and escape from the things that are bothering me.

Sometimes I picture whose going to visit me there. It's usually an elf or hafling or other mythical creature needing shelter from the storm, or other times I'm just alone enjoying the warmth of the fire. I often go to sleep this way.

I know it sounds kind of bizzare but when your problems are in the mind the answer is often in the mind!

I know this does not take away your problems but it at least gives you a bit of a reprieve.

Stay safe. You're very loved on this forum.

WP

[jades]

thanks wp its a great visualiziation, i really like the idea of it. it sounds like just the right idea for me since so much of me is in my head already, i think it will work. im gonna try it to go to sleep . thanks alot your so much help to me i thank you. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx and thanks for reminding me im loved

[Rael]

i love WP's idea, i do that all the time (often without realizing until hours later) and its nice to 'come back' and find that you have had a kind of break from things. it doesnt fix them but its time out from being overwhelmed by things.

take care

xxx

[Broken doll]

Hi jades, I hope you're ok. its just a feeling and it'll pass but untill then, keep safe and I'm here for you as much as i can...

:hug2:

[jades]

thanks broken doll xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[roxy222]

jades you got to be gentle on yourself, youv been going through a really hard time recently and thats bound to trigger a low like this. take it easy, it will pass. feeling bad doesnt have to be the end of the world (even when it feels like it) it can pass if you give yourself time to sit with your feelings. i think your mum sounds v unhelpful, and has sounded positively horrid in other posts. you must have a lot of difficult feelings regarding her and when these get confusing they can swamp us with depression. moving is a v difficult thing to contemplate, i have real probs with this, theres nothing wrong with being scared or overwhelmed because you are not going to be made to feel bad for feeling that way. you are feeling alone cause you are pushing your feelings away, but you dont have to cause however bad they may feel it is safe to feel them cause you are not alone in this, you have us and marc and t and more importantly you have yourself. the others inside can cause alot of probs but they are just looking for the same support you are. j caused trouble but you did a good job of dealing with that, of coming here for help, you managed well, and although i appriciate you need a break you will cope next time prob get thrown up like this. dont be so hard on yourself. can you speak to the others and work out a support system? can someone be incharge of the moving and someone else be there to give hugs? is there someone who can deal with the m while you get a rest?xxx