LadyMacbeth Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 I went to see my T today for almost two hours. It was a really good session. I opened up to her a lot and I did not get anxious at all. We went over the DSM IV criteria for BPD....I told her what traits I felt I had she discussed them with me. How the crieteria is worded I did not fit the exact defintion. So after a debate...I am telling that I fit into these traits and she explained how I did not fit into these traits. It narrowed down to I do not flip from one extreme to the next. The most traits I exihibit were to do with anxiety and abandonment. So made clear to me that I had a dx of an anxiety disorder that showed BPD traits. I kept trying to being up points that I was borderline and she asked me if I were upset with this and I told her that I don't feel as if I fit into a category. I wish I could explain it as well as her I found it interesting that the book she gave me that my other T used to work with in our sessions is written by a T she works with who works with borderlines. She also does not like the label and believes that many people have been wrongly dxed with it. Janey-she just did a workshop on timeline hypsnosis and she explained it to me. I told her that I want her to try it on me. Today would have been perfect because I felt relaxed. I think I am really starting to trust her. Will write more later I am in the public library and I have a time limit on the computer. Just had a thought! I am going to walk to the supermarkert in town and get some yummy English choccy cause they sell it here. Woo hoo! Em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 (((((((((Lady)))))))))) gald you T session went well today! Take care of yourself and dont pig out on the british chocolate! cause as nice as it is! you will end up feeling sick again!!!(M&M's spring to mind) Love ya! Traceyxxx :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 I'm glad it was good.... hugs, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Wow Emma!! that's excellent! I just KNEW you'd be ok and that it'd go well... felt somehow that you were ready for something. How strange too that she's just done the time line thing! what a coincidence! I'm soooo pleased it went well and that you're feeling better. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((99big, massive hug for Lady!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) don't forget to tell more later... I reckon i'm prob more like you than total BP too... sounds really interesting. Speak later. Janey xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 thats great lady - well done for managing to get there. so how u feeling about what she is saying re the bpd diagnosis? xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 LM I'm glad u went. Good going getting up the courage to go. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Go Lady, Go Lady!!!! Good for you going. I'm glad you are beginning to trust your T. That's always hard, but isn't it great when you finally get to that point? Enjoy your english choccy treat. Glad it went well. Take Care, xxKatie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Hi LM, I am pleased all went well for you today. I think you are fortunate to have a good therapist to talk to. When I mentioned it to my Doc he just laughed at me and would not discuss it, when I mentioned it to my ex therapist he said he had never heard of it. Oh what I would give to sit down with someone and explain to them what I feel about it all - mind you, I would need them desperately after the first session and that would be it, they would battle to get rid of me from then on, so perhaps I am better talking to everyone here instead. I hope you enjoy your chocolate. Take care, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 10, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Yesterday was really an excellent session. We were very open about everything. She made me some tea when I arrived and she asked me what I wanted to duscuss today. We got on the topic of my posts in crisis that I e-mailed her so she could get a sense of my anger because I do not show it. It lead to a conversation on BPD. She asked me if I thought I was BPD and I said "Yes." So we then went over the 9 traits and she asked my why I thought I matched each trait. The first trait. 1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. I said I become attatched to people and seem to cling to them. She told me that I do not cling to people and there is a difference of being attatched to someone and clinging to them. I don't usually drive people away. So I avoid abandonment but I do not make "frantic" attempts too.. As she said so I did not meet this requirement. 2. A pattern of unstable relationships and intense interpersonal relationships characteriszed by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. I thought I completely realted this but although I have been in abusive relationships it has been stable I do not alternate between extremes of idealization and devaluation. She gave me an example as such if I told her she was the bbest therapist I have ever had and she is really helping me and one day she disappointed me by going on holiday or forgetting to call me back I am not going to lash out at her or terminate our therapy over it. The term is splitting. 3. Identity disturbance. I thought I matched this one to because I consider myself to be ugly and fat and have a really bad personality. But, because I constantly feel this way about myself instead of one second feeling great about myself and the next hating myself I do not fit this trait. In my case its called defectiveness and social exclusion. 4. Impulsivity in atleast two areas. My case SI and alcohol. I do fit this description but she told me I act out in anger. Makes sense. 5. Recurrent suicidal behaviors or self mutiltating behaviors. I sometimes feel people would be so much happier if I were dead but I don't want to kill myself. I also SI. So I fit into that category. 6. Affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood irritability, anxiety usually lasting for a few hours and rarely more than a few days. I think this is the trait that I most relate too. We laughed because she kept telling me that I relate to those traits that are connected with anxiety. 7.Chronic feelings of emptiness. Yes. 8. Inappropriate anger No...don't relate at all. 9. Transient stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociate syptoms. I thought I realted to this trait but she said that severe dissociate symptoms are related to DID and I don;'t have that. This discussion lasted like two hours. Some moments were serious but I found myself cracking up at myself because I am a client telling my psychologist that I really am borderline and she is arguing my points. I have this tendency to self-dx myself. I told her that I thought after I really opened up to her she would hate me but she doesn't. She said that she works with borderlines and I odn't match up...Got kinda sad because I said that really felt I was and I actually put a name to something that I struggle with. She told me she could dx me with a personality disorder if I really wanted one. When she asked me how I felt about this I looked down and looked back up at her and said "I am just f*cking nuts!" It was really nice that she took the time out to discuss this with me...she wants to be very open about my dx. I feel very comfortable with her. She is awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Cool, sounds like you had a very productive day today. Well done to you, and your therapist sounds great. Keep at it, progress will definately be made with this sort of communication going on! Good for you! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Hi LM, Thanks for sharing the details about your appointment. It is quite and insight, to see how a therapist interprets the traits. I don't think I would be diagnosed with the condition, but, I would like to discuss it with someone. Anyway, you take care, and many thanks, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 10, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Hi JTbug, Therapists are all different. Not one of my Ts would have come out and told me about BPD and I would not know about it if I did not bring it up. All three Ts don't like to label. Labels can consume us at times. Also, you may display traits but not be borderline. Its confusing but its really just a bunch of common traits slapped together and given a name. If you think about it even on the forum we are similar but also so different. You know what I mean? I will recommend the book "Reinventing your life." by Jeff Young af Janet Klosko. It talks about defining your life traps, exploring them and helping you through them.Its very easy to relate too...many traits seem BPD but not in one place in the book do they mention BPD. LM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 em i found that very interesting, and also a little depressing! as you listed each trait and went through and said the reason she didn't think you fitted it i got glum cos i realised that that i am all those things. its mad. i used to try to stop thinking because it didnt make any sense. i hated the feeling of not knowing what was right, the alternating between one extreme of thinking and another. its like, well, who the fk am i and what do i believe? anyway. thats just a sore point for me cos i been getting tons of that this week. anywho. i am flabberghasted that your T makes you a cup of tea. mine would never do that and i doubt i would be allowed to use her toilet either, mind you i would be too frikkin afraid to ask. i think i hate my therapist, lady! arg anyway good going. she sounds super. xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Thanks LM, I will have a look at the book you mentioned. As for the traits, I may send a letter into my Doc before I see him next week so that I can make the appointment more effective. Thanks for you time, take care Jane. P.s. what do you prefer to be called, LM, I think I have seen Em or Emma? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted March 10, 2005 Report Share Posted March 10, 2005 Lady you are a legend!!!! How open and honest can someone be... you are very brave to sit down and post about what happened during your session and your T sounds great!!! I know you are looking for some kind of label to try and umbrella your disorder into something manageable but I have to be honest and say I am glad it is not BPD..... Love you hun - talk soon Ginny :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 11, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2005 Claire...you should not be so hard on yourself...some traits are stronger than others. Maybe bring in the BPD traits and give them to your T and ask her to go over them with you. We all have issues...like I have stron issues with abandonment, rejection and anxiety. You will be surprised what you think you have not not have. Trust me I was...I know for a fact after talking to you and reading your posts you are not as bad as you keep thinking you are. I alternate from one extreme to the other as well...but you can have relationships...even though your relationship is not perfect right now you love him and he loves you...even if he does not tell you. I am not a psychologist but I understand what my T means now. I know you pay for therapy...there are some crap therapists around. maybe look into cognitive bahaviorial therapy like I am in right now. The Ts don't look at you as a dx but rather as a person and work with you to change your behaviors. It does actually work! I know I will have my bad days esp. since I am back in NJ...but I have found different coping mecanisms. You are intelligent and like myself you self-analyze and obsess over thoughts...Its truly dangerous and something we have to work at changing. But, even with BPD, everyone is different...Its about learning how to change behaviors and believe in yourself more. I believe it. Has your new T dxed you with BPD? JT...thats a good idea! Go for it...you will understand yourself better I believe...as for the book it will open your eyes a bit and you can understand that you are not alone. Thanks ((((((((((Gin))))))))))) Em Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kraaken Posted March 11, 2005 Report Share Posted March 11, 2005 Dear LadyMacbeth Thanks for posting your experiences, it's good to hear about someone making progress! Kraaken xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.