ktodee_27 Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 OMG! I can breathe again! The computers in my little room were taken and I had to go downstairs and sit amongst a whole bunch of college students and I felt real closed in and self-conscious. Squeezed in and they are not even arms length away from you and they are all around. They can easily look at your computer screen if they want! Aaaaa! Well, I logged off the ones downstairs to see if the upstairs was open where there's only 5 computers and pretty distanced from each other. It was and I breathed a big sigh of relief. I like to call this my safe room which it is for that reason. Now, I'm happy since I feel safer. huuuuuuuuhhhh (another huge sigh of relief.) And those chairs down there are wooden stools and they hurt your crotch after awhile besides! Thank God it's over with! xxKatie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Betsy Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Ktodee, I know what you mean. People close to me in general bother me. Don't like big crowds either. bets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Hi Katie, Is it being around people or the thought of people seeing what you are doing? I hate to be watched doing anything, this self conscious thing, we need to squash it else it will spoil everything! I don't like crowds but they don't cause me any problems. Anyway I hope you are enjoying or enjoyed yourself upstairs on the 'comfy' chairs. Take care, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted March 9, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 It's really both with me seriously Jane. Cuz upstairs here people are way further away now from me and yes I hate being watched too. It's a combo for me since both thoughts came to mind. I'm just one messed up paranoid lil cookie! At least I'm not so scared as to not able to leave the house 7 years ago. So that's progress. Oh yes, and I am enjoying the comfy chairs up here a lot better thank you. Have a good one Jane Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paul Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Hate being with other people, fear that I am being watched, followed and assessed, I think part of this comes from my MOD background many years ago - how I wish I never did that now. This weekend I have to go to a show and carry out interviews for my research, I am hating the idea. But I know how you feel, wish I could help by suggesting something to help - any one any ideas? Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 9, 2005 Report Share Posted March 9, 2005 Katie, I feel like that on buses, trains and in queues....since I've been taking meds its a bit better, but in general I have a feeling of lack of safety, especially when people walk too close behind me... A lot of its because I was bullied, and the entangled lack of boundaries at home, for me. Ideas? Well, I'm working at issues around being *in my body* and dissociation consciousness etc/ karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted March 12, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 Yes- ideas Definitely for the fact that I too was bullied a lot by other people in school and abused and watched like that within my family. I guess the entangled lack of boundaries plays a part too since they weren't very good for me. And, the boundaries the abusers outside of my family violated which was always the privacy. Those are what I think are the main reasons for feeling the way I do.... Katie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 I wish I had more ideas, Katie. Its something I struggle with myself. Last week after one of my therapy sessions I imagined myself wrapped in a soft pink blanket that protected me in the street and supermarket etc. That helped some. I could feel it in my imagination too. I also keep trying to tell myself that the bullies aren't around now. As I work with it some more I'll try and share some thoughts here. karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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