The Typical Comments Of Those Who Don't Understand

[emz80]

when you have a problem or something that is upsetting you, what are the most common replies you hear from people who don't have or understand bpd ?

i get...

'get a grip' (the one that angers me the most)

'sort it out'

'just get on with things'

'you're lazy'

'you have no motivation'

[vrma]

'Pull yourself together'

'Life is what you make it'

'put the past behind you'

'noone can take your self respect from you but yourself;???

[Roses]

My Mum to my Dad "I don't understand why she is so ill, why can't she just pull herself together" !!!!

Can't you just snap out of it?

Well, there's no need to be agressive....

[emz80]

lol yes, there are some gems there ...

stop blaming the past and pointing the finger at people , you are in control of your own actions and you make your own choices.

HAHAHA laughable

[Roses]

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well she is only after attention..... :lol:

[Data]

"get a hobby"

"have a relaxing bath"

"stop worrying about things"

[Dani]

I got...take a holiday...go away in the sun and you'l come bk like a new woman.....

erm yeah right

ive also had all of the above!

[Ruth24]

you are such a drama queen

stop attention seeking

All you need is a good slap to pull yourself together

Thay are my faves that my mother used to (and still does) say to me

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[walker]

Dont draw attention to yourself

stop showing off

dont make a fuss

you make too much of everything

you always make everything bad

YEP

thats me

ohh

and

dont forget all those poor people so much worse off - who reeeaaalllyyy suffer -

how could i????

thanks

that makes me feel so much better

[Villan]

Yeah walker the "there are people worse off than you" gets me every time.... ffs....

Oh and my favourite "stop being so childish"

Like I wanna be like this, like i have control over what I feel...

Gggggggrrrrrrrrrr

xx

[janey_girl]

DITTO to all the above... Makes me feel good to know I'm not the only one...

"pull your head out of your arse"

"Yolu seem to make a big deal out of the really trivial in your life"

"If you could get rid of this you would be so successful"

"What is your problem?"

[Ruth24]

My dad likes to say:

Most people avoid elephant traps, but you seem to create them and jump into them

[sanctuary]

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET IT GO?"

[placebo69a]

get a job

we can't afford to carry you as a burden (yeah they can)

get your life back on track

if you would devote even a fraction of what you do to school you could finish school and get a real job

you're so smart, I don't get how come you're still single (just you wait, it'll all become clear)

this won't do, do you hear me?

take responsibility over your life for a change will ya?

just get over it already

I can't understand why you can't just let it go

you dug your own hole (no shit)

don't get all emotional (ditto)

I've got thousands of them

[sundries]

You need to move on

You need to get out of this rut (i know thanks)

try being positive (er...nature of depression??)

take responsibility (oh well what else would i expect from a crisis team)

you need to get a job (next time im in tescos ill pop one in my basket)

you will feel much better if you just get out of bed/eat properly/have a load of hobbies/socialise/get a boyfriend (no way!!!? why didnt i think of that)

you just havent tried

count your blessings (I knew god gave me too many fingers)

there are so many people worse off than you (shit it gets worse???)

[icu_baby]

snap out of it

everyone is depressed but is passes

your not the only one with problems

[AveMaria]

lmao, these are hilarious!

My parents like the loud whispering that everyone in the room can hear,"She's sooooo sensitive"

and of course, "the world doesn't revolve around you"

" I'm sure you just expect everything to be handed to you, you're so spoil"ed"

"Everyone has problems, most people just get over them"... implied wtf's wrong with you?!

[Shelley]

"Stop blaming every one else for the way you are!" ................from my husband believe it or not! :rolleyes:

[walker]

yep

sounds familiar

biggest prob tho, is that i say all these things to myself

constantly

every minute of every day

so i dont need anyone else to

they are ringing round my head like other people are in there screaming them at me

dont you do that too?

[fucktheworld]

grow up

:unsure:

[angelsavo]

mh system near me-

if you feel ill then.....

HAVE A BATH,

GO FOR A WALK,

HAVE A CUP OF TEA......

small print about what they really mean-

but plz dont ask us for help cos we useless and dont have a clue and if we can be bothered it will take least 7/8months. so have a nice day

[roxy222]

all of these things are very invalidating comments, as invalidation as a child is a high factor in bpd maybe thats worth think about. in general people tend to replay the experience of the childhood (until resolved and free of - not sure if anyone truely reaches this, but perhaps some do atleast most of the time). one way of people doing this is to find others who treat them the same as they were treated. we tend to unconciously act in a way thet enables people to respond in this replication pattern. maybe looking at this would help to enable people to not create situations were invalidation from others becomes the norm, not that im suggesting this is your fault at all, but we can only be inchanrge of ourselves not others. perhaps this may need to be in the form of standing up for yourselfs and not accepting these comments, telling people they are invalidating, that they are not useful that they leave you feeling unheard....

just a thought, i know its never that straight forward but hope of some help

[Shelley]

Oh and another one, again from my husband...."act your age!"

I know im imature, but that's me, and who the hell wants to act like a nearly 40 year old woman anyway! ?....BORING!

[stinkyboy]

If you had enough faith you'd be healed by now.

That statement makes blood shoot out of my eyes!

[hummm_mabbe]

They are all "Invalidation", which seems to be a common theme here. It drives me insane - when my dad does it now, I point it out to him and make him be more validating! He is learning ... Mum I dont speak to so that problem is solved. If other people do it, I point it out instead of quietly seething. After all people wont change unless you make it clear you arent happy with them, and you dont HAVE to tolerate this kind of behaviour. Its only that internal voice that AGREES you are "being to sensitive" that stops you from saying it.

Mums favourites were:

- "Youre being too sensitive"

- "There are children starving in Africa much worse off than you"

- "You think youve got it bad? You have no idea what my childhood was like **cue angry but doe eyed look, followed by** "but I got over it" (If thats true mum, why do you bring it up every time I get unhappy at you?)

- **Pained expression** "Ohhhh just IGNORE it"

- "Sometimes you can be extremely ... IMMATURE"

- "Stop showing off"

- "You read too much into everything"

- "I know you're depressed but [insert a phrase that basically means "I expect you to act like you are not depressed"]

- "You're not meant to behave like this - you're not like those other children"

- "For gods sake, learn to LAUGH at yourself" (after a family member has just put me down for the umpteenth time)

- "Oh just get a sense of HUMOUR" (thanks, I will stop off at the sense of humour shop on the way home, I realise how simple that must be)

- "the world doesn't revolve around you, you know"

- **extremely impatient tone and in response to me talking about how I feel angry at and isolated from friends** "Oh just go out and have a LAUGH with your mates"

Hmm glad this topic came up, I can see some things a bit more clearly now.