les66 Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 1 that infuriates me is "what is your problem" pisses me right off Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hummm_mabbe Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 all of these things are very invalidating comments, as invalidation as a child is a high factor in bpd maybe thats worth think about. in general people tend to replay the experience of the childhood (until resolved and free of - not sure if anyone truely reaches this, but perhaps some do atleast most of the time). one way of people doing this is to find others who treat them the same as they were treated. we tend to unconciously act in a way thet enables people to respond in this replication pattern. maybe looking at this would help to enable people to not create situations were invalidation from others becomes the norm, not that im suggesting this is your fault at all, but we can only be inchanrge of ourselves not others. perhaps this may need to be in the form of standing up for yourselfs and not accepting these comments, telling people they are invalidating, that they are not useful that they leave you feeling unheard....just a thought, i know its never that straight forward but hope of some helpTOTALLY AGREE!! :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 Although I have no BPD diagnosis, I have experienced repetitive phrases from people.Move onDon't worry about itYou havent met the right people yetNo this again.My mum twisted things back onto me, but because I thought she knew better, I believed her.May she have the strength to get through the guilt, because it must prick your conscience to know that you have contributed to someones pervasive psychological difficulties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 If we look at all the people who say phrases listed on this thread, we will see, emotionally damaged people, who have not got over their own pain, whatsoever.This is because they have blocked it out.They have not processed the emotions relating to what hurt them, hence the dismissivene and aggressive attitude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
placebo69a Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 "Relax..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
profound1 Posted July 3, 2009 Report Share Posted July 3, 2009 I get "you read to much into everything" and "thats just YOUR perception of things" by the CPN"chillout""are you going to carry on like this?""It is only you that thinks that""Nothing is ever good enough for you""stop worrying""stop pulling your face" I hate this oneI think the worst thing is feeling misunderstood and it only takes the wrong words to send me "off on one" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClaireLittleWitch Posted July 5, 2009 Report Share Posted July 5, 2009 I get, in a patronising tone "are you being insecure again" and this from my husband. Really pisses me off. CLW x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vicky1300 Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 " "Theres always something" "You need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve" "Oh God "she`s on one again" "Nothings ever good enough for you" "You need a holiday,its the time of the year ect ect" "Nothing ever comes up to the mark for you" "Why can`t we just have a normal relaionship" "Just block it out of your head"-yeah right!!!! "Look at all the positive things you`ve got/achieved" THE LIST IS ENDLESS!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JPoo Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 I often get: 'You'll be ok - you always are' Grrrr It annoys me for 2 reasons, 1). i feel it invalidates the effort and success of what i have achieved 2) I interpret it as them saying ' yeah right, u making drama over something small and we cant be bothered to listen/understand/help cus u always 'get over it' well thanks and FO! It really doesnt help. sorry if i sound selfish. J Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saffron Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 'smile it might never happen' (it already has you twat) 'what you got to moan about' (der something that has upset me maybe?) ' dont talk stupid you dont feel like that at all' (REALLY!!!!!) 'who do you think you are?' (ME, just ME) 'what makes you so special' (well obviously not YOU, mum) 'whatever' (maybe to you) 'go away, your not worth listening too' (cheers for the support) 'your always thinking about yourself' (as apposed to always worrying about you?) 'cheer up, Im sure its not that bad' (How would you possibly know that) 'i think you need time on your own' (maybe you should ask me what I need?) 'who cares what you think' (I do, actually) 'it not the end of the world, you'll get over it' (maybe, maybe not.) 'stop looking for attention' (just a hug would be enough) Saffron Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldsky Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 "If it's sympathy you want, maybe you should go back to.. (parents house)(didnt want their sympathy anyway for f**** sake, just a bit of understanding) "You've changed" (you never knew me in the first place, tw*t) "You're being self-indulgent" "Everybody's ill" (I highly doubt it. plus dont you just hate it when people constantly compare you to others? like such and such struggles but they pull it together- oh WELL, i will just pretend everything's ok when actually everythings wrong shall I? I'm sure that will help... you.) GRRRRR ppl really get on my nerves, wud b nice if they jus tried 2 understand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharingbody Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 I think you had enough therapy, now just feel better, right? ...me too, BUT I... (happy ending for them) You're so strong (just excuse to keep targeting me with whatever) -this really pisses me off- You seem to know everything You KNOW that I love you We did it for you/We did everything for you/We'd do anything for you Don't be so selfish, think about the others for a change yeah well my FOO is extremely invalidating so the list is long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
implosionsponge Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 "stop running away from your problems" "you cant handle the real world" "grow up" "deal with it" "pretend you are happy" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Had to add to this 'You just need to learn to love yourself more' She meant well though so I gritted my teeth and just said yes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emergingtoo Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 "Stop wallowing in self-pity" "You just need to adjust your attitude." "You're not really trying." "Quit being a baby." "You're exaggerating." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 The one that gets me the most from my parents, is just the way they say my name. With such a disappointed tone combined with anger and frustration. It gets to me every time Its as though my name has got a *sigh* in it. Don't know if that makes any sense to anyone xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 from my husband 'you make everything bad' 'you're talking nonsense' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helenahandbasket Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 ohh and dont forget all those poor people so much worse off - who reeeaaalllyyy suffer - how could i???? thanks that makes me feel so much better Hee hee hee. I actually laughed out loud (literally!!!) at that. I get that ALLLLLL the time!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Selkie Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 And for my all-time favourite: "Oh no! Not ANOTHER broken plate! We'll have to buy plastic now!" Heheheheh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shtuah Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 From my husband (who is supposed to be a mental health professional !!) '...when you won't talk / walk away it just shows how much you care about me / us (the children)' 'I understand you have problems but only you can change your life' '...(implying that he has considered my problems, but enough about those)... I am sick of feeling angry. I am tired. You make me feel like this. (WTF - He should spend a week in my head, then he'd know about angry, tired, depressed, pissed, guilty etc, etc) Seriously thinking about becoming single again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 Here is one, my dad to me when i got pregnant at 20. "you just did this to get out of working" mum to daughter, when i left at 15 "i will never forget you leaving us" mum to daughter, when BF hit me "what did you do wrong?" mum to BF family when i was in hospital There is nothing wrong with her, she needs to sort herself out" mum to bf, when in hospital do what my husband did, tell her to pull herself together or i am leaving" mum to daughter answering why granddaughter can't come to stay "babies are fine, you know that, but when they are older and have own mind, i can't deal with that" mum to daughter on same conversation I was brought up like that" (err last i knew my nan her mum, was open minded and took charge of my daughter) mum to daughter i will give you, but you have to stop this behavour and get a job" mum to daughter "what have you done now?" "what did you do?" "it is the job for a girl" oh so many i can say. really, it just depends on how you take it in this present time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 sry meant my mums first daughter, my nan looked after her from 11 i have been told. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CharleePiper Posted July 11, 2009 Report Share Posted July 11, 2009 I've had: "Stop being so childish" "It's like looking after a Child" "What is wrong with you?" And my all time favourite and the most patronising: "Why can't you be normal?" Which usual ends with "well nobody is normal". If nobody is normal then why ask me why I can't be normal?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Broken doll Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 "get a hobby" "have a relaxing bath" "stop worrying about things" Umm "have a relaxing bath"!!! oops I've said that to people on here, I actually have BPD, so shit! no wonder no one replies to my posts, SO SORRY EVERYONE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 Nice one from my husband today 'stop whining. Either get on with life or kill yourself' He did apologise afterwards! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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