Carborexia

[an9i]

I used to have severe binge eating disorder am also diabetic, this resulted over a number of years in a decline in my physical health to the point where I was told I would go blind.

I then began to read about a lot of diabetics who restrict their carb intake to control their blood sugars. I tried this and it worked, i no longer binged, lost weight and could control my diabetes for first time in years.

Now I am worried I have taken it too far. I'm fine to eat any and all carb free foods or less than 5g/100 g carbs but cannot eat anything else as I'm worried it will be the thin edge of the wedge and I'll start bingeing again. all i eat now is meat, salad, green veg cheese, eggs and nuts.

part of me thinks great i have found a solution but the other part thinks I'm being too restrictive and that's bad. What does anyone else think?

Angi

[piuma]

god i wish i could have that kind of control, i would love to never ever binge again, but i find it impossible even if someone said if you cut this out it'll all stop, i cant do it, i dont think i'll ever be in control of my food

im glad its worked for you tho. i dont see what ther problem is as long as you feel healthy and you'r not obsessing bout it, and you are mainting a healthy weight!!

god how did you stop the initial carb cravings???

[an9i]

Hi there

Having the doctor tell me I would go blind was all the motivation I needed, although I was an uncontrolled diabetic for 17 years before this happened. The cravings werent' too bad in the beginning. But what happened next is that I got really depressed, really fast as there was nothing to put a dampener on my emotions. I have BPD and very poor emotional control. All the years I was overeating, my emotional pain turned into an emotional hunger which I had to feed with junk food. Now I feel that pain raw, and it hurts. It made me realise what purpose my eating disorder served. I was on an eating disorder ward with some anorexics a few years ago and remember the therapist saying 'they're killing themselves physically so that they can live psychologically.'

It was kind of like that for me - being diabetic I was slowly destroying my body and my eyes and kidneys.

Now I seem to have gone the other way though - I have lost so much weight and it is addictive. I am eating when I get hungry but only small amounts and restricting more and more. Part of me is delighted, but part of me is a little scared.

But I have to say that I have found it is only the foods containing carbohydrates which are addictive. I think it is somethign to do with serotonin pathways in the brain. So whether you can get more control by eating less of those foods, may be somethign to consider

Angi x

[mayleigh]

hia.

I think the fact that you are not eating carbs isn't to much of a problem. I mean it's helping your diabetes afterall. However if your restricting everything else then that is a problem.

How would you feel emotionally if you had some carbs for your breakfast like a small bowl of cerial.

8-)

p.s i am a diabetic nurse so if you want any advice or help i'd be happy to help.

[doormouse]

Without being really condescending- I reckon you should be really proud of getting your diabetes under control - that alone will make such a difference to your physical health, and I'm told ( by my diabetologist boss - just as part of tutorial the other week!)that when your BM's are better, moods can be less volatile too.

I do know what you mean about 'going too far' though. I've been trying to lose weight because although I was annorexic, I'd got to a point where I was actually overweight. I have lost quite a bit, and recognise that kind of elation when someone notices, or just knowing its going down, and I remember - or think I remember how addictive it was and how sort of powerful it made me feel. I guess I don't really have an answer - its really difficult finding a balance between controlling your diet so that you can cope with eating, (and work with your diabetes)and control thats out of control!

I found living with my friend, who I cooked and ate with a lot really helpful ( tho I am a little worried now she's moved out!) - don't know if being with/eating with people is do-able or helpful for you?

Good luck#

Mousex

[an9i]

hi mayleigh

You ask how I would feel if I ate a bowl of cereal for breakfast? This is where the carborexia comes in - I couldn't do it. It's like I have developed a fear now of eating anything rich in carbs eg pasta/bread/rice because I associate that with my eating disorder (my compulsive overeating) and think it'll be the thin edge of the wedge. I suppose its a bit like an alcoholic - they can't have a little bit of booze. If my blood sugar goes too low, then that's different as I would need to eat carbs to stay alive, but that's kind of a different category, a bit like medicine.

thanks doormouse. I think what you are saying is that the being in control can get out of control? I feel like no matter what I weigh, I can always lose more weight. But I've never been able to diet successfully before, now it's about my health I have a different motivation, and it's like 'how low can I go?'. Not that i am particularly under or overweight at the moment, but I have lost 1.5 stone in the past four months. Also now that I am not overeating, I feel that I have been assaulted by my emotions so it was definitely serving a purpose, and I'm at risk of cross addicting into something else - such as dieting.

Angi

[Jaimie_CS]

You need to be careful, you said yourself that you're scared of how far you'll go. im all too familiar with the sort of control and power you feel when you've lost weight the healthy way - but isnt it the same as an eating disorder in too many ways?

if you're thinking that much about food, and following such restrictions then you're not eating normally (oh to be able to eat normally) - although i realise its a bit different for you because of your diabetes.

I wish i knew how to tell you to stop being scared of food. but i havent been there for years.

[an9i]

Yeah it's extra complicated for me because I have two things to be scared of now - eyesight problems and weight gain. I never thought I'd get control of my overeating and had almost resigned myself to going blind but looking back I now believe i was addicted to carbohydrates, not just food as the other kinds of foods dont make me lose control like that.

i've never been normal around food though, food was my only friend when I was a child, and then when I was a teenager I discovered dieting and thought I could make real friends by being thin. Didn't work of course, but i've yo yo'd between ok, chubby and fat ever since. Then getting diabetes at 15 made it all the worse as I just ignored my diabetes really and ate whatever I wanted and underdosed to keep my weight down (it's known as diabulimia). So it's great that I have my diabetes under control , and the less I eat the easier it is to control that, but now I am restricting more and more eg trying to have less than 1000 -1200 cals per day. Not sure what the difference is between a diet and going too far but I guess as someone with life long food issues a diet will never just be a diet for me.

Thanks

Angi

[gavin]

An9i

Chicken and fish, are you eating those,

Vitamins intake fluids intake ,iron-fortified meals;

I’am a chef i maybe able to help you, omelettes,

Stir fries useing egg noodles, Syrian fruit salad,

gavin

[an9i]

Hi Gavin, thanks for your post

I think I am eating ok now, my appetite went for a while but now I am back to eating low carb, but in reasonable quantities and when I am hungry. I used to have a proper food addiction now which I can keep in check by keeping off the carbs, so I just avoid em like the plague. But I am eating plenty of meat, green veg, fish, dairy, nuts and berries. Don't eat noodles, or anything made from grains or any fruit except berries.

As a BPD I can't do things in moderation, it's no -go or excess all areas, so I've gone from carbophile to carbophobe with no middle ground, but at least now my weight and diabetes are in control. Just wish the rest of me was!

Cheers

[gavin]

It seems you are on a high protein,

If so i will give some recipes’

Because i;am the same

Gavin

[an9i]

Hi Gavin that would be great. I find I can't eat carbs because I was addicted to them before and when I cut out carbs that cuts out 99% of the junk food available. I have tried bingeing on chicken and cheese but luckily doesn't work the same as sugar and starch!

Some recipes would be great please pm me. I can't have any carbs at all except green leafy veg, tomatoes, peppers, onions and berries.

Thanks!

[Barebones]

You sound like me angi, last year i cut out all cooked food, i tried following a raw food diet, in the end it resutled me having only veg or fruit juice. So yep the extremes again huh hun? my dietitian in end dispaired and had to let me go.

You should google the aitken site, they give low carb recipies for the week and that.

My prob is going to be when i get put on gluten free diet, that is goign to conflict with my ED, and i know where the extreme will be, it be like you.

Hear listening hun.

I was diagnosed as EDNOS last year, after being bulimic for many years.

here if need to talk.

xx