Break Up...i Feel Really Good About It Then I Feel Bad Get Back Into Things, A Bit Of A Rant..

[harasdrof1]

O.k. so my partner came over today and was at my house at 8:30.I told him to come at 10:30.I have a three year old and since I do all of the work myself I need until about 10:30 to get things done be alone etc..

Anyways, he shows up early and says well..I should be able to be here whenever I want.

My son and I are in the tub, my son splashes water on the floor and he flicks it back in his face.My son starts to cry and he says well he shouldn't splash water in the tub.I said the point is he's upset and you didn't even acknowledge that he has feelings.

This meant that my son follows him around and I have to watch him.Partner is using a computer partner says to three year old leave me alone..three year old won't the kid is 20 inches from an open window.I make a comment partner says chill out.Why don't you just calm calm down calm down..this is like a trigger for me calm down.Anyways, he ends up trying to do something at the table and my son wedges in between him and a chanir son then starts to cry and it looks to me like he's hurt.So I flip out and say oh are you o.k. Mark what are you doing? Mark than says I'm sick of this look at you manipulated by your own son.I said well he is three and if he is screaming I will not ignore it I'll address it.He then said let me do the discipline here it's always you and the kid.I said it's not your job to discipline.He said well that means I'm just here for my points and crotch.

I said if that we're the case I would actually get some.I said I need to find a new partner.He then says I'm leaving I don't have to put up with your abuse.I say I'm sorry can't we just calm down and have a nice day.

He then goes on to say I blew it I ruined it's all my fault and that he is going to work instead.You see I have no car so everytime I make plans if someone is going to help it's exciting..anyways.

I then said as he was leaving you know what my therapist says she says you don't really want to do anything and you find ways not to do it.He then says well she also says you manipulate the truth at times to make yourself look better.Anyways, I then just stopped engaging him because my son is there I feel angry and afraid.

He continues telling me that he has dealt with retarded people at his old job like me and he can't take it, I'm in a manic state and I am being completely irrational.I start saying my son is right here he then says well it's your fault you blew it..your the one who ruined everything.

I then took my key to the house off his ring because I was afraid that he would come back and be mean to me more in front of my son.he then grabbed it and said don't ever refer to me as dad again because you won't let me do anything.He then leaves..

Here's the pattern I leave him I feel great then I feel lonely I take him back, over and over.As long as I'm with him I'll be deemed as crazy..I think I'd rather find someone else.We break up he falls apart and I get better.I start to think things are o.k. when he is not around.When we get better I start thinking about all my bad qualities I blame myself.

I would like to be alone for a while and not go back to him or take a new offer and see how I do.MY gut says that I'll do better and that he's just manipulating me subconciously or not.

Every time he is supposed to common through with anything adult he screws it up completely.Why bother? we'll be back again next week though maybe I should just leave town.

I have an offer of a trip to B.C..I swear this is an old friend and could do me some good, he also has kids.I don't know if men without kids get it..Crap..