"stalker" Friend

[bumblepipi]

Hi All,

I bumped into a guy a couple of months ago who I had worked with at a mental health get yourself a job kind of place. We always got on, he left I never thought much of it.

Then I bumped into him in town and me being on a high everything is lovely, decided to give him my phone number. I thought well I don't have many friends be proactive here. So we met up and it was ok the experience wasn't awful.

Then however he went on a manic spree and started calling me all the time; and I remained patient etc because I thought well he can't help it really. His constant ringing with phrases such as I really like you you're a really special person to me as a friend and all that, started to make me feel uncomfortable and told him so. I'm not someone who feels comfortable with overload of praise and appreciation.

So still I agree to meet him but that day I was very ill and i think he found it very difficult as did I.

He rings says it's his birthday and would I send him a drawing and my cd that I made as something to remember me by when I have gone to Canada, so i did.

Now again, constant barage of calls how great the cd is he wants to know about how I came to write it. In my head, I want him to shut the F up and leave me alone because it's too intense and i'm finding it annoying ;though I keep telling myself it's part of his illness and he can't help it. He always says he won't ring again until I do. I've told him outright I don't like phones and don't ring people for chats.I've tried to be quite flat and uninspiring, curt even. He's even said do you think I'm a bit stalkerish and I've said yes.

This is a bed of my own making I know, I'm just not sure how to deal with it all. But I can't believe it because I've been suckered in one last time this Thursday to see him one last time before I leave the country. Thank Gogd flights to Canada are expensive and he can't follow me out there. Bumblepipi xxx

[Pink stars]

Hi Bumblepipi

I can understand how your feeling, I've been in a similar situation before and in the end I had to break all contact as it just got far too much.

I felt guilty and like I had encouraged this person and that it was all my own fault.

I was different from you in the way that I was not strong enough or assertive enough to tell this person they were "suffocating me" I think you have done the right thing in being straight with him and telling him how you feel, even though this seems to have slipped passed him and he's still carrying on at least you have been straight with him.

As you said, your off to Canada soon and he won't be around so you will feel at ease and not have to worry about the situation.

All the best to you, enjoy Canada! xx

[bumblepipi]

Hi Bumblepipi

I can understand how your feeling, I've been in a similar situation before and in the end I had to break all contact as it just got far too much.

I felt guilty and like I had encouraged this person and that it was all my own fault.

I was different from you in the way that I was not strong enough or assertive enough to tell this person they were "suffocating me" I think you have done the right thing in being straight with him and telling him how you feel, even though this seems to have slipped passed him and he's still carrying on at least you have been straight with him.

As you said, your off to Canada soon and he won't be around so you will feel at ease and not have to worry about the situation.

All the best to you, enjoy Canada! xx

Thanks Pink Star.xxxx

[Rael]

i have often fallen into the trap and thought i was just being nice or friendly and gradually the situation has got worse and worse. like Pink Stars said, you will be leaving soon and can be out the way. you didnt ask him to become a stalker and take it this far so i dont think you have done anything wrong.

you did well to tell him you though he was stalkerish, im just sorry he didnt get the idea and back off.

take care

xxx

[bumblepipi]

i have often fallen into the trap and thought i was just being nice or friendly and gradually the situation has got worse and worse. like Pink Stars said, you will be leaving soon and can be out the way. you didnt ask him to become a stalker and take it this far so i dont think you have done anything wrong.

you did well to tell him you though he was stalkerish, im just sorry he didnt get the idea and back off.

Thanks rael. Yeah I did say but I guess I was a bit feeble have to be more fierce in future. xxxB

take care

xxx