=/

[Vasquez]

I hate my size.

I think food is disgusting.

My eating is progressively getting worse.

Im starting to feel very guilty whenever i eat anything.

Even vegetables, because if i eat to many people think im being greedy.

And i dont eat in front of people i dont feel comfortable with.

I look like a pig. they just see the fat girl and think, well thats all she does!

Im worried because i dont want my body to get any more fucked up than it is.

But my strange eating habits feel a necessity because otherwise i will get even fatter.

I got fat from eating healthy! i mean seriously WTF?!

I hate being sick!

I wish i could cut the bits out of me that were sick, but I'd probably die.

Although that would be such a relief...

I dont want to be a fuck up.

well, anymore than i am.

Im so disgusting to look at.

Im just huge and flabby and i wobble.

And i cant even hide it from people behind clothes anymore.

I just want to die.

Im so grotesque.

Im so unhappy.

It's all gone shit.

I feel happy anymore and that upsets me even more.

I keep having to lie and tell people that im happy and everthings great.

Im 18 soon, and its going to be horrible. I will look awful in my clothes.

And everyone will be looking at me!

Its going to be such a huge party.

I whinge to much.

Sorry.

[Rael]

i can relate to those thoughts so much. i dont eat in front of anyone, even my bf, i blow a fuse if he turns to look at me during dinner i cant bear it. i find myself thinking the same things about what people are thinking. they probably arent, but i know i find that hard to believe myself, i can look at you and think you are so NOT fat but i couldnt believe it if anyone else said to me.

i have strange eating habits mainly revolving around when people are not there so i can have something. i have veg and stuff too but it feels like too much.

a healthy diet is really good but it might not be completely effective on its own, are the any small things you can do or already do just to help it out, i do some stuff on an abs cruncher (like a bench version of the rocking thing - if that makes sense) and a few weights. not doing it long enough to know the effect but it helps psychologically because i am doing that and often it makes me feel less guilty for eating.

sorry not much use as still there myself. for the party, everyone will be looking at you cos you look so awesome and also, because its your birthday. you are far from grotesque hun, you are so pretty and definitely not fat, i know when you feel you are its hard to believe someone else saying you are not but i will say it anyway.

xxx

[Vasquez]

you understand completley =)

xxxx