IcyAngel Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 I just spent a half hour trying to figure out my password.....then decided to have my password resent......but this wouldn't work.....why?....because I never gave my real email address......why?.....because I'm so paranoid I changed it to something off the top of my head...... ok....long story short.....I just made a new account....since I can't use the old one anyways..... my original username was WishfulMoonAngel......(it's in my signature if you may not have noticed yet).... I figured....I might as well reintroduce myself, explain my new situation, and then go kick myself in the ass repeatedly and hope to jump start my brain eventually.... my name's Cassandra......18 years old, bout to turn 19.....and I would in many cases count as the village idiot.....I can't function almost at all in day to day life.....what my therapist claims is a "Panic Disorder".....really is untrue.....I don't specifically panic....so much as I zone out in certain situations.....what my therapist diagnosed as "Mild Depression" is, once again, very untrue......and, when at my lowest, I have become very suicidal.....and I tend to be very, VERY depressed most of the time..... my therapist also claims that's the end of my problems.....when I know for a fact that isn't even the beginning of it.....but whatever..... I live in Maryland, in the USA.....in a miserable town, where the murder rate keeps taking leaps and bounds..... ...... I live with my mom and brother still.....both of which, treat me like shit.....my brother very frequently insults me all the time.....no matter what I do....and has hit me several times..... my mom....well....that's a very complicated subject..... I've been trying very hard to deal with all my problems by myself.....for the last 8 years.... I've been incredibly depressed.....with the occassional hyperness that I'm starting to suspect I have a form of bipolar....... I've seen and heard things that aren't there, all mild things that only appear for very short durations then disappear for months at a time...... I zone out very frequently now.....I think it's dissociation.....but all I know is when I zone out, people say I get very cold and angry.....but I never remember doing anything.... there's also the flashbacks.....my dad used to beat me years ago, when I was 7 and under.....I started having very vivid flashbacks of it two years ago.....from what I can tell, I blocked it out till I was 16....then everything flooded into my head...... ok....I rambled about my problems long enough.....probably wasted everyone's time now...... take care..... hopefully I won't locked myself outta this account too..... ..... *cassandra the stupid* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyMacbeth Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 Hi IcyAngel, I like your new name and glad to see you are back. I have been dxed with panic disorder and mild depression as well. You are not alone there. I dissociate too but I do remember what have done. Have you checked out DID? Have you told your T that when you dissassociate you do not remember the state? It sounds to me like a coping mecanism for the horrible pain you have gone through. Well, glad to see you back! Take care hun. LM XX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 Hi IcyAngel, welcome back.... you are not not not stupid.... hugs hugs hugs, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktodee_27 Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 (((((((((((IcyAngel)))))))))))))) Welcome back. xxKatie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JTBadBug Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 Hi IcyAngel, Please don't take this the wrong way, but, you made me laugh for the first time today - I work in IT and if I could get a pound or even a dollar in your case each time one of my users forgot their password I would be rich! Nice to hear from you and thanks for making me chuckle. Take care, Jane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IcyAngel Posted March 13, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 yeah....I really am stupid.....but anyways...... you wouldn't believe the number of passwords I've forgotten.....heh..... thanks for the welcome and hugs....today it really means alot....I had to go out with my dad for a while.....then went out with my mom later.....so I'm really stressed out now....both of them hate me now appearantly......guess that's how it's always gonna be...... and I've told my therapist a lot of things.....but she wouldn't listen to it at all.....even when she wasn't sleeping during sessions, she was ignoring me and changing off of subjects I wanted to talk about......so I gave up and stopped going......I have no chance nor time nor money to go into therapy again.....believe me I've looked.....but twice people have suggested that I look into DID (I guess now three times).....makes me wonder a little..... but it really doesn't matter.....cause there's nothing I can do about it anyways..... *cassandra the sad and scared* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandaprincess Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 I dont think you're an idiot. We're all a bit 'funny'... aren't we? You make me smile. I remember trying to sort it all out myself when I was facing my teens. I still count surviving puberty as one of my greatest achievements. It was a complete disaster, which saw me going through some of the most psychotic episodes, and nightmare relationships... I do this funny 'vacant' thing too. I just go all sort of quiet, and my eyes just bug right out. People have told me it's just plain scary, but I dont know I'm doing it :blink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lauren Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 ((((hugs)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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