amy84 Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 This is my first time on here... Last Wednesday I took a paracetamol overdose, it was my third time, although this latest one was the worst. I've been taking fluoxetine (prozac) for three years, decided to come off it, and then when it stopped working I lost control and ended up doing what I did. It wasn't that I sat there with 20 pills and swallowed them all at once, I took them a couple at a time, thinking it would help, thinking it would stop me feeling the way I was, stop me crying... and then I realised I'd taken about 14. I'd been talking to a friend on messenger, who was so kind and came straight over (a good 50 mile trip) and took me to hospital. I was on parvolex infusion for 24 hours to prevent liver damage, but now I keep panicking thinking at some point in the future some serious damage will surface. The thing is, although I'm beginning to feel a bit more positive now, and am getting some more help, I'm scared that in the future the same thing will happen and I'll end up doing it again. I feel so ashamed of myself when I do it, and hate having to tell people because I can see how much it hurts them to know I've done it to myself. And then I'm scared that if I do ever do it again, they'll try sectioning me or something... The first two times I did it, I didn't do any damage or take enough to need treatment, but now I'm so worried I've seriously hurt myself. The doctors said my blood levels were ok when I was eventually discharged, but that there could be longterm damage that won't appear for some time. Has anyone else been in that situation? Or at least offer me some advice? I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday to discuss new antidepressants (I'd love to try bupropion but it's not available in the UK as an antidepressant) and I've got some temazepam to help with the anxiety and insomnia, but I;m scared that after the initial help etc I'll go back to the way I was before.... Amy x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vrma Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Hi Amy I can understand why you are concerned. I have taken od's with my medication but also have gone around the town acquiring paracetamol. I took five boxes (80) in one go, I was also put on the drip and had my bloodwork done. I had to go back and repeat it twice more for them to be sure, but they say I haven't done any damage. I have never been sectioned: not through my SH, cutting my wrists or my od's. I think they save it for the last resort tbh. I don't know if you have a bpd dx, but i know with me that my mood changes and my impulses have mostly controlled my behaviour. I have found this forum to be a great lifeline for me - it makes me feel part of a group (so I don't feel a freak) and I can come and vent adn people actually understand! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 This is my first time on here... Last Wednesday I took a paracetamol overdose, it was my third time, although this latest one was the worst. I've been taking fluoxetine (prozac) for three years, decided to come off it, and then when it stopped working I lost control and ended up doing what I did. It wasn't that I sat there with 20 pills and swallowed them all at once, I took them a couple at a time, thinking it would help, thinking it would stop me feeling the way I was, stop me crying... and then I realised I'd taken about 14. I'd been talking to a friend on messenger, who was so kind and came straight over (a good 50 mile trip) and took me to hospital. I was on parvolex infusion for 24 hours to prevent liver damage, but now I keep panicking thinking at some point in the future some serious damage will surface. The thing is, although I'm beginning to feel a bit more positive now, and am getting some more help, I'm scared that in the future the same thing will happen and I'll end up doing it again. I feel so ashamed of myself when I do it, and hate having to tell people because I can see how much it hurts them to know I've done it to myself. And then I'm scared that if I do ever do it again, they'll try sectioning me or something... The first two times I did it, I didn't do any damage or take enough to need treatment, but now I'm so worried I've seriously hurt myself. The doctors said my blood levels were ok when I was eventually discharged, but that there could be longterm damage that won't appear for some time. Has anyone else been in that situation? Or at least offer me some advice? I'm seeing a psychiatrist on Thursday to discuss new antidepressants (I'd love to try bupropion but it's not available in the UK as an antidepressant) and I've got some temazepam to help with the anxiety and insomnia, but I;m scared that after the initial help etc I'll go back to the way I was before.... Amy x Hi amy The temazipam will only work very short term and then you will need to come off it as it can be dangerous. After a short while, the temazepam can also cause anxiety and make it much worse. You need to tell someone if you fear you are going to try and overdose. You need to raise your concerns with a professional. Print off this thread if you like and have them read it. Please keep yourself safe, that is number one priority. Maybe see your GP about going on other meds. I use trazodone which is non addictive, and gets me to sleep. I am a recovering benzo addict, and I would hate for anyone to go through the shit I have just gone through with diazapam, a cousin of temazepam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 hey guys thank you for replying, I tried staying up as long as I could last night but knew I'd only feel even more shit at work if I only had a couple of hours sleep. work have been really good about everything, I've told my boss, and they're all being really supportive which is definitely helping... I'd definitely like to try something non addictive to help me sleep, my problem was that I used to drink a bottle of wine a night just so I could sleep, but that was just making me feel worse... I've only been on here for 24 hours or so, but I've found it's helping a bit already, taking my mind off things, reading about other people and talking to them. thank you... xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 22, 2009 Report Share Posted July 22, 2009 Am glad work are supportive, and that they understand. Am also glad you feel helped by coming on this site. I do too, dunno what I would do without it. Yeah, booze made me feel worse in the end. I hope that you find something non addictive to help you sleep. x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowman Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Glad you are getting support and finding this site useful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 hey all, I'm about to set off to see the psychiatrist, a little bit nervous about it but I've got quite a few bits of research to take with me, i.e. stuff I'd like to try, medication-wise. I'm supposed to be working on the late shift until 6pm, and I told work I might not feel up to coming back after the appointment (at 2pm) and I think they were a bit miffed about it but understand... I hate letting them down though. one thing about this site that helps, is not necessarily me typing stuff down here, but just reading other people's posts etc, particularly the blogs although I feel it's a shame you have to pay if you want to have access to the blog and chat facilities... I had a temazepam last night, which really helps, it makes my body feel heavy and my eyes want to close, and it stops my heart racing, although I know there's no point asking for more once they run out as they don't want you to get addicted. but I think, if it helps, what's the problem if you do get addicted? it's not doing me any harm, and it's certainly a better alternative to me stopping up all night, drinking, crying and ending up in hospital? I'll post back on here after I've seen the psychiatrist, I'm quite confident I won't be coming back to work, even though I'd feel guilty about leaving them all to cope with the workload, but we'll see. thanks again xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Hi Amy, I used to do the same as you, my ODs was like SH in a sense and also was away to try to numb my feelings, yeah thought it would help in some kind of way. My ODs came a ficture in my life, it over took the cutting and burning i used to do. It was a dangerous form of SH. To try and reassure you on any damage, yes it all depends on the individual and there bodies reaction to the drug, i have took so many ODs and i am fine, err did i say fine? lol no sry my liver is fine, my bowls and ammune system is a mess, however, every time i did it i disregarded what my body was saying, i thought my body or liver was god, nothing could harm it, but there will be one day that your body will say "stop i can't work anymore", this is when it is to late, you will have to find like i did, a break in the cycle, thats if you have gone into one like i was. You seem to know what is going on and you are heading on a road which if you take all the help you have got, you could find a good life. Just keep working at it, make sure you try your best in not repeating what you have done and making it into a cycle, cycle could be called comfort blanket aswell, you will need to withdraw from it with baby steps. I do hope i made some sense and understanding. I know how fearfull ODs are. I wish you the best of luck in gaining help with this and also try and look after yourself, i understand it is hard to do that, but with respect to you, try to believe and have respect for youself. xx here anytime if you need help in anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 well, am now back at home after almost two hours with the psychiatrist... I did feel kind of stupid when answering his questions, he asked me things like how do I feel about myself as a person, what happens when I feel depressed, what do I do about it but the most important question he asked was what do I think is wrong with me - in a daft way it made me feel important, that what I think matters and that helped a lot. and when I spoke to him about the research I'd done into medication etc, he took me seriously, and he explained certain things and how they work. I told him I was keen to try bupropion, and he said it's not available in this country BUT he said if we try something else, and that doesn't work, there are ways of having it prescribed to me. prescription rules etc are only guidelines he said, and he can prescribe anything as long as he can show why it's needed and how it will help. I think he also made me see that in a way, I'm a bit masochistic when it comes to my depression. I know that by going out, meeting friends, going to the gym etc will help me, but I choose not to and I almost prefer to sit in my flat on my own, drink too much and have a cry. so, we talked about medicine, and I'm now going to take venlafaxine. I'll then go and see him in four weeks to see how I'm getting on, and he said if I'm not happy we can try something else. I've got to ring the GP tomorrow and find out how my blood tests went, I think deep down I know everything will be ok, but I just need that reassurance. And the psychiatrist said I should go to my doctors in six months time and ask for some more liver function tests, in case any problems have developed. I'm definitely gonna cut down on the drinking too... it's not that I have a problem or dependancy, but I know full well it's a depressant in itself, and if I really want my medicine to work, I have to cut back a bit. My friend paul's coming over to see me tonight, well if I'm honest he's more than a friend, we were seeing each other but then kind of stopped when I met someone else (which didn't work out). paul's married... I know, I know, that's not a good thing, but we're both intelligent people and we care about each other... thanks guys xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
successful_workthru Posted July 23, 2009 Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 Amy I am sure the psychiatrist didnt think you were stupid. With low self esteem, feeling stupid is common, but I am sure your psychiatrist just wanted to help. Your psychiatrist sounded like he was trying to establish your specific self esteem levels. Depressed people obviously can have low self esteem but maybe he was wanting to see how you personally felt, and coped, as we are all individuals with different feelings and different coping mechanims. I don't think you are daft for feeling important when he asked what you thought was wrong with you. I hope your medication helps your mind so that you can begin to tackle your personal difficulties and the need to overdose. So long as you avoid benzos, I am now addicted, nobody's fault. My Doctor wanted to help, but there are only a tiny percentage of doctors with extensive knowledge on benzo addiction. Many over prescribe them, storing up great trouble for the future. I am going through sh2t now with them. Maybe you could explore why you prefer to drink and cry alone in your flat. I used to do drugs alone in my flat, because I liked my own company on drugs, and also there was no one to disturb my high. I got too dependant though, and lived for drugs, glad that is now behind me. Venalfaxine has been linked with cardiac trouble, so maybe you could ask about that in your doctors. Dont be disheartened though, there are other meds. I just felt like I should inform you of that. I am sorry I have not got a link, but a quick google will show you some info as well as discussing it with your GP and psychiatrist. Good luck for the future liver function tests. Drinking is a central nervous system depressant, which is different from depression causing. Of course it can add to depression, and also aggrevate angry feelings. Take care regarding paul. Tread carefully. I am not lecturing you, I would just hate to see you get hurt, as the heady feeling of romance can blind the best of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 oh trust me, it has blinded me, I can see that... I'd not seen him (i.e. properly, us together etc if you know what I mean) for about four months, then when he came over tonight he told me he'd sorted things with his wife. he's not a bad person, he's the kindest person I know. my heart's breaking though... he made me feel so loved, and I was the one who sort of ended things between us, because I thought that was for the best, but now, when I really needed him, I couldn't have him. but I only have myself to blame for that. with you saying you got addicted to benzos, when I was with the psychiatrist today, I actually said to him that I'd been on this forum, and people had talked about being addicted to diazepam/temazepam, and I said to him 'does it really matter if you're addicted, if it makes you feel better?' and he said the problem was that you would have to keep taking more and more because you grow immune to them... what do you mean about going through shit with them, because you're off them? at the moment though, I just want to knock myself out... paul was so hurt before, he said if he'd known I was going to turn round and say all this then things would've been different, but like I say, it was my fault and it would have been unfair of me to expect him to wait. I feel so empty right now... nobody ever wants me, and when people keep telling me what an amazing person I am and how I'm so generous and selfless, all I can think is 'then why does nobody ever want me? why does nobody ever treat me the way I treat them?' and I've got to work this weekend, and knowing that is absolutely killing me right now, I keep thinking to myself that if I'd died last week, it would've been so much easier for paul, not having to upset me in saying what he said tonight. and I know he's done the right thing, by his family, but I would rather have died than have heard what he had to tell me tonight. thank you for talking, it was such a relief to see a message on here when paul left xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 23, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2009 there's no fucking way I'm going to be able to sleep tonight now ffs.... I HATE being me so, so much x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 24, 2009 Report Share Posted July 24, 2009 Hi amy just wanted to check if you got any sleep last night? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 Sorry I've only just replied, not been on here for a bit... I did get some sleep, albeit not much, I'm such a glutton for punishment, I seem to put myself in situations where I know I'll get hurt... and I just keep letting people do it :-( xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 25, 2009 Report Share Posted July 25, 2009 aww amy, sry you are still feeling the same. Not getting much sleep, can really worsen the effect of feelings and that. Remember we are here for you, just hollar and we will come running. xx my dear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2009 thank you, that means so, so much... I'm feeling a bit better, had a really long talk with paul over the weekend, and I'm not as upset anymore. just got in from work and I'm back in at 6am so I HAVE to get an early night tonight! annoying thing is, I left my temazepams at my dad's (I live in Cumbria during the week but am from Lancashire so go back most weekends)... oh well, hot chocolate will have to do for tonight!xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted July 26, 2009 Report Share Posted July 26, 2009 Hello Amy, I was on holiday last week and missed your post but I've answered the survey and am here now. You have been through a lot in the last week. I hope that you start to feel better soon and that the venlafaxine helps. I've not read the post thoroughly as you have had a lot of support. I'm glad you are finding this site helpful and if you need to talk I understand. I have been overdosing since I was 16, I'm now 33. My first was over 100 paracetamol and a bottle of vodka. Not good. But we live and learn. Its sounds like you were listened to by your psyche. I once had an appt with a locum as usual psyche was away and he basically talked to my husband the whole time apart from asking me very simplified direct questions (I think he thought I was an idiot). You go a long way to find one that actually cares about you unless you pay privately and then they mainly care about your money. Oohh that's so cynical of me. Anyway, hope you are feeling better. xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2009 Hey Roses.... thank you for replying, I do feel a lot better mentally but physically I'm not at all well... I've not eaten much this past week, as an example, on Friday I had half a cornish pasty, on Saturday I had a toasted tea cake, and today I've had a piece of cake and a mouthful of lamb cous cous... I feel weak, got a horrible taste in my mouth (similar to what it was like when I was really ill when I was in hosp) and I've got a constant pain in my stomach (well, abdomen I suppose, it's not my stomach) so all of that is making me so paranoid that there's something wrong cos of what I did. I'm picking up my venlafaxine tomorrow, a bit scared about starting it cos people keep saying what horrible side effects it has, and I'm gonna ring the docs and check how my blood tests were. I know I need to eat but I've got absolutely no appetite and can only just manage to drink sweet tea. Where did you go on hols? Lucky you! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 FFS! The doctors have just rung me re the blood tests they carried out last week (a week after my paracetamol overdose) and they said the liver function test has shown some 'slight disturbances'. God knows what that means, it was only a receptionist I spoke to, and I've got to go back next Tuesday and have some more done. I just spoke to a friend, and they rightly said that if it had been anything serious the doctors would have had me in straightaway or sent me to the hospital, but I can't help but worry... Has anyone else ever had liver function tests come back as indicating 'slight disturbances' or does anyone know more specifically what it means? Please reply asap, I'm going out of my mind with worry :-( xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Sorry I've not had one come back like that as far as I know although I was kept in a few times on a drip so could a been that, not sure. Just drink plenty of water or squash and try and rest until they tell you what it means. Perhaps it would come up on google? I tried venlafaxine and I didn't get on with it at all but everybody is different and it is worth a shot. I'm really resistent to drugs and it's hard to get them to work so may have been that. I'm sure it'll be fine it's one of the newer ones so should have less side-effects. With the eating just take it easy. It's helpful to tey and get into a routine. Sit down for each meal breakfast, lunch and dinner. Even if you have half an apple on your plate sit down for the meal and eat half an apple. Then the next meal and so on and over a short time you will find you will put a little more on your plate each time and build it up gradually. I understand. I suffer with anorexia/bulimia since being a teen and this was the best practical advice I ever had in those 20 years. Relax, try and be nice to yourself and do things you enjoy. We are all here for you xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barebones Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi hun, your friends is right, one the receptionist would of said you need to see the doctor with readings of your test. The OD you had, your liver would prob be still trying to heal itself, having a slight distrubance, there is enzimes which prob has showed as slight raise still in your liver function, it takes a long while for your liver to heal from this. Its not heal exactly, you would have to have scarring, your liver is prob still sorting and getting rid of toxic waste. I am no doctor, they will just be wanting to do another test to make sure your enzime levels lower in there activity. Last year my doc eventually told me, after going on a drug to help stop me drinking, he said that my levels was not normal at this certain time, with me cutting down my drink, since then my liver has been functioning much better. I had tests done month ago, and again my liver seems to be coping well. Try not to worry, your liver is still trying to work through the OD, if your tests came back at a higher level, your doc would of seen you, also liver failer or functioning probs, you would know through alot of physical symptoms, or even just one. As roses said, keep your fluids up, try not to drink alcohol, also when you go back for your test, make sure they explain what your levels and what is happening, remeber also, your on a new drug also, that may also cause a flunc in your test, its a ruling out period, and also one of healing. xxx If your really worried about this, i have a couple of pages of things that could help your liver heal further. there is many nutriants that help this. Oh just to make sure, i am no doctor lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 thank you guys... I would be interested in seeing the pages on helping your liver, just to put my mind at rest I suppose. I was on 24 hours of parvolex in the hospital, to protect my liver, and the docs know about that so I can't imagine it's that... I suppose I could ring them again tomorrow and say I'm worrying. the thing is, I have been feeling very ill since coming out of hospital, I know that's to be expected, but it doesn't stop me worrying. I've had an incredibly dry mouth, pain in my abdomen, no appetite, feeling very tired and (I know this sounds crazy ha) but I swear the veins in my hands are hurting, and they look a bit raised. I just wish it was next Tuesday then I'd know! I really have cut down on drinking, ok I went out Friday and Saturday and got a bit merry, but I've not been drinking a bottle of wine a night midweek like I used to. I'm now sat in bed, with a pint of water and plenty of fags, just had my first venlafaxine tablet, probably didn't help that I've been at work since 6am, not used to early mornings! amy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 thank you guys... I would be interested in seeing the pages on helping your liver, just to put my mind at rest I suppose. I was on 24 hours of parvolex in the hospital, to protect my liver, and the docs know about that so I can't imagine it's that... I suppose I could ring them again tomorrow and say I'm worrying. the thing is, I have been feeling very ill since coming out of hospital, I know that's to be expected, but it doesn't stop me worrying. I've had an incredibly dry mouth, pain in my abdomen, no appetite, feeling very tired and (I know this sounds crazy ha) but I swear the veins in my hands are hurting, and they look a bit raised. I just wish it was next Tuesday then I'd know! I really have cut down on drinking, ok I went out Friday and Saturday and got a bit merry, but I've not been drinking a bottle of wine a night midweek like I used to. I'm now sat in bed, with a pint of water and plenty of fags, just had my first venlafaxine tablet, probably didn't help that I've been at work since 6am, not used to early mornings! amy xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 hey all just to let you know, the paranoia overcame me lol, I rang the docs and had a chat with the receptionist, the doctor is going to ring me in the morning to discuss the tests... I've been looking on google etc and that's just making me worry more!x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 I'm not surprised you've been feeling ill since you came out of hossie honey it can take a little while for your body to repair itself fully. I've been thinking about this today and I remember a doctor telling me that my results weren't normal for liver and kidney function and he gave it a name and said it is harmless and just make sure I drink plenty. When I mentioned it to my Dad it turns out he has the same. So it could just be a miniscule difference and poss something that was always there and it's just that they never tested for it before or the OD has knocked it off kilter for a bit. I wouldn't worry. If the results were that bad they would have you straight back in hossie again amy. Perhaps google wasn't such a good idea then I guess there are some stupid things on the web sometimes. xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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