lauren18808 Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 I feel horribly rejected and disliked right now, and although I annoy you all, I just wanna take this moment to apologise cos Im such a piece of shit. Everything just keeps going wrong, and my friends just feel the need to punish me all the time, like its what i need right now, rub it in my face how they get invited places and i dont cos everyone thinks im a fucking pshyco, and they're probably right. I realise I should be posting this elsewere, but im such a paranoid bitch i even fear going to were i should be going to unload. Like doing it here makes it okay. Like it makes you all even less annoyed. I'm sorry, I dont know what makes me do this to myself, why cant I just snap out of it? Why? How fucking juvenile, a girl who curls up in bed and refuses to move the second someone doesnt invite her somewhere, what a stupid girlish weak human being I am, I bet nothings even wrong with me, I bet I have no excuse to be like this at all, I'm just a stupid, ugly, twisted, unlovable thing. And nothing will ever change that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janey Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 ((((((((((((((Lauren)))))))))))))))) I'm sure you don't annoy anyone here, and you most certainly don't annoy me. You are not a bad person, just someone with issues to overcome... honestly... I like you. lots of hugs... Janey xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lissy1984 Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 :bigarmhug[1]: My dearest Lauren, im so very sorry you're feeling so bad right now. You're not unloveable nor psycho! I understand totally how you feel though, I have moments of severe paranoia and get upset when people don't want to socialise with me. The key to this, is to remember it is your illness that makes you feel this way, it is not the reality. We are all here for you xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susanna Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 (((((((((((((((((lauren))))))))))))) I'm sure every one of us on here has been in the same position and felt the same way you do now. I feel that way regularly! We always blame ourselves for everything and feel pathetic because we're 'different' in some way. The very fact that you get through every single day of your life carrying the heavy weight of being BPD shows that you're stronger than probably just about everyone you know... Thinking of you, take care and stay strong mate. xxxx Suse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katherine Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 (((((((((lauren)))))))) You don't annoy me at all. love, karie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginny Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 (((((lauren)))))) You are not an evil twisted thing - you are a young girl under a lot of pressure and unloading here is fine... the way you feel is very common amongst all of us so dont feel you are doing the wrong thing... we care very much - keep posting... Ginny :wub: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostsoul Posted March 12, 2005 Report Share Posted March 12, 2005 (((((((((((loz))))))))))) swell, not shit troubled, not trouble and basically ditto what everyone else said! xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pandaprincess Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 (((PANDA HUGS))) I hate feeling like that. My social life has completely packed in because I keep saying the wrong thing, and nobody wants to hear my apology... I often find myself feeling really let down that nobody wants me around anymore, but what can I do about it? I'm aways chewing my feet, and I cant get anything right... I dont think it makes us bad people. Just because we get a bit strange, and maybe withdrawn, it shouldn't exclude us from basic human compassion and empathy. But most people dont seem to see that. They're all too quick to pass judgement, and draw their own conclusions. I've been referred to as 'that psychotic bitch', and 'that nasty headfuck', and I cant help but feel it's unjust... But I know I'm not just what people see on the surface. I know I'm more than just a psychotic bitch headfuck- I'm also a gifted and creative individual, with a unique sense of humour and purple eyebrows... and nobody can challenge that! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swan Posted March 13, 2005 Report Share Posted March 13, 2005 Oh Panda Gurl, I just love those eyebrows! My social life died a horrid messy death when I got really ill and I couldn't understand why either. But then I decided that if that was what was going to happen that was what I probably needed, and it really helped - once I stopped trying to make something happen that wasn't going to I felt so much better and I finally began to feel less terrified about being alone. I really enjoy my own company now, and although my social life is definitely on the up I am always going to make time for ME alone because I didn't realise how badly I need it to recharge my batteries. Come and chat to us lauren, you know that there is always someone here for you and however paranoid you are feeling we all know that it is only that because you are also kind and generous and funny and interesting - I know that you've helped me just by replying to my posts. Hang on in there girl, you'll be okay, we'll make sure of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire Posted March 15, 2005 Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Hey, no one is annoyed with you. You can post your stuff anywhere you like. These forums/boards belong to you, so don't think that you can't tell people stuff here. It's totally cool. No one is going to judge or label you, okay?! Sometimes we just need to curl up in bed when something happens. Take care Claire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauren18808 Posted March 15, 2005 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2005 Thanks guys, wish I could cheer up, your comments have helped me a little, cant help but think the reason friends dont understand me is becuse they all have squeaky clean brains and uncomplicated personalities lol, I actually wish i was a bimbo, well i am, cos im stupid, but its rare to be unhappy AND stupid. You guys rock my world, seriously, i might start posting again properly soon, i havent been chatty for a while though. To make things worse, I've been extra paranoid today, had a lovely LSD flashback to enjoy. Yay. However, two extensions for my coursework have been made, and next week I break up for two and a half weeks of non college. So I should be happier and less 'oh woe is me' soon. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Precious Posted March 20, 2005 Report Share Posted March 20, 2005 (((Lauren)))) truth is..i need to talk to!! We're here for you sweety! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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