piuma Posted July 26, 2009 Report Share Posted July 26, 2009 hmmm flu is subsiding and my appetite has come back , but im resisting, not because i wanna lose weight so much, i just dont wanna eat, i feel like its giving me some sort power of my situation at the moment, cant really explain it, im massive so weight does come off, and its literally dropping off, my family think its great, which is encouriging me, its also lifting me out of my low mood, its like adrug?? i cant explain it, i dunno if its good or not, or how long it will last, im hungry now, all i have had is a chciken sarnie today and 2 diet cokes, im hungry, normally i would binge now, but im telling myself oh its late, ill do it tommorow, which is unreal, i will normally binge day or night when ever i feel like it really. i doubt this will last......but im dreading the binges come back with a vengence. we'll see....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 hey, I've been the same recently, since my bout in hospital, I've got absolutely no appetite... friday I ate half a cornish pasty, saturday I ate a tea cake and today a piece of cake, you're right about it making you feel like you have power, it's almost like there are so much things in your life/about you that you can't control, but this is something you can. just be careful, I know that's a bit rich seeing as I'm not looking after my own body, but it's often harder to listen to your own advice eh! amy x x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 I can totally relate to what the both of you are saying. I am struggling to eat at the moment, or else you could say I'm finding it all to easy not to eat, it does give you a sense of power and control. I just don't want anything to do with food, when i get really hungry I'm allowing myslef a protein shake but that's all. Oh and I had a bit of tuna salad yesterday but felt guilty after that which is not good. the unhealthy, addictive part of me absolutely loves it because I'm losing weight fast and I love that feeling, but the healthy part of me knows it is going a bit too far. I don't want to stop yet because I have a strong desire to lose a few more pounds, I used to be a compulsive overeater and stuff my face all day long but now seem to have gone the other way. It's not like I could ever be a normal eater or anything!! OP From your post I'm not sure if you want to continue with this or stop- maybe you'r a bit conflicted like me? I do know that these things tend to get a hold on you and get tighter and tighter. Hope you can sort it out Angi xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 I suppose one of the signs of depression, of any kind, is a reluctance, deliberate or otherwise, to look after yourself physically... I'm not overweight but won't be weighing myself to see how much I'm losing, knowing my luck I'd probably not lose anything anyway! Don't suppose you need to feel guilty about tuna salad... fish is v good for you!xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi Amy84, the guilt is totally irrational! It wouldn't matter what I ate I would still feel guilty! Seeing my t today so will speak to her about it. But thanks for your reply. Angi x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 good luck for your appointment today xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 oh its soo horrible, those who do it and say they dont get hungry are lucky. im starving but everytime i go to get something, i just feel so tired and i just think whats the point, i dont want this to turn into an encouring post, as its not meant be, i dont feel good....i do like the power i get from it, but im so exhausted, and mega dehydrated i realised, this is nothing to do with food or diet, its all punishment, ive done it before, i just forgot, i not just not eating its drinking to, and last time i was like this, my key worke couldnt understand why i would refuse to drink. its like a punishment i said, but she doesnt get it. im afraid to tell anyone this time. but i can feel myself getting weaker, especially as im trying to recover from flu, my kidneys hurt and i have cystitis, i know i should be drinking more fluids, but i just dont wanna consum anything, i dont deserve to be alive. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 You ARE alive, therefore you deserve to be! I've just eaten a sandwich and had a bottle of still lemonade, as much as I didn't want to and wasn't hungry, I've been feeling so ill today, plus my doctors rang me before and said that my liver function test has shown some 'slight disturbances' (the test was done a week ago, a week after I was in hospital after taking paracetamol overdose) God knows what 'slight disturbances' are, I only spoke to the receptionist, got to go back next Tuesday and have some more tests, but it's really worrying me xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 i hope you'll be ok amy xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy84 Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 google can make you even more paranoid... I think I'm gonna ring the docs again tomorrow and make them tell me exactly what it is, can't stop worrying! x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Hi all, told my t I'm struggling to eat, she said it was ringing alarm bells for her so she was going to talk to someone about it because she needs to make sure I'm safe (I'm diabetic but under control at the mo), so don't know what that means, didn't think it was that bad that she needs to tell someone else. I've no idea who this someone else is or what they'll do - the ed police?? Not been too bad today actually on the food front, had soup, prawns and yogurt - around 500 cals. But when I eat it's like such a chore to do so, I really don't want to but my body gets so hungry I have to give in to it to stop the pangs, it's like feeding a machine though, like it's nothing to do with me. Piuma can't believe you are not even drinking, that does sound like a version of self harm, hope you can stop soon hun Amy really hope you'll be ok and that your liver recovers. Surely if they let you out of hospital in the first place then it must be on the mend? Angi x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Hey how we all getting on with our eating or lack of? I'm down to around 800 cals a day, hardly any carbs, just living off protein shakes and cheese. Don't know how long I can keep it up though until my body caves in. How you guys doing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 I'm fucked. Had two slices of toast, some breadsticks and diet houmous, an egg and a go ahead bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted July 29, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 i dunno, i did eat today, i didnt wake up till 3 and then i had dinner at mums roast, i ate it all, and i have had 3 cups of tea today, feel so much better for it, but if i have put weight on in the morning i will be so upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 For me at the moment, eating is like putting petrol in my car. I put petrol in, don't really care about it, slightly resent having to stop and buy it cos it's an inconvenience -then when my car is running out, it makes a bleeping noise and the fuel indicator light goes on. My body is pretty much the same. I would go all day without eating if I could, I really don't want to, but eventually my body will start making a fuss and so I will feed it (can't even use the word eat, it doesn't feel like eating) usually a protein shake or something liquid. I'm okay with that, I mean at least I'm not starving myself completely. But it's a complete 180 degree turnaround to how I was six months ago when I couldn't stop stuffing my face (before I was told I would make myself go blind) and now I've like gone completely the other way. At least the diabetes is finally under control though so I suppose that's the main thing. Although come to think of it maybe that's why I have gone the other way - because I associate food with going blind now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted July 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 well i said i didnt know how long it would last and now here its is in full swing, i have spent two days eating my head off b/p/b/p/b/p/ i hate it hate hate hate hate hate it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
an9i Posted July 31, 2009 Report Share Posted July 31, 2009 Sorry to hear that Piuma, do you think your body finally got too hungry and caused you to binge? or is it more emotional eating? Dunno if this will help you but I found when I was bingeing that I had a serious carbohydrate addiction and the more I fed it the worse it got. When I gave up carbs, the urge to overeat dropped dramatically and if I did get the urge to overeat I'd gorge myself on a chicken or something, and the binge would stop sooner. I think that's because carby junk foods are inherently addictive but non carb foods just don't have the same effet on the brain. But when you need to eat, they can still satisfy to a certain extent. That's how I broke the cycle anyway (although diabetic so slightly different I know ) Just a thought hun. Hope you can get some control back soon, Take care Angi xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 it doesnt help that im skint, sop i think ok i wont buy food, then, i go and blow it on sill y things, all carb carb carb. god i hate this, i really hope i get the gastric bypass, then if i do binge i will die, ha, win win, either lose weight or die, its what i face already, but with quicker results. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Don't be so quick to meet your maker honey. You got people want to spend time with you here. I had to basically re-train myself to eat from scratch to stop the binge-purge thing. I am not recovered by any means but I'm not sick all the time now. Here to help if I can babe xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 thankyou, roses, all of you, i know i gotta face up to my eating or i will die, one way or another, i hate feeling, like i cannot control when or how i will die, ikts really bugs me, i know there is sod all i can do about it, its just sometimes, knowing i can take my own life makes things better for me, i dont plan on going anywhere at the mo, i love you all to much te hee. xxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 3, 2009 Report Share Posted August 3, 2009 Saying you don't plan on going anywhere soon is so much more powerful than we give credit for so I just wanted to say that it is a wonderful and lovely thing to hear. I don't want to go anywhere either anymore and I look forward to talking to you on here for a long time to come xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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