Courting Controversy

[Sammy]

Piuma, even if people here don't like controversial topics or attention seeking or manipulation there is nothing in the rules against it, and there ARE still others that are willing to listen to you, respond in a positive way, offer support and advice to you - don't worry about the rest, they have their own issues to deal with and that's not your fault. If anyone responds in a way you dislike you don't have to pay it any attention and can put them on ignore if necessary. I would hate to think people are scared away by this but also if you think your topic might be triggering you can always post a trigger warning.

As for resolving conflicts, of course you can name names, as long as you're not calling names! lol and as long as it's done in a way that does not attack the person. For example if you are unsure of their intentions you can ask them what their intentions are rather than to make your own assumption that might upset or offend them and might be completely off base.

[roxy222]

sammy im really glad you are involved in one of these posts

i think it is entirely fair to point out that some people (not saying you dc cause i do think this thread in itself is relevant in general) intentionally antagonise/goad/gang up on meme, which yes gets in the way of foucusing on the topic he has posted, which is generally about self improovement in some way or other which is a good thing for him and what we can likely learn about ourselves from it, and puts off people who may have posted supportive or insightful or otherwise helpful replies due to the triggering level of nastieness. i am not meme's best friend (no offense) so i am not writing this as someone automaticly on his side or anything like that, this is not an us or them type of thing no matter if people want to turn it taht ay or not, this is a straight forward statement of how it appears constantly on here and i am v glad sammy you have stated that. I have seen time and time again meme be open and honest in his posts, he has taken onboard what others have said even when he has not liked it, and even when they have not said it nicely, and continually appears to be growing from it, which is alot more than can be said for some (probably me included). i am not someone who just automaticly says nice supportive things regardless of context, i am honest and straight forward in my relies to meme and others, i am not suggesting that if people disagree with him they automaticly stay away or only ever post safe hugs etc cause clearly i am not that type of person, i can cope with contraversy and am happy that people have their own opinions, but there is absolutely never any need to be intentionally cruel to someone, and it is especialy bad that it is several against one.

sorry that this is turning out about meme (sorry to meme too). i have posted elsewhere on this thread not about meme, but i really wanted to say this in reply to what sammy has said here because i v much appriciate that a mod especally is taking notice of this.

[Sammy]

No, Meme had already made a post in this thread saying that this topic was about him, Roxy then responded agreeing that she felt that in part it was created because of his previous thread, I then responded to that!

[roxy222]

I also didn't bring Meme's name into it, others already had, I responded to that.

Oh god I'm sorry Sammy but you did bring it in first. Please accept that at least?

i thought i did, in response to his post

[S1CKK]

A couple of things I wanted to say about the original post, I've typed this once and lost it so forgive me if I dont make much sense.

I do not use the term manipulative as being derogatory. Someone that manipulates must have a degree of intelligence in order to utilise it. Children and animals manipulate things as a means of survival. I dont personally see either attention seeking or manipulation as being derogatory terms, they are only negative terms if they involve someone harming someone else for their own benefit, which isnt what I was directly saying.

In relation to MEME, this isnt a post entitled MEME nor is it forcussed on him. This post relates to controversy, if the boot fits!?!

However I dont want this to be yet another topic about whether this is MEME right or MEME wrong. I replied to his other post, please let me have mine!

Take care

Meme, the truth is, you've made this topic about yourself! But I won't let that happen. I exposed you! This is a general discussion. I think "poison their minds" fits this topic quite well. People whom evil is done tend to become sick and twisted themselves.

That's why I admire so many people on here who had to suffer the most extreme cruelties and yet do good.

I think humanity wouldn't be where it is now (I mean that in a positive sense) without manipulation. I do it all the time at uni ^^.

I also believe a lot of the conversations get nasty because people have a hunger for scandals; we secretly want them to blow up. Hey, that's why we invented gossip. Cos without drama and gossip we would actually have to think about our existence on this planet and our lives.......

[Data]

I also didn't bring Meme's name into it, others already had, I responded to that.

Oh god I'm sorry Sammy but you did bring it in first. Please accept that at least?

i thought i did, in response to his post

Thats right.

[roxy222]

feel a little bit scared to post now just incase i get attacked, but mayeb it would be better if you had named names then people cant go round in circles, or even pm the person to ask if its ok. but who knows im just me.

just wanted to add, as you now have me paranoid that im the trouble maker, i have posted at times when im feeling desperate, this is an attention seeking thing i guess, cos i want help from someone, i thought thats what places like the crisis bit and stuff were for? if not can someone tell me and i wont post any more, if people think im an attention seeker, which i probably am, and it offends them, im very open, pm me, tell me to shut up and i wont do it anymore. but i do agree that if the posts where people are asking for help, or moaning, and being attention seekers isnt your cup of tea, you can just ignore us!

sorry hope i dont offend anyone not my intention, just please be clear, are we allowed to speak our distress or not?

attention seeking is a good thing, dont feel bad about that. and i dont think any of this is about you (although i could be wrong, hope you dont mind me making that assumption dcx). allways allways better to speak out, if its out of order in anyway mods are here to remove if that is the case. sorry you feel scared, im sure everyone is happy to listenxx

[Roses]

That's showbiz... do we not want to face the meaning of our existence or do we just want to escape into other people's lives aka Big Brother, soap shows etc... Perhaps if we recluse into a world of television and sensationalised media reports we can forget entirely about ourselves.

[sanctuary]

No, Meme had already made a post in this thread saying that this topic was about him, Roxy then responded agreeing that she felt that in part it was created because of his previous thread, I then responded to that!

Ok, I've said all I'm going to say on this subject. I am feeling neither angry or heated (a good indicator if I am being impulsive) but pulse - check, breathing - check - all is calm as it was. I have enjoyed this debate. I apologize to anyone who has raised anxiety around this topic. It really is best to get it out in the open though isnt it? That's me last words on it.

Phew!

[Data]

I am feeling neither angry or heated (a good indicator if I am being impulsive) but pulse - check, breathing - check - all is calm as it was. I have enjoyed this debate. I apologize to anyone who has raised anxiety around this topic. It really is best to get it out in the open though isnt it? That's me last words on it.

I am feeling angry and insulted. Check breathing.. rapid. Check pulse.. rapid. As calm as a storm.

I have hated this debate.

I have negative feelings about other members on this forum that I DO NOT think it best to get out in the open, because it would be a personal attack, and I think this place should be about self-improvement and support.

I don't apologise to anyone who reads my post and does not like them. I am being ME. If you don't like me, thats fine, we don't all have to like each other. But if you make unfair attacks on me then I am going to defend myself.

[sanctuary]

Meme!! WOOHOO!! Has the penny dropped yet?

in REALITY, you have ALOT to say to those who commented what you perceived (rightly or wrongly I am not taking sides here) were bullying comments.

So, we have two options:

1. 
   
   
2. You confront the issues you have on a new post naming names and calmy starting an open debate about the conflicts..
   or
   
3. You ignore their comments on your posts completely
   

What has really come out of this is that there are underlying issues between you and dare I say it Roses and Barebones that have finally reached a head today. Of course there are others but these two are major posters and can't help responding to a fight... They ARE fighters by the way. I've learnt that much but that's not an insult.. it's an observation. Me too, I'm a fighter so it takes one to know one.

Well, hallelujah! So much for me not posting any more on this but really Meme, it's about time you dealt with this because it's getting u fired up which indicates there is something really useful in this for you. Please, by all means, don't take offence.

[roxy222]

actually theres a really obvious third option, report bullying behaviours to mods.

[Roses]

Meme, if you need to block me then as I've said before, do it. I'd hate to think I'd contributed towars making anyone feel worse. I have learnt from this too. I hope we can all move on.

[piuma]

can i just point out one thing.....(quivers) lol

there is such a thing called transference, and maybe there is a little bit of that going on here, when people respond in a heated way to things, that really have nothing to do with them, transference can come out in many ways mother daughter husband wife etc, just a thought, maybe its not each other your really arguing or getting heated with, maybe its something in your life thats already an issue.

sorry not good at explaining myself, wish my old t could explain xx

[Ruth24]

Some people have a need for it, for attention, for understanding, for control, for power, many reasons I guess. An intelligent or manipulative person knows that they are doing this and continue for some kind of personal achievement.

Dependent on the controversy and the arena it is displayed in I guess would depend on the base reason.

Im not sure Im making sense here, but I wanted to discuss, or other people to discuss their feelings on controversial topics.

Controversy on the forums sets off a fear within me, I want to run away from it, yet I am drawn into looking at it, yet I know if I get involved in it, I shall be sucked in, beaten and spat back out. I dont have the intellectual capabilities to argue and win.

I guess what I want to say is, that I see controversy on these forums and that they are projected by the abuser as being bullied, yet they manipulate and spread discomfort amongst people that already have terrible real life issues to deal with.

If someone truly wants help, wants advice they would be eager to listen to others opinions, not begin battle about insults and misconception.

Any thoughts x

Hi,

I felt it important to go back to the original thread here. Contraversy is something we face in real life, and i feel it is only natural for it to appear here also.

There are many reasons why a person may start or turn a topic into a contraversial debate. attention seeking, low self esteem and the need to be beratted (apologise for the spelling there). It can also be a form or manipulation, wanting to hurt others and have a feeling of control. Some people get a kick out of hurting others, maybe because they feel out of control themselves or are trying to vent their own anger. Contraversy is everywhere and a part of life. People who live for contraversy should take a step back and ask themselves why.

If i am accused of bullying by writing this i will be livid!!!!!

[Barebones]

Just a little response on this, sry to burst the bubble, i am not one of the people who has attacked meme in chat or continually attack his posts souly on him, i am one who if i see something I state my thoughts and mind on the subject. In the other post, i was actually defending a little on what another person had said and why, also i put in my own thoughts.

I came back to this forum just about same time meme had trouble with people, but yes if he has a underlying issue with me and my thoughts, and vise versa, however if i see something that is maybe in my eyes is wrong, then i do speak up, i have never been known to mince mhy words. I also respond to posts i choos to, i guess again some peeps do still nit pick. I guess maybe some don't actually know me, as you can only see the last 200 posts of mine, but its ok, if you feel like that and see only what you want to see, i don't mind. I know myself i have helped many people and they have helped me here also, i don't brag about the good stuff i do, the really nice part of me, so each to there own.

Oh sanc i don't take offence, me i sitting here and listening to my family and enjoying a glass of vodka and coke. If you truly knew me, like some here, you would know what i can be like, i am far from what i was like, but that can come out at any time, with my choosing.

Good luck all

xx

[starryeyesee]

i would like to add that i have been enjoying reading this threed. it is important to face up to controversy and not take a thread that suggests that personally. that doesn't help anyone.

controversy appaers all the time around us in our 'real' lives and we have to decide whether to debate or run. i think DC was acting in a very intelligent way especially here as we are all sensitive to controversy.

here are a group of people who have had to fight for every minute of calm so throwing in a thread about controversy is bound to rattle a few nerves. but why? that is the question we should be confonting.

i think we can all learn by looking at the darker side of things rather than everything being easy all the time. especially us. that is why we are here no? to find other ways of looking at things.

i hhope that makes some sense!

starry x

[Roses]

Like I said "that's showbiz...."