piuma Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 aww not feeling good today, i cant do the basics things. i would love a shower or a bath, but i just cant do it, im a mess, i smell, i cant leave the house, whats going on. i wont answer the phone, i want to sleep and never wake up. my paranoia is through the roof. every little thing i think someones out to get me, or ive done something wrong. i cant help it. not a good day at all :( :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
walker Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
detroitguy Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Piuma - at a time like this it may help to break accomplishing things into part acts to try to avoid becoming overwhelmed and discouraged. At the end of the day, even if you have accomplished very little, try to endorse yourself for every positive thing you have done, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Just trying to help - take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 hey, im really sorry this is such a bad day, maybe you dont need to do all those things, i mean i know they are important but not as important as how you feel. are you feeling bad for a reason? has something triggered this or has it been slowly building up? say alittle more if you feel up to it, im happy to listen. thinking of you, tcxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 thank you guys, i know its small steps etc, but i have been like this for such a long long time, somedays i think fuck it i dont care. i walk around with blinkers on. but today, today i see everything, and i realised just how bad things are. see my house is most def a reflection of how i feel about myself. when i go down hill the first thing to go with me is the kitchen, then the bathroom, then it spreads, i just cant manage to do a little thing like....say i drop something, i just look at it and think ahhh wat eva, i cant, i cant even bend over and pick it up. but i can stay on here all day, talking to you, replying, thats all i can do right now. im eveil!!!1 i havent walked my dog for nearly a month. all she gets is the back garden. what kind of a person have i become. i had to rehome my other dog cos i couldnt cope and that broke my heart. and now im letting little meg down. she doesnt deserve this. she is a good girl. an im evil! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 im alot like that when it comes to the house, am improoving sort of but still not my strong point. understanding that its a relfection of what i was feeling helped hope things get easier for youxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Hiya hun, I think we have all gone through periods of feeling like this, i certainly have. I think you are far from evil. Have you considered going to GP and asking for anti=depressants? I know pills are not always the answer but they really helped me. As for your dog, is it a small dog? a small dog can bolt around the garden and get all the excersise it needs, do you know anybody who could walk your dog for you? I have 2 dogs and i found they helped me a lot. Getting out for a short walk, only 5 or ten minutes can really help you. if you don't feel able to shower or bath, just tie your hair back, spray with loads of deoderant and take that short walk. I have done that, gone out smelly and awful just to take the dog for a 5 minute run around the green. I have felt more refreshed when i get back and i have the impetus to get myself in to that shower. At the moment you are in a vicious cycle and you have to be very brave and hard on yourself to get out of it. I've been there, honestly, so don't beat yourself up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 thanks ruthie that makes sense. i am on anti depressants but only re started them last week, im meant to be restarting seroquel as well but im not keen cos of it knocking me, hell i would sleep 24 a day then. so we'll see. but ye, i know i gotta just be tough on myself, to get things done. i guess i feel like a kid! i wanna be looked after . time to grow up (lol but i dont wanna) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 thanks ruthie that makes sense. i am on anti depressants but only re started them last week, im meant to be restarting seroquel as well but im not keen cos of it knocking me, hell i would sleep 24 a day then. so we'll see. but ye, i know i gotta just be tough on myself, to get things done. i guess i feel like a kid! i wanna be looked after . time to grow up (lol but i dont wanna) Hey hun, I'm not saying beat yourself up and do things you are not ready to do. baby steps, yeah? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saffron Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Big hugs hun, thinking of you. Saffro0n Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S1CKK Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Hey piuma, wanting to be a kid again is ok, I reckon you never really got to be a kid when you were little, too. Today, I had a revelation about why Michael Jackson was so weird: He was just the nicest, playful kid there is...at 40 something ^^. He, too, never had a childhood and lots of abuse. IMO building Neverland was like the sweetest thing a father could do for his children; and for himself. Don't be mad at yourself. By your tone I can tell you're doing the best you can! I got an idea why things might be so bad now: The anti-ds you started taking a week ago, have you been on them before? Because if you are starting on a new one it might backfire. I've had that happen to me. It's absolute hell. Even if you've been on it before, I'm sure you know ^^, the first 3-4 weeks are always awful. What is it you are taking hun? Is it an SSRI? Hope I could help you a bit *hugs* S1CKK PS: Thank you for asking how I were yesterday =) *what a nice person* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 thank you s1ckk, um im on citalopram 40mg, ive been on and off it since jan, but due to constant od's they stopped my meds a few weeks back, now i have to go down to the surgery and collect every two days. im suppose to be starting the seroquel again, but not sure if i really want to. thanks for your support xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Hey piuma, sorry your going through this rough patch, im on serequel, and it has really helped, maybe give it a go yeah ? It doesn't matter about the house work, that aint going anywhere, be kind to your self, untill your feeling better, just chill and give the anti-depressant time to kick in. It's great that you are coming on here and talking to people, I understand how your feeling, been there. xxx (((((piuma))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S1CKK Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 thank you s1ckk, um im on citalopram 40mg, ive been on and off it since jan, but due to constant od's they stopped my meds a few weeks back, now i have to go down to the surgery and collect every two days. im suppose to be starting the seroquel again, but not sure if i really want to. thanks for your support xx Why would you abuse that stuff??? That stuff gave me hell. If it's helping you though, I'm glad. Citalopram is an SSRI! Sorry SSRI just equals "going crazy, hell" for me. Well I think what u should do is monitor yourself very carefully the first 3 weeks....or even better ask someone to have an eye on you. I'm sure you'll be able to stop abusing it in time. Hoping you're ok. S1CKK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roses Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 Sorry I wasn't here earlier. Love to you babe xxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ruth24 Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 I'm on 50mg of Citalopram and I find it helps me a lot xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Villan Posted August 5, 2009 Report Share Posted August 5, 2009 citalopram can be a bitch for the first few days, especially as you seem to be starting on a high dose... but my s/e wore off quite quick, and although the drugs havent been working that great past couple days i have just had the dose upped a bit... i am also gonna be startin amitryptaline at night to help with my sleep... Looks like all meds meds meds, but in my opinion (and that's all i can give hun) the meds will stabilise me enough for me to try work out the rest of it... So give yourself time to adjust hun... try not to be so hard on yourself... Keep with it and hopefully it will get better and easier xxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 i feel like i have just been attacked!!! dont worry nobody on this thread. but if you have a problem with me then say so!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaimie_CS Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 No problem with you at all piuma - im not sure where you got it from but im sure you misinterpreted it... I'm sorry you're feeling so low, im having a similar sort of day, ive only been awake a few hours, but its already the evening and ill ive done is half-heartedly picked up some clothes, and i had to beat myself up to do that. i hope it helps to talk on here, maybe, if you can, grab meg and just walk to the end of the street and then come back. or make a cup of tea, or brush your teeth. just one thing, so you can feel good about it. xx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxy222 Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 no problem with you, lovely person, hope you feel better soonx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medea Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Hey Piuma, I'm sorry I haven't read all this earlier (hard to go on comp as much at night cause hub asks too many questions!) How are you feeling today? I know how you feel about your house, mine definately reflects my state of mind and vice versa and it's so hard to deal with. I read a something in a book (can't remember which book it was) but it said something like 'one step and then the next gets you where you're going' I use this as a mantra - when everything is all too much I just try to make one small space clean and clear and my mind tends to follow suit - the pressure begins to ease. I know all this is easier said than done, only yesterday I had a really shitty day were I simply couldn't tackle anything at all, but that just goes to show that if you can just hang on in there, be kind to yourself, that the next day may just be easier and your mind state may have changed, enabling you to feel more able to cope again. I really hope you're feeling better today xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thesloaneranger Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 hi piuma im sorry i never noticed this thread til just now. i hope your feeling a wee bit better today *hugs* i was kinda the same yesterday and not much better today, but trying so hard. its bloody tough going against the tide all the time, but today ive made it out of bed and am about to go for a shower. no matter how small, try setting yourself a wee target - no matter how crap you feel, it will fill in a wee bit of time and make you feel you have managed something. im sorry if im sounding patronising..i really dont want to come over like that. ive only recently discovered that no matter how shit im feeling, if i can do just one tiny thing, a little of that feeling goes. ok, its not for long, but it does make a difference even for a few minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 hey thanks for all your replies, sorry it wasnt any of you on here xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catspiracy Posted August 6, 2009 Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 Dear Piuma, Sorry that you are feeling so low! It hurts sometimes just to exist. I am in a similar state of mind right now. I know "this too shall pass" but what about the here and now, huh? I know how you feel about wanting to be cared for like a child...i feel the same way, too. I guess what we have to learn is that now we have to parent ourselves compassionately. It's so hard when we let ourselves down--to raise ourselves up again! But it has to be do-able. I'm trying my best right now. Talking to you is really helping me see that it IS possible to brave our way through this shitty patch, that you and I are worth fighting for. Ya know, if we had the flu or something, we would lay around with our laptops or watching movies on the sofa all day, too. Own your sick days! I call them "mental health days" and do exactly what I find most comforting. DBT says to do things one-mindfully, so loaf in earnest is going to be my new creed! Thank you so much for being here and writing this. I call that "letting your darklight shine". You've helped me immensely to not feel so alone or hopeless. Adding my light to yours, cat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piuma Posted August 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 6, 2009 awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww cat thankyou, you have brought a tear to my eye, im having such a bad day, and that really helpd thanks xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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